17. Quentin

17

QUENTIN

A s I watch Charlie walk away, my stomach feels like there's an arsenal of lead weighing it down. She strides down the street with her shoulders back and doesn't look back once. Then she turns the corner and she's gone.

I've spent enough time with Charlie to know that once she's made up her mind about something, that's it. She came to stay on the mountain on a whim, and now she's gone just as suddenly. How someone can live their life like that, I have no idea.

Maybe it's for the best. I can't think straight when Charlie's around. My emotions are all in turmoil. Not to mention what's happening with my dick. I've had a semi hard-on almost the entire trip with her, and it's been tough trying to hide it. Maybe it's for the best that she's gone. I can concentrate on the brewery and our expansion across the country.

With these thoughts swirling around my head, I head inside.

The inn is quiet tonight. The piano remains closed, and Dina and her little family is nowhere to be seen. I even miss her grumpy husband scowling at me.

The only other people in the restaurant is a table of two older men chewing on steaks.

The waitress takes my order, but when the food arrives, I can barely eat. I wonder what Charlie’s having for her dinner and if she found a donut shop at the station.

I’m pushing the last of my fries around the plate when my phone buzzes. I grab it eagerly, hoping it's her, that she's changed her mind.

My heart sinks when it’s only Raiden. He arrived back from Italy today and probably wants an update.

“Barrels. How's my girl?”

The knot in my stomach tightens. I rest my elbow on the table and press my palm into my forehead.

“She's good. She was good. She just left.”

I brace myself for Raiden’s anger. He trusted me to look after his little girl, and I ravished her in the shower and then let her go back to Santa Cruz on her own.

“What do you mean she left?” he growls.

There’s no point beating around the bush.

“She’s going back to Santa Cruz. Leaving on the overnight bus.”

Raiden sighs. “I was worried that might happen, taking her across the country like that. I worried she might not want to come back.”

He doesn’t seem upset about it, just sad.

“She’s a free spirit, that one. Goes where the wind takes her. I was hoping she’d stick around on the mountain. Charlie needs stability in her life, a strong hand. I wasn’t there to do that when she was growing up. I admit I made mistakes with her. I was away so much on those long missions. I missed a lot of her growing up. She didn’t get the discipline she needed. I won’t make that mistake this time around.”

Raiden’s got a young family with his new wife. He gets a second chance, but that makes my heart ache for Charlie. Who’s looking out for her? Who’s being the safe place she desperately needs?

Raiden asks for an update on the festival, and I give him a run down. But I can’t feel the enthusiasm I should for the deals that were made.

He tells me about his trip to Italy and meeting Isabella’s distant relatives and visiting the mountain village her grandmother grew up in.

He tells me about travelling with a baby and a pregnant wife, and while he chuckles about the hardships of afternoon naps and diaper changes, I can’t help feeling a pang of jealousy.

He’s getting a second chance with a new family, and this time he’s committed in a way he couldn’t be when he was in the military.

He made that sacrifice when he went in, we all did, to put our country before family. It seemed noble at the time.

But when I think of Charlie, walking away with her shoulders back, with no one to shield her from the world, my chest feels tight.

She’s an independent spirit, but there’s a vulnerable side to her. She must have felt like her father abandoned her when he was away so long on tours. And when her mother moved them across the country, by all accounts, apart from providing food and shelter, she left Charlie to her own devices.

Charlie may seem independent, but is that by choice or necessity? Am I just another person who has abandoned her?

Raiden’s got a new family. He’s found love. Why can’t I have that too?

Something clicks inside of me.

The knot in my stomach works itself through my body until it gets to my head and finally gives my brain the message.

It’s not just desire I feel for Charlie, although my desire for her is strong. So strong I’ve been blinded to my other feelings for her.

It’s more than a physical attraction between us. I love her. I love that wild, crazy woman.

She knew it too. That’s why she tried so hard to show me. I thought she wanted to give in to our attraction, but it’s more than that and she knows it.

“I’ve been an ass.”

Raiden stops speaking, and I have idea what he’s been talking about.

“Sorry?”

“I gotta go.”

I hang up on my club president and push my chair back.

Not giving into lust is discipline, but letting love walk out of your life is a sin.

“Add this to the room,” I tell the waitress as I jog out of the inn.

I race down the steps. And jump into the truck.