Chapter 36

Kali

"I'm sorry." Wade apologizes, sitting down next to me on the boardwalk, where I'm sitting with my feet dangling above the water.

"It's fine," I lie.

"It's not fine."

It's not. His words hurt me.

Watching the boats sailing far off in the distance, I can see why Gretchen loved it here. Cocooned by trees on either side of the house, it's like an exclusive sanctuary.

"I didn't mean what I said," Wade mumbles.

"We all say things in the heat of the moment." I sigh, feeling exhausted. Normally full of energy, after last night, I don't feel so great today. "I'm here because I want to be. I'm not being paid to be with you." Which sounds sordid. "I'm paid to write articles, organize interviews, elevate your social media presence, and seek out publicity opportunities. I'm working for the team, for you, because I'm good at my job. Leon might be your agent, but Marcus knows his strength doesn't lie in public relations. That's why he brought me in. Leon is better at investments, filing your taxes, and finding new avenues of income sources for you. Ash, Joe, Thomas, Lola, we're all playing to our strengths to support you. Me coming here today has nothing to do with work. And everything to do with how I feel about you." I add, "And the stuff about babies and being a dad. No one knows what the hell they are doing or if they are capable of being a good parent. Like life, we are all fumbling around and learning as we go."

"I never considered having a family before. Until you," he confesses, looking at me, then looking away as if embarrassed.

"Really?" Wow. He's playing for keeps, which makes me light up inside.

"I like the thought of you pregnant with my baby." He cups his crotch, smiling. "Makes me hard." He laughs and I laugh too as he lightens the mood.

Holy shit.

"That's never happened before, Kali. I never wanted, or considered a family before, but I want everything with you."

Well, double shit.

I'm speechless, but he fills the gaps my brain can't. "I know we've just started dating, but I'm not scared of facing anything with you by my side."

His words make me realize that we're both in this for the long term. That he sees a future with me. Feeling slightly dizzy and weak at the knees from his confession, my heart skitters in my chest. I take his extended hand in mine and swoon when he kisses my knuckles.

"You're something else, Wade Collins. I think you'd be a better dad than you give yourself credit for. I've seen you with Rory and his friends." He was funny, charismatic, and the boys loved him. "You're also a fierce protector. The way you looked after me last night proves it."

"You got hurt last night because of me," he counters. Head dipped, shoulder hunched, he looks deflated when today was supposed to be about coming here to make him feel better and help him heal.

"My smart mouth got me into trouble last night. It has nothing to do with the issues he has with you. I pissed him off."

"That's no excuse. Zane is?—"

"A boy," I interrupt. "You are a man. You might only be twenty-six. But you are an incredible man with a beautiful soul. Misguided perhaps, in the past, but you've taken ownership of your actions, and accepted the support to get better. A boy would run, make excuses, and blame everyone but himself." I squint when the sun hits the water, dazzling me for a moment. "But you are a man. In the short time I've known you, you've made big changes."

"It's because of you."

"It's not." I shake my head. "It's because you were ready to be the man you once were. Look at what you did for Gretchen." I gaze back at the beautiful home he remodeled for her. "You're a good man."

"And yet everyone leaves me. She left me. Amelia before her, and I don't know what I ever did to my mother to make her treat me the way she did."

I'm still in shock about his mother's treatment of him. He was just a boy. If it hadn't been for Gretchen, he would have had no one.

Life is hard. I'm so fucking lonely at times. His heartbreaking words spin through my mind like a high-speed ball bearing in a turbine.

Staring into the depths of the water, I guess his mind travels off to unhappy times. "Everything I did made my mother mad. I never understood her hatred of me… I got good grades in school, and I never got into trouble. Not ever. I was popular at school, everyone liked me, but if I bumped into her in the house, she would scrunch her face up like she just smelled a rotting dumpster. I never understood what I did. When I was ten, I wished for a wand like Harry Potter so I could turn myself into stone. I think she would have preferred a statue of me rather than having a real living boy." His voice strained, cracking under the pain.

My poor damaged man.No one should ever be made to feel like that. My eyes fill with tears.

He keeps opening up. "When I aced my tests at school, or won a hockey game for the team with a winning goal, I was always desperate to share my news with her. I kept hoping, praying, it would make her like me. Possibly be proud of me. Maybe even love me. Or make her tell me she did, at the very least, but that never happened."

I wipe away a tear quickly so he doesn't see how upset I am for him. No wonder he's been lashing out. Gretchen was his lifebuoy, the one last thing keeping him afloat.

Her death caused him to drift off into the ocean without a paddle.

He's been sailing choppy, wild waters for over a year with no one to guide him back to shore.

Until Marcus assembled a team to rescue him. He could see what no one else could. Which makes me admire the man even more.

Wade sharing his backstory explains a lot. His comment from earlier, he clearly thinks as soon as Marcus stops paying me, I'll leave him too.

Which I'm not doing.

I'm staying.

I'll keep him safe and be his lighthouse. I want to be his everything.

Moving closer to his side, I squeeze his hand. As if he doesn't notice me, he keeps sharing his past. "This man visited the house all the time. My mom liked him. A lot. He was the only person who made her happy, which was short-lived, because they fought not long after every visit." His brows thicken between his eyes. "Except this one time I remember so well. I bumped into him on the stairs by mistake. I can remember thinking I want to be that tall when I grow up, and he wore this gold hockey badge on the lapel of his dress jacket." Wade lays his hand on his collarbone. "The bluest of eyes. Same color as mine." He stares off into the distance. "I think he was my dad."

"Did you ever ask your mom?" I wipe another tear away.

"No."

"Is your dad's name on your birth certificate?"

"No. Just Miranda's. Miranda Collins." He states.

"Would you like to find out who your father is?"

"Never given it much thought. I wouldn't know where to start."

"Your mom," I suggest.

"I might seek salvation at the bottom of a bottle if I have to do that. Maybe one day. I have other shit going on at the moment."

"It's a shame your grandfather isn't still alive. He might have been able to help you."

"He was a quiet man. Private. Gretchen told me he never discussed my mother with her. He was a banker. Modest. He inherited his house from his brother, who I never met. According to Gretchen, he was very well respected, and I liked him because he was always nice to me. Then he died. Had my mom not kept Gretchen on as her housekeeper, and had it not been for her stepping up to parent me, I would have been completely lost."

"Oh, Wade." Chest heaving, I sob.

"Hey, don't cry." Using his thumb to wipe away the tears rolling down my cheeks, he leans in and kisses my lips softly.

"I'm sorry for what you went through. Please know you've got me now, Wade. You're not alone, I'm not going anywhere." I've never felt like this before. I had boyfriends before I met Michael, then I married him, but the way I feel about Wade is new to me and it's all happening so fast, and this is how I know it's right. It feels perfect.

"I'm sorry for what I said." Threading his fingers into my hair at the back of my neck, he presses his lips against mine, more firmly this time, and holds them there before peppering kisses across my cheek, then my temple. If I wasn't feeling so fragile, I might tear his clothes off and fuck him right here out in the open.

"I'm sorry I walked away." I lay my head on his shoulder.

"You had every right to."

"I'm tired." Exhausted would be a better word for it.

"I had the property management company make the bed up in my bedroom."

I mumble against his shoulder. "You might have to carry me."

And he does, all the way back to the house and up the stairs to the bedroom.

Laying me down on the bed, he places the comforter over me and tells me to take a nap.

"What are you going to do?" I ask.

"I'm going to look through Gretchen's scrap books and choose some photos to take for my new house. There's a couple of things in here I'd like to take also. And I'll find her recipe book to take back too."

"That's a great idea." I want to look at that, but I'm struggling to keep my eyes open.

Wade kisses my forehead. "Sleep, baby."

Baby.

Babies.

The way he looks after me, there's no doubt in my mind he'd be a great dad.

If only he could see that for himself.