Chapter 28

Wade

Kali Roth seen cheering on rumored boyfriend, Wade Collins, at winning Eagles game against Bears

Eagles player, Wade Collins, helps team become first team in NHL to reach 30 wins

It's early morning; the sun hasn't risen yet.

I'm lying on the floor in Kali's living room, enjoying the underfloor heating, following the video instructions of the online yogi that's playing through my phone.

I haven't missed a day; I'm not letting the fact I woke up at Kali's instead of my hotel suite be any different. I can't afford to get off track. No excuses.

I refuse to be deterred.

"Take a deep breath in. Tune in to how your body feels. No judgment," the yogi says calmly.

Filling my lungs and belly with air through my nose, I hold it for ten seconds.

"And breathe out."

I exhale through my mouth, feeling tranquil and calm but energized. Ready to begin my hectic day.

"Namaste." The yogi ends the session and I lie there with my eyes closed for a few more minutes, enjoying the yoga high of the neurochemicals flowing through my body. I'm buzzing.

While the alcohol I used to consume was a mood vampire for me, yoga is not only strengthening my body, it makes my mind feel clearer, and I don't feel as tense as I did. I'm sleeping better, learning to connect to the present and opening my heart, which is what all the online yogis emphasize.

Can't deny, I've tried various online yoga classes, but the specific ones for grief have been the most beneficial. Combined with Thomas's counseling, it's helping me slowly process the loss I feel, which I never thought was possible.

"You are a fierce dragon." Kali's mocking, slow-motion voice floats through the air.

In the zone, I didn't hear her enter the room, but when I open my eyes, she's on her hands and knees down by my feet.

I may have to thank Marcus one day for bringing Kali into my life. I haven't felt this good in months.

My heart flutters about in my chest like a moth flapping around a flame, reveling at her beauty. I can't help myself from smiling. "A dragon?" I push my arm under my head to prop it up.

The gentle buzz I was feeling morphs into happiness. She makes everything feel better, makes me feel better.

She brackets my legs and climbs my body, her endless waterfall of hair on either side of her face trailing along the floor. It's so long, it's like the thing that she became famous for, well, that and her face… and her legs… fuck me, her legs. I was never a leg man before, but now I am.

As one of the highest paid models in history and only walking runway shows for high-end brands, it's kind of wild that I'm breathing the same air as her.

"You are a strong moth." She enunciates every teasing word, getting closer to my face.

I track her movements. "A moth?"

She nods and licks her lips, the same ones I finally kissed last night. "You are a singing whale."

I chuckle. "And you are a bit goofy this morning."

"And you are up very early." Finally reaching me, she leans down and plants a soft kiss on my lips, then lies down on top of me.

Folding her arms across my chest, she lays her chin on top of them. Having only slept an hour or so, she still looks incredible this morning. Fresh faced, wearing my white dress shirt from last night, her eyes are sparkling, and she looks as if she's just stepped off a photoshoot.

I use my free hand to tuck her hair behind one ear to let me see her better. "I have a slammed schedule today. Practice this morning, then I'm driving out to Ash's training facility for a session with him, then Joe. Thomas wants to meet me there too." I don't know why. "Then this very demanding woman who entered my life like a Tasmanian devil wants me to do an interview for an online sports channel this afternoon." I figure I might as well tell her. "And I want to visit Gretchen as I am tied up for weeks after today. I need to buy flowers."

Eyes like saucers, her lashes flutter. "I can buy the flowers to save you time." She stalls, then adds, "I can come with you. If you want, I won't if you don't want me to… I…" Stuttering, her cheeks turn pink.

"I'd like that." I only ever go myself. Although Gretchen lived two hours away at Caulder Creek, I wanted her buried here, which is closer to the arena and means I can visit her as often as I want.

Her head lifts higher as she makes a steeple with her fingers. "Are you sure?" Uncertainty dips her brows.

"Yeah." Open your heart. The yogi's words from today's class bounce to the forefront of my mind. "We can go after this afternoon's interview. I'll drive." I play with a lock of her hair and curl it around my finger.

"You'll have to drive. I don't have a car."

"What?" My brain explodes at that revelation. "You don't drive?"

"I have my license. But I don't need a car. I have a driver."

"You are so bougie."

"I never needed a car before. Every city I lived in always had a great transport system. But, and this is not a brag, but from the minute I signed with Fame, the most prestigious modeling agency in the world, and after my first runway in Paris with Givenchy, my career blew up and I was escorted to and from every show, photoshoot, and interview by a driver."

"You've never driven yourself to a casting?"

"Never did castings. My walk, face, dress size… high-end brands would sign me up without test shoots and castings."

"Holy shit."

"I"ve been a mannequin my whole life. My body was simply a tool to showcase clothing." Her spirits dampen, the tone of her voice sinking. "Traveling around, living out of a suitcase for most of the year. It's not as glamorous as you would think." She looks through me as if her mind wanders off into the distance. "I'm far from perfect. I have flaws. As do many other models. I've seen it with my own eyes. Eating disorders, body dysmorphia, depression to name a few. There is nothing heavier than the weight of expectation to look perfect."

Her openness surprises me. She's made references to her modeling career previously, but she's never gone this deep.

"Perfection is overrated." I try breaking the unhappy, reminiscing spell she's under. "And you are more than your looks." I almost feel bad telling her so many times I think she's beautiful. Although she is, and she can never run away from that, her beauty runs deeper than her looks. "You're intelligent, well-traveled, educated, kind, caring, and fascinating." She blinks when I reach up and cup her face, and I know she's back in the room with me.

She interjects, "Fascinating? Really?"

I turn my head to the side. "Look at all the places you've traveled." I point to the dozens of framed photographs on the wall. "Rome, Egypt, Australia, India, to name a few, and I've only left North America for hockey and never saw more than the dressing room and my hotel when I did." My focus back on her, I continue, "I want to hear about the food, culture, places you've been. I want to learn everything about you. My life is very boring compared to yours."

"I disagree. I find what you do for a living fascinating."

"It's not fascinating. It's exhilarating though." Also, hard work and tiring. I'm exhausted today. Only having an hour's worth of sleep because we devoured each other for most of the night following yet another grueling physical game didn't help either.

"I think what you do is super-hot. I love watching you play." Beaming down at me, her eyes sparkle.

"I like you being there." I'm secretly praying she makes every game. Amelia barely came to any because she never saw the appeal or understood the passion I had for hockey. Amelia aside, Gretchen along with Myles and Ezra are the only people who ever showed up for me at games. With Gretchen gone and my two friends off pursuing their careers, I have no one there supporting me and I can't help feeling a little sorry for myself.

"I'll be at every game. I promise." I believe her and that settles me more than I knew was possible.

"And you'll wear my jersey."

"Yes, I will."

"It wasn't a question."

A flash of humor dances across her face. "Okay, well, I have a question."

"Ask away." I push my other hand behind my head. I can't remember the last time I felt so relaxed. Everything with Kali feels easy and natural. As if we've been chatting like this our entire lives.

"Were you jealous last night when you thought I was out on a date?"

"Yes," I answer immediately.

My answer seems to amuse her and, grinning down at me, she says, "I have another question."

"Okay."

Smooth skin over high cheekbones, she sucks her cheeks in a little, and I feel like she's gathering all of her courage before she asks, "Where do you see this going?"

"This, as in us?" I'm glad she asked. It's something I thought about when I woke up and watched her sleeping for longer than I care to admit before I jumped out of bed this morning.

"As in, is it a onetime thing, or, more, or…" Her words trail off and I can tell by the way she's biting her lip, which I've only seen her do a couple of times, she's nervous.

"Can I ask you something first?"

"Yes," she replies.

Worry rises in my gut. "Realistically, can you see yourself dating me?" Opening her mouth to butt in, I quickly place my forefinger on her lips to stop her. "Let me finish. Seriously, Kali, the paps will have a field day about our age difference. They will intrude on your life again, which I know you're not keen on, and it could get out of hand rapidly. Can you seriously see yourself dating an asshole like me? I have more emotional baggage than Air Canada can handle." It's not just that. "There's your business. We'd have to tell Marcus and Savanna from people operations." I'm actually very concerned about that after Britney got the sack after sleeping with me. Will they fire Kali? Fuck, I can't even think about that. I don't want her to lose her contract or damage her reputation. And I am not being transferred. No fucking way.

"There's the fans," I add. Supportive as they can be, some of them can be outspoken if they take a dislike to you. I can almost hear the derogatory chants now, and I don't want that for her. They'll call her a cradle robber, and me a cougar hunter. Although, it would be funny because it's not true. "You've changed your career so you can semi-slip out of the limelight. If you date me, you'll be smack bang in the middle of it again. Fully. No hiding. And they'll question every fucking reason we're together. Publicity stunt, age difference, fake relationship. You're beautiful, smart, and successful, whereas I have been a huge dumbass and used people's faces as punching bags to get me through the last year."

I'm quiet for a moment to let what I"ve said register, then I lay everything else out on the table. "But know this, Kali. If we date, I will worship you every day of every week, of every month, of every year. I earn my own money and don't need yours. I'll buy you flowers for no reason other than I want to, shower you with gifts, cook meals when you're tired after a long day, and wash your invisible car." I make her giggle, her eyes turning watery at my declaration.

"I'm self-sufficient, and independent. I'm career driven, although when you met me, you may not have felt that, but I'm learning from my mistakes."

Removing my hand from the back of my head, I grip her waist and sit up. Legs on either side of me, her shins resting on the floor, we sit face to face, and I continue because I'd given this a lot of thought before I showed up at her house last night and again this morning. "I never want you to think you have to change. The age gap makes no difference to me. I want to discover everything about you, not the shit the media publishes. I want to get to know you, the real you, warts and all. Not that you have any." She giggles again and I savor it as it's a sound I've become addicted to.

"I will never stop you doing what you love, what you want, or stop you from spending time with friends or family. I will treat you like a queen. I have never fucked about with girls. I don't cheat."

I leave no stone left unturned. "I want this, us." I let those words hang in the air between us as it feels good to finally admit it. "I don't care what anyone else thinks, but maybe we should keep us on the down low for the next few weeks before going public. I want to enjoy this time getting to know you and vice versa before a circus of paparazzi camps out everywhere we go."

It's a lot to take in, but we can't take our relationship any further if either of us has doubts. I'm not fucking around here either. If I'm doing this, I'm all in.

"So, after all that I've said, I'll ask you again, Kali. Realistically, can you see yourself dating me?"

"You'll wash my invisible car?"

Genuinely amused, I burst out laughing. "I'll even vacuum it out for you."

"Every Sunday without fail?"

"I promise."

"Then count me in."

I think my heart just exploded inside my chest. My future looks sunnier with her in it.

"Yeah?" I ask, disbelieving her slightly.

Wiggling in my lap, she presses her bare pussy against my boxers and my cock twitches in response. "I agree with everything you just said."

She rocks back and forth, her little whimpers making all the blood rush to the end of my dick.

"Last night was amazing, Wade."

"You were worth the wait."

"It's perfect timing," she replies.

Staring at me, she eases my cock out of my boxers, positions me at her entrance and slides her wet, swollen pussy down my length.

"Jesus fucking Christ." My body tenses and my balls ache, telling me that I won't last long.

I thread my hands into her thick dark hair at the back of her neck and capture her lips with mine. She smells like she had an all-night sex session, which we did… between the sheets, on top of the sheets, in the shower. Best night of my life.

"You're wrong about a couple of things." She moves her hips up and down, the sound of her arousal punctuating her words.

"What am I wrong about?" My breathing is short and shallow.

I pull my shirt off up over her head that she's wearing, drop my mouth to her hardened nipple, and flick it with my tongue.

Grabbing onto the back of my neck, she pushes her tit into my mouth. "I love it when you do that. I love everything you do." Her hands explore my skin, as if committing me to memory.

Her fingertips move to my chin where she tilts my face to her, and she kisses me, deep. Thrusting her tongue between the seam of my mouth, she guides my hand down between us, urging me to play with her clit.

There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants in the bedroom. Kali is not afraid to ask or show me what she wants and I'm here for it, all of it.

Running her hands up my chest, she tells me, "We have lots in common. I love yoga, I go to classes three times a we…" her words fall away "God, that's good." Her mouth rests against mine, both of us too lost to our pleasure to kiss.

Crying out into the room, she struggles to make words, clenching her inner walls, clamping down on my dick, making my eyes roll into the back of my head as she comes, soaking my cock in her arousal.

Doe eyed she comes back into the room, recovering from her orgasm, throwing me a dazed smile before she begins moving her hips again.

"Fuck me, baby. Fuck me hard." She doesn't hold back, slamming her body up and down my rock-hard length.

Panting, she says, "I've been to see My Chemical Romance in concert three times. They are one of my favorite bands. Met them in New York once."

I grab her ass to stop her moving. "You are kidding me?" I'm so fucking jealous. They are my favorite band of all time.

"What the hell are you doing?" She slaps my hands away and begins moving again. "I would never joke about them. Green Day, Panic! At the Disco, Bring me the Horizon, Thirty Seconds to Mars, Paramore." She reels off a list of bands on my playlist, obviously telling me that we have the same taste in music.

"You have great taste in real estate, like me. Your new house is stunning." Her head falls to my shoulder, and I press a kiss to her neck, tasting the salty sweat that's gathering on her skin. "We're both passionate about our careers. We're good to our staff. I"ve seen you with Lola, you're kind, patient, and considerate. We like shopping. And you make me come so fucking hard. Your dick was made for me." I fuck up into her harder, drawing a whimper from her lips.

Reaching back, she gently squeezes, then pulls my balls and clenches her inner walls tight, riding my cock faster. "I'm coming, Wade, come with me."

Eyes fixed on me as if she's looking deep down into my soul, I realize that she's selling herself to me, offering up our similarities, showing me why we should be together. My heart lurches and our intimate moment sends me over the edge. I shoot hot ropes of cum inside of her and she's right there with me, crying out my name as she coats my cock in her orgasm.

We're a hot mess of moans and groans, sweat dripping off our bodies. I'm so addicted to this feeling with her already, I never want it to end.

Dropping her forehead to mine, her hands back on my shoulders, her fingertips brush across my skin and down my arms, then back up again, striking the match, setting my heart on fire.

I still have no idea if either of us is prepared for what awaits us.

All I know is she said she wants me.

"We take one day at a time, yeah?" I steal a kiss.

"I'm already excited about tomorrow. And we don't need to sneak around, because technically we're working."

We sit this like for a while, me softening inside her while our combined juices spill from her and drip down over my balls. I should move… I should be getting ready for morning practice, but I don't want to break our connection.

"Can I ask you something else?" I ask eventually.

"Always," she replies sweetly, with that just-fucked heavy-eyed look about her.

"What's with all the framed artwork of that blue woman?" I use my head to point to them on the wall.

"That is The Goddess Kali. My parents named me after her."

I flick my eyes from one painting to the next one where she has her tongue sticking out and looks scary as fuck. Nothing like one of those blue creatures from Avatar.

She explains, "There are heaps of interpretations of her name, but she's known as being the goddess of darkness and destruction. Even death."

Oh shit. That doesn't sound good.

Continuing, she adds, "She's also the goddess of change, someone you call upon during times of disaster to help you face your fears, liberate yourself from old attachments to help you transform, and set you on the right path. She's the destroyer of beliefs."

The meaning of her name is not lost on my current situation. Goddess of transformation; I like that much better.

I was half joking about Gretchen sending Kali to me, but maybe I was right after all.

"She's a warrior." I feel the weight of her stare on the side of my face. "Like you, Wade."

Swallowing my disagreement that's threatening to slip off my tongue, I opt to stay silent.

I want to believe that so much. Let's hope I can destroy my old patterns to stop me from destroying myself. Or anyone else.

I look back at Kali and silently pray we don't destroy each other in the process.