30. Porter

"You wanna get fuckedby our stream? Is that it?" I tease Sully as I ride Arrow out to our spot. I would've loved to take Storm. Not that Arrow isn't a great horse, but the part of me that always feels an affinity to horses, feels an extra special one with Storm. But I know the mustang isn't ready for that. It'll happen soon, though. There's no doubt in my mind about it.

"I mean, I wouldn't complain, but that's not why I'm taking you out here."

Curiosity burns through me, but I can't help feeling a kick of nerves too. I trust Sully. If he's taking me somewhere, it's always for a good reason. He wouldn't bring me to a place that's always been special to us for any kind of bad news, but it's been my experience that I should always expect the worst because it will likely happen. I haven't had a lot of good, and when I do, it always gets taken away from me. Not sure how I would deal with it if I lost Sully again. It would be like losing my heart. A man can't live through that.

"Finally gonna get rid of me for good and hide the body?" I joke. "Gonna tell me you found a portal to some other dimensions like in those books you read?" I can't seem to shake the feeling of unease tonight, and I'm not sure why, but distracting myself helps.

"You're an idiot."

"Your idiot," I toss back, a hint of vulnerability in my words.

He turns to look at me, shadows dancing around him, but with the lights we both carry, I can see his smile. "Yeah…yeah you are."

"Then why you trying to feed me to the wolves?"

We laugh together, which is one of my favorite things to do with Sully. It's a whole lot easier to do with him than it has ever been with anyone else. I think that's one of the ways it was always different with him from the start. When I was angry at the world and didn't even want to smile, Sully could make me do it.

Damn the man and the way he charms me.

"What?" he asks, like he can see the wheels spinning in my head.

"Nothin'."

It's near black outside, but the lights we carry help illuminate the way. He keeps going past the stream a bit, to the far side and over toward the back. I haven't gone this far since I've been back at the ranch. I can't pretend my interest isn't piqued. Where the hell is Sully taking me?

We keep going, when I notice some kind of low structure amid the overgrown grasses. Is that… I pull Arrow to a stop and climb off, just as Sully dismounts Midnight.

Sully doesn't speak, just follows me over, shining the lantern along the way, while I push the tall weeds back. "You had the foundation poured for a house?" My pulse races, chest getting tight.

"Yeah…my parents said I could pick anywhere on the property, and this is where I chose." He kneels beside me. "We got this far before I pulled the plug because…well, hell, Port, 'cuz I didn't have you. It didn't feel right to live at our stream without you, like I would always feel a piece of me was missing. Can't look at it without seeing your smiling face or hearing those soft words you used to whisper when you thought I was sleeping in the grass."

My hands shake, which is an embarrassing response, but I can't seem to stop it. My head is spinning, all those moments he's talking about running through my head. All those times he set me free of my pain and the weight I always carried…and he never knew he did that for me.

"I wanna finish the house. I wanna finish it with you…for you…for us. I wanna live here with you, and I want everyone to know you're mine. I don't care about the consequences…not anymore. All I care about is you."

His words are somehow both clear and cloudy—like I can hear them, but my brain is trying to trick me into believing they can't be true, that he's not really saying them. Or that he can't mean them.

"Porter?" My name a question on his lips, soft and unsure.

It feels like I'm being given everything I've ever wanted—Sully and to live here, on this ranch that feels entwined with my damn soul on a level I've never been able to understand.

"This is yours," is what finally comes out of my mouth. He could have had this, and he didn't want it without me? The man who's held a grudge against his family his whole life, all because of a rumor his daddy used to tell him about? Looking at him now, it feels like it was all a waste, the anger dissipating some.

"It's ours. Maybe it was always meant to be ours."

And I want that, but more than anything, I want him.

I grab ahold of his face and smash our lips together. My tongue presses in, Sully giving me free rein the way he always does. I feel like I'm flying, like I could float away, the tension from earlier ground into dust and drifting away on the wind.

"Is that a yes? You're gonna stay here with me?" he asks when I press our foreheads together, both our hats having hit the ground.

"I always wanna be with you…here or anywhere else. Are you sure, though? About your parents?"

"Yes. I'm tired of hiding. I want you, and that's never going to change. I'm not ashamed of that."

Our lips pull together again, this kiss slow and unhurried.

A few minutes later, we're lying on the concrete foundation, looking up at the stars. He points out the constellations again, and then we talk about the house and make plans for a future I never thought I would have.

It's late when we get back to the ranch, the house and the bunk both dark. I'm not surprised everyone went to sleep. I can't help wondering how things went with Randy after we left. What it's going to be like in the bunkhouse with him tonight.

"Come home with me. And this time, I don't want you to leave."

Nerves race down my spine. "You don't gotta rush. I'm not sure that's a good idea…risking getting caught leaving your room in the morning when we haven't talked to your parents or the guys first."

"I've loved you since I was a kid, Port. We're not rushing."

My heart grows or my chest shrinks or something. All I know is my ribs don't feel strong enough to hold it in. "Jesus, baby. I love you too."

We stumble into his house together, slowly strip each other out of our clothes. Sully nods toward the shower, and we climb in, washing each other and exploring each other in an unrushed way we haven't had a lot of experience with.

When I push inside him later, it's desperate but also unhurried—gentle kisses, long, sweeping touches, the hot squeeze of his body like home.

We come together, in deep breaths, sweaty bodies, and whispered words.

Sully doesn't let me go, tangling himself around me like he's afraid if he releases me, I'll be gone.

But instead, I snuggle into him, take this thing we've always wanted and never had, before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

I wake up a few minutes before Sully's alarm goes off. Rising before the sun is entrenched in me, my body automatically telling me when I need to rise. His mouth is partly open in this cute way I can't stop staring at. My pulse does an annoying dance, and I kinda hate myself for it but can't at the same time. He's…fuck, this man means the world to me.

Before I end up keeping us in bed all day long, I roll over to get up.

"That time already?" Sully asks.

"Just about. I figured I'd get out of here early and head over to the bunkhouse to get dressed."

He leans over and kisses my back. "Mmm, wish we could stay here…you need clothes in my place."

"Slow down, cowboy. You need to tell your parents first," I tease.

"I will."

I turn to him and run my fingers through his hair. "I know." Because I trust him. Because I'm not letting myself hold back anymore. I need Sully, and I'm tired of fighting needing someone.

I climb out of his bed and throw my clothes on from yesterday. He sits up, watching me with a hungry smile on his lips.

"Be good." I wink at him and sneak out. The second I close the door behind me, Randy steps out from around the other side of the house. Ah, hell. This can't be good.

My gut immediately clenches because he just saw me coming out of Sully's place. He had to know I slept there since I wasn't in the bunkhouse, but looking at his bloodshot eyes beneath the floodlights, it doesn't look like he got much sleep tonight.

"Mornin'." I up-nod him and take a few steps toward the bunkhouse. It doesn't surprise me that Randy follows.

"I knew you were fucking."

My hands fist as I keep going, trying to fight down the anger building inside me. He's trying to taunt me, trying to get me to fight with him so he can get me in trouble.

Just before I can go into the bunkhouse, he grabs my arm and twists me around. "How does it feel to know the man you're fucking stole this ranch from you and knew it?"

Ice floods my veins. That's…not true. Maybe the ranch part—I've always believed my dad was right about that—but Sully didn't know.

"Fuck off." I jerk away from him.

"Don't believe me? Look at this." He shoves a folder at me.

"Jesus, how the fuck did you get this? Were you looking through their shit?"

He shrugs. "Stayed with Patricia last night. Couldn't sleep."

"I don't want this." I try to give it back to him, but he holds his hands up and won't take it. I tell myself I'm not curious, that I know Randy is just stirring up trouble, but…isn't this what I've always wondered? Isn't this what my dad went to his grave complaining about but no one believed him?

"Scared to find out your little boyfriend lied to you? That maybe that's why he's with you in the first place—so you can't take part of the ranch from him, or hell, out of guilt that they stole it from you."

My whole body stiffens. I know Sully. He wouldn't do that. He loves me, but…why? Why does he love me? I've never been good enough for him, not really. He knows I could never take the ranch from him because of some agreement from over a hundred years ago, but what if it's his guilt that makes him want to be with me?

I open the folder, eyes searching the scanned pages of what appears to be an agreement between my great-grandfather and Sully's: the deal they made, how the land would be split up… I don't know why they would have kept this proof, why they scanned the pages, but the hole inside me grows more and more as I keep flipping through them. Sully's great-grandfather set his friend up, and my great-grandfather had gone to jail for it, all so he could steal his money to buy the ranch…

And they knew…at least Sully's father does. I'm not sure for how long, but he knew and didn't tell me…

The world spins. I bend over, the food from last night leaving my gut and hitting the dirt.

I hear doors open around me, Wade coming out of the bunkhouse. "What's going on?" Wade asks. "Port…are you okay?"

I shove the paperwork at him, and he takes it. "It was a lie. Everything was a fucking lie."

Then I head for my truck and peel away.