24. Porter

"We should hitthe bar after supper," Randy says to Otis and Jeb.

"Sounds good," they both reply.

I can't help but notice Wade watching Randy from across the bunkhouse. It's been interesting since he moved in, to say the least. He doesn't hide his disdain for me—it's obvious in the way he looks at me. I have to bite my tongue every time he makes a smartass comment to me, and the only reason I do it is because of Sully. Damned if I don't think Randy knows that. If he doesn't try to push me because he sees that I don't want to cause trouble at the ranch that will only make things more difficult for Sully.

And the truth is, they could make things more difficult for me too. Sullivan Ranch still belongs to his father, and if he decides I'm too much trouble and wants me out, well, I'll be out. I won't stay where I'm not wanted.

"You think that's a good idea?" Wade asks. "We got work in the morning."

"We got work every fucking morning. We gotta have some fun." Randy tosses a glance my way. "You like to have fun, don't ya?"

My body stiffens in response. Trying to keep myself busy, I pick up my guitar on the mattress beside me.

"Though I guess you have yours a little closer to home," Randy adds.

I pin him with my stare. "What the fuck does that mean?" I know exactly what he means. He's talking about Sully.

"Randy," Wade says, warning in his voice.

He holds up his hands and chuckles. "I didn't mean anything by it. Just that Porter is obsessed with the ranch and would rather spend time with the horses than anyone else."

That's not what he meant, that much is clear. Still, I pluck at the guitar strings rather than arguing with him. I'm not the kind of guy who lets shit like that go. I'm not known for being in control of my emotions, and honestly, I'd like nothing more than to punch him in the face, but I think that's what he wants—for me to lose it.

I don't say anything else, just play the guitar softly for the next few minutes until Jeb, Randy, and Otis leave. The second they're gone, Big Jimmy says, "Is it me, or is he treating the Sullivans like free babysitting service now that he's moved in?"

"It ain't just you." I set my guitar aside and stand up.

"What's he got against you?" Bulldog questions.

"Don't know. Guess I just have that effect on people." I wink, earning a chuckle from the guys. "Be back in a bit."

"Randy's a dick to you, but I can't say he's wrong about you and the horses," Bulldog calls as I walk out. I give him the finger over my shoulder. I'm supposed to meet Sully in the stables, but when I round the corner of the bunkhouse, I see him sitting on a blanket in the grass with Pixie beside him and a telescope in front of them, the two border collies running around and playing.

I can't help smiling when he points toward the sky, Pixie moving the telescope in the direction he shows her. He's good with kids, good with her. The thing about Sully is, he's nice to her not because it's something he's supposed to do, but because he enjoys kids, enjoys spending time with her. He'll be a good father one day.

I head over. "You two causing trouble?"

He gives me an apologetic smile I can easily read as, Oops, I didn't mean to bring her out with me, but I didn't want to say no.

Pixie says, "I found this old telescope in the closet. I asked Mr. Bishop to show me how to use it."

"Well, that was nice of Mr. Bishop, wasn't it?" I sit down beside them. "Usually he's grumpier than that."

"He is not!" she defends him while Sully chuckles.

"I think Porter is confusing me with himself."

"How dare you? I'm made of sunshine," I tease, tired of trying to figure out why he brings this side out in me, why I can act lighter and joke around with Sully in ways I can't do with other people. It used to be that it only happened in rare moments, just the two of us together, but ever since I told him how I felt…feel? I'm not even sure what I said, but since I told him I needed him, it's happening more often.

"Sunshine hiding behind the clouds maybe," he jokes back.

"I don't even know why I'm friends with you. You're mean." I turn my attention to Pixie. "Wanna know a secret?"

She nods.

"This was Sully's when he was a kid. I used to see him look through it at night and wonder what he saw up there that was so interesting. I used to want him to show me too." I feel his gaze on me but don't look at him. Is it because I'm using his nickname? Neither of them mentioned it, so I guess they're getting used to it.

"Why didn't you ask him?" Pixie questions. I love that she's so inquisitive and never afraid to ask. It's like she doesn't let the world or the things she's been through change her outlook on life. Even at her age, I hadn't been that way. I'd been nothing but a ball of anger and sadness trapped in a kid's body. I don't ever want her to turn into that, want to protect who she is.

"Because I was a grumpy little shit," I reply, and Sully and Pixie laugh.

"I can show you the Big Dipper," Pixie says. "Mr. Bishop just showed it to me."

My chest tightens, but I can't say why. "Let's see it, then."

Pixie looks through the telescope, moving it slightly, before she stops and says, "Okay, don't move it and look right there. It's like a giant spoon."

I lean in, one eye closed, and see exactly what she's trying to show me, see all the silver dots in the sky, and find the Big Dipper immediately.

"It's pretty, huh?" Pixie asks.

I pull back, look at Sully—at eyes my favorite shade of green, at the stubble I like against my skin. At lips I've memorized the taste of. "Yeah…real pretty," I reply, and the way he smiles at me tells me he knows I'm talking about him. Clearing my throat, trying to change the subject before I end up jumping his bones right here, I ask, "What else you got for us?"

"Let's see what we can find."

We stay out there for damn near an hour together—me, Sully, and Pixie, looking at the stars. Sully is the kind of guy who seems to know something about everything. Sometimes I can't help feeling a little stupid around him, but I know it's not something he realizes. Hell, it would break his heart if he knew.

Pixie and I soak in all the knowledge he shares with us about the stars, like we're both sponges, until she yawns and Sully tells her, "You should go into the house and get ready for bed."

"Okay. I'm gonna go to the bunkhouse and tell Daddy good night first."

Jesus…he didn't even tell her he was leaving? I don't know why I'm surprised. "Actually, I think your daddy went to bed early tonight. He wasn't feeling great after dinner. Maybe just catch up with him tomorrow."

She nods, but I can see the truth in her eyes. I held the same knowledge about my own dad when I was her age.

"Okay," she says, the light in her gaze having dimmed slightly. "Night, Mr. Bishop. Night, Mr. Porter." She runs toward the house on her thin legs, the dogs following behind to make sure she gets inside safely.

"I hope she doesn't realize her daddy's truck is gone," I say.

"Shit. I didn't know he left. Sure has been doing that a lot the last week or so."

"Yeah, he has."

Sully leans a little closer to me and grins. "You called me pretty."

I roll my eyes. "I was talking about the stars, asshole."

"No you weren't. You think I'm pretty, Porter Dixon. Admit it."

I can't help but laugh, wrap an arm around his shoulders, pull him close, and kiss his temple. It takes me a moment to realize I shouldn't have done that. We're too close to the house. "Fuck. Sorry. I wasn't thinking." I haven't hidden the fact that I'm queer in a long time, but I've never wanted to touch someone in front of others the way I do Sully, never wanted to claim them and kiss them in front of the whole world. I need to get a damn handle on my emotions before I fuck things up.

"I don't want you to apologize for kissing me. And come here." He picks up the telescope and blanket, then leads me farther away from the house and barn. Sully uses his phone's flashlight, and we go into the shadows of a field, where no one can see us.

He sets up the telescope, but instead of looking through it, he lies in the grass and tugs me down too. The moon is bright, like a light in the sky for us, adding to what his phone produces.

Sully rests his head in the crook of my arm, the two of us on our backs, taking in the stars.

"Look, there's Orion." He points.

"I have no idea what you're pointing at." I chuckle. "What am I supposed to be seeing?"

"He's the hunter. See those three stars? That's his belt."

I cock my head. "You're making shit up."

"No I'm not."

I kiss his temple again. I know he's not, but I like to give him shit. "I see it…though I'd rather be looking for your belt."

He rolls his eyes. "Always so horny."

"For you? Fuck yes."

Sully laughs again. I run my hand up and down his arm as we settle in, just looking at the sky.

"He go to the bar?"

"Yep," I reply.

"He's getting worse."

He is. I almost tell Sully what he said in the bunkhouse, but I don't want to worry him, so I roll on top of him instead and kiss him. This is a whole lot better than talking anyway.