20. Porter

Even when I'mnot looking at him, I feel Sully watching me. It's like a touch, his gaze like fingers that are both gentle and calloused against my skin. It doesn't make a bit of sense, feeling someone's stare, but I can with him, and it twists me up inside. The other people in the bar don't matter. They fade into the background, and it's just me and him.

Christ, I hate that he gets to me this way, makes me feel all this shit I don't wanna feel.

As soon as I finish the song, I don't look up while pushing to my feet. People clap, but I hear him whistling and cheering for me over the others. I can't help but glance up then and make eye contact with him. He's so damn genuine that being around him makes it easy to forget everything else.

"Thank you," I say into the mic. While I like performing, that was enough for me tonight. My skin is prickling with heat from the way Sully was watching me. He warmed my blood from across the room, making me sizzle with need for him.

I pack up my guitar and return to the table. He's sitting down and looks up at me, and I swear sometimes it's like he sees more in me than I am. Makes me feel like I'm more than I'll ever be. I think that's why it hurt so much that he wasn't there when I needed him—though I realize the illogic of that, since he hadn't known I was looking for him. Still, I'd felt important to Sully, and then suddenly it felt like I wasn't.

"What?" Sully asks, brows drawn together beneath his cowboy hat.

"I want you," I admit because it's the easiest part to sort through. I don't have to explain it like I would anything else. "I want to take you home and fuck you in your bed. Want to make your sheets smell like us. Want you to have it seared into your memory what it's like being taken by me in your own bed, so whenever you take someone else there, you'll always have the memory of me."

His hand reaches down, and he adjusts himself. "Yeah. I want that too."

I look around to make sure no one is listening, something I should have done a few minutes before, and tilt my head toward the door. "Go home. I'll pay, then park out on the road and sneak to your door. I don't want the guys to know I'm home and wonder where I am. I want you naked and ready for me when I get there."

I practically see the shiver run through him. "Jesus, you know how it gets to me when you talk to me that way. I never…"

He doesn't finish, but he doesn't have to. No one has ever talked to him the way I do, and there's almost nothing I love more than knowing that. "I know. Go on, now. I'll see you soon."

Sully nods, then gets up and does as I say. I give him a few minutes, dick already hard at just the thought of having him, then pay and get on my way.

I park my truck back from the road, hoping it remains unnoticed. There's a slight nip to the air, and my breath puffs out like smoke as I work my way through the back of the property. It's not a long walk, and there's a naked Sully waiting for me at the end of it, which makes my blood sing.

Luckily, I don't see any of the guys around. I didn't figure it was likely, but sometimes they drink a few beers or shoot the shit outside. Bulldog smokes, and he can't do that in the bunkhouse, so he sneaks out at night sometimes.

I keep to the shadows until I get to Sully's porch. He left the light on for me, bugs buzzing around the bulb. I don't knock, just twist the knob, and the door opens for me. I slip inside, and there he is, right there waiting for me like I told him to be, naked on his couch, with slightly pink cheeks like he can't believe what he's doing.

He goes to stand, but I shake my head. "Wait there for me, Sully." The nickname slips out without my planning it, and even across the room, I see his pupils blow wide at hearing it.

Rather than mention it, I busy myself taking off my boots. He's got a small living room, one bathroom, and a bedroom that's just his on this side of the house.

His gaze never leaves mine as I take my shirt off, then drop it to the living room floor beside my boots. I lock the door, then walk over to him, cock swelling beneath the zipper of my jeans, and I wonder what it would be like to come home to him every day and do this. For Sully to always be in my bed.

I cup his face, tilt his head up, and Sully raises it easily. He likes when I take the lead, when I tell him what to do, and that lights a whole different kind of fire in me too.

I brush my finger along his cheek, tracing the perfect bone there, then along his square jaw, and finally to his plump bottom lip. A tremble runs the length of me. "I hate that you're so fucking beautiful." Staying away from him would be so much easier if he wasn't.

Sully sucks in a sharp breath, opens his mouth like he's going to say something, but I bend over and kiss him before he can. He lets my tongue invade him, tasting and exploring. He's so familiar to me, even after all this time. He moans into my mouth, and I swallow the sounds he makes. My dick is throbbing, fighting to break free of its confines, but I just grab the other side of his face too and kiss him like this will be the last time I'll ever get to do it.

Sully grabs my waist, tugs me forward, and I let him. I straddle his lap, his hands traveling to my ass as I kiss my way down his throat.

"I want you naked," he says breathlessly.

"I will be soon." I spit in my hand, wrap it around his thick, hot shaft, and stroke. He's so hard, pulsing beneath me.

Sully drops his head against the back of the couch, thrusting up into my grip while I nibble his collarbone.

"You're so good…waiting naked for me like I told you to."

"Fuck…want you so much." His eyes flutter closed.

"Look at me, Sully. You're gonna have me soon. You missed me in that tight little ass of yours?"

He hisses, the only reply he can seem to handle right now.

"Tell me. Tell me you missed me in your ass."

"I…fuck," he groans when I let go of his cock. "I missed you in my ass."

"I missed being there too. Fucked that ranch owner's son, hoping it would feel the way it did fucking you, but it didn't." I've never been with anyone where it felt even close to what it's like being with Sully.

"Jesus, Porter."

He grabs for me when I stand up and step back. "I said I'd have you in your bed, and I damn sure plan on it."

I take his hand and lead him to his bedroom.

It's so damn perfect for Sully: a king-size bed in the middle, with a dark oak headboard; two matching nightstands, a lamp on each. There's a book on one of them, but I can't see the title from where I'm standing. I smile, suddenly remembering that Sully liked to read. I'm not sure how I could have forgotten that.

"Take off my jeans for me, Sully."

"Fuck yes." His fingers shake as he works them open. He smells so good—like musk, clean sweat, and sandalwood.

I hiss when his fingers brush against my abs, afraid the smallest touch will send me over the edge.

He presses his lips to my collarbone, then kisses his way down, heading toward my dick. As he goes, Sully uses skilled fingers to lower my jeans and underwear, my cock bursting free.

He drops to his knees. I grab the base of my erection and hold it out for him. He kisses the tip without me having to tell him, and then I trace his perfect fucking mouth, coating it with precum.

"Look at you, so fucking beautiful for me, Sully. Jesus, I missed seeing you like this."

"I missed it too." He finishes removing my jeans, goes for my cock again, but I stop him.

"You take me in your mouth, and I'm gonna come before I get inside you."

He chuckles. "We wouldn't want that."

No, we sure wouldn't.

He pushes to his feet, and I kiss him, working him backward toward the bed.

Our cocks bump against each other, my hands going to his ass and squeezing. We thrust together, eating at each other's mouths while Sully lies down and I settle on top of him. "I wanna taste your hole," I say, kissing my way down his torso. "Wanna work you open with my tongue, then my fingers, before I fuck you."

"Fuck, Porter. Yes. Please. Do anything to me."

I smile against his skin, wondering if anyone has ever had the same effect on him as I do. It's a stupid thing to think about, but my brain has never worked quite right when it comes to him.

I kiss one hip bone, then the other, suck him to the back of my throat, tasting salt and nearly choking when Sully thrusts forward. I pull off with a pop. "Turn over."

He does. I take in his back for a moment, all the muscles and grooves there. He has a light dusting of freckles on his shoulders that's darker than it used to be.

My lips find the top knot in his spine, and then I kiss my way down each one. When I get to his ass, I spread his cheeks. He smells like soap, like he jumped in the shower real quick before I got here. His hole is tight and pink, a light sprinkling of hair in his crack. It's damn sexy to me. I love the rough edges about being with a man—the muscles and fur and scents.

I swipe my tongue over his rim, Sully bucking beneath me.

"Fuck…no one has done that to me since you. Again."

I know he's been with men since me. None of them ate his ass? They missed out on a treat, one I'm definitely partaking in.

I press my face into him, breathe him in and swipe my tongue back and forth over his rim. Sully says my name, writhes beneath me as he pushes back against my face, begging for more.

Fuck, he loves this, and I do too. I keep softening him up, licking and kissing until I can push my tongue inside him. I fuck him with it, my cock throbbing, pulsing with blood, my balls full and ready to unload.

"Lube?" I say, pulling back and rubbing his rim with my thumb.

"Drawer."

I reach over and pluck it and a condom from the nightstand, slick up my finger, and push it inside his tight, hot body. "Goddamn, I can't wait to fuck you. It's been a long time, hasn't it? You don't play with your ass, Sully? Or are you just that fucking tight?"

"Not often," he says breathlessly. "But I need more. Want more."

I push two fingers into him, watch him open for me. Twist them and fuck him with them, watch the muscles in his back constrict.

I go from two to three pretty quickly, sweat on my brow, body so primed and ready for him. We fucked bare back then because neither of us had been with anyone else, and I wish we could do the same now.

"Fuck me. Please, Porter, hurry up and fuck me."

I almost shoot my load just hearing how needy he is for me.

His hole is open when I pull my fingers out, like it wants to suck me back in. I swat his ass and say, "Hands and knees."

Sully doesn't need to be told twice, moving into position while I open the condom and roll it down my aching shaft. Picking up the lube bottle, I pump some into my hand and rub it on my cock.

"Look at you. So fucking pretty for me," I tell Sully, holding the base of my dick and pushing inside. I watch his body slowly open for me, paying attention to his reactions to make sure I'm not going too fast. The second my crown pops inside, a shiver runs the length of me. Like it's contagious, Sully catches it and does the same.

"Want you." His voice is rough, gritty, and so damn needy.

"Want you too." I push in more, savor the feel of all that tight heat around me. I bite into my lip so I don't lose what little control I have over myself.

There's nothing sexier than seeing his body take me, watching my dick disappear inside him until I'm buried to the hilt, the two of us completely connected.

"Yeah. Fuck me hard," he begs, and I pull back before snapping my hips forward. Over and over, I pump into him hard and fast. My vision goes blurry, the hairs on my arms standing on end, thighs shaking at the way his ass squeezes my cock.

The muscles in Sully's back tighten and flex, and he pushes back to meet me stroke for stroke. My palm itches to feel him, so I hold his hip with one hand and use the other to wrap around his thick cock, jerking him while I fuck into him.

My balls are already full, throbbing and tingling. I can't wait to shoot but won't let myself until I feel Sully's ass tighten around me.

"Come for me, Sully. Let me feel you fuck a load out of my balls."

"Christ!" he calls out, hole constricting, body tensing, hot, thick ropes of cum sliding through my fingers. It's like he pulled the trigger and now I can shoot, my balls drawing up, emptying into the condom in spurt after spurt while I fuck myself through my orgasm.

When he falls to the bed, I go down beside him, kiss his cheek, his shoulder, watch him smile at me with droopy eyes.

"Don't go yet," he whispers softly.

"I won't." I wrap an arm around him and pull him close.

Let's start over.

Stay with me.

Help me forget the past.

So many thoughts circle through my head…now if only I could find a way to set them free.