Chapter 1

"Son of a bitch," I mumble as I get a look at the clock above the stove.

I"m running late, the latest I have this week. I can"t seem to get it together, even when I should have enough time. "C"mon Rach," I speak softly to my daughter. No idea why I"m doing this, she can"t walk yet. "Just have to get you packed up and then drop you off at grandmas. Dad"s gonna be late again, and the Chief is gonna have his ass."

Should I be cussing to my ten-month-old? Probably not, but she"s basically the only person I"m talking to these days. Grabbing her bag and my lunch, I hurry out the door, frazzled as I always am. Rushing, I get her into her car seat, and slide into the driver"s seat. I sigh heavily as I turn the SUV on and wait for a few minutes. This is going to be the only time I have until I get off-shift later on tonight.

Backing out of the driveway, I turn left to go out of my subdivision. Three months ago, before Rachel came into my life, I wouldn"t have paid much attention to the drive, but now I"m watching every other car, truck, and SUV around us.

Fifteen minutes later, I"m pulling up to my parents" house, and hopping out to get my daughter out of the backseat. My mom comes out to meet me in the driveway. "Hi Rachel," she reaches out for her granddaughter.

Rachel kicks her feet as she sees my mom, a huge smile on her face. "Thanks for watching her."

"You tell me thank you every single night that I watch her. She"s my grandchild, you"re my son."

She says it like that explains everything, but I know I"ve put her in a hard spot, my dad too. Neither one of them have asked much when it comes to Rachel, but I know that day is coming. "I love you and I appreciate you."

"I know you do. You remember we"re going on vacation, right?"

It"s their annual three-month-long vacation, and I"m trying to figure out what I"m going to do while they"re gone. Since they"ve retired, they spend the fall traveling through-out parts of the country they"ve always wanted to visit. "I know, I"m working to see what I can figure out. You"re leaving in a week, right?"

"Yep." She hedges. "We can put it off a few weeks if you need us to, Shane."

"No, no. Rachel is my responsibility."

She tilts her head to the side. "She is, but you have to give yourself some grace, you didn"t know about her."

All of this is true, but it doesn"t change the fact that I"m her dad. "I am, like I said, I"m working on it. I hope to have a solution soon, so that you"re not watching her every night, too. I know it"s messing with your sleep. You and Dad should be in your primes, but you"re busy taking care of your granddaughter." The guilt is suffocating, I"m a thirty-five-year-old man who has made few mistakes, but I guess I saved the best for my biggest.

"Shane. You didn"t know." Her voice is soft, the way a mother who"s trying to console her child speaks.

"But isn"t that the worst part?" I question as I look at my daughter. "I didn"t fucking know. I pride myself on taking care of my responsibilities."

She reaches out, resting her wrinkled hand on my forearm. "You should be proud. You"ve done everything you wanted to in your life. You"ve served this town with pride, and you"ve kept everyone safe. Just because you"ve done something that you see as a mistake, doesn"t mean it is. Rachel is a joy, and we love watching her. She"s brought a lot to your life, too."

"I know." I swallow roughly, reaching out to ruffle her silky hair. "I"ll see you tomorrow afternoon?" I"ll pick her up after I"ve had a chance to sleep from my overnight shift.

"We"ll be here. I love you, Shane."

"Love y"all too."

I jog back over to my SUV and as I drive toward work, I let my mind clear of Rachel and my issues where it comes to her creation and birth. In order to come home to her every night, I have to forget all the conflicting feelings, and the anger because I wasn"t told about Rachel. If I don"t, it eats at me during the long nighttime hours while I"m on-shift.

When I pull up outside of the station, I put it in park, and vault from the driver"s seat. As I"m walking toward the station, my partner, Alex, pulls into the parking lot basically on two wheels. If I"m running late this week, he might as we not even be showing up. He hops out and runs to catch up with me. "I appreciate you not being as perfect as you once were. At least now when I"m running late, so are you."

I roll my eyes, silently hating the fact that he"s right. "The difference between us is that I"ll eventually get it together, and you won"t."

He smirks. "How in the world are you going to get it together? You"ve been struggling since Shayna left Rachel on your doorstep."

He"s not wrong. I have been, but with my parents leaving in a couple of weeks, it"s time for me to make a decision. It"s one I"ve been going back and forth on for far too long. "Have you heard for the Wife for Hire Agency?" I ask as we head into the police station.

"I see those ads every once in a while on social media, but I always thought it was a scam. I"ve never clicked on them."

"Well, I did, and I filled out a questionnaire." I admit, trying not to say it too loud so that no one else can hear. Since we"re close to shift change, there"s a lot of people milling around.

He raises his eyebrows as he looks over at me. "You went so far as to do that?"

"Yeah, I"m desperate." I don"t think he understands the situation I"m in. "I hate to admit it, but I can"t keep counting on Mom and Dad to watch Rachel."

"What about Shayna? Have you heard anything from her?" He opens the door to the locker room, nodding at some of our co-workers as we walk toward our lockers.

"No." I sigh, shoving my hands through my hair. "She was served with the custody paperwork, and she signed over her parental rights, but I didn"t hear from her even then. I"m going to be Rachel"s only parent, which means I"m in this on my own. I can"t count on my parents for much longer, they"re older and I"m an only child. I have to do something."

"There"s such thing as a nanny." His smart ass response causes me to chuckle.

"While you"re right about that, I worry." I reach into the locker and pull out my bullet proof vest. "What if I take one in the head tonight. Who"s going to take care of her. Won"t be Shayna, will only be my parents for a small amount of time, compared to Rachel"s life. That"s the shit I think about. It keeps me up at night."

"Damn, Shane." He whistles between his teeth.

"Yeah, it"s more than what you think. I have a responsibility to not only her, but my family as well. I can"t let them all be scrambling to figure out what"s going to happen if I don"t make it home. That"s not fair to anyone."

The silence between the two of us stretches like a piece of putty, almost breaking. "That"s deep man." He blows out a breath. "All shit I"d never even thought about."

"Yeah, I hadn"t either. Not until this situation was literally dropped at my feet. I don"t want to seem as if I"m a martyr. I"m not. I still don"t understand so much of what I"m doing, all I know is I want her to know she"s loved."

"Do you worry about that?"

He"s fucking full of questions today. "Yeah, what if she finds out that her mom dropped her on my doorstep, like an after thought? Never even told me she was pregnant or that she had a baby. I missed so much. What if she asks me what it was like for me to feel her kick for the first time?" I don"t know any of that.

"For what it"s worth, I believe you"re overthinking all of this. What Rachel is going to care about is that she has a great dad and people who love her. She"ll have her Uncle Alex, and I mean she"s already winning in that department."

I scoff. "Give me a break. C"mon, let"s get this shift started."

He nods. "Quicker we get started, the quicker we can get home."

Damn straight, and since I know Rachel will be waiting, I"m more anxious to get home, get sleep, and go pick her up from my mom and dad"s. The only difference about the end of this shift? I"ll be meeting with Miss May, trying to find the woman I"m going to make my wife.