6. Joss

Chapter 6

Joss

Why did he say that? Yes, it would be good for me because I needed the job. And yes, it would be good for Bella because she needed the milk. But what was his excuse? Was there a reason he wanted me in his life? Deep down, I knew I was being completely selfish by hoping there was still a spark. That seeing my face could bring back some of the interest I knew he felt all those years ago.

I had no right to even hope for a real friendship when this was all said and done. We'd tried that once and failed. Miserably. But good sense never stopped me from hoping.

Since graduation, I'd thought about Torin a lot. I didn't have many friends in high school, so I didn't keep in touch with anyone after that last day. But the spirit club was highly engaged, and I got quarterly updates on the important people. And as captain of the football team, I'd definitely gotten a lot of updates about Torin.

At some point after he got married, there was an announcement in the newsletter, and that was the last time I opened one of those damn things.

It wasn't healthy to carry a torch for someone you'd never speak to again.

And then suddenly, I was in his house. Holding his daughter. Planning to move into his guest room. What the hell was I thinking?

Mostly I was thinking about that sweet baby who had no fat on her bones and needed some proper nutrition that had apparently been hard for them to come by. I wouldn't let her suffer because I was being petty about a fling a million years ago. Torin was straight, and I was a professional. We could make this work.

It didn't take me long to gather up the few things I had in Abel's condo and send him a text to let him know I got the live-in job and would catch him for brunch over the weekend.

An hour later, Torin was showing me where the linens were and how to operate his coffee maker.

It was all a bit surreal.

I put my duffel on the dresser and turned to look at the room. "Well, I can unpack later. Right now, I should probably pump before Bella gets hungry again, and then I can pump again right after so we can start building up a supply."

Torin closed his eyes and tilted his head back as if overcome by emotion. Before I could prepare myself for it, he stepped up to me and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly against his chest. It took a second for me to lift my arms and wrap them around him too. "Thank you, Joshua. You have no idea how much… Just, thank you."

I allowed myself to inhale deeply at the crease of his neck. He still used the same shampoo that he did when we were kids. No matter how much time had passed, I'd never been able to smell that green-apple scent without thinking of him. I gave him a quick squeeze before releasing him with an honest smile. "I'm happy I can help, Torin. Truly. You don't have to do this alone anymore."

His hand slid up my back until he was cupping my neck, pressing me against him. "I can't believe it's really you, Joshua."

Me neither.

Torin excused himself while I took a quick shower and then pumped two full bottles of milk. By the time I took them out to the kitchen, Bella was ready for one, and I put the second one in a freezer bag with the date written across the front."

Torin put a nipple on the bottle and sat down at the kitchen table with Bella on his lap. "If you don't have any preferences for tonight, I was thinking of baked chicken and rice. Is that okay?"

"That sounds delicious. Would you like me to get anything started?" I leaned against the kitchen counter and looked toward the fridge.

"No, I like to cook, so I don't mind taking care of everything." He looked down at Bella and then back at me. "Unless you'd like to feed her, and I can get dinner started."

I couldn't help grinning. "Yeah. I'd love to."

He transferred her into my arms and she immediately reached for my chin, rubbing her fingers across the short whiskers I'd neglected to shave for the past few days.

I positioned her open palm against the side of the bottle to get her used to holding it in place while she continued to explore the curves and prickly hairs of my face and staring straight up at me.

Her eyes never strayed far from mine, even as she glanced around the features of my face.

Bella finished her bottle, and I burped her and then changed her while Torin finished dinner. She was happy to sit in her bouncy chair while we ate and awkwardly discussed the weather and his job.

When we were done eating, I got up and took both our dishes to the sink.

"You don't have to wash them. That's not officially part of your job."

I shrugged and turned on the hot water. "It doesn't take me very long to pump, so if I'm working here full-time, I'm gonna need other things to do. Since you like to cook, I'll plan to clean and help out with anything else around the house you need."

Bella started to fuss, so he lifted her from her chair and held her against his shoulder. Torin just stood there as if he had more to say, but after a moment, he sighed and looked down at his daughter. "I'm gonna get her in a bath and start her bedtime routine. Is there anything else you need tonight?"

"Nope. I'll clean up in here and then get unpacked and head to bed. I'll pump before I go to sleep, but if I hear her in the night or if she wakes up, feel free to wake me up to pump again so she can have a warm bottle."

Torin smiled. "Just put whatever you pump tonight in the fridge, and I'll throw it in the warmer. No need for you to wake up. I'm already used to operating on very little sleep."

Part of me wanted to let him dismiss me like that, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing I wasn't fully earning my keep. "You have me now, Torin. You can sleep through the night. What time does she usually wake up?"

He glanced at the clock on the microwave and thought about it for a moment. "If she takes a full bottle at seven-thirty or eight, she'll probably be up around midnight for a diaper. But then again, she might sleep longer with your milk." His cheeks got pink, and his eyes flicked to mine before looking away again. "I just mean, she's already more content today than she has been all month."

I felt both proud and sad by that, but mostly relieved to finally be available to help him. "Do you have a baby monitor?"

"Yeah, of course. It's just an app on my phone that goes off when she wakes up."

I went to the table and grabbed my phone. "Let's put that app on mine too so when she wakes up, I can get up with her and you can sleep through till morning. You're the one with a job you have to be alert for. I, on the other hand, can nap when she naps throughout the day if I'm tired."

"Are you sure?" He was already pulling out his phone to look up the app before I even responded. Poor guy was desperate and clearly exhausted.

"Of course, I'm sure." When he looked up at me, I winked. "I'm a full-service provider."

Torin's breath hitched and his pupils widened in his crystal-blue eyes. He swallowed hard as he nodded. "I'm beginning to understand that, Joss."