15. Wildflower

15

Wildflower

Aching Ovaries

"What time did Everett say he needed to be back at the shop?" I ask, glancing at the time on my phone before locking the screen and dropping it back into the beach bag.

"Two o'clock, I think," Darby says from her spot next to me. She's on her back, face tilted toward the sun. She looks at peace.

I'm the utter opposite of peaceful as I nod. "Alright, we should probably call them in. I have a feeling they lose track of time out there."

My sister chuckles in agreement as she lifts her head, and we both look out to the horizon.

Everett stands about chest deep in the water, calm waves cresting and crashing against his perfect, golden abdomen. Leo stands closer to shore in knee-deep water. Lou takes turns paddling back and forth, coasting through the waves between the two of them.

She's laughing the entire time, and so are they.

"It makes my ovaries ache."

I laugh at that, throwing Darby's dress at her as we both stand. I whistle toward the boys and motion for them to come back to shore before turning to my sister. "Can we get you through your wedding first?"

She smiles softly to herself, hazel eyes catching mine with a knowing glitter. "We can certainly try."

I shake my head as we both giggle.

We begin folding up towels and packing our bags as Leo reaches us with both his and Lou's surfboards balanced on top of his head, Everett follows behind him with my daughter at his side. She jumps ahead of him as she reaches me, barreling her wet little body into my arms.

"Did you see me?"

"I did, bug. You were doing so well." I squat down to her level, brushing the wet strands of hair that came loose from her braid off her forehead.

"Why do we have to leave?"

"Everett has to get to work."

She pouts.

"I wanted to take you to get ice cream, Lulu. But," Leo draws, "if you don't want any, then I guess I'll just go by myself."

My daughter's face instantly brightens, lips parting to reveal a toothy grin as she looks from her uncle back to me. "Can I?"

I shoot Leo a grateful look; he must know what I have planned next. "Of course."

She smiles as I wrap her in a towel. I notice her gaze catching Everett, who's trying to fold up one of our umbrellas but struggling. A small smile accents her cheeks. "Is Everett coming?"

"Do you want him to?" I ask cautiously, noticing the anticipation of her answer sends a sensation through my stomach.

She nods. "Yeah."

"Okay. I'll ask him if he wants to come." I pull her into me and press my lips against her head. "Why don't you help Darby and Leo take the surfboards back to the shop? I'll help Everett with the umbrellas and ask him if he'd like to join us for ice cream and then meet you up there, yeah?"

She nods, and I send her off to my sister, who wraps her in a hug. Darby throws a bag over her shoulder, Lou holds the towels, and Leo grabs the surfboards as they take off through the sand.

I stand up straight and face Everett, who's been waiting with his arms crossed. A different kind of trepidation washes over me as his eyes meet mine. "You wanted to talk, Wildflower?"

I nod. "Yeah…" I take a breath, preparing myself for the conversation coming next. "I'm sorry for how I acted last week. I got a call from her dad, and I was just…"

"Don't apologize. You've got nothing to apologize for."

"Okay," I breathe. "I just… I'm scared, I guess. He hasn't been around in a while, and I don't like the idea of him trying to be involved again."

I almost hate those words as they fall from my mouth. My child deserves a father. I should want her father to be part of her life, But I don't trust his intentions—I never have. I don't have it in me to watch her get hurt by him again, and I can't pretend it wasn't part of the reason I came to California so easily: to avoid the fear of ever running into him, of having him pretend he doesn't know his own daughter and watching that break her.

But purposely keeping her away now that he reached out doesn't make me feel any better.

It feels like no matter what I do, I'm the bad guy.

Everett gives me a soft smile.

I force myself to return it as I say, "Lou just asked me if you'd come get ice cream with us. I think she likes having you around."

His face brightens at that. "Of course, I'll come."

I sigh. "Do you see my point, though? She's beginning to trust you. I don't want her to have expectations of you—or anyone else—that aren't reasonable." I glance down at the sand, afraid to meet his gaze. "Sometimes, it's just easier to keep the distance."

I'm grateful I looked away when Everett responds in a rough tone, "Why do you assume it's unreasonable of her to trust that I'll protect her? That we—as a family—can give her comfort and stability?" I hear him shuffle toward me, pausing until I lift my head to look at him. "You allow her to lean on Leo that way."

"Leo's marrying her aunt. He'll be her uncle."

His face straightens, his commanding presence towering over me. "Exactly. And he's my fucking brother." His arm flutters in the direction of the boardwalk. "We own a business together. He's my best friend. I'm not going anywhere, Dahlia. You can ask things of me, and so can your daughter." His eyes bore into me, as if ensuring I absorb every word. "It's not unreasonable."

The intensity in them is too strong, too honest. I want to look away, but I can't. I can't ever seem to take my eyes off him when he looks at me this way.

"I don't want to feel like anyone's obligation," I whisper.

"You aren't!" His jaw tightens and his eyes flare. I feel myself shrink beneath his presence, and as if he can see it happen, his voice instantly softens. "I'm sorry." He runs a hand through his hair. "You aren't." I only shrug as we stare down on the beach, unsure of where to go from here. After a moment of tense silence, Everett finally sighs. "Did you know I lost my best friend three years ago?"

I can't hide the surprise on my face at that, but I nod. "I know. I'm sorry."

He sucks his lip between his teeth, as if he can't decide whether or not to tell me whatever is running through his head right now. On a breath, he finally says, "When that happened, I didn't just lose Zach. We all lost…everything. Zach's brother, August— He won't hardly talk to me anymore. Talk to anyone . And my sister…" he scoffs. "I lost her too. Three of the people I love most in the world," he snaps his fingers, "just like that."

I open my mouth, but words don't come. Telling him I'm sorry doesn't feel like enough.

"Do you know how lonely my mother has been since Elena moved to New York? How big of a gap she has had in her heart? My sister hardly calls. She's basically a ghost at this point. She's my twin . So, trust me when I tell you how deep her absence runs inside my soul too."

I don't understand where all of this is coming from, but it feels as if the words are something he's held in for far too long. I say nothing, but I reach across the arms-length between the two of us, running my hand across his skin, a silent plea for him to continue.

"We've all been broken down. Lost and wandering is what it feels like. Then, a few months ago, Leo got that letter." His eyes are on the place where our skin meets, but they snap up to meet my face. "A letter you sent him. It was the first sign of life in his eyes that I'd seen in years, the first scrap of motivation or determination to do anything, like he suddenly found his purpose again." He nods down the beach, where his brother and my sister walk hand-in-hand through the water, my daughter at their side. "She was that purpose. And my mom? I haven't heard her gush and beam about anyone the way she does you three in years, maybe ever. Your presence, you giving her the ability to form a relationship with Lou, that brought her back to life. She has been brighter since knowing you."

Everett faces me, but I watch his eyes lose focus. I don't know what's going through his mind as he whispers, "And I haven't found that purpose yet. My purpose for healing." Suddenly, all that intensity—all that focus—is concentrated on me. "But you know what, Dahlia? Taking that kid out on a surfboard and watching her laugh, watching you laugh because of it," he smiles to himself, "it certainly feels like the sun is shining after years of cloud cover." He sets his hand over where I hold his arm, and I only now realize how tightly I'm gripping him. "So you're not a fucking obligation. You, your sister, and your daughter, you are exactly what we've all been needing."

Those words—this moment—stretch between us, like an eternity of emotion. I let them soak into my skin and bones. I let myself begin to believe them, because as I look into those sunlit brown eyes, I see only honesty, only conviction.

"I need you to take me as your date to the Hayes Foundation Banquet," I find myself blurting, still attempting to process everything he just said and form some kind of response, though that certainly was not it. I clamp and hand over my mouth. "I mean… I–" I shake my head. "It wasn't supposed to come out that way."

Everett's face lights up with surprised laughter. "You're always intriguing me, Wildflower." He softly brushes my hand and spins me so I face the pier. Placing a hand at the center of my back, he guides us forward. "Tell me how exactly that was supposed to come out."

His laugh skates along my skin, instant relief settling over me at the sound. We begin walking along the waves, but his hand doesn't leave my back. "The call I got last week was from Jason, Lou's dad."

"I put that together," Everett says quietly.

"My dad got in contact with him." Everett pauses but waits for me to continue. "Informed him that I moved away without telling him. He somehow convinced Jason—who hasn't seen his child in almost three years—that he needs to be involved now." Suddenly, my throat is feeling tight as I try to speak. "They're like…" I swallow a lump of emotion. "Banding together to try and… I don't even know what the motive is, really. I guess to try and make Darby and I move back to Kansas, using my child as their pawn."

I don't know how or why the words spill out so easily, but those softening brown eyes may just be the reason.

"Your father is a horrible person," he says with conviction. I can only nod in agreement. "Is it possible Lou's dad has changed? That maybe you leaving made him realize what he'd been missing?"

I shrug. "That's the thing. It could be, but I don't trust him enough to pack my life up again. I don't even trust them enough to visit. I don't need to uproot my daughter for the second time, only to find out Jason doesn't care at all and…" I trail off.

"Have Lou end up hurt," he finishes for me.

I nod.

"It's not an easy position to be in." I feel his fingers flex at the base of my spine, his way of providing some sort of comfort to me. "I think all you can do is your best, though, and take comfort in knowing that your best is good enough. She knows how much you love her, and someday, she'll understand how much you've sacrificed for her. Whether he's in her life or not, she'll know how loved she is."

I don't know how to respond to that, so I don't. I do find myself shifting a bit closer to him as I absorb his words. How he innately seems to understand what I need to hear, I have no idea. After a few minutes of silently allowing the sea to lap against our feet, Everett asks, "So how does all of this tie into me being your boyfriend?"

"I said be my date ." I sigh. "We met with Leo's lawyer, just to get some guidance on what kind of case—if any—Jason and my father could make. He says they don't have much, but with the right legal counsel and unlimited funds—which my father does have—he could potentially try." Our feet drag along the sand as we continue walking side by side. "I don't understand their motives, so it's hard to know their actions, and I want to be prepared." I bite my lip. "In the midst of all that, I may have accidentally disclosed to our siblings that we…"

Everett grins.

"Anyway," I roll my eyes, "since you took it upon yourself to say that you're my boyfriend, Leo suggested we lean into that narrative." I lift my head, gaze clashing with his. "He said there will be some reporters at the Banquet, and he thought it'd be a good idea if you took me as your date, since my father will be keeping tabs."

I don't tell him what Leo said about Everett needing a distraction from the anniversary of Zach's death, and after all Everett just said, I realize Leo was completely right about that.

"Malcolm thinks that's a good idea?"

"We didn't ask." I can feel Everett's eyes on me. "He said I should plant roots. Establish a life here. Find a support system who could provide the stability and support that Lou's father never could. He didn't say it outright, but I suppose if it appeared I was bringing someone into her life to fill the space he left…"

Everett's breath seems to catch at that, and I realize just how large of a proposition I've just made.

Backtracking, I say quickly, "Which, of course, is ridiculous. That's not what I'm asking." I shake my head. "I just mean… There is no getting rid of you now anyway because of the whole—" Everett's head whips to the side, and I lift mine to meet his eyes. They're narrowed and concerned. "I didn't mean it that way. I don't want to get rid of you, I—" I take a deep breath. "I don't know what I'm saying."

"Are you trying to tell me that you've never let someone meet your daughter before, which is why you normally choose to never speak to a man after night one? Are you trying to tell me that was your intention with me? Why you didn't want to exchange names?"

I nod.

"I already knew all of that, Wildflower. So, are you also trying to tell me that based on your dad's reaction…" His jaw ticks in anger at the memory. "The things that he said to you that day at Heathen's, you think he may try and hold our one-night-stand against you?"

I hadn't thought of that, actually. Thinking back, my father had called me a slut. Everett referring to himself as my boyfriend would squash any notion my father has of using promiscuity against me.

So, I nod. "I think he'd use anything he could to prove I'm an awful mother, go to any length to get my sister and I back in Crestwell. Get his control back."

Before I have time to process much of anything, two strong arms grasp my shoulders as my body is being turned to face him. He drops his head, brown eyes clashing against mine. "Taking a night off does not make you a bad mother. Going on a date does not make you a bad mother. Having casual, consensual sex does not make you a bad mother. You are wonderful to that girl, and anyone with eyes and a functioning brain stem would be able to see that. You're allowed to be a human being, Dahlia. You are not exclusively tied to that title. You can be a woman. Have a career. Hobbies. Be a friend and a sister. You're entitled to all of those things— to having an identity outside of Lou's mother. There is nothing wrong with that." The lowering sun casts Everett's face in a golden hue, bright conviction and waring emotion in his eyes. "Do you understand?"

"I want to," I whisper honestly. "But I'm just not sure that's true."

"How can I prove to you that it is?"

I almost say it then, almost open my mouth and tell him that when I met him, he made me feel like a woman. He made me feel desirable, wild and free. He reminded me of the person I'd always dreamed I'd be before I saw those two little pink lines on the bathroom floor.

Oh, how badly I want to be that woman again. How I wish I could take surf lessons. Play pool. Drive an impractical car with no doors so I can feel the wind whipping through my hair as I drive.

But I don't. "That's not what I'm asking of you," is what I find myself saying.

"Let me prove it to you anyway."

"Everett." I shake my head. "It's not about any of that. That's not why I wanted to talk to you."

"I know. You want me to pretend to date you when there are cameras around my brother to threaten your father, to help give the appearance you're providing your daughter with a stable environment and a supportive male role model."

"Yes."

"Great. Can do," he says immediately, as if requiring no further explanation on the matter. "But I'm also going to take you on dates. I'm gonna show you that you can be so much more than just her mother. You can be yourself too."

"Why?" I ask breathlessly.

"Because I want to," he says quickly. Pausing to settle himself, Everett takes a breath. "And because I think this might be in my best interest too, honestly."

I cock my head, interest piqued. "What makes you say that?"

He chews on his lip, looking off to the horizon, almost as if he's nervous. "I kind of have a…reputation. I guess."

"You don't say?"

He rolls his eyes. "My dad has been giving me shit about it. Some of my…past flings have been painting the businesses in a bad light." He swallows. "Leo's been giving me shit about it too."

"Why?" I laugh to myself. "What'd you do, fuck his assistant?"

Everett flinches.

My jaw drops. "You didn't."

"I might have. A little." He winces like he's afraid of my response, but I can only laugh at him. He lets out a sigh of relief at my reaction. "I think it would be a good look if I appeared to be cleaning up my act, making moves to settle down. People like a wholesome family business or whatever."

I chuckle again. "This wasn't what I was expecting when Leo asked me to support the small businesses of Pacific Shores."

An effortless smile breaks out on Everett's cheeks, and I can't ignore the way it sends an eruption of sensation throughout my chest. "Thanks for your service, Wildflower." He winks, and that sensation spreads deeper into my being.

"Do we need to work through the logistics of it all? Set boundaries?"

His face straightens slightly, but whatever thought crosses his mind is shaken away just as quickly as it appeared. "For now, let's go deal with this banquet. Why don't I take you to lunch tomorrow, and we can work it out then?"

"Tomorrow is my first day of work."

"I know." He smiles. "I'll stop by the office and grab you around noon."

We continue toward the pier, though this time, instead of his hand at my back, he simply twines his fingers through my own.