Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

MOIRA

M y body felt slow and heavy. Loss like I'd never known assailed me. The grief was so acute I found it hard to breathe, to even function. My heart was pained in the worst kind of way. It ached deep in my chest to the point where I thought it might stop all together. Yet all I could do was count each step I took along with each breath. If I just kept counting, then perhaps my breathing would feel normal too. No mother should have to watch their child deteriorate before their very eyes. No wife should lose a husband in such a way either. For all the blessings I'd been afforded—love, happiness, a son, a royal life—it felt like a blessedly cursed life filled with the greatest joys and the harshest sadness.

I didn't want to stand by and watch my son die the same way I stood by and watched my love die. I'd lived with loss for two hundred years, which had been made only bearable by the presence of my child. His easy smile saw me through the deepest hurt and the darkest nights. And now the ball in my throat made it so hard to breathe I felt as though I'd never draw a normal breath again. Grief did odd things to people. For me it was like a part of me had died the day I lost my love and had remained so. The hole in my heart was a dark reminder of what I'd had for the briefest of moments. Perfect as they may have been, falling in love was never my plan, nor was losing a love I never wanted. But Grayson had always been my light. My purpose. He made my life better simply by existing.

I took the steps slowly, climbing to a part of the castle where hardly anyone ever ventured. The hallways were empty here. The guards were only stationed at the entrance to this wing. A single crimson carpet ran down the long hall. A cold chill seeped into my veins from the stone walls. It'd been years since I walked through the doors at the end of the hall. The memories felt like drowning. But I was drowning. My boy, my beautiful boy, was dying . . . and I would have to stand by and watch. My mind was a whirl of prayers that by some miracle Piper would succeed where I failed so long ago. Unimaginable visions of seeing my son in his early grave assailed my mind, each one a torturous reminder of how I was reliving the past in the present. How would I live through this?

I didn't want to live through this. If he died, I prayed that the creator saw fit to take me as well. I pressed the door open and sucked in a deep breath. I expected there to be dust in this room, or the scent of stale air, but it was as pristine as ever, with fresh flowers lining the walls. I stepped up to the coffin standing in the middle of the room. My breath left me in a rush, and I placed my hand over the glass cover of the coffin.

At times I wanted to believe that Graymont was just lying there sleeping. The power of the coffin preserved him perfectly. Titus made sure to acquire it at a time when the vampires had little to no connection to the magic community. I only prayed that Piper could get through to them the way that Grayson had. I rested my hand on the coffin and gazed down at his face. He was so beautiful in death. It pained my heart to see him like this. His hair flowed back from his face, highlighting his perfect cheekbones and full lips. There was no doubt the men of The House of Shade were genetically blessed.

"We certainly have made a mess of things." I hung my head and silent tears streamed down my face. Tears I dared not shed in front of anyone else. Each one rolled down my cheeks and fell onto the lid with a tiny splash like raindrops forming a puddle. I sucked in a deep breath. "I- I don't know what we are to do now."

I leaned on the coffin, letting my arms fall across the lid. It was the closest I could get to him, to ever hugging him again. Everything was ruined now. My life was ruined. There was a time when I felt happiness, a tinge of excitement, and the thrill of new love. Memories I'd long since tried to forget assaulted me without my permission.

200 years ago

Wildflowers swayed all around me and brushed against the fabric of my skirts. My parent's estate loomed on the hills in the distance. Forest and rolling fields separated me from their prying eyes. I let my hair fall loose around my face and down my back. It was not the tradition of higher society to be so free with actions and looks. Yet I enjoyed roaming among the estate. The sun was warm on my skin and the lingering scent of the flowers I'd picked stuck to my clothing. I peeked up at him and met those deep eyes with their flecks of mahogany. I'd never noticed their depths before.

"You're beginning to make a habit of this, my lord." Warmth heated my cheeks. "People will soon start to talk."

His chest rumbled with a deep chuckle. "Would that be so awful? If others began to find out about us?"

I let the bouquet of wildflowers in my hand brush against the others we strolled by. "You tell me. I seem to be your best kept secret."

"Hardly, I find my regard is well noted by others. Even my brother, thick as he may be, has noted a difference." He plucked a daisy and handed it to me to add to the others he thought I might like.

"Ah, but what a reputation you must be giving me then. The secret mistress hidden in the countryside that you flit off to on a whim. What of your duties, my lord?" I found it difficult to keep the teasing tone from my voice.

"I think the word mistress is quite harsh for a close friendship that I enjoy. If anything, I should be insulted you consider yourself so." He gave me a cheeky smirk.

I pressed my lips together to stifle the smile that threatened to spread across my face. "And yet here I've remained your secret companion for weeks, wandering among the forest and exploring the streams."

"Yes, like a tiny wood nymph prancing about through the greenery. I do so enjoy the sight of your little feet in the mud and the flowers in your hair. It's not something we see at court often. I find it quite refreshing." He moved toward the shade of the trees, and I followed his lead easily. "I can see why you didn't think you'd be suited to a royal life and chose to hide in the library that night."

I stepped over a tree root and he took my hand to help me as though I hadn't walked these forests all my life and knew every tree, stone, and flower. Yet when I was on the steady path, he didn't let go of my hand. "I find myself curious as to what it would be like to be required in court like you and your brother. Or what it would be like to give this up for the fast pace of London."

"Your curiosity pleases me." His fingers tightened around mine, and it sent a small thrill through my body. I didn't want a life in the public eye, but for him, I could almost picture it.

I beamed up at him. "Oh, we do aim to please, my lord."

"Would you like that?" He stopped walking and pulled me to a halt. His eyes bore into mine and for a moment I could see our future. Images of us spending hidden moments together among the chaos of court assailed my mind. We could hide in the library where we first met, or remain in the gardens, or spend the dawning hours lounging in bed together.

"I dare say I would." I bit my bottom lip and his eyes dropped down toward them.

He took a step and I backed up, then another, and another until my back was pressed to the tree behind me. He hovered over me so tall and imposing, yet I felt the safest I ever had in his presence. His eyes darkened and I felt as though he were trying to read my thoughts. "Do not toy with me."

"Would I dream of doing such a thing?" I tilted my chin up, hoping he'd take my lips for the first time.

"Many would." He inched closer. "What if I told you I could give you all you desire?"

"In truth, I would doubt those words coming from anyone else but you." I rested my hand on the lapel of his coat and felt the steady beating of his heart on my fingertips.

"What if I gave you all you desired but love." His face turned deadly serious.

I snickered. "I'd say we're well on our way toward an understanding, wouldn't you?"

"I do not jest, Moira." He shook his head. "My family, it's . . . complicated. I can offer you the world, my hand, my unwavering loyalty, and any other earthly desire you could possibly imagine, but I cannot offer you words of love, and I will not bite you or try to make you my soulmate . . . ever. So, what say you to a man who will give you all but this one thing?" He held his breath, waiting for my answer.

Then I will love enough for us both until you come to love me in return. Men often fought to hold on to themselves but even I knew we had something between us. I felt it in the words he spoke to me, the way he was so gentle with my hand, and the lingering looks when he thought I wasn't looking.

I wanted to keep the mood light between us as it always had been. Free and easy, so natural we moved around each other like two birds flitting through the trees at springtime. "I find it highly tempting. But there is one thing I am curious about?"

"Ask me anything." His voice was so grave, so serious. I wanted to see the smile tug at his lips and the twinkle in his eyes. I loved the way he played and joked, making everything that could be vexing seem so easily handled.

"Does this offer include you physically?" I whispered, knowing full well I was suggesting exactly what I was suggesting.

His eyebrows shot up and that smile tugged at his lips. "Ah, well, yes it would. The kingdom is in want of an heir after all."

He took a step closer, and this time my fingers curled into the lapels of his coat, holding him there so close to me. "Won't your brother be disappointed you've chosen me after that display in the library?"

"I dare say he'd find it to be quite a relief."

"Then perhaps I should be a secret mistress of the forest no longer?" How could I pass up a life so sweet with a man so charismatic?

"Oh, enchanting forest creature," He tucked the strands of my hair behind my ear and let his fingers linger on my cheek. "I wouldn't dream of hiding you away from the world. Nor would I dream of holding anything back from you that I was free to give, physically or otherwise."

The world was at my feet, and he was giving it to me. I bit my bottom lip and pulled him closer. "I would be a fool not to accept such an offer, would I not?"

"Then perhaps you should put me out of misery and tell me, Moira, are you going to marry me or not, my enchanting forest creature?"

My breath left me in a rush and my heart soared. Nothing in the world could ever be so pleasing to hear.

I brushed my tears off the top of the glass coffin, leaving streaks over the immaculate glass. "This life, this family, was well worth it. I would take this pain to live the joys that I have. But oh, dearest Graymont, we could really use you right now, your brother above all else. I know even in his silence he mourns your loss as I do. Wherever you are, please help Grayson through this."

I sucked in a breath and turned for the door, hoping that one mother's prayer for her child would somehow find his guardian angel and the past would not repeat itself.