Chapter 23

Nyx waited for Case to say something, but he remained quiet. She wasn't sure what she expected. It wasn't as if she went around announcing she was a virgin, but dead silence? He was the one who'd pushed for an explanation.

Maybe her reasons didn't make sense to him. He had suggested birth control would solve the situation. At least he hadn't propositioned her.

Or maybe she hadn't explained her reasons well. Her words seemed to be a pale echo of how deeply etched this was in her head. In her heart. School first, dreams, and then men. Or a man. Case. She might possibly be falling for him. Telling herself that it was too fast, that it was the situation, that he was protecting her wasn't working anymore.

She felt comfortable with Case, despite the attraction between them. Nyx tried not to rely on anyone, but she could put her faith in him. She could count on him. It was like they were a team, not just two individuals thrust into a terrible set of circumstances.

He was her brother's best friend, but somewhere along the way she'd stopped thinking of Case like that. She didn't trust him because of the connection. She didn't trust him because he was Special Forces. Nyx trusted Case because of who he was. This man was rock solid and his steadiness was one of the things she appreciated the most.

She noticed their course had angled. She raised her gaze from his ass, blinking to bring her distance vision into focus. A tree was lying on its side blocking their path. It was too close to the ground to crawl under it, and too tall for them to climb over it. At least not easily. He was taking them around it.

"I didn't expect you to press the mute button," Nyx said. "At least say I'm nuts. It's an acknowledgment that you heard me."

"I heard every word you said, Fireball. I always listen when you talk. I'm not sure what to say, to be honest. Everything I come up with either sounds condescending or sleazy."

"You think my reasoning is flimsy."

Case stopped and turned to meet her gaze. "It doesn't matter what I think. What matters is that it's strong in your head."

"I wish I was done with school. I'd like you to be my first, Case."

She didn't realize blue eyes could burn so hot. "I'd like that, too." His voice was thick, husky, sending shivers through her body. He leaned down and kissed her lightly, being careful not to hit her forehead with his helmet or the NVD attached to it. "The rain is coming. Let's keep moving before it hits."

Trailing Case as closely as she was, she wasn't bearing the brunt of the foliage. He was. She turned her head to avoid greenery to the face and used her shoulders and arms to block what she could.

That warm gooey feeling was back, and Nyx suspected she was in big trouble with this man.

Big trouble.

"Shit." Case tried to grab a large, frond-like thing before it could hit her. He wasn't fast enough. Nyx lowered her head and closed her eyes, but she still got a face full of leaves. He pulled it away from her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so. How does my face look?"

He studied her carefully. "You have a couple of cuts. We'll have to take care of those on our next break. I'm sorry about that."

Nyx waved off the apology. "You're doing a hell of a job protecting me. One slipped. Don't worry about it."

Case shook his head. "It shouldn't have happened. I let myself get distracted, and I know better than that."

"Distracted? By what?" She looked around, trying to find what caught his interest.

He caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger, gently tilting her head until their gazes met. "About us. In bed. Cashing in your V-card."

Her gulp was audible. She brought her hand up, curling her fingers around his wrist, and ran her thumb across his skin. Caressing him was as necessary as breathing. She couldn't stop. Didn't want to stop. She had a sudden image of him over her. Moving slowly, carefully, making sure she enjoyed it as much as he did. "It would be so good," she whispered.

"It would be more than good. Monumental? Epic? Earthshaking?"

"All of the above?"

"Yeah, all of that and more. But Fireball? You're not helping me regain and maintain control."

She had to clear her throat. "Sorry."

Case freed himself from her hand and released her chin. As she watched, he worked on reining in his desire. "Come on," he said. "Let's make some progress before I fall into another fantasy about us."

It took Nyx a few moments before she could find her voice. "We could talk to keep your mind off…you know. If it's safe."

"We should be okay. I picked the last topic. It's your turn."

Nyx knew what she wanted to ask him about, but from his tone of voice earlier, she was pretty sure Case wouldn't like it. "Tell me about your childhood. About why you went to bed hungry."

He still moved fluidly, but she saw his muscles go rigid. "That's personal."

"More personal than my being a virgin?" She let the dryness of her tone convey her thoughts on that dodge.

"Yeah."

Nyx didn't push.

"My mom could be the best mom in the world. She liked to cook, and she'd make one of my favorite foods, a Greek dish called spanakopita . It's made with spinach and feta cheese and phyllo dough. Whenever I have it, I remember the best-mom times. Unfortunately, those became fewer and farther between as I got older."

"Why?"

More silence. Then, with reluctance, "My mom was a drug addict."

That wasn't the answer she expected. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Me, too. When she was clean, and had a job, life was good. We never had a lot of money, but enough for food and rent. The problem was she couldn't stay off the shit for long. She'd lie about whether she was using, but I started to be able to figure it out, anyway."

"No one tried to help you?"

He made a sound that sounded like a snort. "I got put in foster care a couple times while my mom was in rehab."

His tone made it clear he'd hated that. She decided to avoid foster care as a discussion topic. "What about your dad?"

"I never met him. I don't know his name. I'm not sure my mom knew who fathered me. When she needed money, she'd do some hooking. Even if her client had given her a name, it would have been fake."

That was said without emotion as if it meant nothing to him, but Nyx knew better. Even with Case's back to her, she could tell this had a strong impact on him. "You could do a DNA test," she suggested quietly.

Case shook his head. "No. I don't care enough to look for that asshole. She was seventeen when I was born. You want to bet he was an adult?"

Before she could figure out what to say, Case kept talking. "She protected me. She didn't do drugs while she was pregnant, and she kept her clients away from wherever we were living." Another pause. "She hid her drugs and told me over and over not to touch anything. To never be like her. She said she wanted me to do something with my life."

"It sounds as if she loved you more than anything in the world."

Again, Case shook his head. "No, I came in second. The drugs came first. They always did."

"The drugs were something she was helpless to resist. She didn't choose them over you. They controlled her. If she'd been in control, she would have chosen you every time. I know it."

"Maybe," he allowed.

"Definitely. I've had spanakopita at restaurants. That's a ton of work. If she was cooking it for you because you enjoyed it, she loved you."

That eased some of the tightness in Case's body. "I used to sit in the kitchen with her while she made it. We'd talk, and she'd tell me stories and make me laugh. Those are some of my favorite memories of her."

Memories of her. Nyx was afraid to ask the obvious. "What happened?" It was an ambiguous question if he wanted it to be.

"I was eighteen. At boot camp. She OD'd."

"I'm sorry." Tears welled. She reached out and squeezed his arm. "It's hard to lose someone you love."

Case stopped and turned to her. "Nyx, I lost her years before she died. I don't think she was clean the entire time I was in high school."

Reaching up, Nyx stroked her hand over his bearded cheek. "I know better, Case. Until she died, you always had hope that she would go back to rehab and maybe this time she'd win the battle against the drugs. When she died, that hope went with her."

He looked away without answering, but he didn't have to. She knew she was right. Without waiting for an invitation, Nyx stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Case, hugging him tightly. He was a grown man, a Special Forces soldier, but she couldn't help but think of a little boy who had to learn to fend for himself.

A little boy who'd become a caretaker to his mother. A protector far too early.

Slowly, he returned the hug, holding her closely against his body, taking the comfort she offered. "I hated feeling helpless. I tried everything I could think of to get her off the shit. Nothing worked, not for long."

There was nothing Nyx could say, so she held Case tighter.

"I hated the lying," he continued, voice soft. "So much lying. Lies of omission when I was young, and when I was old enough to know when she was using, she would just outright lie to me."

"She was protecting you."

"How do you figure that?"

"She knew how much you disliked her drug use. She didn't want you to worry about her."

Case didn't answer, but his arms tightened, bringing her another fraction of an inch closer. His childhood sounded bleak. Someone else wouldn't have escaped the cycle, but he'd been strong enough to get out. He'd gone into the Army, become a Special Forces sergeant, and he was skilled enough to be assigned to covert ops. He even managed to earn a college degree.

"Your mom would be proud of you."

He went still, not even breathing for a moment. Then a partial shrug, one that was miniscule enough not to jar her head. Taking care of her. Still. Yet. Again. Always.

Nyx froze. She'd danced around the truth earlier, telling herself she was falling for him. As if pretending it wasn't a done deal meant she could reverse her emotions. She wasn't falling for Case. She was already in love with him.

She lived in Los Angeles, and graduate programs in geoarchaeology were few and far between. She couldn't change schools. If Case was operating in South America, she'd bet he was stationed somewhere in Florida. That five-plus hour flight between their homes was brutal, and that was when he was in the country.

Assuming he was interested in more than her V-card, of course.

There was a thought. But she didn't release her hold on Case until it started to rain. A big drop splatted on her neck, and then the sky opened up.

"Come on, Fireball, let's go." He took her hand, tugging her with him.

It didn't take long before they were soaked, but Case kept them moving. Nyx knew he wanted a defensible position until the rain stopped, because the way it was coming down, he couldn't hear if someone was nearby. She didn't know how long they walked before Case released her hand and slowed down.

Way down.

If Case had antennae, they'd be out and twitching. She stuck close to him, but not so close that she'd be in his way. Her step hitched when he drew the pistol. Animal, reptile, or human?

Heavily armed men in camo gear came out of the surrounding trees. The insignia on their quasi-uniforms identified who they were.

Rebels.