Chapter 3

Chapter

Three

March 28 th

1:47 A.M.

Hurry up .

Beth silently urged Ariel to drive faster. This was the first time since she returned to the compound that she hadn't remembered was her home that she wished she knew how to drive.

Maybe she did. Who knows. She didn't know much about herself, and nobody wanted to tell her anything because the doctor's orders said she should be left so her memories could return on their own.

Even if she didn't know how to drive, it didn't look all that hard, stomp on the gas and steer with the wheel. Surely, even she could manage to do that. And if she was driving, they'd be going a whole lot faster than Ariel was currently driving.

They'd left the countryside behind them twenty minutes ago, and the more they drove the more lights, buildings, and other vehicles began to surround them. They had to be close to the hospital by now, didn't they ?

Since turning back up at the compound, she hadn't left it … until now.

Because she was a coward.

A coward who would rather hide than face the complete and utter mess her life was in. Shambles. It was really the only way to describe it. The problem was she didn't know how to go about fixing it.

How did you fix something that seemed like it was beyond repair?

If only Beth could find an answer to that question, then maybe she could finally stop being the broken bird everyone saw her as. After all, so far, she hadn't done anything to contradict their notion even if she hated it.

"Almost there," Elle soothed, and Beth realized that she had been twisting her hands together so tightly her knuckles had gone white.

Here she was freaking out like she was the only one who was scared. Elle and Panther were having a baby, she had a daughter, and he had a son, they were already a family, and Beth could only guess how terrified the other woman must be to think she might have to raise their little family alone.

But at least Panther and Trick were both stable.

Unlike Axel.

She might have amnesia, but that didn't make her stupid, she knew critical meant he could die at any moment.

What if he was already dead?

After Rock's call, they'd all thrown on clothes, waited until Mrs. Pfeffer had arrived to watch eight-year-old Andy and seven-year-old Ruthie, and jumped into Ariel's vehicle since it was the only one big enough to fit all six of them. They hadn't called Rock back, and he hadn't contacted them again, so there was every chance that by the time they arrived at the hospital, Axel would have already passed away.

Tears were rolling in a nearly continuous stream down her cheeks since Rock had broken the news about the guys, and Beth didn't have the energy to do anything about them. All her energy was focused on not falling apart.

Hysterics weren't going to help right now.

If Axel was still alive, he was going to need her.

When was the last time someone had ever needed her ?

Had anyone ever needed her?

As in needed her for her, not just because she was a warm body who could be used and abused.

For eleven months she'd felt useless, like a burden. No one ever asked anything of her, and even though she helped when and how she could, it always felt like people thought they were somehow taking advantage of her by letting her help. Like she was some poor, pathetic, fragile little girl who had to be protected above all else.

Beth hated it.

No one wanted to feel like a burden, yet that's how Axel and the others made her feel. This, in turn, made her feel bad about herself because not only was she a burden, but she was resentful of them pointing it out to her even though she knew they meant well and were only trying to protect her because they loved her.

When Elle held out a hand to her, Beth didn't hesitate to grab it and hold on.

At least whatever happened she wasn't alone.

Axel's friends were her family, and that made their women her family, too. Just because she had no family of her own didn't make her all alone in the world.

If the worst happened, that would be what she had to cling to.

But no matter how many times she reminded herself of that, and even knew it to be true, a voice in her head whispered that Axel had once been her everything. She might not remember it, but she still knew it to be true. Without him, she would be all alone even if surrounded by people.

Finally, they pulled into the hospital parking lot. It was the middle of the night, which thankfully meant there were parking spaces in the lot. As soon as Ariel had parked, they all jumped out of the car and ran for the emergency room doors.

The second they stepped inside, they spotted Rock and Tank.

The men had obviously been watching the door because as soon as the six of them ran through it they were crossing the busy room.

There was no hesitation on either of the men, or either of the women's parts. They just launched themselves at one another. Tank caught Tillie as she jumped into his arms, and Rock dragged Ariel up against him, both couples hugging, kissing, and crying.

More tears stung her eyes as she watched them.

Even if Axel hadn't been so badly hurt, she wouldn't have jumped into his arms like that. She would have felt awkward and distant, every bit the stranger she was. Axel wouldn't have grabbed and kissed her like Tank and Rock had done, he would have been too worried about upsetting her. He was so focused on doing everything the doctor told him he should do to think about finding out what she needed him to do.

And she was too cowardly to tell him what she needed.

They were stuck in a stupid circle, and one that felt incredibly immature in this moment. It was plain to see that Axel loved her, and she knew she must have loved him deeply, too. If they both stopped pretending, maybe they could find that love again or build a new love, different but still special.

But it seemed neither of them were prepared to make the first move.

And now it might be too late.

As though he just remembered the rest of them, Rock turned to them, keeping Ariel tucked close against his side. "Scorpion arrived here not long after I got off the phone. He was lucky, the break in his arm is a clean one and doesn't need surgery, just a cast for a few weeks. He's waiting in an exam room to get it put on. Trick is in there, too. He's still groggy, but he's been in and out of consciousness."

Jessica and Stephanie hugged one another, both women crying tears of relief to know the men they loved were relatively unharmed.

"Panther is in surgery," Rock continued, "but I spoke with the surgeon and he expects everything to go smoothly. Ariel and I will take you up to the surgical waiting room," he said to Elle.

Again, that left everyone else accounted for except her Axel.

Beth knew it wasn't by accident that Rock had left mentioning him until last. It was because he was either dead and nothing could be done for him, or he was close to death and he was worried about telling her that.

Slowly, Rock's gray eyes shifted to meet hers.

She felt his pain, his reluctance to tell her anything .

He wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool and put her in a bubble wrap covered room.

But he couldn't.

Reality was reality, and they all had to face it.

This wasn't something anyone could protect her from.

Tentatively, she took a step closer, facing her demons head-on for once rather than trying to run from them. "Axel?"

"He's in a trauma room, sweetie. They're doing everything they can for him." Keeping one arm around Ariel, he reached out with his other to grab her hand, tugging her closer so he could hug her.

"So, he's still alive?" It sounded like he was, but honestly, she needed to hear it be said aloud before she could allow herself to believe it.

"Yeah, sweetie, he's still alive," Rock assured her.

Relief had her knees wobbling but she locked them. She wasn't going to be weak anymore. Wasn't going to keep acting like a scared little girl who needed to be protected. If she wanted the others to stop treating her like an injured baby bird, she had to stop herself from acting like one.

"Can I see him?" Beth asked.

"I don't think he'd want you to see him like that, sweetie," Rock told her, using the big brother voice she simultaneously loved and hated. "Why don't you go with Tank and the others to Trick and Scorpion's room? I'll make sure the doctor knows Axe's wife is here and that they are to keep you updated as often as they can."

"No." From everyone's startles, Beth knew she had surprised them with her strong tone and clear objection. Honestly, she had surprised herself. She never said no, always did what others wanted, and was meek and mild, but no more.

If their positions were reversed, Axel would stay by her side.

Nothing would make him leave.

Nothing had made him leave these last eleven months when she had been pushing him away out of fear that she could never give him what he deserved.

He had been there every day, giving her space when what she really wanted was for him to break through her walls, but still always there.

Always .

She owed him the same.

March 30 th

4:12 P.M.

More than forty-eight hours had passed since Beth had been escorted into Axel's room at the hospital.

Back then it hadn't been a real room, just a trauma bay in the emergency room where so many doctors and nurses had been buzzing about Axel that it had been completely overwhelming. He'd been hooked up to machines, there was blood all over his body, and he'd looked so vulnerable that it had shocked her.

Axel wasn't the vulnerable one in their relationship, she was.

They both knew it, everyone knew it.

But seeing him like that, so still and quiet, so exposed with his body mostly naked and no way to protect himself, had stirred up something inside her.

A protective instinct that she hadn't even known she possessed.

Whether she remembered him or not, this was her husband and she had chosen to marry him because she'd fallen in love with him. Having watched him for almost a year now, it wasn't hard to see why she had fallen. He was steady and dependable, strong and brave. He fought for the innocent to make the world a safer place, he loved his teammates, he was sweet and attentive, and he was everything anyone could ever want.

Now he needed her, and she was going to be there for him.

Hours after arriving at the hospital, he had finally been upgraded from critical to stable but serious, and Beth had naively thought the worst was over.

How stupid she had been.

The quiet room in intensive care that Axel had been moved to seemed peaceful enough, even with the hiss and beeps from machines and the nurses constantly in and out. It was a step up from the emergency room and she'd believed that everything was going to be okay .

But it wasn't.

Not even close.

Slowly, Axel's punctured lung was healing, but the injury to his head didn't seem to be. Axel just laid there, still, quiet, unconscious, trapped inside his own head, and she was beginning to get an inkling of how he must have felt all these months.

She wanted him to wake up.

She wanted him to open his eyes.

She wanted him to come back to her.

But wanting it didn't change anything, didn't make it happen.

No matter how much she prayed, how much she begged, or how many hours she sat beside his bedside holding his hand, Axel didn't wake up.

Scared to go to sleep because she wanted to be the first thing he saw when he woke, Beth had barely gotten more than snatched minutes of sleep here and there when she could no longer hold her eyes open long enough to remain awake. Luckily, lack of sleep was nothing new to her, so she was hanging in there.

All she wanted was for Axel to wake up.

She had to tell him she was sorry for keeping him at a distance these past eleven months.

How badly she wanted to go back in time and do it all differently.

If she could, she would have grabbed onto Axel, demanding that he tell her every single thing about the woman she was so she could be that person. It was the worst feeling in the world to be floundering with no stable ground to find footing on. Her doctor had been wrong, it didn't help to get your memories back on their own if those memories never actually returned. Maybe if she knew more about herself and her life, she could have gotten those memories back.

Regardless, she never should have pushed Axel away.

At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. She couldn't be the Beth he had known and fallen in love with, that woman was probably lost forever, there was no guarantee he would want whatever woman she became shaped by this newest trauma. It was better to force distance even when you craved comfort than to be rejected.

Because deep down inside that was what she feared most of all .

The rejection of Axel's love.

Without it, she was nothing.

There was no family to fall back on, no job or life outside him and his life. Even their friends were all really his friends who had only adopted her as a little sister because of her connection to Axel.

For months she had refused to allow herself to acknowledge that the only place she wanted to be was in his arms. If she allowed herself to fall into his embrace and then he got tired of the fact that in a year from now, or two years, or five years, she still had no memory and still couldn't be the woman he knew, and he left her, it would shatter her.

Whining about being treated like she was weak while simultaneously being weak was stupid. She should have voiced her fears, her concerns, her needs to the man who had steadfastly stood beside her, silently offering her his unwavering support.

What she wouldn't give to tell him that.

If he never woke up from the coma he had slipped into, how would she ever forgive herself?

He'd die without ever knowing that while her memories hadn't returned, her love for him was still there. Still inside her. If they had just been open with one another without tiptoeing around, maybe they wouldn't have had to live the last eleven months feeling miserable.

"Hey, sweetie, how you doing?"

At the sound of the voice, she turned to find Scorpion and Jessica standing in the doorway to Axel's room. The cast on Scorpion's arm was covered in drawings from all their Bravo family, she'd even written her name on it. It was funny, when he'd held out a handful of colored markers, she had immediately chosen the pink one. Obviously, it was her favorite color, she knew it without knowing it because she always chose pink. Beth was locked inside her head somewhere she just had to find the key to let her out.

"Axel hasn't woken up," she replied. The guys all made sure to come by regularly, it was rare for her to spend more than an hour or two at a time alone with Axel. Trick had been discharged later that same day they were brought to the hospital, and Panther was discharged yesterday. Everyone was back home now except Axel, and as long as he was there, she was there .

She wasn't leaving him alone for anything.

"Asked how you were doing, sweetie," Scorpion said as he came up behind the chair she was sitting in and wrapped his good arm around her chest pulling her back against him in a tight hug.

Brushing off his concern, she nodded. "Fine. I'm fine. I wasn't the one who was blown up. How's your arm?"

"Fine. I'm fine," Scorpion teased her, and she relaxed a little. If anything, this ordeal had forced her to dig deep and find her strength. No more hiding. No more cowering. It was time to fight for herself, the man she loved, and her future.

She was getting her memories back.

She wanted them, needed them because they might wind up being all she had of Axel.

If he never woke up, she didn't want all she knew of him to be this last year when everything was so messed up.

"Why don't you let us take you home so you can shower and get some proper sleep?" Jessica said, coming up beside Beth and taking her hand.

"I'm not leaving Axel." Were they crazy? If he was there, she was there. Like any one of them would leave their significant other alone in a hospital bed. What if Axel woke up and she wasn't there? What if he needed her and she was hiding at home?

What if he woke up and had amnesia like she did?

He needed her right now, she knew that, felt it. She wasn't going anywhere.

"There's nothing you can do for him right now," Scorpion reminded her gently. "And he wouldn't want you to wear yourself out. You haven't left this room since you got here."

"And I won't leave it until he does," she said firmly. It felt good to stand up for herself, to not cower. Just because she didn't know who she was didn't mean she couldn't be strong and say what she wanted. If she had been stronger all along, Axel wouldn't have been so desperate to rush off to get her answers and he wouldn't have gotten hurt. Wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed in a coma right now.

No more being weak.

No more being pathetic .

This new Beth was going to be stronger than the old one, she was going to fight. She wasn't a quitter, she didn't give up, she'd survived a lot in her life, and she wasn't going to let it break her.

"At least come to the cafeteria and get something to eat, stretch your legs," Jessica cajoled.

"No," she said firmly.

Scorpion sighed, but she could have sworn she saw a hint of pride in his gaze. Maybe this was the attitude she should have adopted early on. Okay, so those first few weeks she was in shock, hysterical, terrified, confused, and hurting, but once the shock had worn off she should have reached down deep inside and done what she always did—find a way to survive.

It had taken Axel almost dying for her to realize she had a second chance at life. She had escaped something horrific, she didn't need to remember it to know it had been awful, her body was literally littered with scars as proof. It had taken strength to do that. That strength was still inside her, she just had to find it.

She would find it because Axel needed her to.

Nothing else was acceptable.

She wasn't going to let him down, not ever again.