Chapter 23

Langley shifted in the hospital bed and grimaced. Her leg hurt, but she was lucky and she knew it. The shrapnel from the ricochet had passed through her thigh cleanly and without hitting anything vital on its journey. This morning, she'd even managed to convince the doctor to dial back on the painkillers.

She thought about turning on the television but decided against it. This was the first time she'd had more than a few minutes alone since she'd arrived at the hospital yesterday. There'd been nurses in and out constantly, technicians, the doctor, the police and FBI questioning her, and her mom had arrived last night and absolutely refused to leave her side. Langley had finally talked her into getting something to eat, but she wouldn't be gone long, so she better enjoy the quiet while she had it.

As if on cue, the door opened, and Langley swallowed a sigh. Now what?

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Ryder. She'd known he was okay, but it was a relief to see that for herself. He was wearing the same clothes he'd had on yesterday and there was a day's worth of stubble on his face. He looked tired, but determined. His gaze raked her from head to foot and she was certain he hadn't missed a thing.

"I'm sorry I didn't get here earlier," he said quietly, "but the police and the FBI were in no hurry to release us, not with eight dead bodies in the forest. I came straight to the hospital."

"They decided against officially arresting you?" Langley asked. It was a little over twenty-four hours since she'd been wheeled from the helicopter into the ER.

Ryder nodded his head and approached the bed. "I have a new appreciation for the diplomatic corps after watching your father at work."

"Where is Dad?"

"He spotted your mother and decided to join her for dinner." He reached her side and covered her hand with his. "The ambassador told me what the doctor said about your condition, but I want to know how're you feeling, hellcat?"

"I'm fine, thank you. "

"No, you're not. You were honest with me yesterday. Don't backslide now."

Langley frowned. "I dislike—" She realized the words were heated and cut herself off. After taking a deep breath, she said evenly, "I've been better, you can see that, but it could have been much worse."

"No," he gently squeezed her hand. "Don't do that. If you don't like something I do, tell me. It's okay not to be polite with me, damn it."

The battle between a lifetime of training and the fact that the pain had left her cranky didn't last long. "I hate it when you press me. If I tell you I'm fine, then leave it alone." She froze, appalled not only at what she'd said, but her tone of voice as well.

Ryder leaned over her so he could meet her gaze head on. "If I don't press, you'll think you can get by with your polite lies. I fuck—freaking hate that shit. You can be honest with me. You can be yourself with me, don't you get that? You're not going to start a war if you tell me to go to hell when I piss you off."

"Telling you I'm fine isn't some polite lie—it's because I don't like being weak."

"You don't always need to be strong."

"Yes, I do. When you're weak, you're a potential victim." She shut her mouth, but not quickly enough. Damn it, he'd have questions now .

The expression on Ryder's face made her tense. "Fuck. The bodyguard."

How did he know about that? She started to ask, but Langley realized she was too tired for this. She sank back against the pillows and took a deep breath. "I don't have the energy for this conversation."

For an instant, he appeared startled, and then chagrin took its place. Ryder scowled and studied her again. "Let me get the nurse. You look like you're hurting."

Langley grabbed his hand before he could reach across her for the call button. "Oh, no you don't," she scolded. "It took me too long to convince the doctor to ease up on the painkillers. You're not walking in here and undoing the work I did."

"You want to be in pain?"

"It's discomfort, not pain." Strong discomfort. "And I want a clear head."

Scowling, he dropped down in the chair next to the bed. "Because you always have to be in control of yourself."

It was tempting to mention that wasn't true, that she had no self-command when they made love, but decided that was a direction she didn't want to go. "Something you should understand completely, since you're exactly the same way." Instead of pursuing that topic, Langley changed the subject. "Where's Finn?"

If anything, Ryder's frown deepened. "He and Griff headed back to the estate to get a shower and catch some sleep. They'll be by to see you in the morning."

For a moment, she remained quiet. "So it was Mako then." She couldn't use his first name any longer, not when he'd betrayed her, betrayed Ryder.

"Yeah." There was no emotion on his face and he had the nerve to tell her she always had to be in control. Before she could do some pushing of her own, Ryder added. "Griff shot him before Mako could shoot me and then tried to save him. He didn't make it."

Langley processed that. "It's going to be difficult for Jonah to deal with killing his best friend. How's he doing?"

Ryder shrugged. "He isn't saying much right now, but the feds kept the three of us separated most of the past twenty-four hours, so I don't really know where his head's at." For an instant, he seemed far away, then he blinked and refocused on her. "You heard the FBI arrested the person who hired the hit squad, right?"

"Dad called Mom this morning and she passed along the news, but she didn't get any details. Do you know why someone wanted me dead? Is it a person Dad knows?"

"Your father didn't have much time to talk to her considering that he was trying to keep our asses out of jail right then." One side of Ryder's mouth quirked up briefly, but the amusement didn't last long. "And no, it wasn't anyone your family knows. It turns out that while your father was ambassador to Puerto Jardin, some college kid was arrested for trying to smuggle artifacts out of the country. He was tried, convicted, and thrown in prison."

She considered that. "It's been suspected for a while that the Puerto Jardinese government is financing their civil war by systematically selling their own antiquities on the shadow market. Perhaps they didn't like anyone encroaching on their territory."

"Maybe," he said, "but the kid died in custody and his mother blamed your father for not playing the get-out-of-jail-free card."

She huffed out a sharp breath. "As if he could. Puerto Jardin isn't known for their leniency."

"I know," Ryder said. "From what the feds shared, the kid was guilty as hell, too. It appears he traveled there solely to be a mule for the artifacts."

"The country isn't exactly a vacation destination," Langley said dryly. It hadn't been even before the civil war started. Not with the drug cartels and the arms dealing and the poverty that encouraged looting of historic sites.

"The bottom line is that his mother decided that since she lost a child, the ambassador should lose his child as well. You. It took her a while to finance this gig and even longer to figure out how to hire it out, but here we are."

"Here we are," Langley echoed and shifted against the pillows. "One wounded, eight dead."

"Revenge is ugly," Ryder said. "And she planned to make it uglier. When Harper missed you with that bullet in San Diego, the mother decided she wanted to torture you herself before having you killed. She thought it would make her feel better." He shook his head.

Quiet settled between them, but Langley didn't have enough energy to consider what kind of woman would torture an innocent person out of revenge. Perhaps she didn't want to think about it.

They stayed silent, but she didn't feel like making small talk to ease the awkwardness. It shouldn't be like this between them. Sitting without speaking should be companionable. As the silence lengthened, it became more uncomfortable and she wished her mom would return and smooth things out. If he had more to say, why didn't he say it ?

Belatedly, she realized she hadn't shown her appreciation. Could that be why he wasn't heading back to the cabin to catch his own shower? "Thank you," she said, and it was genuine despite her wanting him to go. "I appreciate everything you did to keep me safe."

"I don't need a thank you," Ryder growled. There was no hiding his irritation.

Clearly that wasn't why he'd remained. Another thought occurred to her—he might be lingering because he didn't want to leave her alone. "Mom will return in a few minutes. You don't have to stay."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Langley couldn't quite read his tone, but it angered her anyway. "If that was my aim, I'd feign exhaustion," she said with a touch of crispness in her voice that she'd been unable to squelch. "I'm merely assuring you that there's no need to waste time here."

"Being with you isn't a waste of time." That came out loudly and full of annoyance. Under his breath, he muttered, "For fuck's sake." Ryder closed his eyes briefly, as if gathering himself, and then looked her dead in the eyes. "I'm sorry."

"That I got shot? That wasn't your fault."

He scowled at her. "No, I'm sorry I hurt you. Again."

Langley turned her head forward, but she could see Ryder in her peripheral vision. She couldn't do this, not another time. "I forgive you," she said, keeping her words calm with effort. "And I'm sorry my communication skills are lacking. That doesn't mean we're going to resume dating. Our relationship is finished."

"That's pretty much what I guessed you were going to say, but hear me out anyway, okay?"

It was tempting to say no, but what was she going to do if he insisted? Gather up her IV and outrun him? Langley steeled herself, determined that she wouldn't react to whatever he said. She might be pathetically in love with him, but she wasn't so eager that she'd embrace whatever scraps he tossed her way. Not a second time.

When she had herself locked down tight, she gestured for him to go ahead, but she kept her gaze fastened on the wall in front of the bed. From the corner of her eye, she saw him frown, but he didn't insist she look at him.

"This isn't how I expected things to go."

"So sorry," she apologized with utmost politeness and absolutely no sincerity.

"Okay, I'll take what I can get. I know I deserve worse than this." She caught his rueful grin. "I'm sort of lucky you're not very mobile right now or I know I wouldn't get this much of your attention. "

Instead of responding, Langley clamped down on her emotions harder.

"Yeah, so here goes. There's nothing and no one in my life more important than you. I don't want to lose you, Langley."

She waited for him to continue, but he didn't. If he hadn't fooled her the other day, she might have gotten misty eyed and assumed this was an avowal of his love for her. But the last time she'd jumped to conclusions, she'd discovered that Ryder wanted the status quo and nothing more. She wasn't making that mistake twice.

"Well?" he asked.

"Well, what?"

"Don't you want to say something?"

After a couple of seconds of consideration, Langley said, "I can't think of anything, no."

"Yeah, okay."

He went quiet. Langley wished she had turned the television on earlier when she'd thought of it. The only thing more awkward than this screaming silence was staring at a wall while it dragged on.

At last, Ryder said, "I grew up differently than you did."

Langley bit her lip to stop herself from interrupting. Almost everyone had grown up differently than she had, but his voice was rough, as if he were forcing the words out, and if she spoke, he might not continue .

"Until I joined the Army, the only other country I'd ever visited was Canada, and I didn't speak any language except English. You speak, what? Half a dozen languages and you've lived in more countries than I can keep track of." Ryder's sentences were choppy, almost serrated. "My dad is an auto mechanic, and no matter how hard he scrubs, there's always at least a little grease under his fingernails. Your father gets manicures. Blue collar versus blue-blood. The soldier who dropped out of college and the heiress who graduated magna cum laude . We come from two different worlds, and I'm not sure they're even in the same universe."

Langley turned her gaze from the wall to Ryder and glared at him. "I've never judged anyone by how much money they have in the bank or who their family is, but it doesn't appear as if you can say the same."

"I wasn't judging you, I was judging myself." Ryder dropped his head, ran a hand over the back of his neck, then looked up again. "Here's the thing. My dad harped on me and my brothers as far back as I can remember to go to college, that we'd never be anything without that piece of paper. I know I disappointed him when I joined the Army, but I didn't realize how much I internalized what he said until after I met you and wished like hell I had some kind of degree. "

She attempted to see the totality of what he was trying to say, not only the small insights he'd actually shared, but she couldn't manage it, not today. "If this was an issue for you, why did you ask me out?"

Ryder smiled, but Langley read chagrin in the expression. "Because I couldn't stop thinking about you after we were back in Tampa. I figured we could have some good times and then we'd both move on."

Fisting her hands was a reflex, but it didn't help her tamp down her anger. She didn't try to modulate her tone. "Good times?"

This smile was more genuine. "That plan didn't last long. I got in over my head with you pretty quick and I didn't want to move on, but I was sure you wouldn't feel the same way. That sooner or later you'd realize I wasn't good enough for you and you'd end it. So I did things I thought would limit the damage when you dumped me."

"Like making sure I didn't get to know your friends. And refusing to meet mine."

He nodded. "I tried to keep our lives as separate as possible. It was a stupid plan and it didn't work worth shit. Losing you hurt like hell on fire and it didn't matter that you hadn't hung out with my friends." Ryder's hand covered hers, his fingers curling around hers. He cleared his throat, but his voice was thick when he said, "I love you, Langley. I've been in love with you for a while and was too stupid to see it."

Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times before it occurred to her that she had no idea what to say. She could tell Ryder she loved him, too, but the things he had problems with weren't going to disappear. "And what about my background? That won't change, and I don't intend to pretend my trust fund doesn't exist. If you begin to resent the money or my education, any relationship between us is doomed."

"Do you believe that I love you?"

She didn't have to consider it long. Ryder wouldn't say it if it weren't true, and Langley had been confident about his feelings for her until she'd thought about his reluctance to include her in his life. That had raised doubts. "Yes, I believe that."

Ryder nodded. "Do you love me?"

"That's beside the point."

"No, it isn't. How we feel is the whole point. Do you love me?"

The badgering was annoying, especially when he was ignoring her concerns, and she huffed out a long breath before snapping. "Of course, I love you. Only an idiot wouldn't know that I've been in love with you for months." More months than she was going to admit.

His smile was slow, sweet, and so smugly satisfied that she scowled at him. Ryder's hand stroked hers, soothing the sharp edges of her irritation.

"You have no reason to believe this, not given how I've treated you, but your money, the differences in our families, upbringings, and educations aren't going to be issues between us. I promise you that."

"You might feel that way right now when the memory of my being wounded is fresh in your brain, but what about five years from now? What about when I spend money on something you think is frivolous or too expensive? What if I want to take you to Europe on a vacation and stay at a luxury hotel? I don't want to worry about you becoming angry every time I shop."

"What about you? Can you handle my being gone for months at a time and not being able to tell you anything about where I was or what kind of mission the team was on?"

"I grew up the daughter of a diplomat. I'm used to secrecy, to not knowing what's happening. Would I rather you were home and not out on dangerous missions? Of course, but I knew you were Special Forces when I started dating you and I wouldn't ask you to give that up."

"Then we're set."

"Oh, no, we're not." Her temper frayed at his complete disregard for her concerns. She tried to rein it in, but then decided not to bother. He wanted her to tell him to go to hell when she was angry with him, well, she was beyond angry. "I've addressed what you were worried about, but you've completely ignored my concerns. Why do you think you can brush aside my fears as if they're nothing?"

"I haven't brushed anything aside."

"Bullshit." He looked shocked. "Yes, I said bullshit. Basically, what you said to me was don't worry your pretty little head over it, and that is complete and utter rubbish. I have more cause for my misgivings than you do for yours. I've already dealt admirably with you going on missions and telling me nothing. The same can't be said about your reactions."

His hand tightened over hers. "Yeah, okay, you're right. Maybe it's because there's nothing I can say to prove my change of heart. You think that I'll forget the moment of clarity I had when I understood how unimportant the differences between us are, but you don't grasp how hard the realization hit me."

She opened her mouth, but Ryder shook his head.

"Let me finish. I asked myself what if you had grown up in another blue-collar family, had worked your way through college, and gotten a high-powered job where you earned the kind of income your trust fund gives you? Would it be a problem for me? The answer was no. That doesn't mean we won't ever argue about money, but I won't resent the fact that you have it or that you'll spend it. Yeah, I will balk when you want me to accept you paying our way on expensive vacations or buying me shit because I don't want you to ever believe that I'm taking advantage of you. I don't want your damn money, I want you. I love you. "

"I know you don't want my money." That had never been in question.

Ryder took a deep breath and eased back on his intensity. "When I think about my future, I see you with me. I see us married, going through life as a team, laughing, arguing, making up, making love, making babies. I want everything with you, Langley. Only you, forever you."

Tears welled and her heart filled her chest, but Langley couldn't quite make the leap into the abyss.

"I know," he said quietly. "This is my fault. Let me ask you this—if I hadn't messed up on the drive to the airport, if I'd agreed to one of your invitations would you have these doubts?"

Would she? "Probably not."

With a nod, Ryder said, "It was one mistake."

"At the cabin—"

"I made two mistakes," he corrected and grinned ruefully. "I won't make a third. I promise that I love you with all that I am. Take a chance on me. Take a chance on us ."

Langley paused. She could play it safe, turn him down, and spend the rest of her days regretting it or she could take the risk. Her parents had raised her to embrace life, to go for broke when she felt strongly, and she loved Ryder. There was nothing she wanted more than the future he'd described. She took a leap of faith.

"Oh, you'll make a third mistake and a fourth and more, but I'll make mistakes, too. We're both human. We'll argue, we'll work things out, and we'll go forward. I love you, Ryder."

"Thank God." He looked and sounded relieved. "Does this mean you're going to marry me?"

"I haven't been asked."

He grinned again, joy radiating from his face. "If that's what it takes to get you forever, I can do that." Ryder dropped to one knee next to her hospital bed. "I love you, hellcat. Will you marry me?"

Returning his smile, Langley laced her fingers with his and simply said, "Yes."