Chapter 14

Ryder was scared to open his eyes, afraid he'd see condemnation in Langley's face or worse yet, fear. She'd wanted him to lose his self-command, and she'd gotten her wish, but she deserved better. There was a soft catch in her breathing and he tensed. What if he'd given her pain instead of pleasure? That got his eyes open. Fast.

Her head was against his shoulder, her dark hair hiding her face. There was a tremor in his hand as he smoothed it back, trying to see if she was okay. "Did I hurt you?"

She made a sound that could mean anything.

"Langley?"

"Fine." She bit his shoulder where it met his neck, then licked the spot .

"You're fine?" he asked, needing to be positive.

"Um-hum."

Finally, he allowed himself to relax, and Ryder resumed stroking her hair, needing to touch her, needing to show her that he was capable of gentleness. Langley might not be a real princess, but she had grown up surrounded by wealth, she'd met kings and prime ministers, and she deserved better than a rough ride on the pantry island.

That thought finished off what was left of his erection and he eased back. And immediately lost his balance. Langley had to hang on to him to keep him steady. Damn, he'd forgotten he'd only pushed his jeans and briefs down to his thighs. He tugged everything up and zipped, but didn't bother with the button at his waist.

Langley sat naked on the counter, body relaxed, and he gently pushed her hair out of the way to see her expression. Satiated. Contented. Smug. And then she grinned at him. "We must do that again." He didn't know what she saw on his face, but she laughed. "I didn't mean right this instant." Leaning forward, she gave him a loud, smacking kiss and sat back before he could overcome his shock.

Her playfulness eased the weight on his chest and he gave her a slower, more thorough kiss before stepping away. "Hang on," Ryder said as she made a move to get off the counter. "Let me get something to clean you up."

He went to the sink, looked around, and grabbed a ribbon of paper towels, folding them and dampening them before returning to Langley.

"Paper towels?" Her tone was teasing. "I don't rate a dish cloth?"

"Hellcat," Ryder said as he took care of her, "it was either this or a pot scrubber."

She made a face at him, but remained quiet, her hands resting on his bare shoulders. When he finished, he used his free hand to tip her chin up until their eyes met. With reverence, he kissed her slowly, putting all the gratitude, all the awe he felt into the gesture. And as he lifted his head, Langley sighed softly. One side of his mouth quirked up.

Wrinkling her nose at him, Langley said, "Help me down."

Taking her by the waist, Ryder put her on the floor, holding on until she was steady. Her wince worried him, but nothing except time would make her feet stop hurting. "Okay now?"

"Yes." She stepped into her panties and pulled her shirt on before gathering up her bra, jeans, and shoes. "Will you make me a sandwich or something, please? I'm starving. I'm going to finish cleaning up in the bathroom next door. You didn't catch every bit of the syrup."

"I got the places that mattered," he pointed out, voice thick as he remembered where he'd taken his time.

She laughed and pressed her lips to his chin. "Will you make me food?"

Ryder nodded and was rewarded with a smile. She didn't linger, though, going to the door, unlocking it, and checking both directions before scurrying into the bath. He opened the cabinet under the sink, found some cleaning spray, and wiped down the counter. With the signs of their lovemaking gone, he returned the bottle under the sink and washed his hands, using paper towels to dry them. He tossed the wad in the trash, jerked on his shirt, put the holster back on, grabbed the loaf of bread, and returned to the kitchen.

He made her sandwich with care, making sure he folded the slices of corned beef so they covered every millimeter of the bread. Okay, it was stupid, but Ryder wanted it to be perfect. Wanted it to be an apology he wasn't sure he'd be able to adequately verbalize. What did he say? Sorry I fucked you instead of making love? He wasn't sorry, not exactly. He'd loved every second of it. Using the butter knife, he measured the width of the bread and tried to cut the sandwich into exact halves. Langley noticed things like that.

After putting her plate on the table with a tumbler of ice water, he placed the creamer and some sugar out in case she wanted coffee. No Langley. His stomach gave a low rumble, and he remembered that he'd only eaten a partial bowl of microwave oatmeal, not nearly enough to fill him up. He made a sandwich for himself, too.

And she wasn't out of the bathroom yet. Maybe she was in there crying, not wanting him to know he'd hurt her. "Shit," he muttered, and squaring his shoulders, he went to the door and knocked softly. "Langley? Are you okay?"

Her response was muffled.

The doorknob turned when he tried it and he pushed the door open. She was completely dressed except for her shoes. Again, he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, sorry." She shrugged. Leaning down, she slipped on her running shoes and tied them. "Is the food ready?"

"Yes. Are you sure you're okay?" Ryder held out a hand, gesturing toward where she sat on the closed toilet lid. "You've been in here a long time."

Langley reached up, took his hand, and waited for him to pull her upright. "Sorry," she apologized again. "I'm so hungry, I'm shaking and that caused me to spill water on the floor. After I cleaned that up, I needed to sit down. My legs might not show the wounds from wearing those heels on Saturday, but I feel it in my calves and thighs. "

Remembering how tight the muscles in her legs had been, Ryder grimaced. He should have factored that in. "How bad? If you needed to run, could you?"

"Am I going to need to do that?"

"I hope not, but can I assume you answering my question with a question means no, you can't run?"

She walked out of the bathroom, not hobbling, but definitely not moving fast. He hovered, sticking close in case she had any problems. When she sat at the table, he breathed easier. "Are you going to answer the question now?"

"I'm fine." Langley held up a hand before he could point out that wasn't what he'd asked. "Can I run? Yes, if I absolutely had to. Do I want to do it? No, I'd prefer to skip that particular bit of exercise for the next few days." As she picked up her sandwich, she asked, "Do you think I'll need to run?"

"I hope not." He went to the coffee maker. "Did you want coffee?" Ryder asked, glancing over his shoulder.

"Yes, please."

He brought her cup to the table, then went back to the pot to pour his own, but before he could grab the handle, the door at the end of the hall opened. Ryder moved, putting himself between Langley and whoever had entered. It was Griff.

"What are you doing here?" Ryder asked tersely.

"Grabbing some coffee before I relieve Bryce in the comm room." Griff glowered at him, then smoothed out his expression and stepped to the side to see around him. "Good morning, Langley," he said a lot more pleasantly. "How are you feeling today?"

"Good morning, Jonah," Langley said with a smile. "I'm doing well. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, it's only a shift change." He crossed the room and poured himself a mug. "Did you make the coffee, ma'am?"

Since Langley had a mouthful of food, Ryder answered, "She did. If it's too weak for you, there's some instant coffee in the pantry."

"Ski, I have standards. I'll have two cups to get the caffeine." He chugged down the mug and then poured a second one. "See? Problem solved without resorting to instant." Griff headed toward the hallway, but stopped near Ryder to ask, "Some reason you decided not to carry your phone?"

"Shit, I knew I forgot something." Ryder made a move to go get it, then hesitated, not wanting to leave Langley.

Griff said, "Don't worry. I'll hang with Langley until you get back. "

"Mako is going to be pissed."

"He'll get over it."

Ryder headed for the staircase. He stopped inside the guest room and couldn't prevent the smile. She'd made the bed. After everything she'd been through, with feet and legs that hurt like a son of a bitch, his OCD little hellcat had taken the time to make the bed. The grin remained on his face as he retrieved his phone from the top of the nightstand. When he got back to the kitchen, the plate in front of his chair was empty, nothing on it except a few crumbs.

"You took my sandwich," he accused Griff.

He shook his head. "Nope." Pointing at Langley, he said, "She did."

Langley swallowed the bite she was chewing. "Jonah, you ratted me out!"

Ryder smiled. He couldn't help it. Langley rarely said things like ratted me out.

Griff smiled, too, and said, "Sorry, ma'am. Now that I've been vindicated of sandwich theft, I'm going to take my turn in the control room. Later."

"I'm sorry I ate your food," Langley apologized with a sheepish smile as Griff disappeared.

"Liar," he said and returned her smile. "Eat slower; you don't want to throw up."

"Are there any chips around here?" But she did slow down .

"Don't you mean carrot sticks? I thought you didn't eat crap like chips."

"Carrots aren't going to cut it. I haven't eaten since the morning of the wedding."

Ryder's good humor slipped away. He hadn't thought about her eating nothing since Saturday. No, instead he'd hoisted her on the counter and—

Turning abruptly, he stalked into the pantry. Damn it, he should have put her needs before his own.

He didn't see any chips, but he did spot a coffee cake that looked calorie-laden. He grabbed the box and returned to the kitchen.

Langley's eyes lit up. "Ooh!"

Her obvious excitement made him grin despite himself. Putting the entire box down in front of her, he said, "I'll get you a fork, knife, and a plate. Or should I just get you a fork so you can eat it out of the box?"

"I only need a fork, thanks." She gave him a sweet smile that sucked the air from his lungs. "And another cup of coffee. Please?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Ignoring the face she made over the ma'am , he gave her the fork she'd asked for, grabbed her mug, and refilled it. While Langley attacked the coffee cake, he cleared the plates and made himself another sandwich before dropping into the seat across from her. She was about a quarter of the way through the cake, but she'd slowed down considerably. There might be a piece left for him yet.

When she glanced up at him, he took a big bite of sandwich to hide his laughter. Only Langley could send him through so many emotions in such a short period.

About the time he finished his sandwich, Langley groaned and pushed the box to the center of the table. "Why'd you let me eat half a coffee cake?" She reached for her mug and sipped.

Ryder arched his brows. "Hellcat, it might have taken my entire team to come between you and your food and there would have been casualties during the mission. A wise man knows which battles to fight and which to walk away from."

"Smart aleck," she muttered, but she sounded amused, not angry.

He picked up her abandoned fork and pulled the coffee cake to his side of the table. "I'm glad you left me some. I like the cheese kind the best."

Langley nodded. "This one has a lot of filling, too." She reached over the edge of the box. "As fresh as it was, it must have been baked locally." She broke off a hunk of cake.

"Are you still hungry?" Ryder asked as she brought the piece to her mouth.

"No, I can't eat another bite." Langley stopped short and stared with surprise at the chunk of cake she held. "Well, hell." Her cheeks went red, but she ate it anyway.

Their eyes met. She used a hand to smother a giggle, but he didn't bother to hide his amusement and she quickly gave up to chuckle with him. She'd always been able to make him laugh, and better than that, she'd always been able to laugh at herself. A lot of people couldn't do that. "Damn, I missed this. Laughing with you," he explained at her quizzical look.

"It's been less than a week since you drove me to the airport."

"It seemed a lot longer." Almost a week that he thought everything was over between them, that he'd never share moments like this with her again. Ryder paused, taking extra time to savor the experience, and reached out to cover her hand with his. "I'm glad we can go back to the way things were with us before I drove you to the airport."

Langley froze. "When you say back the way things were before , do you mean exactly as they were before Tuesday morning, no changes whatsoever?"

Cautiously, he said, "I did promise I'd listen when you talk about things that are important to you like the Paladin League or whatever, but it was good between us. Why would we want to make any changes? "

She pulled her hand out from under his and straightened. "When you said I scared you because I meant too much, I made a few assumptions. My mistake."

Without another word, Langley stood and brought her mug to the sink.

Ryder jerked to his feet, the chair sliding backward with a shriek that made him grateful the floor was marble and not hardwood. She didn't so much as glance over despite the noise. "For fu—" He stopped short . "What the hell?"

Langley rinsed her cup and put it in the dishwasher before she spoke. "It's apparent that you and I want different things. I think it's better that we end our relationship, but I do hope we can remain on friendly terms."

"Friends?" She was dumping him—again—and she wanted to be friends?

Instead of replying, she headed for the exit and Ryder moved, blocking her. "I hate it when you go polite and walk away. If you're pissed off, shout at me, tell me to go to hell. Something."

"So sorry to disappoint you, but I do not shout. Excuse me." She tried to go around him, but he shifted, stopping her.

"You don't communicate either."

Langley stiffened. "I believe I communicated quite clearly. What part of ‘I think we should end our relationship' was puzzling? "

Ryder clenched his jaw so hard he felt a muscle begin jumping in his cheek. There wasn't the slightest note of sarcasm in her voice, but the quizzical politeness was worse. At least sarcasm indicated emotion. "That part was crystal clear, but I have no idea how you feel."

She didn't react and that infuriated him. He knew everyone wasn't like his family, that other people didn't yell to show they cared or that the relationship meant something, but this cold politeness? Ryder didn't get it.

He did finally understand one thing, though—he loved her. He was so fucking in love with Langley Canfield that he couldn't see straight, and he had no idea if her feelings for him ran as deep. Ryder didn't want it to be over between them, but he didn't know if he should fight for her or if there was anything to fight for.

"Everything is always fine with you," he accused, voice low, "and I'm left trying to figure out what the hell that means. Like Saturday night. How hard would it have been to tell me your feet were the problem? Instead, you made me guess why you were sitting at the end of that damn bed in your bridesmaid dress. I don't understand you, Langley. Little things, big things—you don't share any of it unless I push."

Her mask didn't slip.

Well, that was an answer, wasn't it? Looking away momentarily, he ran a hand over the back of his neck and took a deep breath before meeting her gaze again. "I think you're right. We do want different things. I want someone who doesn't shut me out every time I turn around, and you're not that person. I don't want to be friends, but we can get along until the threat against you is over."

Ryder stood aside and watched Langley walk away.