Chapter 25

25

Maddie

M y new job is annoying, but at least it gets me out of wallowing in bed, and out of the crowded penthouse for three hours a night. I track down props for Ezra the Elusive and his assistant Trisha, help Trisha change costumes, and otherwise fetch them whatever else they may need. Then I put everything away backstage to get ready for the next night's performance.

Thankfully, I don't have to go on stage or get sawed in half.

I have no idea how long my father will make me do this sort of lame work, but I do plan to talk to him soon about the cupcake business. If I offer to give him all the proceeds towards my "debt" maybe he'll cave.

I'm rolling the heavy ass, "impenetrable vault" back to its place against the wall on four wobbly wheels, my silent guards who shadow me not bothering to help like usual, when I hear his voice.

"How are you doing?" Eli asks.

"You shouldn't be back here," I tell him as I finish shoving the vault out of the way before I straighten and face him. It's the first time I've seen him since we got back to town.

Unlike my casual jeans and tee, despite the late hour, Eli is still wearing his usual uniform—a black suit stretched over his massive frame. One that's either navy or black, but it's hard to tell in the dimly lit backstage area. His dirty blond hair is hanging free, brushing his shoulders, so he must not have been tormenting anyone in the basement tonight. I've noticed that when he's busy doing my father's dirty work, he pulls his hair back in a rubber band.

I love his long hair and prefer it down. Either way he would still look delectable. With his hand tats and suit he's a mixture of scary and sexy all at the same time.

And I'm not about to mention that he hasn't tried to sneak into my room like I expected he would. Which is a good thing. I've been too sad to care about chasing orgasms with him. No, all I really want is a hug, maybe a cuddle in bed.

Eli is definitely not a cuddler. At least not unless he gets his dick sucked or fucks me first.

Trying not to think about all the times we did those things together in Rockland, I hold up my ankle to show him the new monitor strapped around it. "I don't need another babysitter since I have four guards and this damn thing."

My father actually slapped the device criminals are required to wear when they're on probation or whatever on me. The kind that refuses to come off no matter what I try.

Eli stares down at it, a smirk on his face. "Hey, that's your own damn fault for wandering off the grounds."

"Screw you," I grit out. "I missed the beach, being outside in the fresh air so I stepped outside for like five minutes and went to watch the water and light show at the Bellagio. It's not like I was trying to jump on a plane to skip town."

"At least not this time."

Scoffing, I mutter, "I can't believe you're taking Daddy's side."

"I'm not taking his side," Eli replies, shoving both of his hands casually into his suit pockets. "I'm just pointing out that while this lockdown sucks now, it's just temporary. It's part of your punishment for worrying your father nearly to death for fifteen months. Sorry if I don't have much sympathy for you. He was so grumpy that the rest of us left behind here suffered too from his foul mood." He waves a hand over to the four stalwart guards monitoring our every word. "Give him a few weeks and I'm sure Dante will back off and get rid of the bracelet."

"And the four guards constantly watching me?"

"Oh, those will always be around, no doubt about it. The guards are not here because he doesn't trust you, though. They're here to protect you. Dante might cut back to just two if you can prove that you're here to stay and won't be out where his enemies could grab you."

"I hate this!" I exclaim. "I should've just killed you and stayed in Rockland."

Grinning wider, Eli says, "You would've been miserable for the rest of your life if you had killed me."

Of course I would have. That's not something I could've handled. Still, I tell him, "Maybe so, but at least I wouldn't be a miserable prisoner like I am here."

Strolling up a few steps closer to me, Eli lowers his voice so the guards can't hear him. "You know how much I love captives. How about I come by your room later tonight and take your mind off things? I could eat your pussy until you pass out on me."

"No." I don't even have to take a second to consider my response to his offer. The bastard just wants to fuck me while I'm unconscious again, one of his fucked-up kinks. Not that I cared the nights we were together in Rockland. I was so blissed-out on orgasms, I literally let him do whatever he wanted to me.

"How is your leg doing?" I ask to change the subject, and because while I don't regret shooting him, I wish there had been another way to find Jordan.

"It's healing. Feels good enough to fuck you against a wall, but you could get on your knees and kiss it better first just to be certain…"

A stupid part of me thinks it's sort of hot how nothing stops him when he's horny, not even a gunshot wound, or whether or not I'm awake. When I'm in bed with Eli, he owns every inch of my body, and we both know it, the opposite of being with Jordan who was always so careful, so concerned for my wellbeing during sex. Guess that's the difference between love and lust.

"If I can't be with Jordan, then I don't want to be with anyone," I inform Eli to put a stop to his come-ons.

"Ever?"

I shrug. "I'll die alone if I have to."

Eli rolls his eyes as if he thinks I'm being overly dramatic. He doesn't know what it's like to love someone and give them up. To walk away and have this constant gnawing, empty ache within his soul.

"Maddie, let him go. It's over and done. Jordan would want you to move on."

I snort at his stupid ass assessment. "No, he wouldn't. Don't even try to act like you know anything about Jordan when you forced him to spend a few days with you as a captive."

"A few very intimate days," Eli replies, making me grind my teeth together. "Would you like more details of the things I did to him that you didn't get to see?"

I hate that I consider his question for so long before telling him, "Maybe later."

"Ah! I knew you were into man on man," he says too loudly in front of the guards. "You should've been there with us, Maddie. It was so fucking hot the desperate way Jordan craved more, begged for it when he finally got what he had wanted for years."

"Shut up and leave," I tell him, hating the reminder that Eli could offer the man I love something I never could. "I have to get back to work before I get fired and Daddy finds me an even shittier job to make amends."

"Fine. But try and cheer up. Yes, you miss Jordan. Hell, I do too, especially him warming my cock in his mouth for hours. But at least he's not dead or hanging down in the basement. He's safe and unharmed in Rockland with his mom and biker friends. Missing him is better than actually grieving for him, right?"

Turning away from him, I ignore Eli, sorting through the outfits hanging on the rolling garment racks as if I'm searching for something until he leaves.

He eventually takes the hint. On the way out, he says, "I asked your father to let you get your driver's license and had him order your baking supplies, you know, in case you wanted to do the cupcake thing here."

The cupcake thing? I shake my head but don't respond, surprised he actually cared enough to convince my father to let me get my license and to keep my business going while I'm here.

But once he's gone, I don't actually get back to work.

Unable to stop thinking about Jordan, I pull out my new cell phone from my pocket, one that I'm certain Daddy is monitoring. Then, I download a phone app to register for a free phone number to use to call Jordan. That way the call won't show up under my phone's outgoing log.

It takes a few minutes more than I have to set it all up, but I need to do this before it gets any later. Virginia is three hours behind Vegas, so it's already after midnight there.

I'm disappointed when he doesn't answer.

I guess I wasn't really expecting him to. I try not to think about him being out with some other woman. Or man.

When his voicemail comes on, I decide to leave one. "Hey, Jordan. It's me, Maddie. How are you?" I ask before blurting out, "I miss you, and I just wanted to hear your voice. Anyway, I hope…I hope you're doing okay. You can call me back on this number and my father probably won't see it. There are no guarantees though so..." Knowing better than to underestimate my father's surveillance on me, I add, "You know what? Never mind. Don't risk calling me back. In fact, I'm so sorry I bothered you. I-I promise I won't contact you again. But…just because you don't hear from me again doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you or that I don't still love you. Because I do, and I think I always will. Bye."

Once I end the call, I immediately wish there was a way to go back and erase it. I know I just sent Jordan so many mixed signals he'll probably drive himself crazy trying to interpret my prattling message.

Since there's no way to take back the call, I slip my phone back into my jeans and find Trisha's next outfit so I can go help her get changed.

Jordan

"What the actual fuck was that?" I mutter to myself, replaying the voicemail from a Las Vegas phone number for the fourth time. The one from Maddie. Madison, as she signed on her goodbye note to me.

She's been gone for almost a week and now she finally decides to call me?

And her message is so damn confusing.

She reached out and says she doesn't want me to call her back. Then, she ends the call by promising she won't contact me again but tells me that she loves me and probably always will.

It's such a mind fuck that I sit in my empty bed that still smells like her vanilla shampoo for hours listening to her words over and over again, trying to make sense of them.

By the time the sun comes up, I've reached the conclusion that despite how stupid and dangerous it may be, I need to fly out to Vegas to see her. Just once to make sure she hasn't been expecting me to show up and beg for her to come back with me.

Or if she wanted to ask me to stay in Vegas with her.

Screw her mob boss father. I can handle him. I can handle anything when it comes to being with Maddie.

And Eli, well, I guess seeing him again will be an even bigger mind fuck, but that doesn't change the fact that I still miss him.

Nothing good may come from me going to Vegas, and yet not even an entire army could stop me from going.

I just need to give my mother a heads-up that I'm leaving. I won't run off like Maddie did to her father and to me without saying goodbye in person. I'm going to go talk to my mother like a reasonable man and even try to convince her to support me in this endeavor.

Well, at least I'll tell her where she can find me after she has a hissy fit.

Even though the sun is barely up, I grab a quick shower, pack a few changes of clothes in a backpack with my toothbrush, then hop on my bike go to my mom and Colt's place.

I ring the doorbell even though I have a house key because I don't need to see my mom and her husband going at it on the sofa or against the wall or some shit.

It takes several minutes for her to answer in a pink fluffy robe with messy bedhead. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Hey, honey. What are you doing here so early?"

"Hey, Mom. Sorry if I woke you and Colt up."

"No, it's fine. You can wake me up anytime you need me, you know that. Come on in. I'll fix us all some breakfast." She holds open the door for me while finally asking, "What's wrong?"

"I miss Maddie."

Her shoulders droop under her robe. "I know you do, honey."

I lead the way to the kitchen and take a seat at the breakfast nook before dropping my next bomb while my mom is digging around in the fridge. "And…I also miss Eli."

She closes the refrigerator door softly, then turns around to look at me. "Who?"

"The guy who came here to bring Maddie back to Vegas. He's the tall and muscular guy with dirty blond hair that was in our bed. Anyway, yeah, he's a guy and Maddie wasn't the only cheater in our relationship. I also did things with Eli when he was in town."

Leaning her back against the fridge, my mom's fingers fidget with the sash hanging at the front of her robe as if choosing her next words carefully. Finally, she nods as if in acceptance of her choice and mine. "Okay. That's...that's okay, Jordan. You can do whatever you want with anyone you want. Don't ever give up the chance to be with whoever it is that makes you happy."

"So, you don't care if I'm attracted to men and women?"

"No, of course not. But..." She trails off, biting her bottom lip.

"But what?"

"What about Maddie?"

"What about her?"

"I thought you loved her," she says simply.

"I do. I love her and I like being with Eli, which is complicated I know. But the only way to uncomplicate it is for me to go to Las Vegas and see them. Both of them and see if they feel the same."

My mom's shoulders sag even lower under her robe. "You're leaving?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Soon. As soon as I have your blessing."

"Of course you have it," she replies. Then, "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, Mom, I don't want you to go with me to Las Vegas to see my fake wife and male lover."

"Oh. Okay." If she tightens the sash around her robe any tighter, she'll cut off the circulation to her lower body. "I just wish you wouldn't go by yourself."

"I'll be fine. I don't want anyone else to go and have to deal with Maddie's dad."

"The mobster?"

"Yes. And I know you think it's dangerous, but despite whatever he does for a living, he's still Maddie's father. And I'm sure he loves her. So, if she loves me too, he won't hurt me. Not permanently. Probably."

"Jordan..." she starts in that tone that means she's about to try and talk me out of doing this.

"I know there is a lot of shit up in the air out of my control, but I'm still going, Mom. There's nothing you can say to change my mind either."

"Fine," she huffs. "I…I hope everything works out the way you want it to."

"Thank you."

"Do you need any money?"

"No, I'm good. But thank you for offering. And for understanding. I'm sorry I lied to you before, all the times I told you I wasn't gay after everything happened."

"Honey…"

"I'm still not sure. I think I like men and women equally, so that would make me bisexual. I've known that for years, but I didn't want to admit it to myself after everything that happened with Darren. It was confusing, and I didn't want to be with him, but I think I wanted to be with men, so everything was all fucked up in my head."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, honey. Be with whoever you want. I just wish Darren hadn't manipulated you into doing things you didn't want or weren't ready to try. I hate that son of a bitch so damn much."

"I know. I do too," I tell her. "Mostly, I hate that he made me hurt you. Oh, and that he knew me better than I knew myself and used it to take advantage of me. Or at least that was how it felt. I think that's why I didn't stop him or tell you, and I'm so sorry."

"No, Jordan. You do not have anything to apologize for. I do. I never should have let him near you and I'm so damn sorry! You were still just a kid. Now…now, well, you're all grown up and you can make your own decisions, even if I don't agree with all of them."

"Are you saying you don't agree with the guy part or the Maddie part?"

"Are you sure Maddie is worth the trouble after what she put you through?" she asks, making it clear she would rather I be with a guy than her. "Maybe you should just give this Eli guy a chance first."

Chuckling, I get up from my chair to go give my mom a hug, and tell her, "I know you'll probably never like Maddie, but I love her. I think…maybe it's possible to love more than one person at a time. Hugo's friend Abel does it, right? So, wish me luck, with Eli and Maddie. Please?"

My mother heaves a heavy sigh into my neck, then says, "Good luck. Be safe. Call or text me occasionally just to let me know you're still breathing. I know you'll be…busy and all, but if I don't hear from you, I'll imagine the worst. If I get too worried, I may even show up looking for you."

"I promise to try and give you an update every day. At least every other day until I get back."

Letting me go, she tips her head to the side and stares up at me. "Do you really think you'll come back to Rockland if you work things out with Maddie or this Eli guy?"

"I don't know," I tell her honestly. "Will you hate me if I don't?"

"No, honey. I could never hate you. I'll miss you and worry about you every second you're gone, but I could never hate you no matter what you do. Even if you really do marry Maddie ."

"You know, Mom, Maddie never had a mother. And her sisters lost their mothers too, so you may be the closest she ever has to a maternal figure. It would make me really happy if you could try to like her. You know she loves me too, right?"

"Well, now I just feel like a gigantic bitch."

Laughing I give her one last hug. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Jordan. Always and forever. Be safe."

"I will," I agree. "And tell Colt…tell the Savage Kings that this was my decision, so whatever happens, I don't want them to get involved, okay?"

"Okay," she agrees with a wince. "If you're sure?"

"I'm absolutely sure. It's time to let the chips fall where they may…"