Chapter 23

Twenty-Three

I awaken as if pulling myself from an abyss, my mind full of nothing but darkness. No memories. No sense of time. Not even a sense of self.

I know that I'm in a bed, my head on a pillow, my body atop the covers, but under a soft throw. I blink and sit up, trying to force my fuzzy mind to make sense of this unfamiliar room.

And then the memories come.

That black screen.

That filtered voice.

Those horrible, wicked videos.

I shudder and look around for Ash, but he's not in the room. Since I don't know how long I've been asleep, I don't really expect him to be. Slowly, like someone recovering from surgery, I slide off the bed. My bare feet are warm against the plush carpeting, and when I open the drapes, I see that it's still dark outside, the lights of Vegas twinkling like a zillion Christmas trees.

When I turn back toward the room, I notice that the other side of the bed is still perfectly made, the spread not even wrinkled. I wonder if Ash is asleep in the other bedroom, and I assume that he is. The thought deflates me. It's probably foolish, but I want to picture him holding me long into the night, keeping me safe while I sleep, his strong arms battling back any darkness that tries to invade my dreams.

"Stop it," I say aloud, albeit in the lowest of whispers. I shouldn't think like that. He's not my boyfriend, and we're together only for this trip. Only because I need his help. And in about thirty-six hours, the money will be transferred, and this will be over.

It's a business transaction, no matter how unconventional the terms. And he's hardly obligated to hold me when I sleep.

Except I want him to.

That simple truth pops into my mind, and I can't deny it. I want him with me. Holding me. Ash is safety. Whether it's stupid of me to think that or not, that's how he makes me feel. Like I'm the tormented princess and he's the noble knight keeping me safe.

Even now, I feel like I'm inside that video, cursed by an evil witch who's trapped me in a nightmare. Helpless on the floor and any moment someone will come in to touch me. To shame me. Maybe even to hurt me.

I shudder, then hurry from the bedroom, my spinning thoughts making me more than willing to swallow my pride and wake Ash up for company.

But when I reach the open door to the master suite, I find that he's not there.

Tendrils of worry creep up my back, and I look around for a clock since I don't have my phone. I remember the timer on his phone going off earlier, and him saying he had to leave for a meeting. But that wasn't long after we'd arrived, and the ornate clock on the living room wall makes clear that it's well-past midnight now.

I tell myself this is a good thing. After all, by the terms of our deal, I'm that man's property. I shouldn't crave him. On the contrary, I should be relieved to have time to myself.

Except that's all bullshit. I'm not relieved. I'm lonely and I'm edgy, and I snatch up the phone by the sofa and call the front desk, only to be told that they have no more idea as to Mr. Stone's location than I do.

So much for the concierge service at the Stark Century Las Vegas.

A tendril of anger starts to weave through me. I need him. I'm numb right now, and I need him to bring me back to life. The thought makes me cringe, and I try to push it away, telling myself not to think that. Not to believe it.

Except it's true. I do need him. I think I've needed him for a long time. And right now, I'm angry that he doesn't know that. That he's not here beside me. That he left me.

Why would he have left me?

What I need to do is text him and ask that question, so I take a few moments to search for my phone, finally locating it between two seat cushions. I shudder, realizing I must have lost track of it while Ash and I were watching that horrible video on his phone.

That video .

I hug myself, trying to erect a mental wall to keep those vile images out of my head.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

I tap out a quick text as the memory of those images keeps coming like wildfire.

White copper kettles. Mittens. Packages. String.

Fuck.

My mantra is not soothing, and Ash isn't answering, and I need to pee.

Since the latter is the only problem I can actually address, I head to the bathroom in the suite where I'd been sleeping.

And that, of course, is where I find the note.

In case you wake and I'm not back, a quick reminder that I left for a meeting. Tried to push to the morning, but no go. Sleep well. I will probably be back before you wake up.

The note mollifies me. And suddenly, I'm relieved that he's not here. Because, as much as I want to be strong, I can't help but collapse under the weight of it all, crushing my shoulders, pushing me down until I'm on the ground, hugging my knees, and rocking as I struggle to soothe myself while tears stream down my face.

I tell myself I can deal with all of this. That the real reason I'm crying is because I'm embarrassed by what he saw in that horrible, horrible video.

And that's true. I hate that he saw me weak and vulnerable. Imprisoned and abused.

But at the same time, I'm glad. Because he wasn't disgusted by me. He was horrified for me. And he tried to be strong for me, too.

So, yes, I'm glad. But I'm terrified, too. And not just because I'm being taunted and blackmailed, or because someone is threatening to turn my entire world upside down by releasing those horrible videos.

No, what terrifies me is me.

The vulnerability I've shown Ash. The fact that I've started to rely on him.

And the horrible, awful fear that it's all a lie and he doesn't have three million to transfer at all and those videos will flood the world.

But even that horrible possibility isn't the worst of my fears.

The worst is that I want him, and that desire terrifies me on so many levels.

And the only thing that soothes me is the certainty that while we may have a deal, we can't possibly have a future.

And yet there is still that desire. That craving. It burns inside me, and like a fairy tale princess I wait for my godmother to deliver some magical key, and when I turn it, all the baggage I've been carrying since the kidnapping will fall away, and I'll be free.

Free to touch, to feel, to love.

Because despite this strange deal we're operating under, I feel safe with Ash. Safer than I've felt in a long time.

Maybe ever.

Maybe that's an illusion, but if it is, I don't care. Right now, I want the illusion. Right now, I just want to feel safe.

Right now, I want Ash.

But Ash is nowhere to be found.