Chapter 23

Chapter

Twenty-Three

HARPER

O livia follows me up the stairs, a small bag in her hands. I lead her into Declan’s room and close the door behind us. Luckily, he has an armchair by his bookcase and a desk chair so we can sit and comfortably converse.

“I know this is probably uncomfortable, but as someone who has been in similar shoes, I want to check in with you. How are you feeling with everything? Anything you say will stay between us.”

She’s right, it is awkward, but there’s something so calming about her presence. My gut says I can trust her. “I’m okay. I’m obviously scared with these letters, but physically I’m good.”

“Are you sleeping well?”

I glance at the bed. The only time I sleep well is if I’m in bed with one of the guys. Part of me wants to ask her about how her relationship works, how they came to talk about things, but that feels too personal. I don’t want to step over boundaries.

“Sleep comes under certain conditions.”

Her eyes travel to the bed. “So if you’re not alone?”

My cheeks heat as I nod. “Declan hasn’t been my stepbrother for that long, and we didn’t grow up together or anything.”

She smiles and holds a hand up. “I’d never judge anyone else’s relationship as long as everyone is consenting and safe.” She sobers a bit. “Is everyone being safe?”

“Yes.” At least so far.

“Good. I can write you a prescription for something to help you with anxiety or sleep if you’d like.”

My dad didn’t believe in prescriptions for mental health issues. He always preached about how prayer and trust in God would cure any of that. I battle back the overwhelming and achingly familiar tidal wave of shame threatening to drown me.

“I don’t know,” I finally choke out.

“How about I write them, and you decide whether or not to fill them?” She tilts her head and meets my gaze. “I’m going to be intrusive one more time and ask if you want or need a prescription for birth control?”

That’s something that completely would have slipped my mind. “Yeah, I should probably have that.”

“Okay.” She smiles at me warmly.

After that she asks me a few medical questions to get a basic medical history. The longer we speak, the more comfortable I become. She explains all the different types of birth control she could prescribe. I decide on the pill as it seems the easiest for my circumstances at the time but promise to make an appointment for an exam soon.

After she hands me the three slips for my prescriptions, she stands to go back downstairs.

“Wait,” I say quickly.

She looks at me with curiosity.

“Can I ask you something kind of personal? About your relationship?”

“Yes. ”

“Declan mentioned that you are polyam, and I have to admit I didn’t know that was even a thing.”

She smiles and nods for me to continue.

“My longtime boyfriend just came out to me as asexual. Another thing I didn’t know much about.” I probably sound so naive and ignorant right now. “But he suggested being in the type of relationship you are in because he does love me and doesn’t want to lose me. I don’t want to lose him either.”

“Okay.”

“I just wonder how you make it work?”

“Lots of talking, all of us together and then individually with each other. Relationships like this are built on honesty and open lines of communication. Every relationship within our dynamic is different. We’re not always with each other as a group. I spent a majority of my time at our house in Costa Rica working at a clinic down there, usually with Lake and Nolan when they’re not off on a job. Sawyer and Grant, who isn’t here today, both work in New York for much of the year, but we prioritize each other above everything else.”

Great. Communication. I suck at that. “That seems like a lot of hard work.”

“It is, but it’s worth it.” The sound of the guys laughing at something downstairs makes both of us smile. “Do you have feelings for them?”

I nod. “It’s not the exact same for all of them, but it’s growing. Cyrus gets me on a deep level, and I was immediately comfortable with him. I’ve known Declan the longest, we were in cotillion classes together, but we butt heads the most. Emerson is actually intimidating, and I have no idea how he feels about this or me, aside from being protective.”

“And your boyfriend? How does he fit into everything?”

“He wants me to be happy, and he trusts them to keep me safe. I think they all trust each other, even if it’s begrudgingly in some cases.”

“That’s a solid foundation.”

“How did you know that it was right for you guys?”

“We tried in college to be just in an open relationship with each other, but communication wasn’t our strong suit back then. There were some jealous moments, and then I met a man and married him. It wasn’t until years later when I needed their help to get away from him that we fell back in love with each other.”

“How does it work with your families? Is everyone just accepting of it? ”

“Some are accepting, others are less so. At the end of the day though, the opinions that matter are our own.” She pulls a card out of her purse and hands it to me. “Here’s my number. You can call me anytime you need, okay? Medical questions, relationship advice, whatever you need.”

“Thank you.” I blink the tears that prick my eyes away. I feel so much better having talked about this with someone who has experience.

“Of course.” She wraps her arm around my shoulder and gives me a side hug as we leave to go back downstairs.

Declan and Emerson are in their practice clothes with their duffel bags slung over their shoulders while they stand around the island looking down at Nolan’s computer with everyone else. All six of them look up at us when we enter the room. It’s an intense feeling having them all focused on me at once.

“Did you find anything?” Olivia walks over and pushes herself between Nolan and Lake, both of them immediately making room for her. Lake wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her close.

“Nothing concrete yet.” Nolan continues to tap at keys. “I’ll keep trying.”

“We have to get going.” Declan looks at me. “ They’re going to show you how to work the security system before they leave.”

“Okay.” I fight the urge to hug him goodbye.

We’ve been intimate, but I have no idea where that stands. If he wants that kind of display or not. When my eyes meet his as he walks past me, he hesitates. I see my thoughts mirrored back in his expression. He squeezes my arm gently and gives me a quick forehead kiss.

Butterflies take flight in my stomach at the gesture. But before they have time to settle, he’s out the door. Emerson grabs my hand and gives it a quick squeeze.

The next hour is spent going over the security system. By the time that Olivia and her guys are leaving, I feel confident in my ability to work it successfully. Cyrus and I walk them out to the Uber they’re taking back to the airport and watch as they drive away.

“Can you take me to the pharmacy? I have a few prescriptions to drop off.”

“Of course.”

We gather what we need and set the alarm. He hands me a helmet and grins at me.

“Declan can’t get mad at us if he’s not here.” He straddles his bike and lifts the kickstand, holding it steady for me to climb on behind him.

This time around I don’t hesitate to plaster myself against his back. I wrap my arms around his waist relishing the warmth and safety I feel like this. He takes off, and once we’re out on the road, he drops a hand to my thigh, giving it a squeeze as I sigh against his back.

The drive goes entirely too quick, and soon we’re pulling into a parking spot at the nearest chain pharmacy. He follows me inside and back to the prescription drop off window. The pharmacist tells me it’ll only take about an hour, so Cy suggests we take a walk around the park across the street.

Everything is so simple when we’re together. We walk in silence through the large live oaks dripping with Spanish moss. The ground is covered in a smattering of pink blooms from the mimosa trees dotting the park. A large fountain sits in the center of the green space with jets of water shooting from a ring of horse busts.

“This is a cute park,” I say as I take a seat on a bench overlooking the fountain.

“It is.” He sits beside me. “I actually did a painting of it last year.”

“I’d like to see that.” I smile over at him .

“I’ll dig it out of storage.”

“Is that what you do with all your paintings? Put them in storage?”

“Yeah.” He tosses his arm over the back of the bench. “For now, at least. I’d love to have them all put in a show someday.”

“Why wait for someday? Do it now.”

“I can’t. There’s family stuff.” His expression darkens, and instinctively I know not to push him.

“Well, when you can have one, I’ll be first in line to see everything.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.” He grabs a lock of my hair and twirls it around his finger. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes.”

“What are the prescriptions for?”

“Sleep aids, anxiety medication, and birth control.” I break my gaze away from his. “I’m not sure if I’ll use the first two.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to become dependent on the sleeping pills.”

He nods. “And the anxiety meds?”

“I grew up in a household that didn’t believe in getting help for mental health issues. I don’t even think my dad believes in that stuff. He always told us to pray and that God would deliver answers.”

“Wonder how that’s working for him now,” he says wryly.

“Right? Prayer was my answer for so many things but now, who am I praying to? How am I supposed to pray to a God who let my father do so many evil, vile things?”

“That’s tough. I don’t have answers, but I can say I’m a big proponent of better living through chemistry. Whatever you decide, we’ll support you.”

“I appreciate that.”

“You’re definitely taking that birth control though.”

“I’m sorry, was that a question?”

“It was not.” He smirks. “And you know it.”

A text from the pharmacy comes through letting me know my prescriptions are ready. Saved by the interruption, I shoot to my feet. “Time to go.”

He follows me but hangs back while I ask the pharmacist some questions. When I meet him back at the front, he’s holding a sack filled with candy and some energy drinks. When I look at him questioningly, he shrugs.

“I’m feeling inspired to work tonight. The energy drinks and candy help me stay focused. ”

He puts all our bags in the little storage compartment under his seat and then gets on. I’m buckling my helmet when his fingers cover mine and pull them away. He straightens the clips and then buckles the straps for me.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Can’t risk anything happening to my precious cargo.” As I climb on behind him, he looks over his shoulder. “Do you wanna grab dinner before we go back?”

My stomach has been grumbling for the past hour, so I tell him yes and to pick the spot. I still don’t know anything in town, and I’m not picky when it comes to food. A few minutes later we pull up into a Mexican restaurant’s parking lot. The scent of spiced meat and fried tortillas fills the air, immediately pulling a loud growl from my stomach. Cy looks at me with a goofy grin.

“Let’s get you fed.”