Chapter 19

Chapter

Nineteen

HARPER

A t the last minute I decide to make some honey butter for the rolls I have in the oven. After I start whipping the butter, I head back to the butler’s pantry to look for honey. It’s well organized so I find what I need right away. The only problem is that I can just barely reach the top shelf. I strain on my tiptoes to reach it, but all I manage to do is push it further back out of reach.

I hear the pocket door slide closed and then feel the heat of another body enveloping me from behind. I don’t need to turn around to know who it is, his delicious scent tells me. Declan’s hand extends over mine to grasp the honey.

“Is this what you need?”

“Yes.”

“What will you give me for getting it for you?” His other hand grips my hip.

“My gratitude?” I don’t move, too afraid that instead of stepping out of his arms I’d press myself further back against him.

“In what form?” His hand slides down my hip, over the outside of my thigh.

This is a dangerous game.

“I don’t know.” The words come from me in a breathy whisper.

“I do,” he all but purrs the words as he begins to inch my skirt up.

“What?” Heat floods my body as his fingertips move up the inside of my thigh in slow, languorous circles.

“I want to make you come.”

My heart beats erratically as his fingers work their way up to the edge of the lace covering me. Mom and Banks are literally sitting at the island catching up. It would be wrong to let him do this. On so many levels. But it feels so good to be cocooned by him. My hips rock against his hand as he runs his fingers over my laced covered center.

“Please.” His lips brush the shell of my ear, and I’m done for.

“Yes.”

His fingers slide beneath my panties. A moan vibrates from deep within his chest when he feels me for the first time. He slides his knee inside mine, holding me open for him.

“Fuck, Harper.” He slips a finger inside me. “Are you always this wet?”

I shake my head, unable to form words while he plays me like an instrument.

“Did you get this wet for Cy?”

I nod.

“Good. We like to share.” He finds my clit and begins to circle it. “Do you want that? To be able to use our hands, mouths, and cocks whenever you want?”

I clench around his fingers. My body reacts to his words of its own volition. There’s no shame in this moment, and it feels so freeing. It’s just Declan and his dirty words.

“You like that, don’t you? Your pussy just keeps getting wetter. What if I told you that Emerson is included in the package. We could fill every one of your holes until you scream for us. Can you do that, Angel?”

All he gets is another nod as an orgasm builds within me. If it’ll feel this good, I’ll do whatever he wants. He thrusts his fingers in and out of me, adding his thumb to my clit.

I grip the shelf for support with one hand and dig my fingers into his forearm with the other. The muscles beneath my hand contract with each slide of his fingers. My toes curl as I bite down on the inside of my cheek so I don’t cry out.

“Oh, God. Declan.” I pant as the first wave of hot pleasure courses through me when he finds a spot along my inside walls. “Right there, yes.”

He keeps his pace without deviating from the spot he found. Another wave crashes over me, and every muscle in my body tightens with it. He supports my weight as I go slack from the release. Both of us are breathing heavily. My head falls back on his shoulder, and I look up at him.

His lips cover mine in a tender kiss while he pulls my panties back over me. They’re soaked, and it’s going to be uncomfortable to wear them through dinner. Not as uncomfortable as going back into the kitchen and pretending my stepbrother didn’t just make come so hard I saw stars while my boyfriend was talking to my mom ten feet and one wall away.

He hands me the honey with a smirk. “Better put your game face on because you’re going to have to go out there first.” He points down at the erection straining against his slacks. “I’m going to need a minute.”

An unfamiliar urge to drop to my knees and put him in my mouth surges within me. I want to make him come like he just made me. I want to know what he feels like, what he tastes like.

He must figure out where my mind went because he shakes his head with a tortured groan. “Go. We can’t do what I want to do right now, but if you keep looking at me like that…”

“What then?” I challenge with newfound confidence.

The door opens behind me, startling both of us. “Did you need help finding the honey?” Cillian asks.

“I found it, but couldn’t reach the top shelf. Luckily Declan heard me struggling.” I hope my face doesn’t give us away.

Cillian looks back and forth between us suspiciously. “Okay. Good. Annabelle said dinner's nearly ready.”

“I better finish up then,” I say as I scoot past him and back out into the kitchen.

He gives me a warm smile and then closes the door behind me, shutting himself inside the pantry with Declan. I want to press my ear against the wood, but that’d be too obvious, especially with the way Banks is looking at me. His cobalt gaze sweeps over my face as if he can sense that something is off.

There’s an awkward moment as I sit down by Mom and both Banks and Declan go for the chair on my other side. After a momentary standoff, Declan concedes and sits next to his dad. Cillian makes polite conversation with Banks and Declan about sports and school while Mom and I catch up about her sister and my cousins.

At one point in the evening, Declan says something with his dry sarcasm, and Banks bursts out laughing. They have an almost friendly moment which feeds a seed of hope I didn’t realize was planted deep inside me. If those two can get along, maybe there’s a world in which I can have everything I want.

This is the type of thing I would have prayed about back when I believed. Now I don’t have anywhere for my thoughts to go, there’s no funnel to pour them into before releasing them into the universe. There might not even be anyone listening.

Which is how I find myself sitting on a rock in the middle of the night watching the waves roll in. I have a blanket wrapped around my shoulders to help block the chilly breeze coming off the ocean. Goosebumps still cover my body though, as the cold Atlantic waters ebb and flow over my feet.

“What are you doing out here?” Banks asks as he sits down beside me.

“Thinking.” I look over at him and smile. “I missed you.”

His eyes water as he looks at me. “I’ve been so scared that I was going to lose you.”

I lean over and wrap my arms around him. “I’m sorry. I just needed time to figure things out. I still need time, but I love you and I want you in my life.”

“Thank God. I love you, too.” He chuckles. “I love you so much that I actually tried to watch porn, just to see if it would do something for me.”

“And?”

“It did about as much as watching an animal documentary on the Discovery channel does. Which is to say absolutely nothing, aside from making me moderately queasy. ”

“How does this work then? Like between us? Does all physical contact stop?”

“No. I still want to hold your hand and hug you. Cuddling is even good. I’d go upstairs and sleep beside you all night right now if you let me.”

“Sitting at your feet and resting my head in your lap?”

“Yes, please, don’t ever stop doing that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes.” I wrap my arms around him. “We’re going to make this work.”

He hugs me back, pulling me closer so we can share the blanket.

“I do need to tell you something, though,” I say. If we’re going to make something like this work, I need to be fully transparent with him. That includes talking about who I have been intimate with.

“I’m all ears.”

“I kind of hooked up with Cyrus this week. And Declan today.”

I feel him stiffen with the news. I don’t blame him. I went from no experience to two in less than a week. “Was it consensual?”

“Yes.”

“That’s all that matters to me. That you’re treated the best you can be. You deserve nothing less.”

A newfound comfort and ease settles around us. Knowing that I will always have him, even if that looks different than I envisioned, lets me breathe. I would do anything for Banks, and I know he would do the same.

“Declan and Cyrus both know about you. Cyrus had too many questions, and I needed to talk to someone about everything.”

“I get that. I’m not mad about either of them knowing.”

“Well Declan pushed and pushed until I finally told him.”

He pulls me tighter against his chest as he laughs. “I can’t say that surprises me.”

A shiver rolls through me as the cold ocean water climbs higher up my legs. He stands and helps me off of the rock.

“It’s getting cold out here, let’s go to bed.”

I lead him through the dark house up to my bedroom. No light filters from beneath Declan’s door, so I assume he’s sleeping. Banks puts his pajama pants on while I get ready for bed in the bathroom. He pulls the covers back for me, and I get in beside him. It doesn’t take long for us to find a comfortable position and fall asleep.

At one point in the night, I wake up with the feeling of being watched, but when I look around the room, no one is there. It’s an uncomfortable enough sensation that I snuggle closer to Banks, seeking security and safety in his presence even though I want to go see if maybe it was just Declan. It takes me an hour to fall back into a fitful sleep.

I still can’t shake the feeling of being watched the following morning, but when I go to look for Declan, he’s nowhere to be found. I find Cillian in the kitchen making coffee. He’s barefoot and wearing athletic shorts and a t-shirt. It’s jarring to see him so casually dressed when I’m used to seeing him in suits or the occasional golf attire.

“Good morning,” he tells me as he turns with a steaming mug in his hand.

“Morning.” I walk to the fridge and grab one of the green juices my mom keeps on hand. “Where’s Declan?”

He glances at the clock. “Mass.”

My eyes widen. “He goes to church? ”

“Yes, nearly every Sunday. Even at Trinity, I believe.”

“I didn’t know he was religious.”

“I wouldn’t say that he is. He goes more for comfort, I think. His mom was a devout Catholic.”

I can’t think of anything less comforting than walking back into my father’s church. The man who replaced him is just as vile. Mom and I used to actively avoid him whenever he came to our house to meet with Dad. He always stared and made us uncomfortable. Not to mention his ideas on gender roles was archaic, even by the standards of our very conservative church. If we weren’t doing something domestic when he was around, he’d follow us with his eyes, sneering at our supposed dereliction of duties.

“Was he close to his mom?” I ask to free myself of my thoughts.

“Yes. They were two sides of the same coin. She loved taking him along on her adventures.” He looks melancholic as he takes a sip of coffee. “I’d better get to work. Your mom will be down soon.” He pats my arm as he passes by me, and I surprise myself by not flinching.

About ten minutes later my mom joins me out on the patio. She has a tray of pastries, a cup of coffee, and her own bottle of green juice. I grab a cherry and cream cheese danish and take a bite.

“Do you want to do any shopping before you go home today?” she asks.

“I don’t need anything.”

“Okay.” She takes a bite of her croissant. “Cillian said you’ve gotten a job working at the stables where Annie is being boarded.”

“Yes. I feel like it’s important to have my own savings in case something goes wrong.”

“That’s smart. I wish I had thought of that.”

“Then you wouldn’t have had to marry Cillian.” I don’t mean the statement as if there was something wrong with what she did.

“I think it might have happened regardless of how I met him.” She smiles wistfully. “We actually make a good team.”

“I’m glad to hear that. You deserve it after everything.”

“So do you.” She reaches over and grabs my hand. “You deserve to be happy.”

“I know.” I give her a reassuring smile.

“I hope so.” She looks off into the distance for a few moments. “I was worried about sending you to Trinity. I tried to convince Cillian to let you go with Banks. He’s the only person I’ve never worried would hurt you.”

“He would never.”

“Exactly. I’m not sure I could say the same for Declan.”

“What do you mean?” I always thought she liked him.

“He’s not bad, but there’s such an edge there.” She shakes the thoughts off. “I’m probably just being overly cautious because of your father. That would be the worst case imaginable for me, if you somehow found yourself in a situation like I was.”

“I won’t, Mom. I promise.”

We move the conversation to lighter topics for the rest of breakfast. Banks comes down to say goodbye to us before he goes back to his house for Sunday dinner. He asks if I want to join him, but I don’t know what time Declan will want to fly home.

“Did you feel like someone was watching us last night?” I ask as I walk him out to his car.

“On the beach?”

“No. While we were sleeping.”

He stops and looks at me. “No.”

“It was probably just my imagination. I’ve been on edge since getting that letter. ”

“Could it have been Declan? He gives creeper vibes.”

“I don’t think so, but I’ll ask.”

“Make sure that you do. He’s overbearing, but I do know he wants to keep you safe.”

I nod in agreement before we say goodbye. Having him leave on such a good note makes me so happy. Things finally feel like they’re falling into place the way they always should have.