Chapter 15

Chapter

Fifteen

HARPER

E merson brings in a platter of grilled salmon from the outdoor kitchen as I set the salad and risotto I made out on the table. Cy and Declan come in from the home gym they have set up above the garage right on time for dinner. They’re both sweaty and shirtless as they pull chairs out to sit.

“Shirts?” I ask with a pointed look. We don’t eat full meals together often, so it just feels weird to not have the bare minimum decorum.

“Seriously?” Declan’s eyebrows shoot up at my request.

The people pleaser within me immediately wants to back down, but over the weeks I’ve been with them, they have all told me to assert myself. It’s hard to go against the very nature that was literally beaten into me, but I draw a deep breath and hold fast.

“Yes.”

They look at each other, and Cy stands up. “I got you.” He jogs over to the stairs and takes them up two at a time.

“Look at you, making demands and sticking to your guns.” Emerson gives me a proud smile.

My cheeks warm at the praise. I guess it’s a side effect of my formative years that any type of positive reinforcement or commentary makes me embarrassingly giddy. One compliment can give me an unimaginable high.

I don’t know what to say in return, so I just smile shyly at him. We’ve grown closer since I started working at the stables. He drives me most of the time and then sits in his car or on a bench near Annie’s stall and studies. I’ve told him he doesn’t have to stay, that I’m well protected at work with security cameras and people everywhere, but he claims to like it.

He’s the most serious of the guys and radiates a stern aura. But he’s also the most liberal with making nice comments and encouraging me. If he didn’t live here, I’d still be uncomfortable.

All Declan and I do is fight and argue. I don’t know why, but he brings out a sassy side of me I didn’t even know existed. It is liberating in its own way. Knowing I’m safe enough with him to fight and stand my ground is a new freedom I didn’t even know I was missing.

Then there’s Cy. Every morning we run together and catch each other stealing looks. I’m so drawn to him, both physically and emotionally. We feel like kindred spirits even though neither of us talks about our past. I’ve caught him wandering around late at night when I’ve been woken up by my own nightmares. It makes me wonder what keeps him up.

My favorite thing is watching them interact together. It’s easy to see why they became friends, even with their vastly different backgrounds. Emerson’s family is open-minded and progressive, despite their deep southern roots. It’s always made them black sheep in society. I’m sure he found comfort in Declan being a northerner. Cy just wants a family, and he found his in these two.

I start to clean up after dinner, but Declan takes the plate from my hands. “Cy and I will clean up since you and Emerson cooked dinner.”

“I don’t mind doing it.”

Irritation flares in his emerald eyes. “Well, I do mind.” He grabs another plate. “We’re equals in this house. You didn’t move in here to serve us.”

“Although I could think of some ways…” Cy wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Declan glares at him which only makes him laugh.

Ever since we had that moment in his room, he’s been dropping the occasional innuendo. I’ve continued trying to touch myself but can never seem to bring myself to orgasm. My thoughts inevitably stray to memories of past punishments. So I end up tossing and turning until morning, with all this pent up energy and nowhere to go.

Part of me is worried that I’m incapable of orgasming. That somehow the community I grew up in that shamed women and sexuality is so ingrained in me that I’m irreparably broken. That depressing thought sends my mood plummeting, so I wait until an opportune moment and escape to my bedroom .

A while later I hear a light knock at my door.

“Come in,” I call out.

Cy comes in and closes the door quietly behind him. “Hey.”

“Hi.” I look up at him waiting to hear why he’s here.

“I just wanted to make sure I didn’t make you uncomfortable with that joke earlier. You got quiet and then disappeared on us.”

“No. It just made me think about some things is all.”

“What things?” He walks over and sits across from me on the bed.

“It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I won’t judge.”

He’s telling the truth. I’m not sure how I know that, but I do. With all the things I’ve confessed to him, he’s never once brought anything back up or made light of them.

I sigh heavily before unloading all my thoughts and worries. “You know how I’ve never had any kind of experiences?”

“Sexual experiences? Yes.”

“Do you think I ever will?”

He blinks at me incredulously. “Yes. Absolutely. ”

“You think someone will want to wade through all my issues to get there?”

“Yes.” He doesn’t even hesitate. “Anyone worth giving your body should be honored by the trust you place in them.”

“Even if it’s a lot of work? Like an abnormal amount of work?”

He holds up a hand to stop me. “What exactly are you worried about? Finding someone or something else?”

“I’m not really worried about finding someone.” I’m not dumb, it’s probably easy to find guys who want to hook up even when I have no experience in that arena. “It’s more knowing that I can’t get out of my own head about things to even come when it’s just me, let alone someone else.”

His eyes widen with that rushed confession. “You’ve never made yourself come?”

My cheeks heat as I shake my head. Admitting this is so mortifying. I cover my eyes and flop back on the bed. Tears fill my eyes behind my eyelids. “Why can’t I be normal?”

“Hey.” Cy moves beside me on the bed, his body stretching out beside mine. “Normal is boring.” He pulls my hands from my face.

When I open my eyes, I see his face full of concern as he looks down at me. “There is no need for you to ever be embarrassed about anything with me, okay?”

I nod. A question pops unbidden into my mind, and I almost ask it before stopping myself.

Ever the attentive person he is, he notices. “What? Speak your mind, Angel.”

“Would you try?” I finally ask through a thick throat.

“Try? To give you an orgasm?”

I nod, too embarrassed to use words at this point.

“There’s no try, Angel. I will make you come but under one condition.”

“What?”

“You have to watch.”

“How?”

He pulls me into a sitting position and hauls me into his lap facing the full-length mirror that I have leaning against the wall. “You’re going to take your shorts and panties off and spread yourself wide open in front of this mirror, so you can watch what I do to you.”

“Okay,” I whisper. Anxious anticipation rushes through me.

“Stand up. ”

I follow his instructions, and he moves to the edge of the bed. He unbuttons my shorts and looks up at me for permission to continue. Only after I nod in affirmation does he push them down my hips. His tattooed hands wrap around my hips and gently pull me closer to him.

“If you want me to stop at any point, just say so. I won’t be upset.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to start by kissing you.”

My heartbeat quickens as he lifts one hand and pulls my face down to his. His lips move over mine softly, gently parting them to slip his tongue along mine. He pulls me onto his lap with one hand gripping my waist and the other lightly tugging my hair at the roots. My hands move to his shoulders, the muscles firm beneath my fingers.

We stay like that, kissing and letting our hands explore each other’s bodies. As I relax into the moment with him, his hands move down my back to the waistband of my thong. His fingers knead my cheeks as he grabs my butt and drags my center over his hard length. I gasp at the shock of how good it feels even with so many layers between us.

He tries to lift my shirt, but I put my hand over his to stop him. “Can we leave it on?” I don’t want him to see the scars. “Please.”

“Of course.” He hooks his fingers inside my panties and pulls them over my hips. “I’m going to get rid of these though.”

“Okay.” I help him maneuver them off and drop them on top of my discarded shorts.

“Stand up and turn toward the mirror.”

I do as he says.

“You follow directions so well.” I can’t see his face as he widens his legs and pulls me back onto his lap. “Hook your legs around the outside of mine.”

Once again, I do what he asks.

“Good job, Angel.” He caresses my thigh lightly with his fingertips. Each little circle he traces gets higher until he’s tracing the crease where my thigh meets my center. “I didn’t think you’d be bare. What a fun little surprise.”

My cousin took me for a Brazilian wax before we went on a beach trip. It felt so rebellious at the time that I kept getting them. But I’ve never seen myself like this. I watch with parted lips as he runs the pad of his index finger along my slit. Heat surges through my body at the sensation.

He adds another finger and parts my folds, exposing everything. “Look at how wet and pretty you are.” His fingers move higher until he finds my clit. He takes his time, alternating between circles and strokes while he watches my face, gauging my reactions for what feels the best.

I wrap one of my hands around his thigh as he increases the pressure. He presses a kiss to my neck while I squirm in his lap. Pleasure builds deep in my core.

“How does that feel?”

“G-good,” I moan as he slides a finger inside me.

“Just good?” He withdraws his finger and holds up in front of me. “Look at how wet you are. I’m coated in you.”

He takes his glistening finger and moves back to my clit, spreading my wetness all over. His slippery fingers move faster and faster. The breaths I draw become heavier as he increases his tempo. I can feel his erection twitching beneath me, and it drives me even crazier for him.

The sound of his fingers pumping in and out of me is obscene, but it makes me want more. My walls begin to tremble around him as heat surges through my veins. My head falls back on his shoulder while the first wave of my release crashes over me.

“Good girl. Come all over my hand, asteri mu .”

I turn my head and pull his head, so our lips meet. I need to kiss him through this peak. It’s too overwhelming to just feel. He kisses me back with unrestrained passion. My walls flutter around his fingers with each powerful wave. I feel the orgasm from my head to my toes. He works me until the final tremors subside, and I melt into him.

“How do you feel?”

“That was better than I thought it would be,” I say breathlessly. I turn in his arms. “Do you want me to,” I look down at the erection straining between us, “take care of you?”

“No. This isn’t transactional. You deserve pleasure without owing anything to anyone else.”

“Will you stay with me for a little bit? Until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

He stands as I slide off his lap and takes off his shirt. He drops it on top of my shorts and pulls the covers back while I put a new pair of boy short underwear on. I get in first, laying facing the window, and he slides in behind me, spooning me with warmth and comfort that sends me into a deeper sleep than I’ve had in years.