Chapter 26

It had been two agonizing days since the disaster at my brother's birthday party. Mary Ellen wasn't responding to my texts or phone calls. She wasn't giving me a chance to explain my past mistakes. I honestly wasn't sure if it was worth trying.

Did I want to be with someone that wouldn't give me five minutes to explain?

Cole and Murray were both telling me to leave it alone. She was too good for me. They told me to walk away and let her go. She was done with me.

They were probably right, but despite their advice, I couldn't shake the feeling of regret that had been plaguing me since I came out of my hangover sometime yesterday. I had to admit, the hangover state had been miserable but it gave me something to focus on. I had been so focused on misery I didn't have time to think about how miserable I was that she had left me. But as much as they told me I shouldn't talk to her, I wanted to.

I had to make things right with Mary Ellen, to at least have a chance to explain myself and hope for her forgiveness. If she wanted nothing to do with me and wanted me to leave her alone for good, then I would do it.

I would have to chalk it up as my one chance at finding someone I could love. My one chance that I blew because I was too afraid to tell her the truth from the beginning.

I walked downstairs and spotted Cole sitting at the breakfast bar, stuffing his face with donuts. He nodded his head at me. "I ordered breakfast," he mumbled. "Want a donut?"

"No thanks," I said. "I'm headed out."

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"For a ride," I answered. I wasn't interested in telling him every detail of my life. I didn't want to be a dick, but I didn't need anyone checking up on me.

After getting out of prison, I never wanted anyone monitoring me again. I didn't want to check in or be told where I could or couldn't go. I didn't want to have to tell anyone. I just wanted to do it. If I felt like being gone for a week, I was going to do it and no one could say shit about it.

"Want to go out for a drink later?" he asked.

"Maybe." I shrugged. "Will you make sure you pick up the living room? Smells like shit in there."

"Yes, Mom." He smirked.

I didn't say anything more. I didn't want to pick a fight with the guy. I was cranky and his sloppiness was grating on my nerves. He hung out at my house all day eating everything he could get his hands on and didn't bother to clean up after himself. It was irritating. I hoped he got a job soon. He certainly didn't seem to be all that interested in really finding work.

I opened the garage, started the bike, and took off down the road. It was incredibly cathartic to feel the wind in my face as I sped down the familiar streets of our town. The roar of the motorcycle engine drowned out all other noises, allowing me a moment of peace amid the chaos that had become my life. I let my mind wander, replaying the events of the past few days over and over again. The vibration of the engine beneath me was better than a bottle of whiskey or a handful of pills. The engine dulled my senses and just let me get lost.

I approached the familiar building that had become a source of happiness for me. I noticed a group of professionals in suits and sunglasses milling about outside the library. I watched them for a few seconds. Their attention was focused on what appeared to be blueprints held by a man that looked more blue collar than them. I assumed he was the foreman of the project. They were discussing the library grounds. My heart sank at the sight. I knew these must be the developers, and their presence could only mean trouble for Mary Ellen.

I revved my bike's engine, a petty act of rebellion to disrupt their meeting, earning myself a few dirty looks in return. I whipped my bike around, choosing to park in the spot closest to where they stood. I revved my engine again, forcing them to move to continue their conversation. Chuckling to myself, I parked my bike and walked by them. I knew my appearance didn't really fit the library look. I supposed there was something satisfying about making people uncomfortable.

I made my way inside, helmet under my arm and tattoos on full display. I spotted Mary Ellen organizing shelves. She looked flustered, shoving books onto the shelf with her hair falling around her face. She was wearing a blue skirt that reached her ankles. Her blouse looked a little wrinkled as well. I felt bad for her. Obviously she knew the developers were outside. They probably had been inside, which was why she was flustered. I hated that she was bothered by all of this. I knew my truth bomb Saturday wasn't helping her mood. I hated that I was a part of her frustration.

She jumped at the sight of me, dropping a handful of books in the process. "Archer!"

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Instinctively, I moved to help.

"Don't," she snapped. "I can get it. "

I ignored her request and helped her pick up the books. "Can we talk?" I asked.

"No. I'm working."

"Mary Ellen, please," I said.

"I'm busy."

"There is no one in here and the books aren't going to run away if you don't put them on the shelves right this minute." I didn't want to be demanding, but I was going to make her hear me out. She could hate me if she wanted, but this was too important to just walk away from without giving it all I had. "Five minutes."

"Two." She sighed.

We ended up moving to the cozy reading spot by the window. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the conversation ahead. Two minutes was not enough time to explain three years of drama, but I had to do my best.

"Mary Ellen, I wasn't forthcoming about my criminal record, and for that, I'm truly sorry. But please, hear me out. It doesn't define who I am. I know a con is a con is a con, but there is a hierarchy to crimes in my mind. I didn't do anything violent. No one got hurt. It was a mountain out of a molehill, and they wanted to make an example out of me. The judge didn't want anyone to accuse him of coddling rich kids."

"What does that mean?" she asked. "You lied."

"I didn't tell you," I corrected. "That was wrong, but I will tell you now if you want to listen."

"Will you tell me the truth?"

"Absolutely."

She crossed her arms across her stomach and gave me a hard look. "Tell me."

"I ran a gambling ring in the basement of my college dorm," I said. "We bet on college games, professional games, whatever. So what? Yes, we moved a lot of money, and yes, it was illegal, but it's not like kids weren't doing it online. But someone turned us in. I was a stupid kid trying to make waves. Yes, I was a spoiled little shit that had everything I could ever want and I guess I was bored. I wanted to rebel. We made bets. No one was walking away with millions. It was a bunch of bored college kids doing something we knew we weren't supposed to. I got busted. I shouldered the full responsibility. I was sentenced to eighteen months, and I did it. Period. I've left all that in the past."

I waited for her to say something. My heart was in my throat.

She eyed me suspiciously, her guard still firmly in place. "I would have accepted all of that, and all of you, if you'd told me the truth before," she said, her voice faltering slightly.

"I wanted to tell you."

"But you didn't," she said firmly. "I trusted you and you used that against me. I shared something with you that I've never shared with anyone else in the world."

"I'm so sorry, Mary Ellen. I know I messed up, and I can't change that. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness and show you that I will always be honest and upfront with you from this moment on."

She studied me, her eyes searching mine. "Archer, trust is fragile. Once broken, it's not easily mended. I don't know if it can ever be mended."

My heart was shattering. "I'd like to try," I said, my voice thick with emotion.

She just kept looking at me with so much judgment and hurt. "I need you to leave," she whispered. "Please."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, the weight of my mistake crashing down on me with full force.

I nodded, feeling defeated and ashamed. Without another word, I walked out of the library, leaving Mary Ellen behind. The reality of what I had just lost was sinking in. I had been given a chance at something real, something meaningful, and I had let it slip through my fingers because of my own foolishness.

With a heavy heart, I climbed onto my bike and rode away, leaving behind the woman who had captured my heart, knowing that I had only myself to blame.

As I rode aimlessly through the streets, regret settled heavily on my shoulders. Mary Ellen's words echoed in my mind. How could I have been so stupid, so selfish? I had let my past mistakes destroy a chance at happiness with someone who could have been the one woman in this world I ever saw myself with.

I didn't think she would have given me the time of day if I had told her from the get-go who I was. I also didn't think I was required to walk around introducing myself as Archer as the ex-con. The stupid gambling thing was years ago. That wasn't me any longer.

But the sting of Mary Ellen's rejection lingered, a constant reminder of the consequences of my actions.

I drove toward the highway, feeling the need for speed. I didn't know where I was going but I was going there as fast as I could get away with.

The wind whipped against my face, but I felt nothing but a numb emptiness inside. I wanted to turn back, to beg for forgiveness, to plead for another chance. But I knew deep down that I had crossed a line that could never be uncrossed.

I increased my speed, passing cars like they were standing still. I pushed my bike faster and faster, the roar of the engine drowning out the cacophony of regrets echoing in my mind. I needed to escape, to outrun the shame and regret that threatened to suffocate me. My hands clenched the handlebars, knuckles turning white with tension. I flew down the highway with a sense of reckless abandon. It was as if I could leave behind everything that had gone wrong with each mile I put between myself and Mary Ellen. But no matter how fast I rode, the look on her face when she found out about my past at the party was always right there. I couldn't escape it. Mary Ellen's face flickered in my mind, her eyes filled with hurt and betrayal. I knew I had caused her pain, and it tore me apart.