Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

T he new Benson Security team was a fractured mess that was unprofessional at best and recklessly dangerous at worst. Noah didn’t need to read Rochelle’s mind to know that’s exactly what she thought, because he thought it too. Lake Benson’s American experiment was an unmitigated failure.

And Noah was part of the problem.

It wasn’t a position he was used to being in. Even in high school, he’d been the good kid. The one the principal never called into his office. Somewhere along the line, he’d lost his way.

It’d been a very long day. There had been endless questions—from the police, the DA’s office, and Rochelle. Dinner had consisted of a stale sandwich from the police station vending machine, and he had indigestion from all the lousy coffee he’d drunk while there. He’d had three hours’ sleep, max. Had managed to piss off pretty much everyone he knew. And the day wasn’t over yet.

Rochelle had assembled the team in their open-plan office and was currently pacing at the front of the silent room. Annabelle sat quietly in the corner near the computers. She hadn’t once looked at Noah since he’d returned a few minutes earlier, and his chest was tight and aching from the need to go talk to her. But there wasn’t time. And even if there were, he wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to him.

“You totally stuffed up.” Channeling Marisa Tomei again, Therese folded her arms over her black leather jacket and glared at him. “You broke that girl’s trust. How could you do that? You know how much she depends on you to get her through this, and you left her with Violet. Violet?” She threw up her hands in disgust. “You might as well have left her with The Terminator. All Violet cares about is shooting people.”

Noah couldn’t reply to his ghostly wife, but he hung his head as she shouted at him. He deserved every word.

“You are so damned stubborn,” she raged. “So intent on clinging to a relationship that literally died five years ago that you’re screwing up any future you might have. Are you hoping for a medal for being a martyr to our marriage? A sainthood from the Pope?”

She stood directly in front of him, forcing him to watch Rochelle pace through her translucent form. “You knew she was developing feelings for you, and you were too damn hardheaded to admit you were developing feelings for her too. Now you’ve thrown it all away. Do you even understand how hard it is for her to trust anyone? Yet she trusted you. And what did you do? You told yourself that you were eliminating the threat to her. That you were doing your job. When, really, you were screwing over Annabelle and your boss.”

Therese bent over until she stared him in the eye. “What happened to you? Because this” —she gestured toward him— ”isn’t the man I married. Hell, he isn’t even the teen I fell in love with. You’re a coward, Noah Merchant, and I’m ashamed of you.”

She disappeared, leaving her words to resonate within him.

Noah glanced over at Annabelle, who was very deliberately staring at her hands. Therese was right. He hadn’t rushed out with Rodrigo and Abasi to end the threat to Annabelle—although that was definitely part of it. No, he’d gone because deep down he was scared of how fast things were moving with Bella, and he wanted the mission to end before he got in even deeper. He’d destroyed her trust in him and done it because he was a coward. So afraid of being hurt again that he was too terrified to try. He was a sad example for his sons. They would never learn how to live and cope with loss by watching him. He’d let them down.

Let himself down.

At the front of the room, Rochelle stopped pacing and sat on one of the old wooden chairs. She put her hands on her thighs and looked at each of them, her expression inscrutable. Noah had expected anger, disappointment even, but there was no trace of either on her face. His stomach knotted as he watched her.

“I had a long chat with Lake,” she said in a clear, even voice. “And I’ve decided that after this operation, I’m disbanding the Houston branch of Benson Security.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before Evan shot to his feet. “You can’t! I need this. If there’s no Houston office, I go to prison.”

“I’m sorry,” Rochelle said without compassion. “The decision has been made. This is the first and last case for Benson Security USA.”

“Why are you doing this?” Evan wailed as Harris put a hand on his shoulder.

“She’s doing it because we can’t work together,” his brother said softly.

“I can work together,” Evan protested. “I take orders and do my job. Don’t I?”

He suddenly sounded as young as his age, and it made Noah hurt to listen to him.

“Weirdly,” Rochelle said with a humorless smile, “you aren’t the problem.”

“Then why?” Evan demanded. “Is it because Noah, Abasi, and Rodrigo went off on their own last night?” As he stared at the three of them, it was clear he was silently pleading with them to say or do something to change Rochelle’s mind.

There was nothing they could say, and Noah found he could no longer look Evan in the eye. He hung his head in shame.

“It’s about respect,” Katrina murmured. “In a team like this, we need strong leadership. Someone who makes the hard decisions and does what’s best for the rest of us. But to do that, you need the team to allow it. Rochelle doesn’t have that. You can’t work together if you don’t respect the person in charge or have each other’s backs.”

“I get it,” Violet said. “I don’t believe for one second that Abasi, or the triplets, or even Rodrigo would have my back in a crisis. I’m with you, Rochelle. This won’t work. Plus, America is weird and I miss Scotland. I’m only here because the triplets’ mother begged me to keep an eye on them.”

“I’d watch your back,” Evan protested.

“Only if you weren’t distracted at the time,” Violet said. “Or if you and your brothers hadn’t come up with something better to do.” She lifted her chin toward Abasi. “Or if you agreed with the decision in the first place, right?”

“Like you did when Rochelle told you not to shoot at those men in the cars that night?” Abasi said.

“I saved Noah and Annabelle by disobeying that order.”

Abasi shrugged. “Guess the end does justify the means, then.”

“And that’s why this team is over,” Katrina told him.

“It doesn’t matter the why, where, or how of it all,” Rochelle said, sounding weary. “Most of you are used to working alone and making your own decisions. I get why that would make it hard for you to trust the rest of us. But I can’t work like this, and I definitely can’t deliver a job to the standard Lake Benson expects with a team of renegades. We put our lives on the line daily with a job like this. You’re all aware that Benson Security attracts the cases other agencies won’t touch. Any mission we take could be the one that blows up in our faces. And I can’t sit here and swear that when I needed you, each and every one of you would be there.”

She stood and picked up her jacket from the chair beside her. “Eddie Hanson’s trial starts a week from tomorrow. Until then, I ask that you prioritize keeping Annabelle safe to testify—assuming she still wants to employ us?”

“I-I need to think a-about it,” Annabelle said, turning red.

“I understand.” Rochelle shrugged on her jacket and turned toward the door. “I’ll be in my room if anyone needs me. It’s been a long day.”

Noah pushed back his chair and stood. “Rochelle, I’m sorry.”

Defeated eyes met his for a heartbeat. “So am I, my friend. So am I.” And then, she was gone.

The room fell into a heavy silence before Annabelle spoke. “Katrina, would you mind coming upstairs with me? I’d like to talk things over with you.”

“Of course,” Katrina said.

Without so much as a glance at anyone else, the two women left the room.

“What happens now?” Evan asked, looking a little lost.

“Now, we take some time to figure out if we really want to be part of a team or if we’re only here because we don’t know where else to go or what else to do. That’s what I plan to do.” Noah walked toward the exit, more disgusted with himself than anyone else in the room. “I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

Abasi stood and followed him out. He didn’t say a word. As Noah turned to go upstairs, Abasi headed down to the front door. The door closed quietly behind him, leaving the building to echo with silence, the weight of their actions heavy on all of them.

When he got upstairs, Noah found Annabelle and Katrina sitting on the living room sofas, chatting quietly. From their expressions, they wished he’d gone elsewhere.

“Annabelle, can I have a minute?” He glanced at Katrina. “If you don’t mind?”

The women shared a somber look, and when Annabelle nodded tersely, Katrina gave her hand a reassuring pat and got to her feet. “It’s late, and I could use some rest,” she said.

As she passed Noah on her way to the guest rooms at the back of the loft, she paused.

“Besides Rochelle, there was only one other person on this team that I didn’t expect to go rogue, and that was you, Noah. I know you. You’re a good man. One of the few I trust. We all make poor decisions, I get that, but please don’t prove me wrong about you.”

Noah wanted to give her some small reassuring touch, but he knew she wouldn’t welcome it. Katrina was always careful to keep her distance from any of the men in the group. The fact she stood so close to him, even without touching, reinforced her every word.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

She studied his face before nodding. “You need to fix this.”

“I’ll do my best,” he promised solemnly.

Katrina glanced over her shoulder at Annabelle and raised her voice. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.” And then she walked deeper into the darkened apartment.

Noah waited for the door to the guest room area to close behind her before making his way over to Annabelle. Even though the sofas were massive, he didn’t dare take a seat on one of them. Instead, he perched on the edge of the wooden coffee table. Annabelle had drawn her feet up under her and was curled into a ball in the corner of the sofa. She didn’t look him in the eye.

Behind Annabelle, near the window, Therese shimmered into view. Unlike Annabelle, she had no problem meeting his eye, and judging by her pursed lips and tense shoulders, she was still angry with him.

He couldn’t blame her.

Noah took a deep breath. “I screwed up,” he said. “I made promises to you and to Rochelle, and I broke both. I’m sorry, Annabelle.”

“It’s okay.” She picked at a loose thread on the cushion beside her. “These things happen.”

He wasn’t sure if Therese had been correct in saying he’d lost Annabelle’s trust, but there was definitely a wall between them now. One where she said all the right things but meant none of them. Yeah, he’d hurt her, without a doubt. And he hated himself for it.

“No, Bella, I mean it. I’m sorry for leaving you last night, and I’m sorry for being such a coward.”

Even though his words were spoken softly, it was as if they echoed off the warehouse walls. His heart raced at his confession, and his palms became damp. It took him a second to realize that what he felt was fear. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of rejection. Fear of screwing up.

Noah cleared his throat and spoke again—this time, looking at his dead wife. “I’ve been making choices out of fear, and I don’t want to do that anymore.”

Therese nodded, and with a small smile curving her lips, she faded from sight, leaving him alone with Annabelle.

The real-life woman sitting in front of him frowned. “I don’t understand. You’re one of the bravest people I know.”

“Bella.” He rubbed at his chest—where his admissions hurt the most. “I told myself that by disrupting the Demons’ network, we’d buy you safety. We both know that isn’t true. Their network is too big, and all we did last night was prod the bear.” He smiled ruefully. “More than one, actually, because now the DA’s office is mad too.”

“But you had the right intentions…” She sounded unsure.

Noah didn’t blame her. “I didn’t go out last night to somehow eliminate the threat against you, although that’s what I told myself. I thought I was being professional, that I was getting the job done for the client, and that I had your best interests at heart.” He rubbed a hand down his face, disgusted with himself. “It’s all lies, Bella. There was no noble intent, and there sure as hell wasn’t a wise decision involved. I promised to stay by your side and be your main protector, and I didn’t do that. If you’ll give me another chance, I won’t make the same mistake again.”

“I don’t expect you to be perfect,” she said. “Nobody is. And I realize you can’t be with me twenty-four seven. I was just freaked when I woke up and found out you’d sneaked off after…”

“After we’d been close in bed?”

Annabelle nodded. “It felt like you’d run out on me, which is stupid because nothing happened. Between us, I mean. But I was scared for you too. I didn’t know where you were or if you were in danger.”

“I’m really sorry.” Noah was happy to tell her that as often as it took to make her believe him. “And something did happen between us. We both know that. Getting into bed with you isn’t part of the job description.”

“Then why did you sneak out to do something you clearly didn’t think you should be doing?”

“I was scared.”

“Of me?”

She scooted closer to perch on the edge of the sofa in front of him. Her expression was easy to read and filled with confusion and perhaps a little hope. Either that or it was just wishful thinking on his part.

“Of the things you make me feel,” he confessed softly.

“ For me?” From her adorable little frown, he wasn’t making himself any clearer.

“Yeah, for you. I shared a bed with you. I slept beside you.” His face heated with embarrassment, and he tried to shrug it off. “I’ve been holding on to Therese for five years, telling myself that getting close to another woman would betray her memory. Betray the love and commitment we shared. When, really, I was just terrified of getting close to another person who could be taken away from me. No, ripped away.”

“She was the love of your life,” Annabelle said with compassion and understanding.

Noah shook his head. “No, she was the love of my youth, and I need to let go. I get that now. We met in kindergarten and loved each other as friends before recognizing it as more. We grew up together, made a family together. She was always there. Always a part of my life. And I believed she was my whole life.” He hesitated, his heart beating so loudly he could barely hear himself think above it. “Until you.”

“Noah,” she whispered.

“You got under my skin, Bella. More than that, it was as though you just sauntered through the defenses I’d built after Therese died. You made me feel again, want again, need again. You terrified me.”

Wide, stunned eyes blinked at him. “Past tense,” she whispered. “You aren’t terrified of me anymore?”

“Oh, believe me, I’m scared out of my mind.” He chuckled mirthlessly.

“I know you think you’re making sense,” she said. “But I’m kinda lost here. What are you saying? What do you want?”

“Right now”—an unusual calm settled over him—”I very much want to kiss you.”