58. Samuel

58

SAMUEL

“ S o."

Emmett sighs. "We don't have to fill the silence, Sam."

I wince, but I have to bridge the gap between us. Hell, it's not a gap, it's a fucking chasm. One I created, so it's up to me to fix it.

I watch the flames of the fire, trying to find the courage to open up to my best friend for the first time since we were teenagers. Being here, taking care of the pack that should have been, has made me think far more than I ever have.

It's also made me feel too. I can't remember the last time I felt so much damn emotion, but while I felt like I've been freaking out the past few days, I think I've finally found my center. I know what I want, and I know how it begins.

"Em," I start, and clear my throat. "I'm sorry."

Silence. I can't bear to look at him for fear that I'll find disgust and a closed door. "For everything. I'm so fucking sorry."

"What is everything , Sammy?"

Emmett's voice is gentle but guarded. His use of my childhood nickname gives me confidence. "First, for using your moment of weakness when Amaya disappeared to push you into a viewpoint I thought was right despite it being toxic as fuck."

I think I see him nod out of the corner of my eye, which in turn pushes my shoulders back. "I'm sorry for everything that followed. The bad attitude, all the times I scoffed at your relationship with my brother, every time I talked shit about our childhood. For keeping Amaya's presence hidden from you guys. And most of all, I'm sorry for abandoning you when we needed each other the most."

Sneaking a peek at Emmett, I catch him staring thoughtfully into the fire like I was. "There's so much more. Many moments that hurt you, my brother, and our pack as a whole. I won't apologize to you for how I treated Oliver. That's a conversation I will have with him myself, just as I need to apologize to our mate. But Emmett."

I wait until he's looking me in the eye. "Thank you for looking after him. For loving my little brother when I all but knocked him down at every opportunity. Because of you, he still smiles. We both know he struggles beneath the surface and his mask is impeccable, but because of you, his happy moments aren't always forced."

My eyes burn and I'm pretty sure I see the same feelings reflected at me in my best friend’s gaze. "I don't expect forgiveness, but I ask that you let me try. Please let me try to find my new place in our pack and this new family we are working to build?"

I lay myself bare for him to criticize. Soon, Emmett nods. "I'll stand by you. But it's not up to me. I won't be alpha of this pack and if that role falls to Vincent, he's made it clear Amaya's in charge. It's all up to her, Sam. Everything. But you have my support."

Weight that I thought would drown me someday, finally lifts off my shoulders. At once, our hands reach for each other and clasp in a show of affection and friendship.

"Thank you," I whisper around a real smile. "I won't let you down."

He snorts and let’s go. "You better not. We're running out of tables for me to throw you on."

"Fuck off," I grumble and recline in my seat. I laugh, and I think it might be the only one I've had in years.

The bourbon flows, and we toast to a future and the father-in-law who gifted the amber liquid.

May he not kill us.