37. Vincent

37

VINCENT

W hen Amaya isn't zoning out or getting lost in her mind, she's acting like nothing's wrong. Like two of her scent matches didn't show up in the middle of the night during a vulnerable moment.

Her emotions hold her under until they just cease to exist.

I'm not sure what she needs from me. When she's lost in thought, all I want to do is drag her out of it and make her smile. Then, when she is smiling and talking about everything but herself, I want to make her deal with all the shit going on around her.

Even if she is eating more, these coping mechanisms don't seem healthy. When the door was slammed on those assholes, I expected Amaya to be a blubbering mess. Instead, she clung to me like I was her savior and asked if we could go back to sleep.

It's been two days since that night. While watching Amaya like a hawk, I've been fielding her calls and messages from Paul and Kate. Beckett has had a lot to say too, but only to me. They all want to come check on her, but I want to give her a little more time. I worry if she were to socialize right now, she might regress or completely snap.

But maybe snapping is good?

Christ. I'm terrified of my omega crying, yet I just want to see her shed a damn tear. She's been through so much, and now her shitty mates are just down the road. Anyone would be crying or at least showing some emotion.

I kind of want her to throw something, maybe scream about the injustices of the world. It might make me feel better. Anything is better than the blank look on her face and the way too bright smile that sets me on edge. I love her smile, I do, but it doesn't look natural. She's putting on a mask, and I don't know if it's for my benefit or for hers.

Her scent is another thing that's confusing me. The lavender has become so subtle it feels like her omega is in hiding. Even when she giggles, it barely flares. My girl is not here, but I have no idea how to get her back.

My mate is battling something I can't see. If I thought killing those three would fix everything, I would, but whatever she's fighting, it's up to her to work out. I just need to figure out the best way to support my little mate. I could really use some help.

Scent matches make up the most compatible packs in society, so it’s hard not to feel like I've lost something too. These guys shouldn't be making my omega's life complicated. They should be working with me to help her heal from her past, not adding to her fucking turmoil.

Guilt hits me square in the chest, having been lost in my thoughts while Amaya finishes off lunch. The smile she gives me now after I've basically ignored her for the past ten minutes looks pained.

"Fuck," I curse under my breath when she leaves me at the table to settle back into her window bench. Gathering our plates and putting them in the dishwasher, I try to think about what she might have been talking about.

I wanted to see some emotion from her, but not because I fucked up. Hurting her feelings was never and will never be my intention, it's just that I'm struggling too.

I won't tell her, but this isn't what I imagined when I finally introduced myself to her at the coffee shop a few weeks ago. Of course, I knew we both had some trauma to work through after the academy and rehab, but shit, we haven't even been on a date and now I live with her.

We need to have so many conversations.

Ding dong!

In a trance, Amaya unfolds from her bench and pads away. I expect her to go to the nest on the couch, but to my surprise she climbs the stairs and completely disappears from my sight.

Sighing at the new odd behavior, I make my way to the door.

I guess our conversations will have to wait.