Chapter 35

35

Elite Group Chat

Lars: Question. What exactly is a tampon tunnel?

Prism: *laugh emoji* x3

Win: You’re too innocent for these things, angel.

Wes: He isn’t innocent. He sleeps with you.

Rory: Can you believe the nerve of that girl? First Jamie and then Ry!

Madison: She definitely had it coming.

Jess: Ryan handled it, though.

Kruger: How come when I call Jess my wife, everyone has something to say, but when Ryan refers to his girl as missus, everyone swoons?

Ryan: Didn’t you hear? I’m a swim god.

Kruger: I ain’t religious, bro.

Prism: *praying hands emoji*

Lars: Seriously, what is it?

Rush: A giant pussy.

Lars: That explains why I didn’t know.

Wes: Why’s that?

Lars: ‘Cause I prefer dick.

Prism: *laugh emoji*

Win: *smirk emoji*

Jamie: *sends selfie to chat*

Jamie: Just thought you all might want to see what a six-figure man looks like.

Max: Here we go.

Jamie: Bro, you already went… to loser alley when you lost that bet.

Arsen: Congratulations, bro! You ate.

Jamie: Left no crumbs.

Kruger: Let’s see how cocky you feel when you show up to pick up your date and she expects you to sweep her cobwebs with your broom.

Madison: OMG! Ew!

Ryan: You better watch your mouth. That’s some bro-fanity you’re throwing down.

Jamie: Bro. You do me proud.

Ryan: Bros for life.

Kruger: Why else would some oldie toss two hundred G’s at him?

Jess: The money isn’t for him. It goes to Westbrook. Remember?

Max: Yeah, well, he still has to work it off.

Arsen: Who is she anyway?

Win: The mayor of Cougartown.

Prism: *laugh emoji*

Madison: Her name is Mrs. Marsh, and she’s very nice.

Kruger: A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

Madison: She introduced herself to me, moron.

Kruger: Ah, the mistress introducing herself to the wife. This is getting interesting.

Jess: I am so embarrassed.

Jamie: If I wanted to listen to an asshole talk, I’d fart.

Prism: *wind emoji*

Jamie: Nice sound effect, P.

Jamie: She introduced herself to us right after the auction. She’s a widow. Both she and her late husband went to Westbrook.

Madison: They own like a ton of patents!

Lars: Why do I never understand any of our conversations?

Rush: It’s the rights to a bunch of stuff, bro.

Lars: This is why you’re my kidney.

Win: And?

Lars: *eye roll emoji* And you’re my heart.

Jamie: What a heartfelt bro-ment.

Madison: She said she has more money than she knows what to do with, so she wanted to make a sizeable donation to the college she and her husband attended. Then she invited me over with Jamie so we could have tea.

Arsen: Jamie, you gonna have tea too?

Jamie: I like tea.

Madison: Jamie is gonna change all her lightbulbs.

Ryan: He’s gonna change her lightbulbs? *laugh emoji*

Madison: And a few other jobs around the house. She has a list.

Ryan: A chore list!

Wes: *laugh emoji*

Win: *laugh emoji*

Max: *laugh emoji*

Kruger: *laugh emoji*

Prism: *light bulb emoji*

Jamie: Aww, Maddie, you couldn’t have let me be the six-figure man a little longer?

Arsen: You still are, bro. But now you’re a chore boy too.

Rory: I think it’s so sweet that Jamie is going to help her with things around the house.

Jess: Yes, she knew those muscles could handle it.

Kruger: Woman, what the hell are you doing looking at Jamie’s muscles?

Madison: She said Jamie reminds her of her late husband.

Landry: *crying emoji*

Landry: OMG, this is the most adorable thing ever.

Jamie: I’m irresistible. She liked my bowtie.

Max: How wholesome.

Jamie: Like you know anything about being wholesome.

Wes: What about the man who paid big bucks for Ryan?

Ryan: Mr. Sentry. He wants me to give his son a private swim lesson.

Kruger: Better hope the kid’s mom ain’t around. Rory will push her in the pool.

Rory: Can you hear me laughing? No? It’s because I’m not.

Jamie: Leave my sister alone. We got more important things to discuss.

Landry: Such as?

Jamie: Announcing me as the MVS.

Lars: Most valuable swimmer?

Jamie: Lars for the win!

Wes: You definitely earned it.

Kruger: Best in bro results are:

Kruger: 1: Jamie, 2: Ryan, 3: Coach

Ryan: I’m buying your waffles in the morning, bro.

Jamie: I’m eating extra.

Landry: My dad did pretty well.

Lars: Wasn’t that your old nurse that won the bid on him?

Landry: Yes! I totally knew she had a crush on him.

Kruger: Until he blasts that whistle at her.

Rush: They’re across the room, having a drink at the bar.

Madison: Don’t all look at the same time!

Rory: They’re cute together.

Wes: Looks to me like Coach will be in a better mood at practice tomorrow.

Prism: *crossing fingers emoji*