42. Sam
Itake a deep breath as I sit in the courtroom, my nerves frayed in the charged air. Sneaking a glance at Joshua, her sister's husband, I give him a nod. His presence is a small comfort in the overwhelming setting. The courtroom, devoid of a jury, still feels imposing with how quiet everyone is.
"Relax, Sam. It's just a meeting to present the new evidence and discuss dropping the charges," Joshua whispers reassuringly. But my anxiety is hard to quell; after all, my future is on the line. Over the last few weeks, I've been preparing for the trial in more ways than one. First with the interviews and then with trying to picture my life behind bars. At most, I've managed a few panic attacks, but at least I am prepared for what is coming.
The judge, a severe-looking woman with a reputation for fairness, enters and commands the room with her authoritative presence. "This hearing is now in session. Please be seated," she says, opening her papers to begin.
"The case of the State versus Elaine Samantha Archibald Williams. Ms. Williams, you're first. Please approach the witness stand," the judge announces.
As I rise, my heart rate doubles. But Joshua's calm voice follows me. "Remember, clear and honest answers, Sam. You're ready for this." He gives me a quick wink and despite everything, I do find breathing easier.
At the witness stand, I stand behind the regal dark wood. After swearing in, I take a seat. Every eye was focused on her, the courtroom completely silent. Smoothing down my skirt, I breathe in a few slow breaths. Thankfully, Penny and Tilly (via video call from Costa Rica) helped me pick out my clothes. It's a gray skirt and white blouse. Both are somewhat form-fitting but not scandalously so. Greg gave it his stamp of approval, saying I looked professional and innocent.
Some reporters toward the rear appeared to be leaning in, eager to listen to the tale straight from me. A few of them were quietly murmuring into their recorders, but thankfully, cameras were not permitted by the judge. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hands on my thighs and gazed downwards.
Joshua approaches the witness stand, giving me a small smile. He's a good man, both patient with his kids and me. I'm very glad he's on my side. Penny was right; the job doesn't make the man. Josh is about as opposite from Kevin as water is from sand. "Ms. Williams, for the record, you prefer to be called Sam; is that correct?" As he speaks it, the court recorder is typing away; I stare at her flying fingers for a moment before swallowing. "Yes, that's correct."
"Sam, I want to jump right into the night in question. Can you just walk us through what happened on April 5th, 2014?"
I knew this was going to be his first question and nod. My voice is softer than I'd like as I begin to recount the harrowing night that changed my whole life. The longer I speak, the steadier my words become, but I know my eyes betray the trauma. Much as I wish I could hide everything, it's too much to ask of my nervous body.
I start with Kevin coming home drunk, being demanding and violent. When I get to the part about him starting his tirade, my tone becomes robotic. I hear it happening but can't stop it. If I let the emotion out now, I won't be able to rein it back in. Slowly, I describe the beating and, finally, the moment when he pulled out my gun. "I didn't want him to die... I just wanted it to stop," I whisper, being intentionally vague about pulling the trigger.
But to my surprise, he doesn't ask any more questions about the actual shooting.
He only nods. "That's completely understandable Sam. What did you do once you realized he was dead?"
Continuing my story, careful not to include Penny's involvement, I start recounting my panicked running, adding in the small lie about stealing my sister's passport and my eventual escape to Costa Rica. In reality, Penny had offered the item and encouraged me to leave.
"Did you tell anyone where you were going?" he asks, his brows low.
"No."
Nodding again, he looks at the judge. "No further questions."
The judge turns a page and then looks over to the other bench. "Mr. Jenkins?"
The prosecuting lawyer rises to his feet in a dark, well-tailored suit, scrutinizing my face. Without wasting any time, he delves right into my past. Trying to get me to discuss my ideas of running away and building more of a background on my relationship with my abusive husband. Each question seemed designed to cast doubt on me in general. Josh had told me to expect it, but being the center of attention while I'm called a liar is tough.
"Your honor, I'd like to introduce Exhibit A, a copy of the federal application for a pistol. Did you purchase a gun, two weeks prior to the murder?" He went to his bench and came back with a copy of a faded yellowing paper enclosed in a plastic bag.
"I did."
"Why?"
"Why does anyone? It was for protection."
"From Kevin?" he asked.
I nod, then catch myself and say aloud. "Yes."
"Why? Why buy a gun for $800 when you could have bought a bus ticket for much cheaper?"
I shift in my seat and look over to first Joshua and then Greg. With their encouraging nods, I clear her throat. "I didn't think he would let me leave."
The lawyer probes further, "Could you elaborate on why you believed Mr. Williams would prevent you from leaving?"
"Kevin had a history of controlling behavior. Leaving wasn't as simple as it might seem." It was entirely the truth. Kevin wasn't the type to just let his wife leave him. The gun was just an intimidation tactic, a way to keep him from hurting me while I planned my escape.
"So, you bought a gun without the intention of using it?" The opposing lawyer's tone suggested incredulity.
Joshua immediately stood up. "Objection, Your Honor. Counsel is making assertions rather than asking questions."
The judge looks up, considers, and then nods. "Objection sustained. Please rephrase your question, counselor." Mr. Perkins straightens his tie and flashes a full tooth cougar of a smile at the judge.
"No problem. Then, let's go back to the night of Kevin's murder." The lawyer flips to a page in his notepad and starts digging in. Asking me about how I felt when he got home, my state of mind if I had been drinking and my intentions, but I stuck with what I had already said, not deviating from my story.
I know he is trying to make me look less credible or uncover inconsistencies; Joshua had warned me this would happen. But I had been over the story at least one hundred times with Joshua and his team. When he did ask if I remember pulling the trigger, I finally gave in to the urge to look at my hands. The memory of Kevin's face as he realized he had been shot flashed in my mind. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, trying to steady my voice before attempting to speak. It was the only fact from the long line of questioning that I was truly nervous about.
"I uh, don't, sorry. I just wanted the pain to stop, I didn't want him to die."
"So, you blacked out?"
Joshua was on his feet again. "Objection! We've been over the night several times and he's leading the witness. Move to strike."
"Sustained. Her story has been established. Remember counselor this is an evidentiary hearing to show new evidence for dismissing charges. Further cross examination can be done if and when there is a full trial."
"Of course. If everyone will look at the evidence sheet, I'd like to present exhibit B." He walked to his table and picked up a laminated sheet of paper.
He walked it over to me—a picture of me and Greg kissing on a surfboard. When I first see it, my stomach flutters. Truly, a beautiful moment is captured in that photo. My hair was all wet but smiling as Greg's lips met mine. He's gorgeously tan and toned, dripping with warm seawater. While surfing in Costa Rica, we kissed all the time, but I've never taken a photo of it and I'm unsure of who did. The gravity of what it meant then made my hands tremble.
"Can you tell me who those people are?"
Joshua was on his feet once again. "Objection, Your Honor, relevance to the case at hand?"
The opposing lawyer raises a hand, that smarmy smile still on his face. "I aim to show that her personal relationship with this man led to insider information on the case at hand."
"Overruled. Please answer the question Ms. Williams."
I gripped onto her own hands, trying to quell the tremble running through them. "That's me and Greg Sanderson."
"FBI Agent Greg Sanderson?" I nod and hand the picture back. "The man that was tasked with bringing you home to face these charges. A man that you've been sleeping with for months, isn't that correct?"
"Yes. But—"
"And this was specifically to gain information into the investigation?"
Joshua quickly objected, "Your Honor, I object on the grounds of speculation. There's no substantiated evidence to suggest any manipulation for personal gains in this matter."
But Mr. Perkins shook his head. "Ms. Williams' credibility is in question. I'm trying to show she engaged in a relationship because Mr. Sanderson was involved in her investigation."
"Overruled. But I would remind the prosecution that they must provide relevance to the actual case. Please continue Mr. Jenkins."
"Were you aware of his job?"
"No."
"And how did the two of you meet?"
"Erm, it's not very appropriate…"
The judge interjected with a professional, albeit somewhat bored tone, "Ms. Williams, please answer the question to the best of your ability. The details are pertinent to this case."
Looking around the room, I find Greg. He gave me a quick wink, bolstering my confidence. I explained that we met at a dance club, dancing for hours before going back to his apartment for some "after dancing activities."
The courtroom's tense atmosphere lightened momentarily as I finished the phrase, eliciting a rare laugh from those present.
"You mean you engaged in sexual activity?"
Joshua was on his feet again, but the judge cleared her throat before he could object. "Counselor, please stick to questions directly relevant to the case at hand. I will not remind you again."
But I sat up straighter, the stiff wooden chair creaking beneath me as I did. The overhead lights were burning into my skin, and I was ready to get down from the witness stand if only to cool down. If answering the question would speed things along, I am more than willing. "I don't mind answering. If it's okay with Joshua—erm, Mr. Bennet?" Josh nodded and smiled. "Then yes, Greg and I were intimate that night." Flickers of their encounter flashed in my mind, and heat rushed to my cheeks. On his couch, my legs splayed as his tongue worked magic.
Greg and I haven't been able to express our love for one another in a physical way since before my surgery and it's been a little bit torturous to lie next to him every night and not touch. I take a sip of water to distract myself and cool down.
"And you had no idea what he did for work, or where he was from…?" The lawyer's look told me clearly what he thought about such activities.
"Nope. Just a hot guy at a dance club that was supposed to be an amazing one-night stand. Guess we both failed at that." The courtroom laughed again, and I could sense the power shifting. If the lawyer was trying to slut shame me, he wouldn't be successful. I know that isn't true, and even if it was, I have no qualms about my dating life.
"So, when you found out he was FBI, that's when you started seeing him on a regular basis?"
I shake my head again. "No. He showed up at my surf shack for a lesson. Neither of us knew who the other was." I look at Greg again and see him smiling. I get it. I like thinking about how we met too. "He took me to lunch, and we started dating. When he did finally admit who he was, I broke things off and ran away from Costa Rica."
He narrowed his eyes. "Are you currently seeing him?"
I look at the ground, trying to hide my smile. "Yes."
He turned around and put both hands behind his back. Pacing the room for a second, his head snapped towards me. "You still maintain that his status as an Agent has absolutely no bearing on your relationship?"
"Absolutely not. In fact, he resigned from the FBI after my arrest. My boyfriend is now unemployed because of me." I caught Greg's eye again and see his sympathetic look. Deep down, I know he was more than happy to give the job up, but still, there is guilt over the whole thing. The lawyer went to his bench and sifted through some documents.
"I was not aware that he had quit."
"Well, he did." I crossed my arms as I said it, but when I saw the look of caution in Joshua's eyes, I uncross them and sit up straighter.
Joshua stood up with a sigh. "Objection your honor, there is absolutely no proof that Mr. Sanderson's previous role in the investigation led to any benefits. In fact, it led to Sam's arrest, and the loss of his job, hardly a benefit. I firmly object to this ridiculous line of question as entirely speculative." The other lawyer glared, but the judge nodded.
"Sustained. Mr. Bennet you are not to direct another line of questioning to this point."
Nodding, the lawyer stood behind his bench, his shoulders squared and jaw tight. A tiny spark of hope sparked in my chest. "No further questions then, Your Honor," he says through grit teeth.
"Any rebuttal Mr. Bennet?" the judge asked Joshua, but he stood and shook his head quickly. "Very well. Ms. Williams, you may step down," the judge instructed. As I leave the witness stand, the weight of the moment hangs heavily in the air. Joshua gives me a reassuring nod—a silent message that I had handled the intense scrutiny well.
The judge then addressed the courtroom. "We will recess and reconvene after a short break to hear further evidence. Court is adjourned for 15 minutes."
As I take my seat next to Joshua, his whisper of encouragement barely registers. I am too caught up in the gravity of the proceedings. My testimony, a blend of truth and necessary omissions had been my best attempt at navigating the treacherous waters of the legal system. Now, all I can do is wait and hope that justice would be on my side.