25. Sam

We get back to the surf shack around nine, just as it's about to open. I spot Tilly inside, busily arranging sunscreen boxes on a shelf. It's one of our best sellers as the Costa Rican sun can take most tourists by surprise. Jaco is a hub for tourism, and Ron is a smart man who makes sure we have what passersby need. Though it isn't the most exciting of tasks, Tilly still looks like she's stocking dead puppies. The change is so different from her normal perkiness that I'm suddenly concerned I've done something wrong.

When Greg and I walk in, Tilly glances over her shoulder. "Hey, you two," she greets us, but her voice is flat, missing its usual spark.

"Hey. Did you go out this morning? It's like glass." I'm hoping to spark a little enthusiasm, but her shoulders remain stubbornly slumped.

"Not yet. I'll probably grab a quick sesh now that you're here." At the mention of surfing, her body does loosen up, but there's still tension in the air. It takes me a second to see that she and Greg are having some sort of stare-down. But that's Tilly. She's as fiercely protective as my real sister.

Ignoring the daggers she's shooting at my boyfriend, I lean my board against the wall and turn to Greg. "Lunch later?"

"Wouldn't miss it," he says. I hear Tilly groan behind me, but I kiss Greg anyway. It's long and deep and makes my body flare to life. When I finally pull away, he's smiling down at me like I'm some sort of goddess. As if he thinks I personally created the ocean and sun.

"You better leave before Tilly throws something," I say quietly. He places a final peck on my nose.

As he turns to leave, I can't resist giving his ass a playful smack, making him jump theatrically before he all but skips out the door.

"I see you two had a great night," Tilly says, her tone tinged with bitterness.

"Yes. Do you want the tea or to keep trying to kill him with your eyes?"

There's a breath pause before she bursts into tears. I rush over to her. The closer I get, the more I realize she looks like she's spent the night crying. "Woah, Til. What's going on?"

My arms are around her in an instant, and she takes a few calming breaths. In all our time together, I've never seen her lose it like this. It scares me more than the crazy words Greg told me the night before.

She takes a deep breath, attempting to smile. "I'm fine, Sam. Sorry."

"This is you fine?" I practically yell the question, and she winces.

"Yes. Seriously. I'm just working through some stuff." She wipes her face clear of the salt trails and forces an even bigger grin. "Well, go on. Tell me about your night."

I smile, a little hesitant now. "You sure?"

She waves her hand in an impatient circle, sniffling as she does. The gesture is clear; I must distract her before she loses her battle against emotions again. "He told me he loves me," I blurt out.

Tilly's arms drop, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Yep. He's in full blown clingy man mode." I laugh at the sentence, but I'm not feeling goofy at all. In fact, I'm feeling completely raw and exposed. Trying to explain the situation away, I flutter my hand. "But it doesn't matter. I told him that I'm not good with commitment." Even as I say it, there's a twinge of guilt.

"Oh honey," Tilly shakes her head, clearly not the reaction I expected. We move towards the bar, and I follow, feeling a bit defensive.

"I didn't want to lie or lead him on! I thought you would be on my side with this."

Tilly continues to shake her head, pouring herself a mug of beer and taking a gulp. "Tilly it's nine fifteen."

"Oh, it's necessary, Sam." She takes another drink and then offers the mug to me. Despite the early hour, the cool liquid feels refreshing going down my parched throat after my active morning. "What did he say?"

"That he was just glad I trusted him at all after Kevin." I pass the beer back, and Tilly takes a gulp, clearly mulling over everything.

"Tell me I'm stupid and this is some sort of red flag." If Tilly says the words, I will have no problem with ending things.

Okay, that's a goddamn lie. But at the very least, I would take her words to heart. Greg's like my own brand of special addiction. It would take chains and locks to keep me away from him. My face flushes at the thought. I've never been into that sort of thing before, but I trust Greg enough that it could be fun. Heat pools in my stomach and flushes my face.

Tilly laughs a little, leaning back. "Jesus, Sammy. Look at you!"

I give her my best scowl, which, in my current state of bliss, is pretty pathetic. "What? I got laid, so what? Tell me he's crazy."

She shakes her head. "I wish I could but honestly, I think he might have meant it. The way he looks at you… It's disgusting, but yeah, I'd say he probably loves you or at least believes he does."

We fall into silence, each lost in our thoughts. I feel a need for more guidance, especially from Tilly, who seems to know so much more about... everything. The other thing that's been on my mind is the intense connection we shared. It was so intimate and powerful that I'm not quite sure what to do with the memory of the feeling. "Hey, have you ever made love?"

Tilly raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement in her look. "I am not a virgin, no."

I press further, "I mean, has it ever felt like more than just sex?" When she doesn't answer immediately, I elaborate, "I never really thought about it before. Sex is sex, but this was… so different. I think I finally got the distinction."

Tilly seems taken aback. "No Sam, I don't believe I've ever had the privilege of that." She starts to move away, her shoulders drooping a bit.

"Wait! What should I do?" I call after her, desperate for some words of wisdom or warning.

She stops, sighing heavily, but doesn't turn to face me. "My advice? Hang on to that feeling and never let it go."

Her words catch me off guard. I was almost sure Tilly would tell me to move on, to not get tied down, given how she's lived her life.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Tilly heads towards the surfboard rack without a word, her movements deliberate. She picks out Colby Jack, her favorite board adorned with yellow painted daisies, and then turns to me with a weary yet genuine smile gracing her lips. "Sam, I love you like a sister. If Greg makes you feel safe and loved, lean into it. Life's too short not to take chances on stuff like this."

Her smile, tinged with sadness, lingers for a moment before she turns and heads for the door.

As she leaves, her words echo in my mind, casting a shadow of worry for her. I'm aware of how deeply Tilly's been affected by Tommy's rejection, and it's clear she's in a lot of pain. While I'm thrilled at the prospect of diving deeper into what I have with Greg, Tilly's well-being is paramount to me.

Deep down, I want to say ‘fuck Tommy' and eliminate him from my life. But I know I can't. If Tilly is my surfing sister, Tommy is my badass brother. And here I am, stuck right in the middle of their conflict. A place I never wanted to be. But the truth is, I never thought it would go this way. Ever since I first saw his moon-struck face on her, I imagined a time when they would be together in the not-so-distant future.

Talking to Tommy is out. Giving advice to Tilly is apparently not what she wants either. So instead, I resolve then and there to be there for her, whatever it takes. I'm prepared to do it. I owe her that much. But more importantly, I can't stand by and watch someone I love suffer.