Three

Liz

Career choices were never my thing. My jobs only lasted a couple of months at most before I'd become miserable and Lyle would convince me to quit. My resume was excessively lengthy, with significant gaps due to my decision to stay at home and raise Lil until she began school, later doing the same with Milo.

I wouldn't do that to Brian. The Rooster was a stupid idea, but one I felt I had to do at least once. Lyle had suggested I bartend before he died, even if for one night, just so he could live out some fantasy. He planned on coming in and flirting with me, pretending to pick up the bartender at the end of the night.

So I did it, only he wasn't there at the end of my shift to have me. It was only his ghost who greeted me, along with the vibrator I used to pretend he was still around. My mind conjured him up every night as if he were really there, as vividly as I could see my own reflection.

When it first happened, I thought I was losing my mind, but after talking with my therapist, she suggested it was my subconscious' way of coping with his sudden loss.

"Need any help?" The blonde worker Brian introduced as Mason walked over, examining me as I worked.

Brian had left me to it when he realized I had memorized everything. I was always very good at retaining information at a rapid rate. Just not so much with numbers.

"I got it, thanks." I scaled back the bitch in me, feeling like I should get along with everyone here for Brian's sake.

"Let me know when you change your mind."

When?

A lot was assumed by that when, causing me to bite my tongue hard so as not to say something.

Buddy, you'll soon learn I don't need your muscles.

"I'll keep that in mind."

I heard Mason's retreating footsteps as I got back to work, loosening a bolt on my own just fine. No one else bothered me after that, which I was totally fine with.

Music stayed playing throughout the day on the overhead speakers, all songs I recognized. It took me a little while to realize it must be Brian's playlist as most of these were his favorites. It wasn't until "Feeling This" by Blink-182 played that I went looking for him again. Would he be drumming along to the song like he used to? The need to know grew with each passing step, as if seeing him do it was the only thing that would keep me sane.

I found him in his office, staring at his computer monitor, mindlessly humming under his breath. His left index finger banged against the edge of the desk as he moved his mouse with his right hand. He clicked on something that was holding his attention enough for him not to go full ham on this song.

"Thought I'd find you drumming," I smirked, crossing my arms as I leaned against the office doorway.

"Caught me," he smiled back, his eyes wrinkling in the corners as his cheeks raised to reveal his dimple. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, although I may want to karate chop Mason in the throat." I let out a light chuckle, stepping inside his office.

"Sounds like you." His eyes never strayed from mine as I took a seat, leaning over his desk.

He leaned forward as well, resting his elbows against the metal while entering my personal space. My chest ached, a familiar sensation of bittersweet longing and guilt filling me. I hadn't been with anyone since Lyle died, not even a quick hookup. Thinking of being with another person made my stomach turn to the point I thought I would puke. Too long of a period had passed since I was last intimate that the wind could blow the right way between my legs and I would get all hot and bothered.

But this was Brian, and although he had grown to be a very handsome man, I couldn't venture past friendship with him. I refused to lose someone else. Besides, eighteen years was a long time for someone to change, both physically and inwardly. Brian was a different person, even though he held remnants of his younger self.

"I'm not that bad." I stuck my tongue out at him momentarily, being my old goofy self.

"It's your first day and you already want to hurt someone. Tell me how you're not bad?" His eyes gleamed with amusement, sparkling in the light so that they looked more blue than gray.

"I could have hurt him, but I didn't."

"How did he make you mad, anyway?" He arched a brow, the amusement fading.

He was in overprotective mode, only now that mode held power. When we were younger, Brian was always very protective, but he lacked the muscle to back it up. He was tall and lanky, with a spiky blue mohawk that attracted everyone's attention. It intimidated most, but there were those that knew he wouldn't win in a real fight. It wasn't until Lyle joined us that most of the bullying stopped. Although, it was really Brian that helped me grow confident in myself before Lyle came around.

"Just told me he'd be my muscle when I needed it." I narrowed my eyes in anger again at his stupid comment. "When!"

Brian laughed a loud, hearty chuckle that shook his shoulders. "That's it?"

"What do you mean, that's it? He assumed I would need him. He didn't say if, Brian, he said when!"

Brian extended his finger, curling it in a beckoning gesture. Intrigued, I obliged, leaning further over the desk. "These muscles aren't going to be able to do it all," he remarked, squeezing my biceps with his thumb and index finger, feeling it yield beneath his pinch.

"Rude!" I playfully slapped his hand away, leaning back and shooting him an annoyed look. Despite my irritation, there was still this light-hearted feeling in my chest, one I hadn't felt in so long.

"Just being real with you, Lizzie." He smiled widely at me, making my eyes roll.

"Yeah, real annoying."

"Don't worry. I'll tell Mason to leave you alone. And when you need help, you can come to me instead, just to save face." He winked at me, chuckling at his joke as if he were the funniest guy around.

"You're just as bad!" I threw the rag on his desk at his face, but he caught it easily. "Watch me do it all on my own."

I got up and started walking towards the door, but his voice made me stop in my tracks. "You don't have to do it alone anymore, Lizzie. I'm here now."

Without looking back, I swiftly exited his office, making a beeline for the restroom. Being the emotional wreck that I was, his words had instantly blurred my vision with tears.

One of them escaped, tracing a path down my cheek as I forcefully swung the bathroom door open, locking it behind me. Sliding down the wall, I found myself sitting on the floor, tears cascading from my eyes like a relentless waterfall.

Ever since Elle left my house in April after Lyle's funeral, I had felt so alone. Not even on my worst days back home with Mom and Dad did I ever feel this alone. To have Brian tell me that he was here for me again…it was more than I could bear. It tore me apart, ripping at the temporary bandaid I had placed over my heart.

I spent the next fifteen minutes crying as memories continued to plague me, not just memories of Lyle but of Brian and I too. I collected myself, washing my face off before venturing back out. When I opened the door, I was greeted by his strong arms, pulling me into his chest and filling me with his familiar scent. Brian had been waiting for me, but for how long?

I let him hold me for a moment, before pulling back and staring into those penetrating slate-colored eyes. His gaze was intense, seeing me with such clarity that it felt as if he was peering into the depths of my soul. I couldn't look away, completely vulnerable and exposed under his stare.

"I got you. I'm never leaving your side again."

Dammit, Brian, that's only going to make me cry more.

I crashed my face into his chest, soaking his shirt with the sobs I choked out.

"Woah, is she okay? What happened? Is she hurt?" A not-so-familiar voice rang, more than likely having realized I was crying.

"She's fine, Zayden, I've got it handled. Split the rest of the workload with the others until I get back. I'm taking her home."

"Got it, B-Boss."

Too mortified to lift my head and take in our surroundings, I allowed Brian to guide me out of the garage. Within a matter of minutes, we were inside his car, and that's when the panic set in.

My breathing became rapid, bordering on hyperventilating. My legs flailed uncontrollably, kicking wildly as my hands clenched onto the cool leather seat beneath me. It felt as if I couldn't catch my breath, gasping for air that seemed to elude me.

"Breathe, Lizzie, breathe."

Brian's hands gripped my shoulders, forcing me to look at him once more. When I did, I found he wasn't the only one there. Lyle's green eyes peered at me from beside Brian's shoulders. His gaze was full of concern.

"One: You're doing good." Brian said, coaxing me to take a breath together, inhaling with my lips curved as if I were sucking through a straw.

"One: You got this," Lyle's voice rang louder than anything else around me, repeating what he would always tell me when I had a panic attack.

"Two: You're tough as nails, Lizzie." Brian helped me take another breath, feeling my heart start to calm and my vision start to focus.

"Two: You can do this." Lyle was giving me that smile he always did when he was getting to number three. Three was always his favorite.

"Three: You're not alone." Brian squeezed at my shoulder as he spoke, solidifying his words.

"Three: Fuck anyone who says you can't." Lyle winked at me before disappearing, waving out of existence like the mirage he was.

My body had finally stilled but my breathing remained rapid, though now managing to reach my lungs. Brian's hands grabbed my own, tightly squeezing them as a reassuring reminder that he was still by my side. His words meant more to me than he could possibly comprehend.

Lyle popping up at that moment was a painful reminder that it didn't matter if I had someone else to help me. I still desperately wanted him, needed him, and it all seemed pointless without him by my side. Although Brian's actions and words helped me as much as Lyle's did, it somehow made things worse at the same time.

Maybe it was my own self deprecation that made me believe I deserved to be alone. I deserved to be unhappy and lonely, because I let him die beside me. Letting myself have that small moment of reassurance from Brian was now coming back at me, punching me in the gut with guilt.

"Thank you," I managed to whisper through a quivering voice, squeezing his hands back.

"Are you okay?" I could feel Brian's eyes on me, his gaze filled with genuine concern. His brows furrowed, creating gentle lines on his forehead, while his eyes softened with empathy.

"No. I don't know how I'm supposed to live without him."

"The same way you have been for the past six months. The same way you did before you met him." His big thumb gently brushed against my jawline, wiping away the tear that was on the verge of rolling off my face.

Part of me wanted to say I hadn't been living without Lyle. That I had seen him as clearly as I saw Brian. How I used that manifestation of him at times to talk as if he was still here. Instead, I kept quiet, because it was bad enough being the widow, let alone being the crazy, murderous widow.

"Lizzie, you're the strongest woman I know. And maybe that's not what you want to hear, but it's what needs to be said. You're going to get through this…strong and clear."

I grabbed his hand that lingered by my face, turning it so that I could kiss his palm. "Thank you, Brian."

"My pleasure, Lizzie. Let's get you home."

"No! I can't let Elle or the kids see me like this." I shook my head in a panic. Lil and Milo couldn't see me broken. I needed to at least appear stable for them.

"Okay, I know just the place."

His mischievous smile flashed as he closed the door. I watched as he rounded the hood of his car, taking his spot behind the wheel. He filled his seat with his large muscles, seeming oversized for it. "Punk Rock 101" by Bowling For Soup blasted on his speakers as he pulled out.

I smiled at the memory of jamming to this song with him in the back of one of the junkyard cars, our bodies laid out on the leather back seats with our feet dangling out of the missing windows. It was something we often did, having nothing better to do. We were into our music, cloud watching, and stargazing, not to mention copious amounts of anime watching.

Brian tapped on the steering wheel as he smoothly took the corner around Mia's flower shop. I wasn't sure where we were heading, staring out the window in hopes of gaining some clue. When I saw the large oak tree in the distance, I knew what he was doing.

A smile stretched across my lips at the millions of memories that suddenly flooded my mind. Playing tag as kids with the trunk of the tree as our base. Reading books under the shade of its long branches in our early teen years. Carving names into the bark of the people we hated, scratching them off as we mentally killed them for bullying us. She was our giving tree, only we didn't take more than shade and her fallen leaves to jump into.

"Thought some cloud watching under good ol' Oakley would do us both some good," Brian explained as he drove up the dirt path.

The grass was even greener than I remembered, but the hill that Oakley sat on looked somehow smaller. She was the only tree on this beautiful green field, filled with the scent of the wildflowers that grew all around. The sun shone brightly on her dark green leaves, showing just how healthy she still was.

Sometimes I wondered if it was better for a tree to be alone, never tangling its roots with another. Do trees get lonely? Right now I was certainly feeling like Oakley — alone, yet not. The only oak tree around but not the only plant, as various amounts of wildflowers grew around her and under her.

"Pick the song, Lizzie. I'm sure you're tired of my music."

He laid on the grass under the shade of the long branches, arms folded beneath his head. His eyes landed on me expectantly as he waited for me to take my place beside him. I pulled my phone out as I did, feeling the soft grass brush under my arms. My fingers scrolled through my playlist trying to find one song in particular.

"Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus played on my phone between us as Brian zoned in on a cloud above.

"It's a bear riding a unicycle with a birthday hat on," he declared as the cloud took shape in his mind.

"No, it's a narwhal jumping through a hoop."

It was so easy to fall back into our old ways. How have eighteen years passed without him?

"I like mine better," he smiled, not looking my way but keeping his eyes trained on the clouds above.

I admired his strong jawline, no longer seeing that boy I grew up with but the man he had become.

"Thank you, Brian." My voice was low, a small whisper as I stared up at the sky.

He stayed quiet, either not hearing me or pretending not to. Brian had never been one to accept a thank you for something he felt needed to be done. Chivalrous as ever. Always looking out for everyone else without so much as a second thought.

The feel of his hand brushing against mine was the only thing telling me he was beside me as we fell to a comfortable silence. The music carried us back, reminding me of simpler times, if I could really call them that. Any time before Lyle's death was easier.

The panic attack I had not twenty minutes ago felt like a distant memory at this point. Sounds of the acoustic guitar strumming along with Ronnie Winter's voice soothed my soul, ridding me of my worry. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the way the gentle breeze moved across my face. My attention was drawn to the smell of the flowers around us, transporting me back to the last time I was here.

21 Years Ago

"Brian, I have a confession," I announced as I took my journal out, leaning against the tree trunk. Brian laid on the grass, knee bent and Mohawk poking at my thigh, sharp as ever. Can't imagine the amount of gel he goes through in a week.

"Shoot."

"I suck at math and so do you. So I signed us up for after-school tutoring. You're welcome," I nodded, doodling a little dinosaur in the corner of my drawn city. Or maybe Godzilla, who knows with my shitty drawings?

Brian spun around so fast, swinging his legs under him so he could sit up faster. "Come again? You did what now?"

I smirked, knowing he was going to be annoyed by this. But I was not doing it alone and we both needed help. "I signed us up for tutoring. You know, the student tutoring after school?"

"No, I got that. I know what that is. The part that's confusing me is why you think I need tutoring?" He leaned in, his hands resting over the grass on either side of my waist as his slate-colored eyes bore into me.

"Because you're failing." I arched a brow, calling him out on his forty-seven percent in Mrs. Hardcastle's class.

"Here's the thing, Lizzie. I am not failing because I don't understand. I'm failing because Mrs. Hardcastle pissed me off and now I wanna piss her off. Best way to do that is to let her know I'm capable, but refuse to do her work. Then, at the end, I'll get my grade up and there's nothing she can say about it." Brian looked smug as he told me his ridiculous plan, earning him a light tap to the head with my palm. He rubbed at his forehead as he sat back on his ass.

"You're an idiot. Get your grade up now. It's too late to get out of tutoring, so maybe do it anyway and do your work," I stated with a roll of my eyes and a hidden smirk.

"Lame," he sighed, laying back on the grass and staring up at the clouds again. "You know they have some jocks and cheerleaders in there doing the tutoring. I highly doubt Danielle Fox can teach me much of anything."

I threw an acorn at him, hitting him right on the leg. "We're not going to get the jocks. If we hurry, we can nab the nerds. I have my eyes set on Lance Baker."

"Gross," Brian shook his head, flipping onto his stomach, "he jerks off in the boy's bathroom almost every day. Who does that in public?"

"The genius, apparently. I'm not judging as long as he can train my brain to handle math."

"I don't think anyone can do that." Brian laughed as I threw another acorn at him, hitting him right in the face. He jumped up with his wicked grin and I knew I was in for it. I threw my notebook down, running around the tree giggling and screaming.