One

Liz

A2+B2=C2. We were all drilled with the pythagorean theorem at school. Something they taught that held no meaning in the real world, at least not for me. High school did not prepare me for anything. The only thing I learned there that I could apply to my life was that most people would make assumptions about me based solely on how I looked and who I hung out with. High school did not prepare me for paying bills, for becoming a parent, or even for understanding how the real world worked.

Absolutely no one prepared me for the aftermath of a loved one's death. Budgeting and figuring out the legal aspects of my husband's passing gave me little time to grieve him. Lyle was my everything, and without him, it felt like the world wasn't spinning anymore, leaving me in the dark cold of night. Now I was sitting at the table trying to help my daughter with her math homework, and all that came to mind was A2+B2=C2.

"Mom, I still don't get it," Lily complained, biting her pencil once more as she stared at her math homework. I worked with her for a good thirty minutes, with little progress.

Math was always Lyle's strong suit, not my own. He was a numbers guy, being the accountant for a large corporation. He'd never talk about work, always wanting to forget it the moment he got home. I think he hated his job, but he would never admit it.

"Look, Lil." I took her pencil, running through the steps once more. Google did its best to refresh my memory on the subject matter, but I knew that soon I would need to get her a math tutor. The same way Lyle ended up being mine.

Dammit Lyle. I can't teach her math.

An hour later, with our frustrations high, Lily huffed with irritation, "I give up." It killed me that I couldn't help her, and she'd still be confused about it tomorrow.

"I am sorry I couldn't help more. You better get to bed. This took a lot longer than I thought it would."

"Yeah, okay."

She kissed my cheek, pushing her chair back as she packed her things up. Her eyes reminded me so much of her father's, that same dark green. It was haunting, seeing them on her face. Her onyx black hair bounced as she ascended the stairs, loosening the knot she'd tied it in with every step.

I don't know how I lucked out with her. Lily took better care of me than I of her since her father passed away six months ago. It broke us both, but she somehow bounced back.

Sad when your own daughter passes you up emotionally. I need help.

I grabbed the wine glass from the top shelf, taking the last bottle from the cooler Lyle bought but never used. Since he passed, I had been finding the many random objects he impulse bought and never used. Like the dehydrator he swore would be useful, but was still sitting in the box in the garage. Or even the paint gun he swore he'd use to paint the motorcycle he said we would eventually buy. I was determined to give each one meaning — give it purpose in this house without him.

It's impossible.

I poured more than I should have into my glass. With the mail in hand and my drink in the other, I headed up the stairs, frowning as I shuffled through the letters, noticing the red writing on a few. Bills. All bills. Pushing the thought aside, I headed up to my room, where Lyle's memory only suffocated me more.

"About time you got up here. Keeping a man waiting so long for a hot body like yours could kill him." His smile haunted me, a mixture of prince charming and the devil played on his lips. Those dark green eyes gleamed with excitement as they roamed my body, looking at me like I still had that teenage figure of mine. He would always stare at me like that, as if there were no stretch marks or small muffin top.

"Hot body my ass," I whispered, taking a sip of my wine before placing it on the nightstand, along with the ever growing pile of bills, and slipped into his side of the bed. "You just want me for my vagina." I let out a chuckle because he hated that word.

"I want you for more than just your cookie." I swore I could feel his large hand on my stomach as if he were really here, squeezing the area I deemed my mommy pooch…the part of my stomach that drooped since having Lily. "This right here is beautiful, because it made my children. You're more stunning now than when I saw you in gym class with your toned ass and skinny waist." The reminder of the way his lips felt against my ear plagued me, filling me with the memory of him to the point I could almost physically feel him.

"If you say so. I am here now, so you gonna do me or what?"

"With that attitude, I'm going to worship you until you remember how absolutely stunning you are. Where's my rebel girl?"

"She died with you."

I chugged the rest of my wine, giving up on any hope of reading and escaping this world, or the memory of him. Turning off the lamp on my nightstand, I engulfed myself in darkness, pulling the sheet over my head as if that could hide me from this nightmare. But again, sleep eluded me. At least I knew what I needed to do.

"I don't understand. Why are you doing this to me?" Lily's eyes glistened with tears as I broke the bad news to her. "This is bullshit! This is our house."

She was angry, evident by the way her arms flew out at the curse she slewed. On any other day, I would have corrected her poor word choice; for today, I let it slide. I was tearing her away from her childhood home, the place that held all the memories of her father.

When you're a single mother, you don't exactly roll in money, causing you to make difficult decisions. I would sell the house and use what I got to buy us a place back in my hometown — the city I swore I'd never return to. There was nothing there for us except Elle and haunting memories. But with money dwindling and no one around to help me with Milo and Lily, it was the only option.

"Are we going to live on a farm with Aunt Elle?" Milo asked, his hazel eyes shimmering with excitement at the thought of living amongst the barn animals.

"No, honey. We'll stay with Aunt Elle for a short while until we buy our own place."

"Oh," he sighed, his little head drooping in disappointment.

Lily's eyes locked on me, their intensity like sharp darts thrown my way. She was furious and festering, but she knew I couldn't handle her outburst right now. Instead she fisted her hands and crossed her arms as she gave me a death stare that could almost kill. I understood this would be hardest on her at the tender age of sixteen, when her high school relationships were evolving into life-long bonds. Milo was only ten, and although he would lose some friends, I knew he wouldn't be as worried about it as Lil.

"But we'll live close enough to Aunt Elle that you can see her farm anytime you want," I promised him, tousling his dark brown ringlets that always hugged his head. He nodded, pushing my hand away as he got up, knowing the conversation was over. His little legs darted out, heading straight for his toys in the playroom.

"This isn't right. It's not fair!" Lil pouted, tears streaming down her face and now down mine. I hated that I was putting her through this, but what other choice did I have?

"I know, sweetheart. But it's what has to be done. I don't like it either."

That's a lie.

Getting rid of this house, and all its memories of Lyle, secretly brought me relief. Does that make me a terrible mom? Maybe if my husband wasn't haunting every corner, I could start to let him go. But how do you let go of the man you've loved since high school? For twenty years, we were together, married for eighteen of them, raising two kids and weathering two decades' worth of life's shit. He was my rock, my best friend…my other half. How the hell do you move on when a gigantic piece of you is missing?

"I know moving is not ideal, but Lil, I promise you'll enjoy Willowbrook."

"The same way you and Dad did? So much, in fact, you moved across the country?" She rolled her eyes, clearly not interested in what I had to say. "Can I be excused now?"

"Yes, you may go," I sighed, watching her leave with a tightness in my chest. She was drowning just like me, and if I needed to, I would dive underwater and offer her my shoulders to stand on so she could breathe. But for now, she would have to cope with moving back to the smaller city.

We were going from a town with eighty thousand people to a much smaller one, with only eight thousand. It would be a significant change for the kids, and I knew they would easily get bored. Hopefully they would find small things about the town that they would love.

I'm sorry, Lyle. We're going back, even though we swore we never would.

"I thought you were going to keep most of your stuff in storage, Liz?" Elle asked, grabbing another large box from the truck bed — Lyle's truck. Its black glossy paint and matching leather interior were all he could talk about when we first bought it.

It still smells like him.

A blend of his Polo cologne and the lingering fragrance of the pine car freshener he insisted on getting. According to him, dangling a little tree from your rear-view mirror was the only way to go. The yellow ones, to be exact.

"I did," I replied, grabbing the two boxes beneath the one she held. "We are still three people, one of whom is a teenager who can't distinguish between what is truly a necessity and what's not."

Most of these boxes were Lil's, and although I probably should have sorted through them more, guilt held me back. She could at least have all the items she wanted at her disposal since I moved her kicking and screaming.

"I'll take this one, Auntie Beth," Addie addressed me as she jogged up, grabbing the top box off my pile. She hurriedly walked ahead, taking Lil's things to her. Thankfully Addie and Lil were not only close in age but close in friendship. The girls were practically sisters, but on even better terms.

Addie was a very beautiful girl, taking after her mother with her light blonde hair and her father's clear blue eyes. They were lighter than Elle's, but still just as beautiful. Elle and I watched her as she walked ahead, hanging back for a minute.

"How are they holding up?" Elle's voice softened as we made our way towards our family home. The familiar baby-blue paint coated its exterior, now adorned with white shutters instead of those garish yellow ones Mom liked.

"As well as any kid who just lost their father." I took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of the surrounding sweet pea flowers carried by the brisk September air.

Prince trotted towards the gate, letting out a gentle neigh as if he recognized me. Maybe he did. How good are horses' memories?

"Mom, look!" Milo exclaimed, pointing up at Prince with an infectious smile on his face.

"I see, Milo. Maybe later I can teach you how to ride him." I suggested, wondering if I still had it in me to lift my ass onto a horse's saddle.

"Yes!" Milo dashed inside, eager to share the news with his sister. "Lily?! Lily?"

She won't be interested.

"Glad to see Milo can still smile," Elle remarked.

Elle was there for the funeral, all our family was — with the exception of Mom and Dad…and Brian. Even Lyle's parents, who we had shunned when they forbade him from marrying me, were there. I had allowed them to stay because Lyle was their only son, but I soon regretted it, considering they were shouting that his death was my fault. Elle made them leave and shielded us from any further comments afterwards. She witnessed firsthand the shattered state of the kids and me.

Lyle's death was as unexpected as any man's at thirty-six. He worked tirelessly, neglecting his health, never mentioning the pain in his chest. His heart gave out one night on the very bed we shared. In silence, he died beside me. Imagine what that was like to wake up to. People often asked me how I didn't realize it as it happened. How could I have slept peacefully next to him as he died? I ask myself that question often, too. As such, I didn't sleep much anymore.

"I'm grateful he can, but you know how kids are. They are more resilient than the rest of us."

"That they are." Elle's short blonde hair tickled her collarbone as she shook her head. I always envied its light color, as it was easier to dye blonde hair than black hair like my own. Her sky-blue eyes stared deeply into my hazel ones with such sympathy it pierced my heart like a dagger. "You know I'm here now, so you don't have to worry about anything, okay? Get some rest, Liz. I can tell you're not sleeping."

I could feel the tears threatening to start once more, but I had done enough crying for a day — for a lifetime, really. Shaking my head, I squeezed my eyes shut before plastering a smile on my face.

"Thanks, Elle."

With the help of the kids, my sister, and my niece, we managed to get everything down from the truck and in the correct rooms. I left my children to unpack their own belongings the way they wanted, allowing them to carve out their own space. We'd be here for at least a few months until I found a decent enough place for us to move into permanently.

"Hey, Liz, will you run down to Harvest Haven and get some more corn? I thought I had enough for tonight, but I obviously don't." Elle held up the one corn on the cob she had with a frown from the kitchen.

"Yeah, no problem."

"Thank you!"

I ascended the stairs in hopes of convincing my daughter to venture out. "Lil, wanna come with me to Harvest Haven?"

"No. I'd rather unpack." Her eyes refused to look my way as she answered, aggressively grabbing her stuffed bear and tossing him on the bed. I knew she was mad at me. Addie gave me an awkward smile, feeling the tension coming from her cousin.

"Okay, I'll be right back. Help your aunt keep an eye on Milo."

"Yeah, got it." Her tone was laced with deep annoyance, no longer feeling like keeping up the act of being okay.

My future is brimming with angsty teen attitude.

"I'll see you when you get back, Auntie Beth." Addie waved, being her usual kind self. She was the only one who called me Beth. Well, her and her father, who I absolutely loathe.

Cheating scumbag.

Taking the truck again, I pulled out onto the dirt road leading into town. Fifteen minutes later, the familiar scenery of Harvest Haven came into view, greeting me with its bright pink paint as I pulled into the parking lot. The white sign still hung over the entryway — Where Freshness Blooms.

I used to hate the slogan growing up, finding it a little too on the nose. Before I got down, I steeled myself for the multitude of questions I would get from anyone who recognized me. My hands gripped the steering wheel as I took three deep breaths to keep from panicking.

One: You got this.

Two: You can do this.

Three: Fuck anyone who says you can't.

Lyle ingrained those three lines into me all the way back in high school when I used to get these bad panic attacks. One time, he found me tucked away in the stairwell during seventh period. He had me breathe with him, and with each breath he would tell me some encouraging statement. Eventually we got it down to three breaths and three sayings. Now I can't stop doing it.

Slowly, I made my way to the entrance, tucking my long straight hair behind my ear, feeling as if all eyes were on me. They weren't.

The store hadn't changed in eighteen years. It was laid out exactly the same, down to the cardboard cutout of Farmer Bill. I headed toward the back where the fresh produce was kept in a large walk-in cooler.

The smell of ripe nectarines distracted me as their sweet scent filled my lungs. I spotted their delectable sheen a couple crates down, deciding I should indulge in the sweetness and buy a few. With the small plastic produce bag in hand, I picked up a few, inspecting them before choosing any.

I was on my third nectarine when someone joined me, reaching for the same one. Our hands touched by mistake, forcing us to stare at one another. Danielle Fox — the girl I technically stole Lyle from — met my gaze, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Elizabeth Wallace?" she questioned, unsure if it was really me. Only it wasn't Wallace anymore. It was Foster, but if I said that, I would have to explain my situation, which was not fun for anyone.

It's Foster now, but my husband is dead, so technically I'm not married.

"Hello, Danielle."

High school really was the peak for this cheerleader, evident by the way she tried to maintain the same style. Her skin looked more like leather now, due to her frequent visits to the tanning bed. Her hair was dyed the same platinum blonde, with long layers straightened flat as a board. The only difference was the notable wrinkles and a scar that now ran across her chin.

"It's been so long. How are you? Are you visiting?" She was not concerned. Danielle and I were never friends for many reasons, Lyle just being the cherry on top. All she wanted was gossip she could share with others, because that was the kind of person she was.

"I'm not visiting. I've moved back in with Elle, at least until I buy my own place."

"Oh no. I am so sorry. Bad divorce?" she assumed, with her lips twitching as she tried not to smile over the fact.

"Not at all. He died."

Her eyes bugged and her smile faded instantly. It would appear that even the ice queen had a heart, her dark blue eyes staring at me with pity.

Pity I don't want.

"I am so sorry. That's terrible." She frowned, avoiding my eyes as she stared back at the nectarines.

She had no idea it was Lyle. We didn't exactly announce our nuptials to the town before we left. Neither of us said a word to anyone when we married, aside from Elle and Brian, of course. Although, Brian never showed. Some best friend. I doubt many knew that Lyle was my husband or that we shared two kids, but I was certain news of Lyle's death had reached the town. I was also sure no one bothered to see if he had any family he left behind.

"It is terrible." I wasn't trying to comfort anyone about the death of my own husband. In no way would I say it was okay, or that I was fine, because neither of those things were true. Those were things that someone would say to make the other person feel better so that maybe they didn't feel as awkward. I was not that kind of person, not interested in making someone else feel better about my pain.

"I don't know if you know, but seeing as you guys dated in high school, and that we're on the subject of death…" she glazed over my comment completely, her gossipy nature kicking in once more, "I heard Lyle Foster died a few months ago. His heart just gave out on him. Although, if you ask me, I think the wife did it. Apparently he died right beside her in bed and she did nothing." Danielle shook her head as if to shame this wife she didn't even realize she was talking to.

"He died six months ago, to be precise. Had two kids with this murderous wife. Their names are Lily and Milo, and they're my children."

Danielle gasped, her mind reeling as it connected the pieces and then tried to come up with some excuse for what she'd just said, but I wasn't interested.

My anger was high, and with my emotions being so unstable, I worried I'd end this conversation by high fiving her face. I turned, deciding three nectarines would be enough, and made my way towards the corn a few pallets away.

"Wait, Elizabeth!"

"Careful, Danielle. I might be on a murderous streak." My eyes cut into her like sharp knives, causing her to halt in her tracks.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you and Lyle had actually stayed together and gotten married. It's just what I had heard around town. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have repeated it." She looked down at her cart, gripping the handle bar, actually appearing remorseful.

"You really shouldn't have. Just don't let my kids hear it, Danielle. It was hard enough trying to explain what happened to them." I sighed, attempting to expel the anger that coursed through me like hot lava. "I'll see you around."

I quickly grabbed the corn we needed for tonight and made my way out, checking out at the only new thing in this store — the self checkout.

I made it back to the farm, where I bitched to Elle about having to go, telling her about my run-in as she cooked. I helped where I could, but as I set the plates for dinner, I heard Elle call out.

"Dinner is almost ready, but we need one more spot set up."

I counted heads then place settings, finding the correct amount. "But we have five people and five plates?"

"Surprise!" She laughed, knowing how much I hated surprise guests. "I invited someone to welcome you back into town."

"Elle!" I scolded. Running into Danielle today showed me just how unprepared I was to see anyone from my past.

"You'll thank me later." She sounded so confident as she placed the platter of smoked ribs on the table, the corner of her lips twitching into a grin.

"Will I?"

I probably will thank her for it later.

Elle knew me the best, being the other half to my other half. Lyle made up a lot of me, but she made up the rest.

"You can slap me with a corn if not," she offered with a cheeky grin as I set the table for one more.

"Gladly."

The doorbell rang just as everything was set, and the kids were called down for dinner. Addie talked to Lil upstairs for hours. I was glad to see that my daughter could still talk with her cousin.

She needs someone.

"How about you get it?" Elle winked at me, finding amusement in what she'd done.

I rolled my eyes as I headed for the pristine white front door. Only being my usual clumsy self, I tripped over the damn air, stumbling as I tried unsuccessfully not to fall. I landed, arms stretched out onto the cold hard tile, feeling defeated and deciding to lay there a moment.

Hearing the commotion, the door swung open, always unlocked to welcome anyone who dared venture in. The ringing of the bell was more of a formality for whoever stepped in.

"Um, what are you doing on the floor?" A deep husky voice reached my ears. Our surprise guest is a guy? I wanted to die, feeling mortified at the fact that some guy was witnessing my literal downfall.

"Thought it could use a hug." I picked myself up, dusting off whatever small amount of dignity I had left, inspecting myself as I did. Not a scratch was found, although there could be a bruise or two under the couple of tattoos on my arms.

"You haven't changed, Lizzie."

Lizzie. I haven't heard that name in years.

"Brian?"

I looked up to find the boy I had grown up with, no longer a lanky teen as I remembered, but a toned man with scattered tattoos that ran from his collarbone down to his knuckles. His blue, almost gray, eyes held mine as a smile spread across his thin lips. His once-dyed blue hair was now its natural black, slicked back and out of his face. It was clear he had no issues growing facial hair anymore, as a well-groomed medium stubble grew along his jawline, chin, and over his lip.

Brian looked better than ever, only causing me to feel mortified at the way he found me. On the floor, in an old washed-out My Chemical Romance t-shirt with my unbrushed hair in a low messy bun.

"I've changed a lot, haven't I?" He wiggled his eyebrows as he gestured to himself, running his hands over his body in a playful way that made me laugh.

"Maybe in appearance, but you're still my Brian, aren't you?" For the first time in half a year, I felt myself genuinely smile.

"Always." He winked at me, but suddenly his smile faded. "I'm sorry, Lizzie. Elle told me about Lyle, but I wasn't sure you'd want me there. I wanted to be there, I swear."

Brian was my ride or die all through school, starting in kindergarten all the way to senior year. However, he started to fade around eleventh grade. Maybe Lyle and I just left him out too much as we moved from friendship to romantic relationship. When we graduated, we all swore we would keep in touch, but Brian cut ties with me over the phone, vanishing into thin air. It hurt, but Lyle made excuses for him, refusing to allow me to hate my closest friend.

"I wish you could have been there, too. I know Lyle won't hold it against you." He only nodded, staring at me with sad eyes, further breaking me. "Are you going to hug me or what? I promise my clumsiness isn't contagious."

"Are you sure? Cause I can't afford to be giving the floor a hug often." He chuckled, his voice deeper than I remembered.

He took me into his large arms and nestled me against his chest, resting his cheek on my head. His familiar scent of car grease and leather permeated my lungs, filling me with deep nostalgia.

He's still working on cars.

My chest only ached further. The embrace made me miss Lyle's arms, his scent, his love. Not only that, but I didn't realize how badly I had missed Brian.

Good surprise, Elle.