Chapter 34

I’m still reeling from Slater’s kiss as I make my way to my dorm room, my fingers pressed against my still tingling lips.

My feelings for him were always there, buried deep beneath the ice of our forced-familial bond. But tonight, something changed. Tonight, we crossed a line. I can’t help but think about his words as I undress for bed, the image of him staring at me, that hunger in his eyes sending a shiver down my spine.

I hesitate for a moment before pulling the tiny skirt he had admired off my body and tossing it into the hamper. I never sleep nude, but tonight I slide into bed without bothering to put on my pajamas. As I draw the sheet up to my chin, I can’t shake the thought of him, of how he kissed me. I know I should be ashamed, but instead, I want more.

I lie in bed, my body still humming with the excitement of our encounter, my heart pounding with a mixture of curiosity and desire. I wonder what it would be like to be with him, to give in to the attraction we both feel, and to take things further.

I don’t know why Slater didn’t try to take things further tonight. Maybe he wants to take things slow. He probably suspects I’m inexperienced. Might even assume I’m still a virgin. How can I tell him that I want more than a few kisses and some dirty talk?

I close my eyes, imagining his strong hands on my body. He wants me to touch myself tonight, to say his name, to tell him what it was like tomorrow… Can I do that? Should I?

As I lie there, still feeling the warmth of Slater’s kiss on my lips, I slip my hand beneath the sheet, feeling the coolness of the air on my skin. I touch myself gingerly, my fingers exploring my most intimate spots, as I imagine Slater’s touch on me. His touch would be more sure and confident than mine.

But I want more.

I need more.

I close my eyes, picturing him on top of me, our bodies intertwined, his lips on mine, his hands guiding me. As I lose myself in the fantasy, I can feel his body against mine, the way his muscles tense and relax with each movement. I can hear his ragged breaths, feel the heat of his skin inches away from mine. I moan his name, my body arching toward him. He guides me right to the precipice with gentle strokes and comforting words, but I can’t fall over the edge. I’m teetering, coiled tight with frustration and desire, but even in my fantasy, Slater is just too…nice to get me off.

Unconsciously, Slater’s image shifts in my mind to that of the masked man. Gone are the tender caresses and gentle words. In their place, the masked man’s touch is rougher, his voice husky with lust. He covers my eyes, lifts his mask and kisses me fiercely, his hands gripping me tightly, pinning me down into the mattress and cutting off my airway as he squeezes my throat. His brutality is more than enough to push me over the edge. I moan as my body jerks and convulses under his masterful control.

When I finally come, tears stream down my face as I release the desires I’ve kept hidden for so long, shouting Slater’s name, but picturing the masked man.

My heart beats wildly as I realize the truth, that my desires have been twisted by the masked man and his violent fantasies. I feel my body tremble as I pull myself back to reality. The light from the window casts eerie shadows on the wall as I struggle to catch my breath.

I’ve always needed Slater, always loved him in a way I refused to let myself examine too deeply for so long. But now I fear I’m ruined. The masked man has done this, has destroyed me for anyone else.

What would Slater think of me if he found out I can only get off with violence and control? He’ll never understand me, and I don’t know if I can ever truly share this part of myself with him.

I allowed myself to get swept up in the fantasy for a moment, but I don’t know how I can have a relationship with my stepbrother. Our parents would never allow it, and I know I can never be my true self with him, for fear of being judged or rejected.

The glow of my orgasm is gone, tarnished by something dark and dirty. Shameful, almost.

Tears stream down my face for an entirely different reason now, and I dash them away, pulling the covers up around my head as I bury my face into my pillow and sob myself to sleep.