Chapter 19

Ricci

The past five years have been… challenging. Even though I got my business degree, finding a job with little to no experience is next to impossible. Instead, I’m a waitress at the diner in town. It’s steady work, and the tips are good. Although, I tend to shave money off my tips when I hand them over to Erik since he spends it on beer and weed.

“You need to take a test,” Ivy says as we wait for our meal. Thankfully, she, Lacie, and I are still close, and we try to get together at least once a week for lunch. They were in high school and their first year of college when I came to live with Mama and Papa B, and loved having a ‘baby sister’ to spoil.

Even though Erik hates it, he ‘allows’ it as long as I’m ‘good’.

My eyes well up with tears that I quickly push back. “I know, but it’s just going to make him so mad.”

Erik mad is a force to be reckoned with, that’s for sure. My body and soul have paid for his moods for almost four years now. The first year, he was nice; understanding that I was grieving the loss of the only parents I could remember. Then one day, he came home from work early because it was raining, saw I hadn’t done the dishes yet since I wasn’t feeling well, and he beat the shit out of me.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t have stayed after that first time, but at twenty-one working a minimum wage job, I didn’t have anywhere I could go. He apologized profusely the next day when I woke up bleeding and we found out I was having a miscarriage. I know the nurse and doctor were suspicious about how my injuries occurred, but I stuck with my story of falling down the stairs because I tripped over my own feet.

“Honey, when are you going to leave him? You have money in your account, plus you just got the life insurance policies from your parents when you turned twenty-five,” Lacie asks, her hand now clutching mine. “Why don’t you use that to get away?”

My head drops slightly before I whisper, “I think he’s broken something inside of me, y’all. What if I deserve how he treats me?”

Ivy’s face blanches while Lacie looks like she wants to rip her napkin to shreds.

“Listen here, Ricci, and know I’m coming from a place of concern and love. There’s never an excuse for abuse. Never! Mama and Papa would be so upset to know you feel that way. They loved you, Ricci, and only wanted the best for you.”

My tears are now falling, despite my best efforts. These two pseudo-sisters of mine, despite being eight and ten years older than me, are my best friends.

“I don’t think I’m explaining it right,” I say. “I mean, I’ve had four miscarriages in four years, y’all. I’m obviously defective.”

“You’ve had four miscarriages because of that jackass,” Lacie seethes. “Because of what he did, not because you’re fucking ‘defective’.”

We stop talking briefly as the waitress brings our food and promises us drink refills. For a few blessed minutes, the table is quiet except for the scraping of our silverware as we begin eating.

After thinking about it for a few minutes, I look at Ivy and state, “Maybe I should see someone to get my head on straight. I know what he’s doing is wrong, but then he’ll act so contrite and nice, I just push it away. I guess because I’m worried if I leave him then meet someone else down the line, I won’t be able to have a baby. At least with Erik, he knows what he’s getting. How could I put someone else through it?”

“Each time it’s happened, the doctor has said there’s no reason why you can’t carry a baby to full term,” Lacie reminds me. “Now, let’s finish up, go grab a test, and find out if you are or are not pregnant again.”

* * *

“Positive,” I whisper, looking down at the two pink lines. I’m not sure how Erik will feel about it, but since he won’t let me use birth control, and he never uses a condom, it’s bound to happen. “I wonder if he’ll be happy this time.”

Walking out of the bathroom with the test clutched in my hands, I see Ivy and Lacie standing there, both looking concerned. I can’t help the tears that start falling as I show them the test and soon find myself wrapped in their arms as they let me sob.

After several minutes, I manage to compose myself somewhat. “Okay, I’ll tell him tonight or tomorrow. And, while I know my head is screwed on wrong, if he touches me again in anger, I’ll leave.”

“That’s gonna have to be okay, sweetie,” Ivy says. “Now, clean your face so he doesn’t know you’ve been crying.”

I grin, even though I can feel my lips trembling. “Same time next week?”

“Absolutely!”

* * *

Despite my promise to Ivy and Lacie, it takes me almost a week before I break the news to Erik. Since he lost his most recent job, he’s been volatile, spending his days looking for work and his nights drinking. I have the hidden bruises to prove his mood has been downright awful. Not to mention the stuff he viciously spews at me. He berates me for every little thing, from what I wear to how I fold towels. Although I don’t hold out a lot of hope that he’ll be happy about this news, I still need to make sure all my ducks are in order just in case I need to leave.

With the house spic and span, I hurry to put the finishing touches on dinner, one of his favorites, before he gets home. Even though I suspect he will be upset, I still hold onto a sliver of hope that this time, things will be different.

* * *

He wasn’t happy to say the least. As I pick myself off the floor where I’ve laid for God knows how long, I feel the unmistakable wetness between my legs and cringe. Looks like another trip to the emergency room for them to do whatever it is they do when I’m miscarrying. Carefully standing, I wince when I feel how sore my abdomen is and realize that he probably kicked and punched me while I was passed out.

“Bastard,” I seethe, slowly walking toward our room. Once inside, I call out, “Erik, I need you to take me to the emergency room. I’m bleeding.”

He rolls over, opens one eye and sneers, “Like they really do anything except baby you. Go clean yourself up, Ricci. There’s no reason for you to see them, you’ve been through this before.”

Holding back my tears, I gather some clean clothes then head into the bathroom to clean myself up and see what I can figure out to stem the bleeding. At least while I’m holed up in here, I can plan out my next steps, because he broke the final straw. I just have to wait for Erik to leave the apartment for the day, but he always does, so getting away shouldn’t be a problem. I just have to be patient.

* * *

Despite the pain I’m still in the next day, once Erik finally leaves, I gather what I want from the apartment, including the tip money I’ve been stashing, and carry it out to my car, a small smile gracing my face when I see it. Papa B was a mechanic and when I was old enough to drive, he found a decent vehicle at the local auction house, bought it, then we worked on it together to fix it up. I honestly thought it was for someone else, so I was definitely surprised on my birthday when he handed me the keys and told me it was mine.

Jubilee is almost twelve now, but she still looks like she just rolled off the assembly line because he and I kept her up when he was still alive, then afterward, I did the same. She’s a smaller SUV, with enough room for me and the few things I’m taking. I don’t have much; when I moved in with Erik, I had my clothes and a few special mementos that Mama and Papa B had given me over the years, and I haven’t added much in the way of knick knacks. Mostly because I did when we first got together, but he broke them whenever he wanted to ‘teach me a lesson’. So, it was just easier not to buy myself anything like that, because it just upset me too much every time he would destroy one of my things.

After I have everything loaded up, I take one last look at the hell I’ve lived in for almost five years now, shrug, then get into the driver’s seat. It’s time to blow this popsicle stand and start living life. I may be defective like he’s told me for years, but at least I’ll no longer feel his wrath on my body.

* * *

Hours later, I find myself in a small town called Possum Run. The name makes me smile which is why I stopped. Hopefully, I can find someplace to stay while I look for a job. First things first, I need some food so I can take more Tylenol to ease the throbbing pain coursing through my body. I also need to make sure the bleeding has stopped, or at least slowed down.

As I walk into the diner, a harried looking waitress smiles and says, “Just grab a seat, I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

Nodding, I make my way back to a booth and gratefully sink into the seat, barely holding back my yelp of pain. If I wasn’t so worried about Erik trying to find me, I would go to the hospital, but I think he’s right. There’s not much they can do for me that I can’t do for myself.

The waitress rushes over with a pitcher of water, pours me a glass then asks, “Do you know what you want to drink? I’ll give you a few minutes to look over the menu. The special’s your best bet, it’s filling.” Then, looking closer at me, she says, “Honey, you don’t look like you feel all that good.”

I smile, sipping at my water. “I’ll be okay. Just been driving for a few hours is all and I’m tired.”

“Well, you just take a break then and I’ll be right back to get your order. What did you want to drink?”

“I’ll take a Sprite, please,” I reply.

“Coming right up.”

While she heads to grab my drink, I look over the menu and decide to get the special. Ivy was right, I’ve got plenty of money so there’s no concern about that, but what I never shared with either her or Lacie was I wanted to use the money in the account that Mama and Papa B set up for me on a house of my own, which is why I haven’t touched it. I added most of the life insurance from my dead parents to it as well, leaving some in my checking account. Thankfully, Erik isn’t on that, because he’s irresponsible as hell when it comes to money. He’s lost so many jobs over the years and it’s never his fault, according to him. However, his family is wealthy, so they give him an allowance which he blows right through.

“Did you decide what you wanted?” the waitress asks, setting my Sprite on the table.

“Yes, please. I’ll take a special. Also, do you know if anyone has any job openings?”

“I might, let me think on it. You planning to stay around these parts? It’s a quiet little town, but there are a lot of good people here.”

“I think I will,” I admit, smiling at her.

“Be out shortly with your food,” she replies.

* * *

While I still don’t feel one hundred percent, when Betty offers me a job waitressing for the breakfast shift at the diner, I take it. I mean, technically, I don’t have to worry about money per se, but since I have plans for my savings, I need a job. As I drive around the town searching for a place to stay, at least temporarily, a headache nearly stops me in my tracks. Instead of continuing, I turn down a small dirt road thinking I’ll just pull over and rest for a bit. When I come across a privacy fence that’s had a section knocked down, I pull over and park.

Why? Because there’s a huge shed and I can see an open window that’s big enough for me to crawl inside. After carefully looking around, I slip out of my car then through the fence, listening for any dogs that might alert the homeowner I’m on their property. Only, there’s nothing but silence. Going over to the window, I see it’s right next to the door, so I reach in and unlock the door then go inside.

It’s huge, with a small kitchen, a working bathroom if the cleaning supplies inside are any indication, and a ton of shelves across one wall with tools hanging up. Well, most of them are, I realize as I move further into the open space. There’s a dresser with a really neat tile design on the top, and several things that are apparently in progress because I can’t figure out what they are.

“Well, since I’m technically trespassing, I’ll just sweep up as a thank you,” I murmur, spotting the huge broom standing in the corner. It takes me no time, but I find myself sweating profusely and realize I might be getting sick.

“Just what I need when I have nowhere to live,” I mutter. I go back out to my car to grab the sleeping bag I stopped and bought since I thought I would be living in my car temporarily, as well as some clean clothes and my hygiene bag so I can clean up before work in the morning.

One shower later, I’m lying in my sleeping bag setting my alarm so I can get up in time to get dressed and get to the diner. I’ve dosed myself up on Tylenol, sent a message to the group chat I have with Ivy and Lacie that I left Erik, and told them once I was settled, I would let them know where I was, then counted my blessings that I found this place. It might only be temporary, but at least I’m safe and warm.

* * *

“Shit, shit, shit,” I whisper when I make my way into the shed. I’ve been sneaking in and out for a week now and haven’t seen any evidence that someone lives there.

Until tonight. I can smell the varnish or lacquer that was used on the dresser I admired the first night, and several tools are now on the bench that were hanging up when I left. Plus, the coffee pot has been washed and is upside down in the drainer. Looks like I might have to find someplace else to stay. There’s a small hotel just outside of town and I think they allow extended stays, so I guess tomorrow after work, I’ll head there and see about getting a room.

I still feel like shit, but go through my nightly routine of a shower followed by dosing myself up with Tylenol before I slip into my sleeping bag. While the situation isn’t ideal, knowing I have a plan, I fall into a restless, fever-filled sleep.