8. Theo

Theo

What do I think? My brain is far too scrambled to think about such hard-hitting questions.

I have no idea what I think. Where to really even begin.

The place is a mess. Not even a hot mess. Just a dirty, dusty, kinda gross mess. I am pretty sure I saw a dead mouse in the kitchen. At the time I just ignored it because that's disgusting, and I just had lunch.

And then there is Roan, just hovering about being all Roan-like. Smelling like Roan. Talking like Roan in that deep growly voice that sends a thrill under my skin and straight to my cock. Existing like Roan.

Sending me filthy looks like he wants to do increasingly nasty things to me and then ruffling my hair like I'm his bratty little brother like Roan.

I exhale a sigh of frustration and run my hand through my hair. I instantly regret it when I find a cobweb I'd managed to walk through at some point. Gross.

Shuddering at the thought of spiders creeping around unseen, I switch my focus back to more important things. I consider the room again, turning in one last circle, focusing on how this place makes me feel . I may not have my fae-tuition as Seff calls it. Or any of my gifts or powers. But it doesn't take fae cunning for me to feel that buzz under my skin again. The way it swirled deep in my spirit. There are some things that are so true that even the most mundane humans would be able to feel the shiver of knowing up their spine.

"I think… I think it feels like home."

***

It takes a little while to survey the rest of the house. After my little declaration, the tension between Roan and I skyrocketed to palpable levels of horny awkwardness, or maybe that had just been me?

We'd stared at each other for a handful of throbbing heartbeats, the temperature of the sunroom ratcheting up several degrees with the pulsing desperation wafting off me. But then Seff had slammed a door upstairs, breaking the spell, and we'd both shaken free of the moment and skedaddled up there to inspect the rest of the place.

Despite sticking close to Seff, we keep managing to find ways to brush against each other, all in seemingly innocent ways. I swear to the Gods, if Roan places that hot paw of his on my lower back one more time to steer me through a doorway, I am either going to climb him like a tree or throw myself into the ether.

Seff shows us through the rooms like it is his childhood home rather than Roan's, explaining where rotted wood needs replacing or repairs are needed. I only really listen with half an ear because, if all else fails, I can just pay someone to do the work. Probably Seff.

Instead, I try to look past the grime and neglect to see the potential, the life I could build here. It's all too easy to see that future. Filling the rooms with comfortable, handmade furniture and sumptuous fabrics. Having Tor and Caelan visit, Seff and Edith too. Visiting the tavern together and evenings in that decadent sunroom. And Roan, too. Try as I might to stop myself, I can't help but picture him here with me.

That it would be ours.

Turning from the window frame where I'd been idly tracing the painted daisy pattern, I watch Roan as he inspects the door frame with Seff, arms folded across his chest, nodding all seriously like he knows anything about renovations or load bearing beams or whatever they were talking about. Though he possibly could. It's not like I know him that well. It doesn't stop that pull he has over me. That need to be with him, near him. It's pathetic.

I'm obviously staring too hard because they both sense my stare. Seff gives me his usual affable smile. Roan frowns, his thick eyebrows pinching together. Absolutely typical.

I shove myself off the windowsill, ignoring the way it groans and paint—or at least I hope it's paint—flakes off, sticking to my jeans.

"Are we done? It's hot as all get out up here." I'd stripped off my sweater on our way up the stairs, tying it around my waist, but I can still feel the trail of sweat building at the base of my spine.

Though at this point, I'm not quite sure if the heat in my skin is from wandering around the sweltering upstairs rooms or straight lust. Either way, it's definitely time to leave. Seff looks a little startled, like he's shocked that I'm not as enthralled by the intricacies of historical home design as he is, but then nods, his navy ball cap bobbing.

"Yeah, let's just take a real quick look in the bathroom." There is a round of mumbles, and I follow him out of the room, a good-sized room just like the other bedrooms, actually. Roan hangs back to wave me through the door, touching my back again as I pass.

A whimper slips past my restraints, and I think I can hear a gruff snort from behind where he follows me. For my own sanity, I ignore it.

The inspection of the bathroom, with its yellow walls and rust-stained clawfoot tub, is quick. It's small, but cosy.

After growing up with all the space in the world, this place feels comfortable. Like a real home. Seff pokes and prods around the room, checking the plumbing the best that he can, while Roan and I stand awkwardly in the slightly too small space.

He's right there next to me, close enough that I can feel the buzz of his skin but not so close that he is actually touching me. It's torture.

I wonder if he feels it too?

Seff pulls his head from the cabinet he's currently half-shoved in, inspecting the pipes, and dusts himself off, his pecs flexing through the ginormous holes in his singlet.

Despite all the man candy dancing in front of me, my fingers still flex with the need to reach out towards Roan. At this point, I'd even take the innocent brushing of my fingertips against his pants.

I really need to get back to my room and have a shower. A long one.

"It all looks fine enough for something that's been unused for so long. I mean, everything basically needs replacing, but it'll be an easy fix." He pats the white sink affectionately. "I can help with the big things. I'll fit you in around work, but it's all easily done. If I show you how to do the small things, you can get cracking." His wink in my direction teases an irritated huff from Roan. The cheeky flash in Seff's eye makes me think it was entirely deliberate.

"Right, are we done here then?" Roan's voice is deeper, gruffer. It's hot. Seff wipes his hands together, trying to brush off some of the dirt.

"Sure are. Why don't you buy me a beer, and we can all discuss logistics." Roan is the first to leave, and I immediately miss the irritating hand steer.

"Sounds amazing—let's go." He's already out the hall and halfway down the stairs. Seff bumps my shoulder with his arm as he passes, scooping me up under my arm to take me along with him.

The walk back to the Tavern manages to cool me off a little, which is weird considering it's roughly a million degrees out. Once inside, we head to the bar to get a drink from Woodsy, the sometimes bartender. The mid-afternoon crowd has gathered out on the patio and gardens to enjoy the sun, and they are feeling rowdy today, so we decide to stay inside. I'm not really feeling up to all that right now.

My nightly trips down to the tavern have gotten me a little more used to being around people again, but large crowds are still overwhelming. But I'm getting there.

Can't say the same about the nightmares though. Every night—okay, morning, daytime, whenever my messed up body clock decides it's naptime and I fall asleep—I find myself back in the Woods, running from voices calling for me.

Sometimes it's Marieth. Other times it's Darius. Mostly, it is indiscernible shadows lurking in the darkness all chasing me, reaching for me, screeching for me to come back to them while I run uselessly to escape them. It is, to be honest, exhausting, and I've found myself avoiding sleep wherever I can. Doesn't take a genius to know that's a terrible idea.

"Theo, my baby!" Clutching my freshly poured, ice-cold lemonade, the cry is the only warning before I am attacked by a flurry of herbs, stale wine, lace, and velvet. Edith's bony arms wrap around me tightly as she rocks me side to side. I can't see anything past her frizzy white hair but submit to her embrace, only relishing in the motherly affection just a little.

I can hear the others snickering around me, but we ignore them. She finally pulls back, moving her hands to grip my biceps so she can look me over. There is worry in her violet eyes, but she knows me well enough now to not mention how tired I look. It's a rare moment of tact from our resident mother-hen-slash-wine-loving witch.

"You're out of your room. I'm so glad ." A small whisper of magic dances around me, her maniacal red smile beaming. I roll my eyes, trying to squash my smile. Praise from mother figures always gets me. Maybe because my mother barely remembered I existed, except for when she needed to trot us out for social events.

"I even went outside and everything." I whisper to Edith conspiratorially. She rewards me with a chuckle and a slap on the arm before slipping her arm through mine to lead us over to the table in the middle of the tavern where Mauvy and Seldon are having a break. A pitcher of beer and a jug of water sit on the table with a myriad of glasses. Seff wraps his arm around my shoulder, but he's so big he manages to hug Edith under it, too, pulling us close.

"Yup, sunlight and fresh air. He's doing good. We were looking at Inigo's old cottage out the back."

We settle ourselves around the table, Seff and Edith snagging the seats on either side of me, leaving Roan to huff about where to sit for half a moment too long and for everyone to notice. I didn't know you could slide a chair out with a tone , but Mauvy manages it, shoving the chair next to her in Roan's direction, leaving him sitting opposite me.

As his legs settle under the table, I can feel his calf brush mine. For just a moment I feel it press harder against me, and everything inside of me hones in on that singular point of contact. I don't move, just in case I spook him into withdrawing his leg from mine, but he relaxes, leaving his leg there.

The heat is back from the cottage, singing through me from that point on my leg, making me squirm in my seat to diffuse the tension. By some type of miracle, I manage to hold myself still though, too scared that he'll stop touching me.

"So, how's the cottage?" Seldon asks from the head of the table, busying himself with pouring drinks into the glasses and sliding them around the table. I catch the hint of the highlighter on his cheeks as it catches in the light.

Judging from the painfully basic jeans, tees, and sweater combos he'd lent me, and the sheer black cropped tee shirt that shows his tanned and toned stomach complete with a shiny belly piercing, Seldon has gone through a bit of a transformation in recent times. I hadn't really noticed as he'd fluttered around my room, but now that I'm coming out of the fog, my curiosity is piqued.

Roan grunts and takes a long sip of the water Seldon passes him, and I do everything to not stare as his throat bobs. Seldon, on the other hand, has exactly zero qualms eye-fucking his boss. It would be wrong to jump across the table and scratch his eyes out to keep them off Roan, but it is tempting. Extremely tempting.

"Dude, at least try to be subtle." Seff nudges my shoulder with his elbow, and I realise that I have done a terrible job hiding the venom I'm shooting at Seldon. Just when I was hoping we could be friends.

Seff mutters something under his breath, but I'm not paying attention. Seldon had unfortunately caught the look I'd thrown his way before I could rearrange my face into something less bitchy. Rather than lowering himself to my level though, he laughs instead, pulling a silly face and smiling. He doesn't seem to take my ridiculousness seriously, thank the Gods. A tentative smile creeps over my face, followed by a heated blush over my cheeks.

"—but besides the roof, everything is pretty manageable. I reckon it won't take too long to get it all cleaned up. Not in any rush are we, Theo?" Shit. I wasn't paying attention at all . Roan's foot taps mine under the table as I scramble to catch up to the conversation.

"Uh, yeah. It'll be fine." I reach for my lemonade and take an overly large gulp. It ends up going down wrong making me choke and gasp. For a moment there is an incredibly embarrassing fuss while Edith rubs my back, and Mauvy mops up the liquid I manage to spill.

Seldon and Seff, the absolute dicks, just laugh at my awkwardness as, once I regain my ability to breathe, I reassure Edith that I am fine. Roan just watches with a dark look in his eyes.

"You okay?" His gruff voice comes out in another grunt, and I cannot help my eye roll. There is something about his concern that brings out the brat in me. Hence the nickname, I guess.

"Yeah, fine, carry on with whatever." He stares me down for a beat longer, until I pull another face, making Mauvy snort. With a shake of his head that makes his hair fall out of that ever-present bun, he turns back to the others.

"Well, sounds like you've got a big job. Let me know if you need a hand with anything. And by that I mean, anything that isn't heavy lifting or cleaning. Theo, you need to eat. I'll make you a plate." Mauvy slaps the table and stands to leave before I can argue that I already had lunch. Not that her leaving stops Seff.

"What about me? I'm a growing boy. I need food."

"Pfft, you get what you pay for. Go order from the boys at the bar if you're hungry." Seff huffs and mumbles something about favourites, so I poke my tongue out at him like the mature adult I am now.

Mauvy, to her credit, smiles indulgently at me, dropping her small hand on Seldon's shoulder, "Come on you, you have work to do, too. Break's over."

There is a bit of shuffling as they both get up to leave, and we rearrange ourselves. I'm surprised by a quick hug from Mauvy, and then one from Seldon. I'm even more surprised that amongst the reshuffle, Roan has kept his leg against mine. Can he feel the heat of my skin against his through the far too thick layers of our pants? Is it driving him a little crazy too?

"So, did Tor catch you yesterday? They've headed into Loqueaur for a few days." Edith quickly sculls the rest of Seldon and Mauvy's drinks. And mine, apparently.

"Hey! That was mine!"

Edith grins, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, smearing her lipstick.

"You shouldn't be drinking soda, it's bad for your health, little one. But I asked a question. Your brother?"

Seff surreptitiously slides the beer jug closer to himself and Roan and pours them both a glass.

"Yeah, he stopped by yesterday. He's going to tie up some loose ends for me as much as he can at the University. Bring me my laptop and stuff so I can do the rest." I'll figure out exactly how that's going to work with the extremely limited phone and internet connection out here and electricity only in the kitchen of the cottage later. "And they are going to bring my clothes and stuff, I guess."

Not that I want them. Quite frankly, they can put it all in a bonfire and torch my old life. Not to be dramatic about it, but that Theo is very much dead and buried.

"Don't you have people you need to, like, catch up with or something? Say goodbye?" It's a very Seff question, and for someone like him, naturally friendly, and outgoing, it makes sense. But for me? Well, I'm sure the University will miss my gift, but I doubt anybody would notice me , Theo Hivercouer, having ghosted the lot of them.

Vague guilt niggles my conscience about Darius and that maybe I should get in contact with him. The old part of me, which I guess is not as dead as I like to think, can't let go of the fear that I've upset him by not getting in contact. By not being there if he has tried to contact me.

Maybe that's why he's been in all my dreams? I promise myself that once I get hold of my phone, I'll send him a text or something, and lock the irksome little feelings away for another time.

"Not really. There may be a couple." I'm exaggerating, which makes Seff's flash of pity even more pathetic. "But I can message them when I get my phone and stuff back. Honestly, it's fine." Edith clucks in sympathy and embarrassment heats the back of my neck, making me nauseous.

I bypass the beer on the table and pour a large glass of the water, desperate for something to do with my hands. But then Roan knocks my leg again, and I look up to his small half-smile, and the buzzing under my skin calms a little.

"Wanna get started on the cottage tomorrow?" I could kiss Roan for changing the topic. Not that I really need a reason to want to climb him like a tree. He's not exactly tall, but I am short enough to make it work.

"Uh, no. That sounds like hard work and effort to be honest with you."

Roan's bark of laughter sparks a different sort of heat inside me this time. He raps on the table and shoves back on his stool.

My eyes eat up the sight of his muscles stretching under his shirt as he stands, pointing a finger in my direction. "No getting out of it now. I'm on the late shift tomorrow night, so we'll start after lunch. Have a good one, Seff." He nods at Seff, who raises his hand in a little wave.

But then Roan turns to Edith next to me, eyes narrowing. "No more conning Woodsy into free drinks at the bar. I'll ban you if I have to." Edith smiles sweetly, resting her chin on her hand, her elbow resting on the table.

"You wouldn't dare. Mauvy would have your balls." Roan narrows his eyes further, but Edith just smiles wider. Realising his lost cause, he waves the witch off and turns from the table, waving to the three of us as we watch his gorgeous ass flex under his tan pants.

"That, my friends, is a work of art." Roan catches the last word to Seff's whispered admiration and our sighs of agreement, flipping the bird at us from across the tavern.

A fit of giggles overtakes us, and the thought smacks me over the head that it's the first time that I've ever done this .

And it's nice. It's nice to have a friend.