26. Roan

Roan

"Theo!" My bellow rings through the trees of the Woods surrounding the Falls, and echoes the other searchers, our friends, and patrons from the tavern as we scour the paths together. Panic and rage claw at my insides, the last threads of my control frayed, my berserker-self only reined in by the constant reminder from Mauvy that rampaging through the Woods and tearing them to shreds until I found him would only waste time.

Mauvy hasn't left my side since Seldon returned and told us that Theo and Darius were nowhere to be found. Even her usually gentle and reassuring presence is vibrating with anxiety, but still, without my tiny platonic life partner, I no doubt would have lost it entirely by now.

I'd lost my shirt when I'd raged out a little too quickly and the thing had shredded under the strain of my expanding muscles. Sweat slicks down my back in the sultry heat of the Woods as we make our way up the gently sloping incline.

Seldon and Seff, who we'd finally gotten in contact with, had quickly shifted into their animal counterparts to better track their possible location. They are now in the lead, circling back to us impatiently every so often to round us up, to move us along faster.

The entire tavern had cleared out to help with the search, only Woodsy and one of the casuals staying back to manage anyone who came while we were gone. The Woods behind the tavern, my once peaceful sanctuary, are now crawling with a few dozen beings, all hollering for my Theo.

I was frantic when Seldon told us the news—only Tor had beaten me to the house to check for ourselves. We ran as fast as we could, bursting into the house screaming his name. I think we actually broke the door off its hinges.

Tor was tearing at his hair by the time the others reached us. I could live a thousand lifetimes and be happy to never see the tortured look on his face ever again. He'd collapsed into Caelan's arms, body heaving with heart-wrenching sobs when the group finally reached us. Mauvy had carefully pulled me into her arms, whispering softly that we would find him, but still, the anger and fear had exploded into my body.

I'd worked so hard my whole life to not let my feelings get the better of me, but Theo, the idea of losing him, was my complete undoing.

" Roan ." Mauvy had actually kicked me, hard, with her cloven foot to get my attention. My vision had been a stark reddish blur at that point, but I'd managed to see the outline of her. She kicked me again for good measure. "You cannot go off half-cocked. We will find him, but you will fuck this up if you do not manage your emotions. Breathe Godsdammit. Emotions are fine. Rampaging is not. "

It was what my mother used to tell me when I was emotional as a child and would become a little berserker causing a storm in her house. As always, my little faun managed to pull me back from the edge. Edith and Tarook, in a worrying alliance, had taken charge of the situation, gathering the patrons and organising the search.

The end of the path is nearly visible, the sounds of the Falls piercing the yells of the searchers. Memories of coming here with Theo for the very first time flit through my mind. Kissing him on this path, sharing this secret place with him.

My heart squeezes in my chest, and I stumble, the wave of feelings knocking me almost off my feet. Wordlessly, Tor helps me straighten, slapping my shoulder and giving me a nod. I think he goes to say something, but his throat works hard, like he's choking on a sob, and he just nods again. I smile at him. It must look feral because of the way the veins are protruding from my skin, my features exaggerated and dominating, but I try anyway.

"Gods, I wish we were bonded mates like you and Caelan." My voice is gruff with my change. "I could know where he is, if he is safe."

Tor turns to look at Caelan, who is walking with the mages. As if he knows we are talking about him, he leans forward to give us a tight smile around the air mage Alesander. He probably did know, felt it through his bond with Tor. I don't want to be jealous of their connection; bonded mates are rare, almost unheard of. Even if I did—when I do —mate with Theo, it won't be a bond like theirs, blessed by the Whisper Woods themselves.

Because we will find Theo, and, Gods willing that he will have me, he will be my mate. Is my mate. Mine.

"You guys are really that serious, huh?"

I raise my eyebrow and pull a face up at Tor where he manages to tower over me just slightly. Thankfully, he has the decency to blush, a pink stain to his purple cheeks when Mauvy snorts loudly on the other side of me.

Tor stuffs his hands in the pockets of his shorts, tipping his head to the ground while he nods. "Yeah, I guess that was a dumb question. It's just… strange. Theo, growing up and all that."

"Keep talking like that, and he will find us to hit you upside the head." Mauvy chides Tor, reaching out to pinch his side. Tor yelps and huffs a laugh, scrubbing at the back of his head.

"Yeah, yeah he would." A sad, resigned smile plays at his lips, but we don't say anything more. We walk together for a short while, our shoulders bumping with our steps, almost reassuringly. When Seff and Seldon, along with a few of the other shifters in our search party, start barking and yipping up ahead, Tor grips my arm, his sharp intake of breath almost inaudible.

The others shout and call out amongst each other, but we don't bother to wait, running together, our feet thundering on the dirt path until we crash into the clearing. The others are soon behind us, but I can't see anything.

He's not here.

The Falls are empty except for the thundering rapids. Anger and terror boil within me, and I scrub at my face, trying to think .

"Up there!" I have no idea who shouts, but I force myself to look up. The sun is directly behind the Falls so it takes a moment to focus, but then I see… what in the fuck is that ? A swirling purple grey cloud hovers near the cliff edge. Is Theo in there? My fae instincts, my fae knowing, are too overwrought at the situation to give me any guidance.

"Is that him?"

"How do we get up there?"

"Surely there is a path?"

"I can summon the water element to get us up. Maybe."

"Or I can use the air."

The conversation happens all at once, but it ceases immediately when the circular cloud dissipates to reveal Theo and Darius facing off, far enough back from the cliff's edge they are only just visible. A strained yell echoes down to us before Darius snatches Theo up in his arms, edging them closer to the precipice.

"Theo!" Tor screams beside me, pulling himself free from Caelan's hold, running towards the water before he realises the futility of it all, and collapses to his knees on the pool's edge. There are once again cries and gasps from around the clearing as everyone notices the blade glinting in the sunlight against Theo's throat.

"What do we do?"

"If we try, he'll kill him."

"There is too much risk."

"What in the actual fuck?"

The chatter is too loud. But also distant. Like I'm not connected to the moment. I'm here but also in the cottage.

Overlaid with the present moment, my mind's eye shoves the memory of Marieth's blade held aloft, ready to pierce Theo's heart to the forefront. Only this time, I can't just run to him and snatch him up. He's too far out of reach, that blade all too ready to rip into his body. My lungs seize entirely, every cell in my body vibrating with tension.

"Don't even think about coming up here!" The hysterical yell from Darius is barely audible over the sounds of the waterfall, but he makes his point well enough by pulling Theo even tighter to him, jerking him around wildly.

Usually something as simple as a cut to the throat wouldn't kill a fae, but if the blade is enchanted, there is always the possibility. Not to mention that it would incapacitate Theo long enough to do something that would kill him, like remove his head or heart, before any of us could get there.

Gods, we don't even know what power Darius wields. There are too many things that can go wrong.

The conversation continues to swirl around me, but I can't hear them. Time is like sludge. Surely we've only been here for minutes, but it feels as though I've been trapped in this moment for centuries.

Once again, the conversations cease on a sharp collective intake of breath. On the Falls edge, a brilliant yellow light explodes from Theo, like the sun bursting through his very being, blinding us all.

There are screams of surprise, and I spin to cover my eyes from the light. Tortured screams fill the falls, echoing off the stones and cliff side. Tentatively, I uncover my face, but the light has faded. It's hard to see from the low vantage point, but Darius seems to be retreating from Theo, screaming.

He looks… burnt. Even from this far the wounds look horrifying. He is backing away from Theo. My Theo. My Theo who has balls of magic encompassing the palms of his hands. Those hands are raised trying to reassure Darius, who doesn't seem to spot the nabras he is scurrying back into.

There are more screams from the witnesses around me as the nabras swallows Darius whole. I can hear the horrified cries and gags as those around me watch the gruesome scene. But all I can see is the beast now facing down Theo, who has dropped to his knees, hysterical.

"I need to get to him! Now!" I feel the ruffle of the wind, and Alesander is beside me, his black cloak swirling against my calves as he steps to my side.

His chants are melodic in his deep, musical voice, conjuring a wind that circles us both, lifting our feet. My stomach hits my knees when I realise that my feet have left the ground. I turn wide-eyed to Alesander, but he just smirks back at me, raising his arms as we rise. Tor hurries to our side, tugging on my arm.

"Wait! I need-" Edith tugs him back but only after shaking the blue orbs in her hands away. He fights her hold, but she must be using magic against him, because he can't seem to escape her hold as he cries out for us, and for Theo.

By the time that he quiets, sobbing in Edith's arms while she rubs his back, whispering soothing words in his ear, we have already reached the top of the Falls and the wind dumps us on the ground.

Well, it dumps me. Alesander seems to have expected it, stepping onto the ground elegantly while I stumble to find my footing.

For one terrible second, I think we are too late and the nabras has eaten Theo, too, because I cannot see him. But then I realise he is safely cradled in the nabras's downy wings.

Like a lumbering idiot, I lurch towards them, Alesander hot on my heels, both stopping short when the nabras snaps its beak in our direction, eyeing us with its narrowed, yellow eyes. Alesander heeds the warning, but I cannot take one more thing being between Theo and myself. I don't want to hurt the beast, but I will if I have to.

I take a deep breath to calm the murderous rage, stepping towards the creature who trills threateningly. My hands raise in front of me, and I slow my steps, exaggerating how careful I am being.

"It's okay. I don't want to hurt you. I just want to take Theo." Channeling every ounce of calm I can, despite being very, very not calm, I ease my way to the nabras. It eyes me like it can smell my fear and hear the racing of my heart, cocks its head and rumbles out a strange cooing sound.

Alesander moves behind me and then to the side, doing I have no idea what. The beast snaps furiously at him but makes no move to attack, instead watching him intently, twisting its head almost one hundred and eighty degrees to track the mage's movements.

But then, finally, it unwraps its wings, revealing Theo curled in a small ball on the ground. Relief floods my body when my hands finally make contact with him, scooping him into my arms and cradling him to my chest delicately.

He feels so fragile. I hate the feeling. With every fibre of my being I hate the memory of him unconscious in my arms, I hate being here again. Hate that I failed him, failed to protect him, keep him safe. Hate that he was put in this position again. Hate that he was hurt. That he has experienced this pain again.

The nabras coos softly, head cocking to the side, watching me carefully as I place a delicate kiss to Theo's forehead, brushing my lips gently over his skin, just enough to remind myself that he is real. Droplets fall onto his stained and torn tee shirt, and I dumbly look up to the clear sky before realising they are from me. Tears stream down my face, but I can't find it in me to care.

"Thank you." I have no idea if the nabras can understand me. It doesn't matter anyway because, with a loud rustling sound, the beast rises to its feet and, with an even louder whoosh of its wings, launches itself into the air to join its herd. Nabras can't really fly, it's more of an exaggerated jump.

All that I care about, though, is the man in my arms. He has changed so much since I last cradled him like this; he was frail then. But not now—his body is strong. He fought back and saved himself.

Again, I brush my lips over his face, kissing him gently over his brow, his cheeks, his nose. My chest is tight, squeezing painfully. At least this time I can feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, his even breath.

"You were so brave, Theo. So brave." I manage to choke out the words before I crush my cheek to his forehead, squeezing him against me as if I can absorb him into my very being.

"Are you ready to go down?"

I look at Alesander, then down at Theo, and then back up to him again, grimacing. On the ride up, I was able to ignore the sensation, but now, especially with Theo at risk, it has my stomach turning.

"I guess there isn't much of a choice is there?"

His chuckle isn't exactly encouraging.

Riding on the wind is significantly more terrifying on the way back down. With Theo cradled in my arms, the risk feels like it's grown exponentially. It feels wrong—one slight movement could send us plummeting. But soon enough, we are back on solid ground, and our friends and family are wrapping Theo—and me by default—in their love.

"Is he okay?"

"Why is he unconscious?"

"What happened?"

Once again, a thousand conversations pummel my ears, and it's everything I can do to not roar at them to leave us alone.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Just like Theo taught me.

"That's enough! Let him breathe for the love of the Gods." Edith shoulders her way through the crowd, her voice breaking through the chorus, until she is directly in front of me. The air shimmers around her, her magic unrestrained.

"Well, this feels familiar doesn't it?" Her big violet eyes meet mine. There is a joking tinge to her voice, but it's fragile, like the grasp we all have on our sanity right now. Her nose twitches like she is holding back a sniff, daring the tears to fall. I can only reply with a tight smile and a shrug, Theo's limp body rising with my movements, causing his arm to flop from where it was resting across his chest.

A choked gasp, followed by a whimper escapes from Tor, hovering at my elbow.

"He's not-" The words are watery—he can't even finish his sentence. Caelan tugs his mate tighter under his arm. There are tears on his face, too, as he pulls Tor's head into the crook of his neck.

"No." I manage to choke the words out around the emotion clawing at my tongue. "No, he's breathing."

While I reassure everyone, Edith runs her hands lightly in the space just above Theo's body, her eyes closed, once again assessing his body. She flinches and then does it again.

I desperately want to shake her, scream at her to tell me what she sees, but I don't. Instead I watch Mauvy, working in the background as always, rounding up the rescue party with Tarook to send them back to the tavern. She catches my eye and signals that she's going to leave with the others, and I nod briefly, mouthing my thank you across the clearing, but she only waves me off with her usual smile. Doing for each other is what we do.

"What's the verdict, doc?" Seldon has stuck behind with us. His fingers are knotted tight in Seff's fur and they are leaning together, wolf-Seff whining softly.

"Our boy's okay. He's distressed but resting." Edith gently trails a bony white finger over Theo's cheek before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, leaving a smudge of red lipstick behind. Behind his closed eyelids, Theo's eyes flicker under her touch, a soft whimper breathing from him before he resettles. My heart lurches once again at the sound.

"Come on, why don't we head back to the tavern?" Caelan's calm voice breaks through the moment, and I nod, shifting Theo so he is more secure in my arms.

"Right, let's head home."

***

We only made it as far as my house. I didn't want to take Theo back to his room in the Black Stump. I don't want him waking up in that bed, falling back into the same depression. Hiding from the world in his cocoon again. Instead, Theo is settled on my bed, wrapped up in my old quilt and a hand knitted blanket my grandmother gave to me as a kid.

He looks odd in my space, maybe because I've never really thought of it as my space? It's just the place that I sleep sometimes. The tavern is my real home. And Inigo's cottage, or, well, Theo's house now. I guess it really is ours now if he still wants it to be. I tear my eyes from his resting form on my bed and scrub my hand over my face, turning to the surplus of people in my home.

There are really only two rooms in the place. The door opens to an open plan, with an L-shaped room, the tiny kitchenette and dining area in the immediate entry. A small living area, really just a couple of small couches and a bookcase, separates the "kitchen" from the bedroom area and has the door to the bathroom.

My bed is on a raised floor, giving it the illusion of being its own separate space. The bed is nothing special, just a mattress on an ensemble base and a couple of wardrobes I picked up at the big box store a few towns over.

Considering most of my hook ups either happen when I'm in town or in the tavern, I've rarely brought anyone back here, certainly not this many people. I've never really considered how little effort I've put into this space. Especially with how much effort we, Mauvy and I, have put into the tavern.

The walls are white, the couches barely comfortable, the cabinets generic fake wood from the hardware superstore. There are some framed photos on the bookcase, my parents, my uncle, Mauvy, and me over the years, moments from the Black Stump. It's probably the only noticeable stamp of my specific existence in this space.

Edith is currently inspecting every single one of the photos, smiling softly at the younger faces of Mauvy and me out at festivals or on holidays. Tor and Caelan are cuddled together on the couch facing Theo. Despite the heat of the day, I made everyone tea just for something to keep my hands busy. Tor has his mug grasped tightly in his hands, staring at his brother like he can will him awake. Caelan is next to him, rubbing his back, staring off like he isn't really here.

Seff and Seldon are on my only two dining chairs, Seldon awkwardly watching everyone like he desperately wants to say something but isn't sure what. I sympathise because what can we say?

Seff, poor Seff, is obviously struggling, leg bouncing under the table, knocking it every so often, sending tea all over the table.

"Sorry," he mumbles, sopping up the mess with a tea towel I'd thrown him the first time it happened. But I wave him off. It's fine. Well, nothing's fine right now, but the spilled tea is fine.

"I have food," Mauvy announces as she swings open the door. The bang as it hits the wall makes everyone startle. Mauvy watches us all with a raised eyebrow, carefully placing her basket on the bench and digging out the sandwiches she's brought over.

Mauvy, like all fauns, is a big believer in food solving all ills. Shifters might be touchers—they need it to feel connection to themselves and others. Fauns show their love, for each other and for life, with food and wine.

One by one, Mauvy hands everyone their sandwiches, each one made specifically with our favourites. She even puts a plate of brownies out too. Only murmurs of thank you ripple through the room. I take a large bite of the roast beef with relish and lettuce on rye and nudge her with my hip when she settles next to me at the kitchen counter. She leans in close, resting her head on my elbow.

"I should have known." Tor is the first to cave, breaking the silence as we eat. I look up at the tears streaming down his face, then look back to Mauvy and my mostly eaten sandwich. Did she enchant them to make us talk? She one hundred-percent knows what I'm thinking, scoffing and hitting my stomach with the back of her hand.

"You're an idiot." She mumbles at me on her way to join Edith and Caelan in wrapping Tor in a firm hug.

"How were you meant to know?" Caelan rocks him gently in the group hug.

"If I was a better brother, if I had just talked to him-" Tor hiccups and sobs his way around the words.

I can't stand it—there is no way that I can let him blame himself for this. I walk towards the huddle and crouch down so I can look him in the eye where he is huddled over his knees crying gut-wrenching sobs.

"That, Tor, is a load of horseshit." The weight of my tone snaps through his tears. He turns to face me and, for the briefest of seconds, I recognise how wildly unfair it is that even though he had been ugly crying only moments ago, the red tinge to his eye somehow doesn't detract from the overall perfection of his face. Neither does the heated glare he's firing my way. I rush to explain.

"I love your brother with everything I have in me. But this one isn't on you. Theo has many, many amazing qualities, but he also has a massive chip on his shoulder about not being seen as a competent adult. Is it justified? Sure. You two growing up with your parents and not turning out to be psychopaths like them is a feat in itself. Not to mention growing up being a child genius amongst adults. But your brother can't communicate for shit."

Tor snorts a laugh and nods. I'm more than a little glad that he hasn't taken my honesty the wrong way. "Not that I'm any better. But he's working on it. This isn't all on you. It's not all on him. And in his warped little way, he would be insanely pissed if you tried to take all the responsibility and blame for this."

"Oh my gods, I can hear him now." Seldon breaks in from the other side of the room, " Tor can't even let me be responsible for my own kidnapping. Gods, when is he just going to let me breathe !" He adds in a terrible impersonation. But it has the desired effect, and we all chuckle, releasing some of the tension.

"Ugh, you're right." Tor throws himself back on the couch, running his hand through his hair. It should be a sweaty, tangled mess, but the curls just fall perfectly back into place.

Edith and Mauvy arrange themselves on the back of the couch and continue to rub his shoulders. I'm only seventy-percent convinced it's for comfort and not just to feel him up. The area is more than a little crowded, so I move back to my spot leaning against the counter.

"We let him down last time, when we left him alone. After, you know?" Seff is staring into his tea like it holds the secrets to the universe. His leg continues to bounce; he is like a ball of energy about to combust. "We can't do that again." Seldon reaches out across the tiny table to pat his hand.

"Of course we won't. But Seff, last time… you guys were hurting, too. You all went through something then." Seff goes to interrupt but I see the knuckles on Seldon's hand turn white where he is holding Seff's hand. "Yes, Theo went through more. But trauma's not a competition. You were all pretty fucked up when you got back. Will we make sure it's different this time? Yeah. But things are different now. You can't beat yourself up about all that."

From the look on Seff's face, he listened to approximately zero of that, despite his nods.

"So, uh, I thought he lost his fae magic." Caelan lets Seff off the hook. "You know anything about the exploding sun thing he had going on today?"

He's looking at me, but I spread my hands in front of me and shrug, heaving a giant sigh. "Honestly, there were a few things that made me suspicious. But that communication thing, you know? The mages know what's up. I overheard Tarook and Alesander talking on the way back. But I missed the important bit."

Mauvy jumps off the back of the couch. "Which reminds me, I have a Tavern to run. I'll get rooms done for you lot. Don't linger too long, you need rest." She stops to pull me down for a hug.

"I owe you." I whisper in her ear. She pecks a quick kiss near my ear and slaps my cheek affectionately.

"Absolutely not. You know I have the Tavern handled. You take all the time you need here."

After she leaves, it doesn't take long for everyone else to clear out for the night. Granted, Caelan has to basically drag Tor from my couch, but he manages. After a quick shower—the sweat and dirt from the rescue had caked firmly onto my skin—I grab a cloth and towel and head to the bed to clean Theo off as well as I can.

It is a delicate process, stripping him off while unconscious, but I manage. His body is riddled with red burns under his arms and bruises blooming across his chest and face. My hands shake with anger as I trace the thick purple bands across his chest. There is no way they didn't hurt.

Gently, I kiss my way across them, wiping at the traces of dirt. His knees are black and bloody where he slammed into the rocky creek bed, and he hisses in his slumber as I clean him and brush more kisses against the marks there.

Eventually, he is clean as I can get him without disturbing him further, and so I slide into the bed next to him, not bothering with clothes for either of us, needing to feel as much of his skin against mine as possible. I pull him close, so he is tucked into my side, wrapping myself around him. Safe.

Safe . The word breaks the dam inside me, the emotions of the day slamming into me like a board to the face, and I let them fall. Every single one of them falling with my tears, I cry holding Theo, weaving promises into the night that I will love and protect and care for him for the rest of our lives.