20. Roan

Roan

The air is muggy tonight—the heat of the day just hasn't dissipated into the night making the heat from the fire pit slightly uncomfortable. Still, the drinks are cold, the stars are bright and the air is heady with the perfume of the flowers from Caelan's expansive flower gardens.

In the darkness surrounding the fire pit, the chickens cluck contentedly in their pen for the night. Even Henny had eventually been captured and locked up safe. Caelan's wayward hen had us all chasing after her through the gardens to get her in safe for the night.

It's a new thing, hanging out with Caelan and Seff outside of the Black Stump. We'd spent years as friends, but it was pretty much always them coming to the tavern. I don't think we'd ever intended it; it was just how things had worked. Probably because that was how it had started between us.

Things have changed a bit since the rescue. It isn't just having faced death together and all that stuff—Theo and Tor coming into our lives has shifted the dynamics a bit. We'd gone from a bunch of loosely acquainted friends to something closer. We'd bonded, we'd shared something.

I've been lucky to have Mauvy by my side since forever, but I've never had anything like this before. It's been nice, which is why it sucks that Mauvy couldn't make it tonight as well. Someone had to run the tavern after all. So, it's just us tonight—my friends , Caelan, Seff, Edith, Tor, and Theo .

And there is the thorn in my side. Any combination of the words friends and Theo is starting to feel like a festering wound.

As it is, it's hard enough to not stalk to the other side of the fire to where he is chatting animatedly with Caelan about the monstrous sunflowers he's grown, and throw him over my shoulder to drag him back over here to sit with me. Where he belongs .

He seems to sense me staring, because I've lost what little ability I had to be subtle about this weeks ago. He freezes mid-sentence, turning to me, his pointed ears red-hot and not from the fire or the heat of the night. His teeth bite into his lip, and I can feel the demand for me to quit it in the look he gives me.

Instead of giving into his silent demand, I wink, raising my bottle slowly to my lips. He watches me take a long sip, greedily taking in every detail, blushing even harder.

Caelan isn't nearly as oblivious as I'd like him to be, though. He looks between us both and rolling his eyes, chooses to chug the beer dangling in his fingers to keep whatever commentary he has to himself.

A flurry of black fabric collapses into the chair next to me, lace, velvet, fur. Absolutely none of it is appropriate for the weather. But I don't believe Edith has been appropriate a day in her life, so why would she start now?

"So. Goat Boy. How's things?"

Her look is pointed and staring between me and Theo. Out of reflex, I sneak a look at Tor, who is sitting just behind Edith, showing off his chicken bag to Seff. Apparently when the chickens are giving him troubles, he picks them up and tucks them in the purse-like thing.

He's certainly changed from the hot pants wearing club dancer-slash-bartender.

Whether it is his fae hearing or that Edith is as subtle as a bulldozer knocking on your door, he hears Edith's question. I see the exact moment he hears; the tension locking in his back. He holds it for a moment but visibly shakes it off.

At this point, the low key secrecy, or just not talking about what's happening, feels like a lie by omission. And almost too much effort to maintain.

I know I love Theo. I'm pretty confident that he's feeling some kind of way about me, too. I want to be with him. My concerns about being with him, really being with him, are still there, but when he looks at me, touches me...when he laughs , I forget all of that, and I just want to claim him already. Tie our spirits together so we never have to spend a moment apart.

Conversations need to be had. The clock is ticking on them. There are things he's keeping from me, I can see it, but as his friend, it's not my place to pry.

And I am not going to tell Edith any of this.

"Good. Things are good."

My sip of cool water is refreshing. I'd switched from beer after my first, wanting to keep a clear head. I don't drink that much anyway, being around a bar my whole life, I've seen the worst that alcohol can do to a being.

Edith's violet eyes pierce into my spirit, and I can feel her witchy ways poking into my brain. I slam my mental doors shut, blocking her from seeing too much.

"That's impolite Edith." I try to keep my tone friendly, but there is still a thread of irritation in my voice.

Edith, being Edith, has exactly zero shame at being called out and smiles wryly at me, waving me off.

"Posh. If you're not going to give me the gossip, I'll have to get it by other means."

She settles back into the old camp chair, kicking her legs over the thin fabric armrest, taking a large gulp of wine from the bottle in her hand.

She brought her own, but I know for a fact that particular bottle is from the guy's private stash in the house. Something special, and expensive, Tor brought back from their trip to Loqueaur City.

"Mauvy tells me that you two haven't talked yet."

Bloody Mauvy, always sticking her nose in. She's lucky I love her.

"Ugh. You two need to stop talking. We've talked. We talk. We know what we're doing."

Seff and Tor are both doing extremely poor impressions of people not eavesdropping when Edith throws back her head in maniacal laughter. The chickens, incensed at having been disturbed, squawk back at her.

"My darling, I love you, but you know nothing . Time will show you. So long as you know it all turns out well in the end."

Well. If there is one thing Edith knows, and knows how to do well, it's be discomforting and mysterious. For once, I'm willing to use my size to intimidate. I angle my body towards her, crowding into her space.

"What do you know, Witch?" Edith, not one to actually be intimidated, just leans forward, pressing her ghostly white forehead to mine. Her red lipstick is smeared across her cheek, completing her unhinged demeanour.

" Everything." Her whisper tickles the hairs of my beard, and she pulls back to laugh loudly again. I grunt petulantly and lean back, digging my toe into the dirt.

There is very little chance Edith actually knows everything. She just likes to play the all-knowing, all-powerful witch. Problem is, she is right just often enough to make her point.

Across the fire, Theo catches my eye again, smiling that pretty smile of his. His conversation with Caelan seems to have derailed as they realise Edith is back to her interfering ways. Not that Caelan has really noticed—he's only got eyes for Tor, shooting pining, puppy dog eyes his way like the distance between them is painful.

Not judging, because I one hundred-percent get it.

Satisfied that she has made everyone uncomfortable for her own amusement, Edith stands with her nearly empty bottle of wine, and wanders off in the direction of Caelan's gardens to pillage them for her supplies.

"You be careful with that bottle in there!" Caelan calls out after her when she wobbles slightly, but she ignores his warning, holding the bottle up high with one hand like it's the championship cup, and blows a raspberry at him.

"She is a menace," Caelan mutters, stretching in his chair to watch as she climbs through a raised garden bed to pick at a vine climbing up a trellis.

Tor clucks his tongue as he stands, like he can feel the pull of Caelan's anxiety. He moves to the other side of the fire to settle himself on Caelan's lap, wrapping himself around his mate, nuzzling into his neck affectionately, murmuring sweet, loving words.

Jealousy hits like a punch to the guts. I want to be able to do that. With Theo. By reflex my eyes flick back to Theo. The same yearning is all over his face like a neon beacon. Yeah, it's definitely time to have that conversation about what we are and how it's changed.

Or maybe it's best not to rock that boat.

"Oh, for the love of the Gods, you all suck." Seff cries out in put-upon angst, sliding down in his chair until his head rests on the low back. With another pained groan he slides his ever present cap down over his face.

So dramatic, this one. Always has been.

I chuckle and throw one of the marshmallows we had every intention of roasting at him. It bounces off his impressive chest into the darkness outside the firelight. The others join the laughter, and Tor throws another marshmallow in his direction; it bounces off the cap and onto Seff's lap.

"What's wrong Seffy?" Theo asks, voice dripping with laughter and exaggerated concern.

Seff pulls the cap off his face to glare at Theo, who only smiles back wider at him, sticking a marshmallow in his mouth. Lucky marshmallow. Seff narrows his eyes and picks up the marshmallow missile in his lap. Rather than eating it, he squishes it between his fingers like a sugary stress ball.

"Nothing, Thee."

Since when did these two have nicknames for each other? I try to not let the niggle of jealousy blow this into an overreaction.

They are friends.

Just like Theo and I are friends.

Only different apparently. They have nicknames for each other.

Seff sighs deeply again and sits up in his chair, finally putting the now mangled marshmallow in his mouth, and slips his cap back onto his head.

"I dunno. Just sick of being alone or whatever. It's not easy when you're surrounded by happy couples. No one likes being the fifth wheel."

As if to prove his point, he nods toward Tor, who had frozen in the middle of feeding Caelan his own marshmallow. Tor, not being an idiot and hearing what we'd all heard, swivels his head to Seff with the focus of a predator eyeing fallen prey.

"But, Seffy."

Oh shit. His voice is cold, his ice-blue eyes narrowed in on Seff, who is now blushing and squirming under Tor's focus.

"How could you be a fifth wheel? That would mean my baby brother and Roan might be somehow involved. That wouldn't be right, would it? Because surely if the tavern keeper who took my tender brother when he was in a vulnerable time of his life was schtupping him on the regular, one of them would have thought to tell me, their concerned ol- "

"Oh, for the love of the Gods old and new Tor, give it a rest ."

The thread of steel in Theo's voice as he shouts down his brother is impressive. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Seff staring at me, and I look just enough to see him mouth a big "I'm sorry!" but I wave him off.

There is nothing to apologise for—we haven't done anything wrong.

"Excuse me?" Tor's attitude is now entirely directed at Theo, and I have to start my calming breath exercises to stop my rage from taking over. Good thing Theo doesn't need me to stand up for him—he's already leapt up to face his brother.

And by face, I am talking metaphorically because there is a foot and a half height difference between the two. Theo thrusts his finger aggressively into Tor's chest, sending him stumbling back into Caelan's leg.

"You are my brother, not my keeper, I don't have to tell you shit . Like I keep telling you, I'm a grown-ass adult—I don't need your permission if I want to schtup the tavern keeper."

Hurt flickers over Tor's flushed purple face, but in his anger, I don't think Theo sees it before it's quickly replaced with anger again.

"For fuck's sake, Theo, I'm not mad you are sleeping with Roan, or whatever you two have going on. I'm not upset that you didn't ask for my permission ," he spits the word at Theo, who shrinks back almost imperceptibly at his brother's ire. Like he is just cluing in that maybe he has the wrong end of the stick here. His arms fold at his waist as he tries to rally himself in the face of his brother's emotions.

"I'm mad that you never once thought to tell me yourself. I knew, of course I did. Everyone knows. He leaves your room every morning for fuck's sake, Theo. And you two—"

He finally looks at me. I shift in my seat, straightening myself as if I don't have a fierce blush heating my beard like a schoolboy and not a thirty-three year old man.

"—are the least inconspicuous beings on the planet. Honest to the Gods, you make Caelan and I look casual about our feelings."

Edith has come back to join us, lured by the raised voices and the chance for gossip. Her hand is resting on Seff's shoulder, as if it is just there casually, but I can see her fingers flexing into the meat of Seff's shoulders.

Theo has sunk in on himself completely now, his face hidden by the curtain of copper curls as his head droops low. Setting my bottle to the side, I stand and walk around, positioning myself behind him, pulling him until his back is flush with my chest. With my arms on his biceps, my thumbs rubbing calming circles there, I can feel the shudder of his breath. I have no doubt that tears will be staining the perfect freckles across his cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

The devastation in his whisper tears at my heart, and I weigh up the very real risks of thumping Tor for making his brother cry. I'm iffy on who Seff would side with in the fray. Only the matching heartbreak on Tor's face keeps my anger in check, not a mild feat considering that primal thing inside me is rattling its cage over Theo being hurt.

"I just thought things had changed between us, little bro." Tor smirks down just as Theo tilts his head back up to give him a half-hearted glare.

"It hurts that you felt like you had to keep it from me for some reason."

A creak of a chair and the shuffling of feet on the gravel almost covers Theo's sniffle as he nods. The brothers share a small smile, Tor punching Theo's shoulder affectionately. I can still feel the tension in Theo's body, so I keep rubbing circles on his arms with my thumbs and drop a kiss to his head. Tor recoils, scrunching his pretty face up to almost make himself not almost blindingly handsome.

"Yeah, that's weird. Let's keep it under wraps again, yeah?"

Theo's snort matches mine, and he spins in my arms, my hands dropping to his hips, reaching his arms up around my neck to slowly pull me down for a proper kiss. Caelan and Edith cheer over the top of Tor's groans, but before my lips manage to land on their target, there is a loud cough from the other side of the fire.

"Yeah, well, glad you lot could somehow manage to make my pain at being permanently single about yourselves, but do you think you can all manage to not rub salt in the wound like absolute dicks ?" Theo ducks his head out from our embrace, tapping my arm when I grunt, pulling him back closer.

"Naw, Seffy, you jealous? You can come cuddle." Theo cackles as a large marshmallow is lobbed at my back.

"No, he absolutely cannot."

Seff makes disappointed noises, and Edith boos noisily, like she would somehow have been invited to the cuddle party Theo is apparently planning. Tor is back on Caelan's lap, rubbing himself all over him like an oversized house cat, so I sit in one of the now vacant chairs and pull Theo down on top of me.

The others return to their conversation over the fire, Seff telling Edith and Theo all about the latest non-starter date he'd been on. He seems pretty serious about this whole dating over hooking up thing. I don't think I've seen him with anybody since… well, shit. Since Caelan . Is that why he's suddenly so gung-ho about it all?

Considering the man is sitting right next to me, it's probably not the right time to dive deep into Seff's love life, so I wriggle around to get comfortable before turning to Caelan.

"Did you make these?" He nods, his hand rubbing circles under Tor's tee shirt.

"Yeah, comfy aren't they?" I rub my hands along the sleek wood of the chairs. They recline slightly with notches along the high arched backs to lay them back further, and they have roomy seats, with thick armrests wide enough to safely rest a drink.

"Can you make me a couple? For the house?" His grin is genuine and wide, and he promises to get them to us, me , as soon as he can. Theo doesn't even blink at me ordering furniture for his house without even asking him. Like I have some kind of claim to him.

"When are you going shopping for the house?" I hear Edith asking the first practical question she's ever asked in her life, and I am shocked she hasn't fallen down dead. She is perched on one of the camp chairs, the bottle having disappeared, now picking petals off a flower mumbling something under her breath. I feel the slightest ripple of her magic float around the circle of the fire and wonder what she's up to. Not that she'd share.

On my lap, Theo gets himself comfortable, wriggling his ass enough that I need to think some very specific thoughts to avoid an awkward boner. He eventually leans back against me and sighs contentedly, my arm rests heavily across his lap, taking full advantage of our ability to touch each other in public now.

"Uh, Seldon mentioned maybe taking a trip to Twin Heads next weekend. He wants to take me to the gay bar there? What's it called?"

"Slash," Seff pipes up across the fire.

Theo nods enthusiastically.

"Yeah, that's the one. Anyway, we were talking yesterday, and he said that we should go there, and then I thought maybe I'd go have a look at some furniture at the same time. I have an appointment with Dr Brordieu that weekend, too, so it all works out."

He turns to me, his hand absentmindedly patting my arm, "Sorry, meant to mention it last night but got distracted."

I snort because I remember exactly how he got distracted. I'd gone up to his room just as he was getting ready for bed and gave him the blowjob of champions. He'd passed out hard when we were cuddling in the aftermath—he certainly hadn't had the presence of mind to share plans.

Not that he owed me that. Because despite him sitting on my lap in front of his brother, and me making furniture plans for his new place, we're still just friends . I shake my head to stop myself dwelling on later's problems.

"No stress at all." To prove my point, I kiss his cheek, and he blushes prettily for me.

I want to kiss him all over to see how far I can make the blush spread.

"I'm inviting myself to tag along, you know." Seff demands, his upset about being the only single man here forgotten again.

Edith shudders next to him, no doubt at the idea of going to the nightclub. Caelan's is as far as she ever ventures out of the Woods.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure Seldon will be devastated about that. What about you two?"

Caelan and Tor briefly look at each other, no doubt doing their freaky bonded mates communication thing.

"Yeah, hard pass. Caelan got the full experience at Faetesque when we went back to Loqueaur to pack everything up. That was probably enough for him."

Caelan's eyes are wide when he nods, like he'd seen things he could never unsee.

I try to ignore the clench in my stomach that Theo has pointedly not invited me to come with them. In all our avoidance of talking about this thing between us, we'd never discussed exclusivity. It had just been a given considering our constant proximity.

Maybe he wants to go and hook up? Broaden his horizons? I mean, he's young. It's the right thing to do, that's the reason I was so hesitant to do this, I didn't want to tie him down, to stop him from experi—

"Roan?"

Shit, in my little spiral I think I missed something.

"Huh?" I try to piece together what has happened, but everyone's eyes are on me, and I have no clue. Theo sighs and rolls his eyes.

"I said, do you think Mauvy is going to be okay without us?"

It would be hard on a weekend night without Seldon and Theo serving, but we had other employees.

"I mean, I know she'll be fine without me and maybe Seldon, but without you, too, it leaves the tavern super short if she runs into troubles."

Oh. He meant us . Including me.

I feel like a raging dumbass, but everything in me loosens a little bit, and I wave him off, taking a sip from his bottle to cover the surge of emotions threatening to make talking difficult.

"Yeah, she'll be fine. We'll work it out."

Theo gives me a kiss to the base of my horn, and I shudder again, wrapping tighter around him.

Things settle down after that, and we mostly just chill in silence, enjoying the balmy night air and the humming of insects in the otherwise silent night. Eventually the fire dies and someone yawns and we pack up for the night.

Edith hugs us all, pressing a kiss to both of Theo's cheeks, before disappearing into the Woods with a wave. The rest of us make our way to Caelan and Tor's cabin.

It's a little awkward for a moment when we remember that there is only a couch for the three of us to share, but Seff changes into his wolf form, curling up on the rug in front of the empty fireplace.

It'll be uncomfortable, but Theo and I can squish on the couch together. Wouldn't be the first time he slept on top of me, and now that it is all out in the open, we don't have to be inconspicuous about it.

I head to the kitchen to fix myself another glass of water, running into Tor. He's hovering around the cabinets, fussing at everything but doing nothing. I pointedly ignore him while I fill the glass, and eventually he stops pretending to clean and spins to face me.

"I don't care that you're sleeping with him. I like you, Roan. I don't think you'd take advantage of him."

Ah, the big brother speech.

I raise an eyebrow and wave for him to continue because there is a very big "but" coming.

"But if you hurt him, I will slit your throat in the dead of the night and leave you for the neric that likes to hang about the Woods just beyond our land. Got me?"

Nerics, bear-like creatures with poisonous claws and phenomenally powerful jaws, probably wouldn't be able to eat me all on their own, but I still understand the threat. I clap my arms on Tor's shoulders, looking him as sincerely in the eye as I can.

"Look, Tor, I can't promise that I will never hurt Theo. I am not arrogant enough to think I'm never going to fuck up or make a mistake. But I will never do it intentionally, and I will always do whatever I can to do right by him. Right now, we're just friends."

Tor snorts.

"Yeah, I'd love something more with him. But there are things… I don't want to be the one to tie him down before he has a chance to experience life. I don't want him to regret… anyway. Thank you."

Tor's smile is more straight than not, and he nods like he heard what I had to say. He starts to leave the kitchen, heading for the hallway to his room, but stops at the door, debating with himself. Eventually the need to meddle on his brother's behalf wins out.

"You two aren't just friends, Roan. It's not fair to either of you to keep lying to yourselves like that. And it's not fair to Theo to deny him something special because you've decided what he needs from life. If you haven't noticed, he's kind of sensitive about that shit."

I huff a laugh and cross my arms over my chest.

"Yeah, I noticed that. I'll think about it."

Tor raps a quick knock on the door frame.

"You do that. Night." He leaves before I can say goodnight.

I stay in the kitchen a few moments, sipping my water, gathering myself back together before going back to the lounge. Theo is waiting patiently for me so we can get ourselves settled. Standing there in his shorts, chest bare, looking so pleased to see me, my heart stops for a second, just perfectly full of love for him. I offer him my water and get myself settled on the couch. Once I'm settled, he arranges himself on top of me, tangling us together until he is satisfied.

Under the hazy contentment of him falling asleep above me, his breaths slowing as he relaxes, I feel that niggle of worry. It doesn't quite matter if we don't want to rock the boat of whatever is between us. It seems like the waters may tip us in anyway. I stroke his back gently, and he sighs happily in his sleep, burrowing in closer. Maybe jumping in won't be such a bad thing after all?