14. Theo

Theo

I've worked harder in the last couple of weeks than I swear I ever have in my life. We've been smashing out the work on the cottage and it is almost nearly liveable.

After essentially bullying and then emotionally blackmailing Seff into letting me pay him - all that trauma I'd been through has to have a silver lining somewhere - he managed to fit us into his schedule more consistently and without sacrificing other work.

Caelan and Tor have been swinging by whenever they can, too. Tor is always super apologetic that it's never as often as he feels it should be, but in the past couple of months I've seen him more than I had in the entire year before that.

I mean, we'd called and texted, and I'd kept up with his social media stuff, but we'd both been caught up with life. So, it's been great hanging out with him when he comes to visit, especially because Caelan is crazy handy and a fantastic teacher.

The big downside is apparently my brother has a capability kink, and if he's around while Caelan's getting all manly, things get gross really quick. Edith helps exactly zero percent by egging it on like the dirty perv she is. Since the beginning of summer has meant a lot more shirtless construction going on, she has been hanging around like a loveable, loud, bad smell.

Roan has been stopping by whenever he gets the chance, absolutely thriving whenever he gets to go all boss man mode telling me how to do things. It takes every single shred of my willpower to not back talk and give him grief when he does.

Which is probably why I fail so often.

That and it's so insanely hot when he gives me that intense frowny glower like he wants to lecture me. Or put me over his knee and spank me for my sass.

I'd been on a roll one day last week and called him Daddy. Thank the Gods my brother had been outside harassing Caelan because I'd seen an unmistakable flair of lust flare in Roan's eyes as he'd pointed a finger firmly in my direction.

"No." He'd flushed all the way to his horns when I winked in response. He'd gotten extra growly afterwards too, his shoulders tense, and he very definitely tried to keep me from being able to catch sight of the crotch of his pants. He spent the next twenty minutes hiding it like a pregnant actress on a sitcom attempting to hide her belly.

Nothing more has happened between us. Which is frustrating as fuck—the man only had to breathe in my general direction, and I end up with the world's most inconvenient erection.

At least we are getting to know each other, which is cool. I guess. Except my pesky feelings keep getting in the way, my little crush blooming into an overgrown garden of unrequited, complicated feelings.

It's pathetic, really, how every small smile or joke we've shared has made my heart flutter and my knees go weak. Or the way it felt like the cottage is starting to feel like a thing we are building together, to be shared.

It was only yesterday that I'd brought him his iced tea, sweetened just the way he likes it, like I do every day now somehow, and we'd bickered like an old married couple about the exact shade of cream to paint the walls. Seff ended up walking out, completely fed up, mumbling something about foreplay and getting it over with already under his breath.

From his mouth to Roan's ears, I wish.

But Roan was steadfastly keeping things platonic between us. Just like I have steadfastly avoided that conversation I'd told Seldon I'd have with him about my freakout.

Now, it's been too long, and it would just be plain awkward to bring it up again. Especially now that things are smooth between us.

Funny how that happened.

It's not like I'm hoping that he'll just see how entirely not vulnerable I am and be impressed with all my hard work and growth and sweep me off my feet to his bed. At all.

On the topic of growth, between all the work on the cottage, and so much cleaning , and my shifts at the tavern, I'd successfully avoided looking, or dealing with the remnants of my old life.

But last night, in the quick break between the two jobs, I'd found the strength to finally turn on my phone and laptop. They'd been sitting there since Tor had dropped them off, haunting my room with their presence, except for their brief trip to the cottage to charge after Seff's electrician had okayed the wiring.

Unfortunately, there'd been so many emails and alerts, both had gone nuts when I turned them on, so I left them to update in peace while I'd worked, and I'd been too tired to bother with them when I'd gotten back to my room.

There had been a rowdy gang of orcs playing drinking games with a reptilian shifter crew out in the patio garden, and I'd been run ragged keeping up with their drink orders and clearing up the giant mess they'd made of the place.

The group of fauns that had had an unfortunate run in with Roan's temper also made their hesitant return last night. When they saw me working, they almost left in a panic, but I reassured them that it was all fine and there was no harm done and then I made Roan give them a bottle of Caelan's rose wine as a peace offering. He grumbled adorably about already apologising, but I just stared him down until he caved. He likes to act like he's this big tough berserker fae, with those muscles and horns, but he is just a giant softie.

Unbidden, my eyes find their way to the laptop and phone sitting on the table in a stream of morning sunlight. I've been lying here far too long already, wasting the cool temperatures of the morning catching up on some rest where I can.

The dreams had been bad last night, and I feel like I'd barely slept at all. Darius had been chasing me through the Woods until they had turned into the grounds of the University, a new landscape no doubt inspired by my impromptu opening of the laptop.

I felt the terror of my dream almost like an actual memory, the pain in my bare feet as they'd been cut and scratched as I ran, the tightness in my chest. I felt it all until I'd woken up just moments before Darius's hand wrapped around my arm.

I have no idea why he is guest starring in these horrific dreams—Marieth barely even guest stars anymore. Like, yeah, he'd been a major dick and emotionally abusive, but I'd never once been scared of him. He'd never been violent or raised a hand to me.

He wouldn't have dared.

It would have ruined his hair.

The only explanation I've managed to come up with is that my subconscious has somehow confused all my emotional baggage about our clusterfuck of a relationship and its ending and everything that had happened with Marieth, making it this one hot mess of a nighttime adventure.

Which was why I'd made an appointment to speak to a psychologist in Twin Heads. I had to wait a couple more weeks to get in, but it should be good. Probably.

At least I'm keeping one promise to Seldon.

When I told him about the appointment, he'd given me one of those hugs I was still getting used to and promised to give me a ride. It made me realise I should probably learn to drive at some point. I'd spent my childhood with personal drivers, and at the University it was like its own little town with everything I needed within walking distance. I'd never needed to learn. Living here on the edge of the Whisper Woods, it feels like more of a necessity.

I look back at the laptop and phone and take an exaggerated deep breath. If I've learnt anything over the past few months, it's that I can do hard things. Even if I really don't want to. So, with that thought to bolster my confidence, I throw back the covers and drag my no longer scrawny butt up and across the room, scratching at my belly above my boxers.

I've been working so hard, I've actually developed some muscle definition and started bulking up. I wasn't at all mad about having to go buy new underwear when my old ones had gotten a little tight on my growing ass.

It takes a moment for the laptop to come to life, but once it does it doesn't take too long to sort through the literal hundreds of emails. Without even one iota of regret I delete a good ninety-percent without reading them.

I save the one from the woman who was effectively my boss. It's dated after Tor's trip to the city and is surprisingly sincere, expressing genuine sadness about not only what had happened to me but also that I was leaving the University. She promises the door is always open for me to return should I be willing and able.

Considering that was highly unlikely I type a quick reply, thanking her for her well wishes and everything she had done for me over the years. In another email, I contact the staff housing administrator and let them know I am not returning. All the furniture came standard with the apartment, but I include that they can keep, toss, or pass on any personal items that remain. Tor had taken all of my important personal possessions on his visit. Anything there couldn't be overly important, and in all honesty, it feels like they belonged to another person entirely anyway.

After that, I email a handful of professors and researchers I'd worked with, using a copy and paste message to tell them that, because of personal reasons, I will not be returning to the University or my research and direct them to the directory of all of my relevant files.

Sitting back in the hard wooden chair, still only in my boxers with sleep in my eyes, I realise it's done. There is no one left to contact.

A rush of emotions ploughs into me as I shut the lid to my laptop, like the seal on a chapter of my life. While I am more than ready to walk away from it and am definite in my decision, the sudden welling of too many feelings inside me leaves me off kilter. The tips of my fingers and toes tingle, and suddenly I can't sit still anymore.

I throw myself out of my chair and pace the room for a moment, shaking my hands to try to get rid of the pins and needles there. My phone catches my eye, and I pick it up. When my hand hits the button on the side, the black screen lights up, and I see the alerts filling the screen.

How embarrassing is it that I have disappeared from my life for over three months and the most notifications on my phone are appointment reminders for classes?

Pathetic.

I clear them quickly, taking half a second to turn off notifications on my calendar app until I can find the energy to clear all my Uni commitments. Once they are all finally clear, I see the missed calls and texts.

There must be over a hundred of them. All of them, every single one, is from Darius.

All in the first three weeks of my disappearance.

My already nauseous stomach clenches hard, and I stalk to the tall, ornately carved wardrobe on the other side of the room, yanking the bottom drawer that holds the spare blankets so hard it cracks into my shins. I hiss at the pain, blinking back the tears and shove the phone as far into the drawer as I can, burying it under the thick pile. I slam the drawer shut like it has mortally offended me.

With it hidden and gone, I manage to claw back some of my sanity, the sudden, absurd panic burning my throat receding. I slump back on my ass as hysterical laughter sweeps over me, and I wipe my face with my hand, before running it through my sleep-tangled curls, tugging on them hard enough to feel a sharp sting.

A knock on my bedroom door finally distracts me from whatever insanity has just overtaken me.

"Theo, you in there? It's Roan."

I glance at the clock on the mantle—it's only quarter past ten, basically dawn for him.

Emotionally spent and suddenly exhausted again, I haul myself awkwardly to my feet, my arms and legs heavy from the surge of adrenaline, and make my way across the small room to swing the door open.

When Roan's dark grey eyes go comically wide, fixed at a point over my shoulder with a jaw so tense I'm a little concerned he's cracked a tooth, I remember I am still only in my small white boxer briefs that I'd been asleep in. Whoops.

This morning's been too much of a rollercoaster to get myself worked up over this little blip, so I lean against the door frame, folding my arms across my chest. Roan's eyes flick down, just for the briefest of moments, and I greedily note the way his throat works as he swallows hard.

"What can I do for you, Boss Man?" I'd started the nickname because calling him Daddy or Sir at work to get a rise out of him was kind of a dick move to everyone around us. Especially if he got that kinda rise too.

He shifts on his feet, his heavy boots thudding on the waxed floors of the hall. He is back in the shorts that he favours when we work on the cottage. They are my favourite, too—on just the safe side of indecent, the thick cotton grips his tattooed, meaty thighs like they are clinging on for their life, and I completely understand the sentiment.

I realise, just moments before disaster, that I probably shouldn't be salivating over his legs whilst in my own skimpy underwear and divert my eyes back up to him. He's still refusing to look at me, and that small detail makes my heart skip a beat in a giddy thrill.

"Uh, well, I wanted to show you something." I love bossy and commanding Roan. And sassing back at bossy and commanding Roan. But I also kinda love when he gets all flustered and awkward. Adds a lustre of imperfection to a man who stands a little too high on the pedestal.

Just to be a shit, and because teasing and playing with Roan gives me back a little bit of the calm I lost this morning, I drag my eyes down his body, past the faded navy tee shirt straining across his chest to the bulge between his legs.

"Really?" I draw the word out slowly, letting it roll around my mouth, biting my lip and flexing slightly for a bit more flair.

He's looking at me now, a flat and exasperated look on his face, but I can see the smile tugging at his lips under his beard. I even find the audacity to wink at him, and he finally rolls his eyes.

"Knock it off brat and get dressed. We're going for a hike."

My eyebrows shoot up, ready to fight back, even though we both know I'm going to go along with whatever he says.

"Who says I don't have plans?"

"Seff is off on pack business with his dad, your brother and Caelan are busy planting today, and it's Seldon's day off, and I know he's hanging out in Twin Heads with his cousin. You don't have any other friends. I know you're free. Stop being difficult and go get dressed." My eyes narrow, and I try not to react to the authoritative tone.

"Or what?"

"What do you mean?" He shakes his head, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"What if I don't want to get dressed?"

Flirting like this is dangerous considering everything that happened last time and the fact that we've both been too cowardly to discuss it. And by that I mean I was. Either way, we've been tiptoeing around this thing around us like a bomb waiting to explode.

Unfortunately, this morning I'm feeling brave and more than a little reckless.

Roan leans forward. I can feel the curve of his horn brushing my hair and I suppress a shudder. His breath fans over my skin and I can see the flecks of black in the dark grey of his eyes.

"Then I will come in there and make you. Get dressed, Theo." There is a thread of something akin to danger in his voice, not that I believe for a second that Roan would hurt me, but it's something predatory nonetheless.

This time I can't contain the shiver that rolls down my spine and I bite my lip, hard this time, to keep from doing something stupid like kissing him. He watches my teeth sink into the soft flesh with wolfish focus.

My breath is harsh as I push myself away from the door frame, legs quivering at the effort of removing myself from him. I can feel him watching me.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Roan." I force a laugh to cover the breathy tone to my voice and pull out a drawer to find a pair of shorts to throw on.

"Just get dressed and meet me downstairs in five minutes. Wear decent shoes." The door slams before I have a chance to sneak in the last word, so I let him have this one and get ready for whatever it is he has planned for me today.