Chapter 27

Prism

He didn’t believe me.

It didn’t matter that I knew I hadn’t done what was accused. My body didn’t get the memo. My nervous system was already malfunctioning, mind overruled. My heart pumped rapidly, adrenaline flooding my limbs so fast it was hard to stay still. I focused on my breathing, on trying to slow it down while staring at my feet, sight blinded by the voracious ringing between my ears. The ASMR Arsen had turned on earlier had since gone quiet, and I reached for the buds in my ears, trying to push them deeper into my ear canals, trying to drown out all the noise.

There was no blocking it out, though, because it was coming from within.

I let out a gruff shout, the pressure in my chest building to unbearable. A vise locked around me, and my biceps strained as I struggled to get free. Feet scuffled.

The low rumble of voices was no match for everything else.

My back collided with a rough, unforgiving surface, and the jacket snagged as I shoved off, only to be forced back.

“Settle,” a stern voice commanded. “You’re okay.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t, and I wanted away.

A hand slipped beneath the hem of my T-shirt, a warm, steady presence against the small of my back. Another equally confident hand wrapped around the side of my neck, anchoring me in place.

“Easy, easy, easy.” A barely audible whisper brushed against my ear. “You’re okay. I got you. I got you. Breathe. In and out. In and out.” A pair of lips brushed my earlobe, textured tongue tracing over the shell.

Whimpering, I reached up to rip the AirPod from my ear so his whisper could get closer.

“You’re so good, Matthew. My good boy. Look at how good you’re being for me. I’m so proud of you. I got you. It’s just me and you right now. Just us. Just us.”

My breathing shuddered, chest collapsing as tension oozed from my body.

“There you go,” he whispered. “Matthew. Matthew. Matthew. Breathe.”

The ringing in my ear dropped a decibel, and I latched on to the sound of his whisper as tingles raced across my scalp so wildly it felt like my hair stood on end. It was good. So. Fucking. Good. His voice was a massage to my overcome system, kneading out the tightest knots and encouraging my body to succumb to him.

He kept up the whispering, conveying how good I was, how proud of me he was, and how everything was okay. In between the praise, he dropped into inaudible sounds, the perfect white noise to counteract and reduce the stimuli short-circuiting my neural pathways.

Slowly, things came back into focus, and I became aware of my breathing, the beating of my heart, and the warm hands anchoring me close. Still vulnerable and exposed, I curled a little closer to him, wanting nothing but him and the safe space he managed to create.

“Arsen,” I rasped, pushing my hands between us, dragging them up his chest and curling around his shoulders, not gripping the clothes he wore but deeper into the man underneath.

“I’m here, baby.” He assured me, and I let out a muffled sob against his shoulder, burying my face against him to sob again. My body trembled as it crashed, adrenaline and panic draining away and leaving me clinging to him like a wrung-out rag.

As if he felt me shrinking, he pulled me closer against him, the stale scent of beer making my nose wrinkle. Palming the back of my head, he guided my face into his neck where the scent of him overpowered anything else, and I purred.

“That’s it,” he murmured, voice vibrating his throat, which I could feel against my skin. “This is where you belong, princess.” The words were rumbly and vibrating against me again. “Right here with me.”

“Bear,” I whispered.

“Yeah, baby, I’m your bear.”

Breathing became natural again, and exhaustion made my limbs heavy. He was comfortable, and I was consoled. My mind went blissfully quiet, and I snuffled, floating in relief.

Arsen’s fingertips dragged along my lower spine, up and down, up and down. The repetitive movement made me drowsy.

A gust of cool air tickled my skin, and my lashes fluttered open. Pulling my face away from his neck, I blinked at the world around us, realizing we were outside. The dark sky had not one star in sight, and the scent of rain clung to everything.

I tipped up my chin to ask him how we got out here, but the words died on my lips when he covered them with his.

I went boneless, neck failing to hold up my head as it dropped heavily into his palm. Cradling it easily, he groaned against my lips, deepening the kiss. Desperation bloomed inside me as I opened wider, shivering with every swipe of his tongue. The noises I made were needy and insistent, matching the way I eagerly returned his kiss. He didn’t back down, giving as much as I could take, the scrape of his square, stubbled chin abrasive against my sensitive skin.

Straining onto tiptoes, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing every inch of myself against him that I could manage. Groaning, he palmed my ass, pushing his hips against mine.

I stumbled backward, body colliding with the side of the building, and he pinned me against the brick with his weight. “My little princess,” he growled, kissing across my cheek.

I whined, knowing he wasn’t speaking to my six-foot frame but the small boy who hid inside me, the one who never had any protection until now.

And just like that, reality crashed in. That vulnerable part of me wailed, reminding me the only true protection I had was myself.

I jerked back, head knocking against the unforgiving wall. My scalp burned, but I ignored it, adrenaline already starting to numb me again.

“Be careful,” he murmured, reaching up to rub the spot.

I pulled my head away, denying him.

His eyes narrowed, kiss-savvy lips pursing. “Matthew…”

“What are we doing?” I asked, suspicious.

“Taking five from that shit circus inside.”

“Pretty sure I wasn’t taking five but having a meltdown.” In front of everyone. Color me embarrassed.

“A panic attack.” Arsen corrected me. “And that’s why I pulled you out here. To get some space.”

I glanced at the way our bodies were plastered together. “You call this space?”

“My dick isn’t buried inside you, so yes, I call this space.”

My hole clenched, and I thought about what we’d done before the night imploded.

As he leaned in, Arsen’s voice brushed my ear. “I’m still inside you, princess. Can you feel me?”

I pushed him away, separating our bodies as my cheeks flushed. Yes, I still feel you.

“We can’t do this,” I told him.

He lifted an eyebrow.

“Didn’t you just hear everything I said in there? Everything Niles said?”

His eyes narrowed into inky slits. “He says one more thing about you and I’ll reach down his throat and yank out his larynx so he can’t say anything else.”

I paused. “You don’t believe him?”

“You thought I did?”

My lips rolled in. “I didn’t do it,” I told him. “I didn’t set you up.”

“I know.”

My chin lowered, and I studied him. He seemed so sure. So nonchalant. Not me. I was chalant as fuck.

“But the way you looked at me…”

He grimaced. “It’s not every day a man finds out he’s dating the son of his father’s rival.”

“We’re still dating?” I asked, hating how small and insecure my voice sounded. Sometimes I really wished I was different.

His eyes glittered with anger. “You should have told me.”

My stomach clenched, and anger suffused my chest. “You didn’t tell me,” I shot back.

“You’re right. I didn’t.” He agreed. “But I wasn’t keeping it a secret. You were.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Matthew?”

More silence.

His jaw ticked, frustration welling. “Do you not trust me?”

I sucked in a breath. “I do.”

“Not enough to tell me this.”

Ramming my hands into his chest, I shoved. My limbs still felt weak and shaky, but there was anger now too, and I clung to the heat of it, using it as a crutch. “You think it’s easy?” I accused. “To tell someone I was discarded. Unwanted by the two people who literally made me.”

Who the hell doesn’t want something they themselves created?

My chest heaved, and I pushed off the wall to pace. “I was afraid, okay? Afraid if I told you my own family abandoned me—a prominent, well-respected family, no less—you would too.”

The anger in his voice had drained away. “I would never do that.”

“He used to lock me in the closet. For hours, maybe even days at a time,” I confessed, staring at the ground. “He said I was bad and I should think about what I did. Sometimes he hit me too, as though he thought he could beat the stuff he hated out of me.”

Arsen made a sound, anger back and wild on his face. “That scumbag put his hands on you?”

“Not very often because he didn’t want anyone to see the bruises. Honestly, getting locked in the closet was worse. Sometimes he’d turn on the bathroom faucet on the other side of the wall. It would drip for hours.”

I was snatched nearly off my feet, anchored into his chest. “That’s enough,” he said, gruff. “I understand now. I understand why you couldn’t tell me.”

“Pretty sure the stress is what caused the tinnitus. Maybe my twisted brain thought the ringing would block out the dripping. Instead, they both drove me insane.”

He hugged me harder, and I whispered, “I never told anyone that before. Not even Kruger.”

“I don’t care anymore,” he swore. “I was so caught up in knowing everything, having every part of you, I never once considered what it would cost you to give.”

“You do have every part of me,” I whispered. “Even the parts you don’t know about love you best.”

He let out a sob that ruffled my hair.

“It doesn’t matter, though,” I said, wiggling free of his grasp. “We can’t be together.”

“What?”

“Even though he disowned me, I’m still the son of your father’s rival.”

“I don’t care!” he spat. “That means nothing to me.”

I smiled sadly, looking beyond his shoulder to the man who’d just stepped around the corner. “You’re the son of a senator. A reminder of my childhood trauma and part of a world where I do not belong.”

Arsen’s face contorted, and he reached for me.

“Son.”

His hand froze midair at the sound of his father behind us.

“You’re needed inside.”

“I’m busy,” he called over his shoulder.

“I just flew across the state because drugs were found in your car. Get your ass inside.”

Our eyes met. It felt like goodbye.

My lip wobbled, and he groaned, pulling me into his arms. “Give me an hour,” he whispered, making my scalp prickle. “One hour and we’ll work this out.”

I shook my head.

He pulled back, holding me at arm’s length. “I’ll never give up on you, princess. Please don’t give up on me.”

“Arsen!” His father’s voice was stern.

Even with the man behind us fuming with impatience, Arsen swooped in and pressed his lips to mine. A brief, hard kiss. A promise.

“One hour.” He reminded me and then disappeared around the corner with the senator.