30. Elton

CHAPTER THIRTY

Elton

This is intense.

The air around us is charged as Knox strips me quietly, both of us chuckling when his fingers catch on my zipper and he hisses. I do the same to him, and although I’m certain I want this, I work off his clothes with trembling hands. It seems like my nerves are getting the better of me, causing me to fumble and bluster through something I’ve done dozens of times before.

But Knox has the uncanny ability to just get me. He settles my hands once he has me naked, bringing my fingers up to his mouth to kiss the tips of them, his gray eyes boring into mine, causing me to blush.

As he lays me on my back in bed, hovering over me with quiet intention, I start to realize that I’m not the only one who’s rattled by the intensity of this. I think both of us might be nervous because his usual dirty mouth is silent as he reaches for the lube.

It’s with a held breath that I watch him wet his fingers, and with a shuddered gasp when he teases my crease. I’ve become accustomed to his fingers in the last couple of weeks, but he still goes slowly, taking extra care to make sure I’m ready. I squirm and whine, breathless puffs of air leaving me as he drops kiss after kiss on the inside of my thigh and up my leg, soothing my nerves.

“I think you’re ready,” he whispers, kissing the inside of my knee as he slips his fingers out.

I nod dumbly as he fishes a condom out of his wallet. In an instant, I place a hand on his wrist and shake my head. His brow furrows, confused. “Sweetheart?”

“No condom,” I say, my voice catching at the end. “I…” Blushing, I shake my head again as I bite my bottom lip. “No condom.”

We’ve had the talk about STIs, I’ve fucked him without one plenty of times, and we’re not seeing anybody else. There’s no reason we would need a condom, save for personal preference.

But it’s more than that. I want to feel close to him, take all of him, and have nothing keeping us apart. I’ve come to know a lot about Knox—even though he’d hate to admit that—and I trust him.

I trust the guy who brought me to see flamingos when I was stressed. I trust the guy who put on a scavenger hunt to apologize for fucking up. I trust the guy who opened up to me about his loneliness.

I saw a different side of him tonight as well. I bore witness to just how shitty his parents are, and by extension, how shitty it must have been to grow up in an environment like that. I feel like I know him more than anyone else, like I’ve been let in behind the razor-lined bars, and that kind of intimacy resonates with me. I want to return it and show him how much I meant every word I said tonight.

He’s worth it.

He wets his lips, messing around with his lip ring as his neck tattoos flex with his gulp. “Okay. No condom.”

“How should we do this?” I ask, anxiously fidgeting as he just stares at me. “Um, do you want me on my hands and knees? Is that easiest?”

“Is that what you want?” he asks, rubbing my hip tenderly. “How would you be most comfortable?”

A lot of what I read on the internet says that being on your hands and knees might make it less painful, but a majority of people said that as long as you’re prepped properly, and your partner isn’t a jerk, any position is good.

The thing is, though…I want to see his face. It might be too intimate for him, but I want to know who’s taking my first time. I’m happy it’s him and want to remember this moment.

I open my mouth to tell him that, but he cuts me off. “Why don’t you just stay like this and let me…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence. I know how hard this sweet and gentle stuff is for him, so I don’t force him to go on. Instead, I open my arms, and he crawls on top of me, moving until we’re forehead to forehead and inescapable from each other. He positions himself at my entrance, his hands urging my legs to wrap around his waist. “Just like this. I’ll go slow, okay?”

“Okay,” I breathe out as I hug him closer. His face is buried in my neck, and he kisses the skin just behind my ear. “If I don’t like it?—”

“Then we’ll stop. I’ve got you, Elton,” he whispers, nudging at my entrance. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. I said I’d take care of you, and I meant it.”

“Okay,” I repeat, shaking with anticipation and nerves. “I’m ready.”

He gives my neck one last kiss and flexes his hips, pushing past my rim, until just the head of his cock pops in. My breath gets caught in my throat, and I dig my nails into his back, letting out a small whimper of discomfort.

Little by little, he gives me more of him, stretching me ever-so-slowly. It stings, a little bit uncomfortable, and I have to pat his back a couple of times to signal for him to stay still for a moment. All the while, he trembles with the strain of keeping himself motionless when I need it, and his breaths are choppy when he finally bottoms out.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, pulling back to pepper my face with kisses. “Does it hurt, sweetheart?”

“A little,” I admit and shift under him. My breath hitches when it makes his cock move inside me. “It’s starting to feel a bit better.”

He drops a kiss onto my forehead. “Okay. You’re doing so good, Elton. You feel…”

Blinking up at him, I trace the line of his jaw with my forefinger, running it across the smile on his lips. “Yeah?”

He lets out a breathless chuckle, kissing my finger. “You feel fucking incredible. So hot and silky around me, but it’s… I can’t explain. I just?—”

“I know,” I say, puckering my lips for a kiss. “I know, Knox.”

This is why I insisted on us being friends before this happened. This is what was missing the first time he tried to fuck me. To me, sex is always awesome, but there’s something special about being connected with someone you actually care about on a deeper level. It makes it more fun, more intimate, just… more.

He nods in understanding, like I don’t need to explain myself, because he’s right there with me. “Okay, it’s time, sweetheart. Just relax and enjoy yourself. Tell me what you like and what you don’t like. I’m right here for you.”

I suck in a deep breath and melt into the bed, growing calmer and more settled with all the sweet things he’s saying. He pulls out all the way, only to gently glide back in, filling me with impossible heat and indescribable pressure that quickly morphs into pleasure. Moaning, I throw my head back as my nails bite into his shoulder again. He does what he says and takes care of me—never too fast or too slow—and makes me grateful that it’s him who’s taking this first of mine.

“Elton,” he murmurs, nothing but my name on his tongue as he rolls our foreheads together. “Elton…”

Even just my shuddered name is enough to tell me what’s going on in his head. It’s like we’re being molded together, our bodies and minds tangled in a web. We become an us in this moment, held together by whispered praises and gentle touches.

“It… It feels so good.” I chuckle breathlessly, kissing him once. “I love it, Knox.”

His eyes widen at my words and, in a moment of sheer brilliance, a smile I’ve never seen breaks across his face. He pulls out quickly, leaving me empty and confused, but shifts me a moment later onto my side. Lying in front of me, he throws my leg over his hip and angles my lower body until he can reach my entrance again. He slides back in, both of us groaning in unison. In this position, his hands are free to cradle my face, his pierced nose brushing against mine with every steady thrust.

His gray eyes are the brightest they’ve ever been, locked onto mine the entire time, and I finally see that there are little flecks of hazel in them. A sea of darkness with just a touch of light.

I think Knox’s eyes might be my favorite color.

He uses one hand to grasp my cock, giving it steady tugs that, combined with the sensual movement of his hips, have me stuttering for breath.

“Do you think you can come for me, sweetheart?” he asks, kissing the tip of my nose. “Think you can paint my hand with your sweet cum?”

Making some unintelligible noise, I nod. My eyes scream to flutter shut, but I refuse to break this moment of thick neediness between us. “Come inside me, Knox. I want to feel it. I want you.”

And I realize as soon as the words leave my lips how much that’s true.

Fuck .

I want him.

This whole thing started out as a way for me to have fun and just let loose. I was never supposed to feel this way about him—he was just a distraction—but here I am again. All those impulses I tried to bury come back to the surface. I don’t just like Knox as a best friend. I… I like him as so much more.

I want to spend all my time with him. He’s slowly become my favorite person, even when he’s snapping at me, and even when he’s moody as hell. The nights we spend sleeping side-by-side are my favorite, and I want to always be snuggled against him. If anyone’s going to call me out for being annoying, I want it to be him.

“ Knox ,” I cry out as I picture a world where he and I are actually together, a real couple, happy and committed, and the thought sends me spiraling.

“There you go,” he coos, nipping sensually at my jaw. “That’s it, sweetheart. Show me how special you are. Come for me.”

I come with forever in my mind, and he growls as he releases inside me. We’re still for a moment, basking in intimacy.

Until I burst into a fucking sob.

I’m a blithering mess, tears in my eyes, but he doesn’t care. He wraps me in his arms, sliding his cock out and hushing me sweetly when I wince. I can feel him leaking out of me, and he’s covered in my cum, but neither of us makes a move to clean up. He cradles me as I let it all out, feeling just a touch stupid for being that person who cries after sex.

“It’s okay, Elton,” he assures me, his voice hoarse and raw as he kisses the top of my head. “Fuck, sweetheart. I told you I’ve got you. You’re safe with me.”

I know that. At this moment, I’m the safest I’ve ever been, but that’s not what worries me deep down.

Deep down, I wonder, if my feelings really are what I think, how long until Knox realizes that I’ve broken one of our rules?

Because falling for him was never a part of the plan.