7. Nash

7

NASH

She's staring at me in surprise, and for the first time since she walked in the room, she's no longer crying. I patiently wait for her to answer my question. Obviously, it's an important one by the way that her body is pulled tight, and she seems to have stopped breathing. I brush the hair off the side of her face and tuck it behind her ear.

"Tell me, do you want a baby?"

She nods without blinking. "You know I do, Nash. I've always wanted a baby."

I take in a deep breath. She’s right. I knew she wanted kids, but I was too involved with thinking I could save the world instead of taking care of her wants and her needs. Knowing that and letting it finally sink in hits me right in the gut. I should have known how important it was to her to have a child. She will make a great mother. I should have let my past stay in the past. And yeah, I'm worried about being a shitty father, but if I have Emery by my side, I know she won't let me.

I'm fighting off the pain meds, but I can feel the grogginess starting to set in. I need to stay alert for this conversation. She tries to sit up a little, but I don't let her go far. She pats me on the chest. "Tell me... tell me why you want to have kids."

I let my head fall back on the pillow, and I close my eyes. I'm not someone that talks about my feelings. I never have been, but I know I have to learn to open up If I want any kind of future with Emery.

With my eyes closed, I tell her exactly what I'm thinking. “I never knew what love was until I met you, Emery. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was scared... hell, I’m scared to death of being a father. But only because I don’t want to screw it up. I would love to have a child knowing that it’s a part of us.” I open my eyes and stare at her. “But most importantly, I want a child because I want to be tied to you forever, Emery. I know that I have fucked up in the past, and I know that you’re looking at me right now like I'm not the best dad material, but I can do better. I can be better."

She must see the anguish on my face. She pushes the hair off my forehead and cups my cheek. There’s still so much I need to tell her. "We don't need to talk about this now, Nash. You've been shot. You have a head injury. The best thing for you right now is to rest."

I shake my head. I know what she's saying is right, but still I can't let this moment pass by. "Honey, this is the first time that I've gotten you to listen to me that you haven't wanted to either slap me or run away. I need to use my time wisely."

She smirks at me as if I’m joking, but I’m not. For months, she’s avoided me, but she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. I blink as the light seems to mess with my vision. She looks at the light and then back at me. "Do you want me to turn that off?"

I shake my head instantly. "No."

"Nash, your head would probably feel better if it was darker in here."

I shrug my shoulders. "I'll deal with the pain. I don't want to let you up from here."

She's surprised by that, and her face softens as she looks at me. "What if I promise to just get up and turn the light off and come right back?"

I bring one hand up and cover part of my eyes to shield it from the light, wanting to be able to look at her directly. "You promise?"

She nods, patting my chest. "I promise."

I let her get out of the bed and watch as she walks over to the door. It's like I'm holding my breath, hoping that she doesn't run from me. I don’t know what I’ll do if she walks out. Probably try and follow her and fall on my ass in the process. But she doesn’t run. She flips the light switch and walks back over to me, taking off her cross-body purse and putting it on the table next to the bed. She's about to crawl back in beside me when she looks at my arm. "Nash, it's this arm. I was lying on this arm that you were just shot in. Why didn't you say anything? I know it had to hurt."

"Honey, there's no way I was going to do anything that would stop you from lying in my arms."

She starts to walk away, and I reach for her, but she just keeps going. "I'm just going to the other side."

I nod and watch her walk around to the other side of the bed. She climbs up into the bed and tries to lie on her side, away from me. It's a small bed, and I take up a lot of the room, but I don't even want an inch between us.

The grogginess is starting to take over, but I'm not going to let it win until I know I have her firmly in my arms and she plans to stay there. "Closer," I grunt at her.

She scoots closer, and I put my arm around her and hold her tight. "I'm so sleepy, Emery."

She looks at me worriedly. "I didn't even ask. What did the doctors say? Are you even allowed to sleep?"

I yawn loudly. "It's just a concussion. No brain bleeds or anything. I just have to wake up every hour. Don't worry. The nurses will be in to wake me up, I'm sure."

"Oh, Nash," she says worriedly. "I'm so glad that you're okay. I don't know what I would do..." She stops suddenly as if she’s giving away too much. But I didn’t miss it. She doesn’t want me to know that she still feels something for me, but her words seem to give me hope. The truth is we are still bound together. She still loves me just as I still love her. Somehow, some way we have to find a way to make this work. I won't let anything else happen.

I mutter to her, "Promise me that you won't leave me."

I wait to hear her response. "I promise," she says.

And it's only then with her held tightly in my arms and the promise that she won't leave me that I finally let myself fall to sleep.