12. Becca

12

BECCA

"I'm so tired." Those are the words Lucas said to me on the way to the events center, and they keep going through my head the whole time as I watch him prepare for his event. He's already in the chute, and he's wrapping his hand around the leather rope, getting ready to let go. The bull he’s on is obviously pissed. He’s bucking relentlessly already.

We barely slept last night. It's like he couldn't get enough of me. And when I would just fall asleep, he would wake me up, wanting me again. There was no complaint out of me, though. I was just as desperate and needy for him. I had no idea it could be like that.

But now, knowing how tired he is, I can't help but regret it. I should have let him rest. This is a dangerous sport, and he definitely shouldn't be out there with the amount of sleep that he had.

I'm sitting on the edge of my seat on my hands, with a worried expression on my face. It's crazy. I've only known him maybe two weeks, if that. And my feelings are out of control for him. I know what they are, but I don't want to put words to it. I can't.

I see Lucas nod his head, and as soon as he does, the chute opens and the bull comes out, instantly trying to buck him off. Lucas holds on, though. And as soon as we get to five seconds, the crowd all stands up going wild, counting with the countdown clock. When the buzzer hits eight seconds, Lucas jumps off the bull easily and is over to safety, climbing up the railing. It's only then I'm able to breathe again.

I'm cheering like a maniac, so happy that he won, but even more happy that he's safe. He instantly finds me in the crowd and points over at me. I can already tell what he's saying. I know he's saying I'm his good luck charm. I wave like a lunatic at him, jumping up and down. He climbs over the railing and meets me, pulling me into his arms as I hug and kiss him. I know the camera is probably still on him, but I don’t even care.

The announcers start to talk and announce his score. He has an 84. I'm excited, but instantly Lucas' face falls. "What? What is it?" I ask him.

“I scored an 84. I needed 86 to win."

I hold on to his waist and look at the clock, and the score on the board. "I don't get it. You went the eight seconds. You got an 84. That's great."

He smiles at me. "Eighty-four is good, but that gets me second.” He shakes his head as if he’s trying to get the bad thoughts out. “It's fine, though."

I nod my head, unsure. I can tell he's upset. From what everyone was saying, he was a shoe-in to be first. So I know that he's disappointed. A part of me wonders if he blames me, that it's my fault that he got the 84. If he had gotten more rest last night, would he have won?

If I'm thinking it, I'm wondering if he's thinking the exact same thing. I pull back from him. “I'm proud of you for second. That's still awesome.”

He nods, but he doesn't say anything. People are still congratulating him, and he’s nodding and shaking hands as people go by. It’s almost like he doesn’t want to look at me. I let go of him and take a step back. “I need to get back to Whiskey Run. I have to work really early in the morning.” I'm looking over his shoulder, avoiding his eyes, because I don't want him to see I'm upset.

He reaches for my hand. "Per my contracts, I have to speak to the reporters. And I have to go to the winner’s circle to get my second place... I would skip it if I could."

I shrug my shoulders. "No, it's fine, really."

He tightens his hand on mine. "You can't hang out for a few minutes?"

I look at him and try to keep the smile on my face. At this point, it would probably be better if I just left. I’ve completely screwed this up. "No, I really need to go." I lean up on my tiptoes and press a kiss to his cheek. He pulls back, surprised, but he doesn't say anything because a person comes over telling them they need him at the winner’s circle.

He reaches down and pulls me in for a quick hug and then kisses me really briefly. "Bye. I'll call you later. Drive safe."

I nod and turn and walk away. I can feel his gaze on me, but I don’t turn around. I’m afraid if I do, I won’t be able to stop myself from running back to him.

As soon as I get out of eyesight, I all but jog out to my car. It's only once I'm safely inside that I let the tears start to fall. I'm such a fool. I knew this was a rebound situation, but I've let myself get out of hand. What is it with me and impossible relationships? I've fallen for the rebound guy.

I try to pull myself together to drive the hour back to Whiskey Run. When I get home, I unpack and shower, and then cry some more. I know I'm a mess. As I sit on the couch, my head thrown back, I'm thinking of this weekend. I can't get the thoughts of Lucas out of my head. This is so much more pain than I've ever felt before. I have so many regrets. One of them is not staying to watch him get his award for second place. Does he think that I was somehow upset that he lost? He didn't get first, like I cared one way or another. I would be proud of him no matter what.

But another regret is not sticking around to find out how he felt. Now who knows when I'll get to see him again? As soon as I get the thought out, my doorbell rings. It's probably Emery. She's texted me three times now. And each of my responses have been really brief. She wanted to talk on the phone, but I told her I couldn’t... not yet. I know she knows something's wrong and is probably worried about me.

I go to answer the door, and my mouth falls open when I see Lucas standing there. "What are you doing here?"

He takes one step toward me and puts his hands on my shoulders. "I wanted to see you. What's wrong?"

It's now that I realize my eyes are probably swollen and my nose and lips are puffy. That's the way they normally get whenever I cry. "Nothing's wrong," I tell him quickly.

His hand goes to my chin and pulls it up to where I'm looking at him. "Don't lie to me, Becca."

"You drove all the way here to see me? How did you know where I live?" I ask instead of answering him.

He comes into the house and shuts the door behind him. He picks me up, and instead of struggling, I just hold on to him, grateful to be in his arms again. He carries me to the living room and sits down with me on his lap. "You told me the name of your road. It was easy finding your car. And I would drive as long as I needed to be with you. Now tell me what's wrong."

I sniffle because I don't want to cry again. I put my hand to his chest. "There's something I need to tell you."

He takes a deep breath and looks at me with a worried expression on his face. "You can tell me anything."

I nod and blurt out, "You did your job. I'm over my ex."

His hand goes to the base of my neck and squeezes. "That's good."

I search his eyes, and all at once it seems like he understands. "Wait. What did you think? I'm going to walk away? You really thought I was in this just to be your rebound guy?"

I choke back a sob. "I don't want you to be my rebound guy. I want more," I tell him honestly.

He leans in and looks me square in the eye. "Becca. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that you were meant to be mine. I've fallen for you. I love you, Becca. I want you to be mine, and whether you're ready for that or not, you already have my heart. You have the power to break me.”

I take a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Lucas. I should have stayed. I was afraid you were upset with me."

He seems taken aback with that. "Upset with you? Why would I be upset with you?”

I'm holding on to him like I'm afraid he's going to change his mind. "Because of last night, because you were so tired. It was my fault that you got second today. I blame me. I'm sure you blame me."

"Oh God. Becca. Is that why you left? That wasn't your fault. That's a point's fault. That had nothing to do with you. I need to explain to you how you get points. But right now, what I need to explain to you is that there is absolutely no way I could regret last night with you. I would rather spend one minute with you than however many on the back of a bull. You're all that matters to me, Becca. We're going to make this work. Because you're mine now.”

I stare at him wide-eyed, and when I don’t say anything, he gets a worried look on his face. “Do you want to be mine?”

I blink up at him. “Let’s see... uh, you hold doors for me, you hold my chair for me, you pick me up as if I don’t weigh anything. You’re protective and kind. You’re fun to be with, and you make me feel special.” I lean my head against his chest. I know what he wants to hear, and I want to say it to him. I’m scared, but I know I need to be brave. I take a deep breath and lift my head up to look him in the eye. “And Lucas, I know it hasn’t been long... but I love you... I know you’re busy and I know...”

He covers my mouth with his hand. “That’s all I need to hear, honey. I need to hear that you love me. The rest of it is going to work out.”

I pull back from his hand. “But you live in Whiskey Falls, and I live here...”

He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter, Becca. I can come here through the week. I’ll have to compete on the weekends, but as long as I know I have you here waiting for me, it will all work out.”

“If you change...”

He doesn’t even let me get the words out. “Nope, I won’t change my mind, Becca. I love you. I’ve never said that to another woman before. You’re the one. Nothing or no one will change that.”

Because I can’t hold back any longer, I curl into his lap and kiss him like I want to. We sit there for minutes, hours, I don’t even know. It doesn’t matter because we have the rest of our lives to figure it all out.