11. April

11

APRIL

“She’s smiling again,” Tara says.

It’s one of those random days where Emery, Becca, Tara, and I are all in the bakery together. “I’m a happy person, Becca,” I say with a roll of my eyes and then burst into laughter. Quite honestly, I’m not the happy-go-lucky person I’m claiming to be. But it seems the last few days I am. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop smiling.

Emery chimes in. “Yeah, and we all know why you’re happy. It’s some football player that brings you to work, eats half his weight in pastries, and then takes you home.”

“Emery!” I start.

She holds her hands up, laughing. “What? I’m not complaining. This has been our best week.”

We all laugh because it’s true. Matt definitely loves the treats.

I look over at Becca, and she’s the only one that seems distracted. I hate being this happy, especially right now. Her boyfriend broke up with her. He’s a dumbass, but we can’t help who we like.

Just like I can’t help that I like a football player that leaves tomorrow.

My smile instantly drops. I’ve tried to put it out of my mind all day long, but I can’t. Matt is leaving tomorrow. We’ve spent every possible minute together when I haven’t been at work. Being with him has me hoping for things I shouldn’t be hoping for, but try and tell that to my heart.

I rub my palm over my chest, right over my heart. Darn, tomorrow’s going to suck.

Tara points out the door. “Speaking of the football players. Get ready. Incoming.”

All eyes go toward the big windows. Matt, Josh, and a few of the other guys I recognize from the party the other night are about to cross the street, heading this way.

Emery heads to the back. “I better restock real quick.”

She no sooner gets into the kitchen than Matt leads the rest of the guys in.

“Hey,” I say as soon as he walks in.

His eyes land on mine as if he was searching for me, and he smiles real big. “Hey yourself, honey.”

I start to fan myself and stop when I realize what I’m doing.

Tara laughs and mockingly starts to fan herself. Becca is busy at the island, decorating some cookies, so I step forward. “How’d it go at the diner?”

“We got everything moved that Violet wanted moved. She even fed us. But don’t worry, we all saved enough room for a cupcake... or two.”

The guys all crowd around the display case and put in their orders. Every day I’ve tried to give Matt free pastries, but he won’t let me. He insists on paying, telling me they’re worth it.

I hand him the little box with two cupcakes in it. He takes them and juts his chin out at me. “Now give me what I really want.”

I roll my eyes and lean in to kiss him on the cheek, but he’s way too fast for me. He turns his head, and my lips meet his. Our kiss, like every other time, goes from sweet and innocent to frenzied and frantic in a second. I break away, and all eyes are on us, but Matt doesn’t notice. “Now that’s what I’m talking about,” he says with a low whistle.

My whole body heats not just because everyone is watching us but because this is just how my body reacts to him. I’ve never had anyone make me feel the way he does. Yes, I’m plus size, and it took me many years to learn to love my body. It was instant for him. He insists on showing me every night just how much he likes it.

The guys are all thanking us and heading toward the door. “I gotta go. But I’ll be back in an hour to pick you up.”

I nod. “Tomorrow...” I start and stop. I don’t even know what I was going to say. I can’t tell him to stay. We’ve known each other for less than a week. It would be ridiculous... even though it’s what I want to do.

He puts his hands on my shoulders and grips me tightly. “Look at me.”

I lift my head, trying to hide the pain I’m feeling. I don’t want him to feel guilty. We both knew what this was.

He doesn’t look sad, and it sort of irks me. Shouldn’t he be upset that he’s leaving? He cups my cheek, searching my face with a soft smile on his lips. “We’ll talk about it tonight, okay?”

I nod, and he kisses me one more time before heading out with the guys.

Tara, like a parrot, comes to stand next to me. “She’s not smiling now, guys.”

Emery and Becca come over. These women are my best friends. We’d do anything for each other, and I know when I fall apart, they’re going to be there to help pick up the pieces. I suck in a breath. It’s just that this time is different. I know the pain is going to be like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

Becca, who has her own heartache, doesn’t offer me any reassurance. She just loops her arm in mine. “I’ll be there for you no matter what. Just like you’ve done for me.” I nod. I’ve hated watching Becca hurt like she has. There’s never been any doubt that she deserved better than her ex. He never treated her right. I hold on to her a little tighter. I’ve been in her shoes and let a man treat me wrong, and I can preach to her until I’m blue in the face, but she’s going to have to realize it and make it happen on her own.

Tara, the youngest of all of us, seems to still believe in fairy tales. “There’s no way that man is leaving. He’s totally gaga for you, April.”

I turn and look at her with hope in my eyes. I wish I could believe what she’s saying, but I’m not going to get my hopes up.

Emery comes to stand on the other side of me and hits her hip to mine. “You need to talk to him... ask him to stay.”

She’s been there, done that, and got the trophy for it. She’s been married... to the man of her dreams the way she talks about him. But they’re divorced now. It’s obvious to everyone that Emery’s looking for someone exactly like Nash, her ex. I would never admit it to her, but I’m still holding out hope that she and Nash can work it out. It’s obvious the man still loves her by the way he’s always lurking around here. I shake my head. “I can’t ask him to stay. His family is in Texas.”

Emery shakes her head. “They’ll still be his family if he lives here.”

I put my hand on my hip and point out the window where we can see Matt and the other guys walking down the sidewalk. “We met just a few days ago.”

Emery grabs me by the shoulders. “That doesn’t matter.”

I’m ready to argue with her, but she shakes her head. “Think about how he makes you feel. Then tell me if you’re ready to not feel that anymore. And be honest with yourself. You don’t have to tell me or Tara or Becca, but be honest with yourself. Do you want to lose him and not even let him know what you’re feeling or what you’re thinking?”

Her words hit home. I know she’s right. I can just tell him. Maybe we can still talk or we can visit each other. It doesn’t have to be completely over. He’ll be here next season if nothing else. “Okay, I’ll talk to him.”

The girls are all happy. Tara instantly starts shaking her hips, dancing across the checkerboard floor. Becca is happy for me. She hugs me and then gets back to work. It’s almost time for Emery and me to leave for the day, and so for the next hour, I try to figure out what I need to say to him.

If he goes or stays, I’m going to at least make sure he knows what I’m feeling. I owe myself that.