Chapter Nineteen

Wes woke with Shane’s arm draped over his waist, and his back pressed up against Shane’s chest. It wasn’t often that he got to be the little spoon, but he couldn’t think of anything better than being scooped up into Shane’s big spoon.

He rolled over, careful to avoid dislodging Shane’s arm or waking him so that he could face him. Crisp, bright sunshine reflected off a fresh blanket of snow and shone through his bedroom windows. The cool light made him want to stay in bed all day snuggling with Shane, making love to him, eating breakfast and lunch and dinner in bed. But reality was as cold as the air beyond the doors of his bedroom.

Shane was leaving today.

He brushed Shane’s long bangs back from his face and traced the line of his jaw with the tip of his forefinger. Such a beautiful man.

Shane awoke with a flutter of his long lashes, and when his sleepy eyes connected with Wes’s, the corner of his mouth tipped up into a lazy smile.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Wes breathed.

Shane blushed and burrowed down into Wes’s shoulder.

“I don’t think my morning breath is all that gorgeous.” Shane’s voice was muffled in the cocoon of bedsheets and Wes’s body.

“As long as you’re here, I don’t care,” Wes said, meaning it.

He wanted every bit of Shane, from his full-on, flashy rock star persona to his laid-back, stripped-down cowboy ways. Every side of Shane was his perfect side.

Shane nudged his nose into Wes’s shoulder. “You say all the right things.”

“I wish,” Wes replied with a chuckle .

He needed to tell Shane how he felt about him, all the ways Shane made his heart beat faster and his footsteps lighter, but his thoughts were waking up slower than him.

Silence fell between them. Comfortable, but heavy with the looming deadline on their time together. Wes moved his hand to Shane’s biceps, fingers following the lines and swirls of his guitar tattoo with a half-hidden wolf inside and music notes flowing upward until they disappeared. Every tattoo told a story about Shane’s life and who he was, and Wes loved every one of them.

Shane broke the silence, his voice equally soft as he said, “I want to see Nahawi before I leave.”

Melancholy rolled through Wes at the reminder. This was the last morning he would spend with Shane, the last time he’d wake up as the little spoon. But it didn’t have to be. His time with Shane had been short, but he knew right down to his marrow that he wanted Shane to remain in his life. Every second of every day, if there was a way that could work, but he would take whatever time he could steal away with the rock star who’d stolen his heart. Come hell or high water, this would not be the end.

“We can do that,” Wes replied, his voice gruff.

The mood was sober as they got out of bed and went about their morning routines, getting dressed by rote, and heading out into a world changed overnight as it slept beneath a glistening, pristine white coat. The weighted quiet stayed with them as they drove to the main courtyard and walked side-by-side to the medical barn. When Wes slid the barn doors open, a soft knicker echoed down the laneway toward them and Nahawi’s big black head poked out over the stall door, his ears pricked forward.

“Hey, big guy.” Shane strolled gracefully toward Nahawi, who rocked his head in greeting.

Shane opened the stall door and went inside. Wes closed it behind him and rested his forearms on the door as he watched Shane stroke Nahawi’s neck while Nahawi nuzzled Shane’s shoulder. Shane mumbled soft words that sounded melodic, like he was singing to Nahawi, and that tendril of melancholy snaked through Wes again. It was clear as day for anyone who had two eyes to see that Nahawi was Shane’s heart horse. That Shane was Nahawi’s human .

He knew that his own heart was already crying out against Shane’s impending departure, but it was going to affect Nahawi, too. The worst part was that the big black horse didn’t know this was the last time he might ever see his favorite human again. Nahawi expected to see Shane every day, as he had since Shane arrived and did just that, but then suddenly, Shane would be gone. No explanation. Wes at least knew his favorite human was leaving. Not that it lessened the ache in his chest any.

Nahawi had already shown noticeable improvement in the short time he’d been under the dedicated and loving care of Haverstall’s rescue staff. Nahawi had a long way to go before he was tip-top, but glimpses of the beauty he’d once been grew more frequent with each day. Wes hoped Shane’s absence wouldn’t set the horse back.

Shane pressed his forehead to Nahawi’s and said goodbye. Reluctance clear in his movements, he stepped back, and with one more pet of Nahawi’s nose, stepped out of the stall. He closed the door and shrugged in his jacket, as though trying to burrow into it, and for a second, he seemed smaller. The ache in Wes’s chest deepened.

Shane met Wes’s gaze and flashed a forlorn smile that reflected in his honey-brown eyes.

“Can we go for one last ride?” Shane asked, his ragged voice breaking Wes’s heart.

Wes reached for his leather-gloved hand, threading their fingers together. What he wouldn’t do for this man . . .

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

Shane’s eyebrows rose, and Wes knew why. The endearment had slipped out naturally, as though he’d always called Shane that, because that’s what Shane was to him. His sweetheart.

Shane’s smile brightened, but it wasn’t the full-on Shane smile Wes had come to love.

He led Shane outside, the late October air crisp with snow. Their boots made a whoof sound, followed by the soft crunch of their weight compressing the fresh powder.

“Morning, guys,” Levi greeted when they entered the main barn, where he was cleaning a stall. He paused, resting his elbow on the handle of his shovel. “You heading out now, Shane? ”

“Not yet,” Shane said. “The plane will be here in a couple of hours.”

“We’re going for a ride before he leaves,” Wes said. “Mind if we take Spice Girl out?”

“No problem.” Levi leaned the shovel against the stall door and crossed the laneway to pull Shane into one of his signature bone-crushing hugs. He caught Wes’s gaze over Shane’s shoulder and saw understanding in his brother’s eyes. He stepped out of the embrace. “I’m going to miss you. Come back anytime, okay? In fact, I expect you to.”

“I will.” Shane nodded, his voice sounding tight. “As often as I can.”

Levi tapped the brim of his hat, and with a nod at Wes, returned to morning barn chores that he and his brothers rotated through.

The silence between them as they groomed and tacked up Merlin and Spice Girl, while still weighty, was companionable, but Wes kept glancing over at Shane. Not wanting to let him out of his sight for even a second. Drinking him in and memorizing every detail to hold on to for when Shane wasn’t there anymore.

Wes guided them out through the courtyard, across the bridge, and onto the same trail he’d first taken Shane on. They rode side-by-side on the aspen- and birch-lined trail that tracked along the Laramie River, but instead of the beautiful canopy of autumn leaves that danced as they fell and cushioned the dirt trail, today the trees were bare but for the cloak of snow that weighted their limbs. Standing like sentinels, keeping watch until the new season awoke.

Wes pulled Merlin to a stop when they reached a break in the trees where they could watch the bison dig in the snow to eat the grasses hidden beneath, their humps white-capped, like the rugged mountains that surrounded the ranch. Shane stopped Spice Girl beside him, close enough for their lower legs to touch.

“Shane,” Wes said as Shane said, “Wes.”

They both chuckled and Wes nudged his knee against Shane’s. “You go first.”

Shane bit his lip, the expression on his handsome face hesitant. “No. You go.”

Wes reached out for Shane’s hand, wishing they weren’t wearing gloves so he could feel Shane’s skin against his .

“I know the job is over now.” He took a deep breath. “And there’s no reason for me to be in your life anymore. Hold on,” Wes added quickly at the punch of hurt in Shane’s eyes. “The job part is over, is what I mean. But things changed. I hope I’m not out on a limb all by myself here. I kind of think I’m not. But . . . Even though the job is over, I . . . I don’t want us to be.”

Shane exhaled, and his shoulders lowered. His breath puffed out before him and swirled into a tiny cloud before drifting away.

“I want that too,” he said. “So much. But I don’t know how we can make it work. I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up with you every morning. Unless I give up my career and move to the ranch, or you give up your business and come on the road with me, I don’t see how that can happen.”

Wes was quiet for a moment while he thought. It wasn’t like there weren’t married musicians out there, whose spouses didn’t always live on the road with them. They made it work somehow, so he and Shane would, too.

“Maybe we can’t be in each other’s pockets twenty-four-seven. Not yet, but that wouldn’t be forever.” Wes gave Shane’s hand a squeeze. “We’ll find the time to be together until we both slow down and retire.”

“That would mean a lot more travel for you,” Shane said, a hopeful light growing in his honeyed eyes. “I’m used to traveling most of the year, but even I can see that lifestyle isn’t for you.”

“No,” Wes said, resigned. “But we’ll sort it out. We have to, because I am so not done with you. You’re it for me, Shane.” He shifted in his saddle so he could look at Shane straight on. He took a deep breath and put all his heart into his next words: “I love you.”

A squeak escaped Shane’s parted lips, and his eyes glistened below raised brows. He reached out, grabbing Wes’s jacket by the collar and pulling him closer. His lips were cold when they met Wes’s, but it was still one of the best kisses Wes had ever had.

“I love you, too,” Shane whispered, his breath hot against his mouth. “I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t want you to go either.” Wes brushed away snow that had fallen from a branch and landed on Shane’s hat and then traced his thumb over Shane’s lower lip. He glanced at his watch and cursed. “But we need to get back. The plane will be here soon. ”

Silence rode with them on their return to the barns, as they untacked and groomed their horses, and as they drove to the airstrip. Even Jonas was quiet, where he sat in the back of the cab of Wes’s old pickup.

“I’m sorry for the trouble I brought to your ranch,” Jonas said when he exited the truck.

Wes shook his head. “You’re welcome back here anytime, Jonas. We enjoyed having you here, all things considered.” He shook Jonas’s hand.

“Thank you.” Jonas tugged Wes closer, surprising him with a short but all-encompassing hug. “You’re good for him,” he whispered.

He stepped back and flashed a quick smile. With a tip of his head at Shane, he gathered his carry-on and climbed the airstairs.

Wes looked at Shane. The misery he felt at Shane leaving reflected in Shane’s expression.

“Fuck, I’m going to miss you,” Wes said, his voice rough and strained-sounding to his ears.

Shane launched himself at Wes, wrapping his arms around him so tight it was like he was trying to climb inside. Shane sniffed and stood back. His lips tipped in a somber attempt at a grin.

“See you,” Shane said. He spun on his heels and hustled up the airstairs, disappearing inside the plane without so much as a look back. As though he needed to make a quick getaway.

But Wes understood. If he had, Wes would have dragged him back into the truck and never let him go.

The pilot nodded at Wes, tapping two fingers to his brow before drawing up the airstairs and closing the door.

“See you,” Wes whispered, his voice cracking while the orange and juniper scent of Shane lingered on his jacket collar.

He stood there and watched as the plane taxied down the runway for takeoff, watched as it lifted off and vanished into the heavy gray skies, and watched still, as it started snowing again, and his fingers and toes turned numb.

He drove back to his house, wondering how he was going to survive now that the other half of his heart had left.

Three weeks passed before Shane was able to share a bed with Wes again. Three long, agonizing weeks. But Shane made the most of it tonight, worshiping Wes’s body until they were both fully and completely spent. Shane rolled reluctantly away from Wes. As much as he didn’t want any space between them, they were getting sticky.

Wes made to get up, and Shane grabbed his hand, holding on tight.

“I’m just going to get a cloth,” Wes said in that deep rumbling voice of his that never failed to send a shiver of desire down Shane’s spine. “Be right back.”

“I suppose.” Shane pouted, but released Wes’s hand. “Dried cum is kind of uncomfortable.”

Wes snorted as he strode naked from the bed to the hotel suite’s massive bathroom, his muscular glutes flexing with each long stride, and making Shane’s mouth water all over again.

It had been a good day. Better than good, even. Wes had been waiting when Shane and his bandmates arrived in Denver for tonight’s concert, and Shane had struggled dividing his time between getting ready for the show and gluing himself to Wes’s side. He’d been trying to get Wes alone all day, finally rushing him out of the fan after-party as fast as possible. They’d run to Shane’s suite with greedy hands and desperate kisses. He’d almost come in his leather pants in the elevator, when Wes had pressed him against the car’s mirrored wall and ground his erection into him. A trail of discarded clothing marked a path from the suite door to the king-size bed Shane lay upon. His breath still coming in short rasps while his pulse took its time returning to normal.

Wes strolled out of the bathroom with a wet washcloth and a dry hand towel—his skin flushed from exertion, his hair a mess, and his gorgeous cock hanging soft as it swayed between his legs.

“I’ve missed you,” Shane said. “You don’t even know.”

“Pretty sure I do.”

Wes kneeled on the bed and leaned down to kiss him. Then he sat back and cleaned Shane’s body with a devotion and care that melted Shane that much more.

So much had happened in the last few weeks since Max abducting and almost killing them, since leaving Haverstall Mountain Ranch . . . Since leaving Wes .

Sonia had quit as his personal assistant. Not because he’d been the one to kill Max, but because of her association with him. Max’s actions had been through no fault of her own, but she’d said she couldn’t look at Shane and not feel responsible. He hadn’t liked the idea of breaking in a new assistant, but he’d understood where she was coming from.

Wes, as well as Colt and Levi, had thoroughly vetted his new assistant, Cally, before officially hiring her. She’d turned out to be a real firecracker and folded into his career life seamlessly. Serious and professional when she needed to be, but somehow had a way of making Shane laugh when he most felt like he couldn’t. Like when the pain of missing Wes became unbearable. Which happened daily.

“Spotless,” Wes said with a note of pride in his voice.

Wes planted a soft kiss on Shane’s hip bone before returning the cloth and towel to the bathroom. He crawled back into bed when he returned and pulled the sheets up over them. He snaked an arm around Shane’s shoulders and pulled him close, and Shane rested his head on Wes’s chest. He breathed in deep the scents of sandalwood, suede, and spice that was uniquely Wes, while drawing lazy figure-eights on Wes’s toned abdomen.

“So, I was thinking,” Shane began.

“Oh-oh,” Wes teased. “Should I worry?”

Shane mocked-punched him in the ribs. “You love my thoughts.”

“I love everything about you,” Wes said with a deep reverence in his voice that lifted Shane’s heart.

Shane pushed up and kissed him before settling back into his side.

Jonas had helped him figure out his plan, based on his experience with Jared staying home while Jonas toured with Audio Siren. That hadn’t stopped them from being happily married for over a decade.

“You know I only use my Malibu house as a home base when I’m between tours,” Shane said, trying to keep a seed of doubt that Wes wouldn’t like his idea from leaching into his voice.

Wes nodded.

“I could keep it for when I’m in LA recording, since it’s better than holing up in a hotel for two weeks or more. But . . .” Shane paused before spitting out the rest of his words in a rush. “The rest of the time, maybe I could stay on the ranch. Maybe live there. With you. What do you think?”

Shane took a breath and waited for Wes’s response—which was taking longer than he could handle. That little gremlin of doubt poked its head up again. Shane chanced a glance at Wes. He was frowning, and Shane’s heart squeezed.

“Crap, never mind.” The backs of his eyes stung, and his throat tightened. “Forget I said anything. Bad idea.”

“No, no, no.” Wes jumped as if he’d been shocked. He cupped Shane’s chin and forced him to look up. His blue-gray eyes shone bright with happiness. “Great idea! I would absolutely love for you to live there. Permanently.”

Relief flooded through Shane with dizzying force.

“But you’re frowning.”

“Not because I don’t want you there,” Wes said with undeniable sincerity. “I’m frowning because you spoiled my idea.”

Shane sat up straight, the bedsheet falling to pool in his lap. “What’s your idea?”

“ I was thinking . . .” Wes began. He took a deep breath, as if he was worried Shane wouldn’t like it. Please . As long as it meant more time together, Shane already knew he would love it. “If you would like to call the ranch home . . . Come live with me and make it our home. And because Haverstall Mountain is such a massive property, instead of you going to Los Angeles to record, we could build a recording studio there. It could be separate or an add-on to the house. There are a bunch of vacant cabins that Mason only uses as short-term rentals, so there’s plenty of room and space for the rest of the band to stay, too. Not to mention the private airstrip.”

Yep , Shane loved the idea. No. He adored it.

He threw himself at Wes and kissed him everywhere—his mouth, his nose, his chin, his cheeks, his throat.

“That’s a yes, then?” Wes asked, laughing between kisses. “It’s settled then?”

“So very settled.” Shane sat back to stare at Wes, this gorgeous man that he’d fallen so hard for.

How did he get so lucky to have found Wes? Ironic that it was a cowboy who’d changed the course of his life when he was a teen, and now another cowboy was changing it again. Only this time, changing it for the better.

“You don’t need to check with the band since they’d be recording there, too?”

Shane snorted and shook his head. “Nope, they’ll love it there. As much as I love you.”

“Good.” Wes reached out and brushed a finger over his cheek. “Now, when is this tour over so you can come home?”