11. Orla

CHAPTER 11

Ican't believe when I wake up, I was allowed to sleep through the night. I've woken up on my own and not summoned at some ungodly hour. Laying in bed and for a moment I hope that it was all just a bad dream. I hear the stirring outside and then the knock, and I exhale.

"Come in." I say as I get up. The maid enters with my breakfast, and I dare to ask her what time and what day it is. She tells me it's 7am and Thursday in a hushed, hurried tone before rushing out. I know I'm placing her in a terrible position, but with no idea of how much time I've lost, it's hard to get my bearings. It's the first time I've been allowed to sleep through the night or left alone since I got here. Then it dawns on me that it's because the dinner party is tonight, and they probably don't want to risk sending anything other than suspicions home with their guests. No confirmation of any ill-treatment or trauma. The make-up artists will probably cover up the wounds from the device. The rest is up to me to convey. If the people attending tonight are familiar with me and my family, it shouldn't be hard. I was always confident and vocal. By staying silent with my head should be out of character enough for them to suspect that I'm not happy.

I take the coffee from the tray and sit on the windowsill. I look out at the estate's well-tended lawns and flowerbeds, and I realize I've never seen it at this time of day before. For a prison, it's really beautiful. This must be how Belle felt in Beauty and the Beast. Only her beast had a shot at redemption, and mine doesn't. I sip the hot, bitter liquid slowly and savor every moment of it. If nothing else, this horrible experience has given me an appreciation of my life before that I don't think I would ever have found any other way. It's amazing how our lives that seem so cumbersome at times can be looked back on with nostalgia when the situation changes. It happens slowly and usually because of their own choices for most people. There aren't many that can claim that their lives were hijacked. That club is small and with no waitlist of willing applicants for a reason. It fucking sucks! The consequences of your own choices are easier to live with and make peace with, I guess. When this arrangement was being discussed, my father was adamant for the longest time that it wouldn't come to this, and I believed him. He convinced me that he would fix the problem, but when he showed up at my door to say that he'd exhausted all his avenues, I knew it was over. He looked so broken and defeated even as he insisted that I go along with this to save the family. The agency and Miss May wouldn't proceed with the arrangement if I didn't agree to it. I remember when I met her, and she explained what would happen as things progressed in the lead-up to getting married. "I ain't no trafficking queenpin honey! You say no and we nix everything!" She needed me to tell her that I agreed to this -my signature wasn't enough for her. In the weeks before I married Kase, I was taught how to be the perfect and dutiful wife. Even how to satisfy and keep him happy in bed. Like a finishing school for wives for hire, but even with all that. What I'm subjected to was never in the curriculum.

There was no wedding or honeymoon. I was under no illusions that this was even going to be a pretend union, making this dinner party an even bigger shock. I remind myself as the porcelain cup cools in my hands that all I need to do is keep my head down and get through this part. Every moment, every hour is a gentle reminder that this will pass. When I think about the fact that this may be my life for months and years, my chest constricts, and my breathing becomes labored. It's like living a nightmare that there's no waking up from if I don't remind myself. Even now, this moment seems like a dream. I could wake at any moment and be back in that box in my own piss. listening to them fuck is a brief utopia revealed as just a fantasy. My mind concocted to escape and keep my panic attack at bay. I forget to eat and just sit at the window when the maid returns to clear the dishes away. She doesn't say anything when she finds the food untouched, not even to ask me if I'm done. She gently removes the coffee cup from my hands. I don't even stir as she does so. The door takes a while to close behind her, but I don't turn to look at her. I know what will happen if I look at the pity in her eyes.

Alex stands in the corner chatting up a storm with the people who've come to get me ready for the dinner party. None of them even try to speak to me. They're here for him and know who's signing their checks. If they have questions even about me, they ask Alex. It's as though I'm not even in the room. Invisible. They shuffle around me and when they're done. I'm taken to get into the dress, and they all gather to discuss if there's anything more to do before being dismissed by Alex. The guests will be arriving in an hour and I'm to wait here for Kase to collect me so that we can enter the dining room together. I will be seated between the two of them and Alex has elaborated once again on the many ways my family. I will pay should I fuck this up for them. I'm surprised that the threats don't shake me and realize that it's because I know that there will be punishment regardless of how things go tonight. It's just their nature. The only thing that I don't know yet is what form it will take.