Chapter Four

Taryn didn't have a lot of very specific talents, but one of them was hiding her nerves when she needed to. Whether it was speaking in front of an audience, taking an important exam, or waiting to hear her father's medical results, she was able to harness her fear and project a calm demeanor. It didn't mean she was calm, however. Inside was a very different story, which meant her reputation as a confident person was flattering, but wholly false. For some reason, Charlie Adler brought out an entirely different side of her. By all accounts, Charlie, who she found beautiful and amazing, should have made her more nervous than anyone, yet the opposite seemed to be true. She could only assume it was Charlie's warm and nonthreatening personality that somehow calmed Taryn's seas, but the effect was a welcome one.

"Well, you look incredibly relaxed and at home."

She knew that voice well. Taryn looked up as Charlie approached her table for their coffee meetup. Here we go. She grinned and sat up straight. "Me? Just enjoying the tunes they have going here."

"I kind of thought you'd like the place. Not sure why."

"Well, you nailed it. I'm never leaving."

They shared a smile before Charlie took a seat across from Taryn.

The coffee spot Charlie had suggested, the Bump and Grind, was off campus by about two blocks and maybe one of the most chill places Taryn had encountered since arriving at Hillspoint. Lots of space between tables. Tall ceilings. Calm lighting. She'd definitely be back to sample their creative list of coffee and espresso. Half their menu featured standard coffee classics, but the other side was full of riffs and fancy-free offerings they'd clearly created for the shop. A maple bacon latte? Not her normal fare, but she could congratulate them on the outside-the-box thinking. They also had their own roaster looming large and proud at the back of the dining area, signaling the shop's absolute legitimacy. Even the song on the sound system was a bop she'd be searching out later.

Charlie laughed. "You don't even have coffee yet, and look at you, already in your happy mode."

"I'm in my zone."

"It suits you," Charlie said, using her hands to create the four sides of a frame around Taryn. "Isn't this what you photog types do? Framing? I'd capture this shot right here and call it Carefree Coffee Connoisseur."

"The alliteration is a fantastic touch." Taryn grinned and sat up. "And, yes, framing is key to composition. It offers your subject power or takes it away. I'm learning a lot."

"And it shows. What's the best part?"

"I love the way the technical and artistic work together."

Charlie nodded, studying her unabashedly, taking her time. Taryn felt her stare all over and wondered what she was about to say. "You're different these days," were the words Charlie finally chose. "You used to come with this vibration of energy just below the surface, like a sweet puppy dog. Now you seem grounded and unaffected."

"I'm deciding whether you just threw a rock at me. Ow."

Charlie laughed and leaned forward lightning fast, arm out in apology. "No. Not like that. In a really impressive sense. I'm saying you know who you are now."

"Well, I was a kid all those years ago. Lots more energy. Plus, it's a total act. Don't buy any of this. I'm a bundle of nerves half the time. For some reason, less so with you."

"Really?" Charlie seemed intrigued by the confession.

"Oh yes."

Charlie shook her head in mystification. "If you say so." She wore a blue knit top that nearly made her glow and brought out the vibrancy of her eyes.Her blond hair had lazy beach waves, which meant the curls had likely loosened as the day wore on. Taryn liked the look a lot. Too much, apparently, because a tingling sensation engulfed the lower half of her body. Here was the thing. She had a mad crush on this girl. Correction, woman. Then again, she likely always had without realizing it back in the day. Charlie was hot and smart and charming, and Taryn's entire being took notice in her presence. Her only hope was that she wasn't broadcasting her feelings.

Charlie pointed at the bar behind Taryn. "I'm going to grab a coffee. What can I get for you?"

"No. I'll get it." Taryn leapt up and then forced herself to slow her movements. "What would you like?"

"Oh." Charlie pulled her face back. "You're gonna buy me a coffee?"

"I am. The extravaganza calls for it."

She sat back. "Incredibly sweet of you. I'll take their cookie crumb latte."

"Okay, but that's not a coffee." Taryn winced at the beverage choice and her own blunt response. Her filters didn't work when it came to coffee.

"It's not?" An amused grin. "Well, I'm learning so much. Tell me, Taryn, what is it then?"

"It's a hot milkshake with, I don't know, a sprinkling of caffeine for decoration."

"Oh." She leaned forward. "In that case, I guess I'll take"—Charlie pursed her lips and made a show of contemplation. It was a stunning sight to behold—"a milkshake in hot form with a sprinkling of caffeine. Sounds amazing." She sat back, pleased.

Taryn grinned, put in her place and loving it. Charlie knew what she liked and owned it. Badass. "Coming right up."

She tapped on the bar as she waited on their order, more bonus energy. All the while, she stole glances back at their table, just so damn happy to be in Charlie Adler's presence again. She was hanging out with the cool girl from back home who used to make Taryn feel exponentially more sophisticated by proximity. Throw in the way Charlie's boobs filled out her top, and Taryn might be in over her ridiculously lust-spun head.

"Show her you," she said to herself under her breath. "And no objectification."

The barista slid the drinks her way and followed her gaze to Charlie. "You got this," the girl whispered.

"Oh." She straightened. "No. It's, uh, not like that."

"Mm-hmm," she said with a knowing look on her face. "Whatever you gotta tell yourself. But she's a snack. I say go for it. Leave no crumbs."

"Ha. Yeah. I hear you, but it's never going to happen. Not like that, anyway."

"No? Have you not looked in a mirror?" she asked, turning with the milk jug and placing it back in the fridge. "If it doesn't work out with her, come back sometime. I have a friend I could fix you up with. She'd be all about you."

"Oh. Really? Thanks." Taryn did her best to absorb the compliment and harness its effects. She carried the drinks back to Charlie, feeling an inch or two taller and a lot less on edge. The problem with the barista's advice was that Charlie was the straight girl poster child. She had a serious boyfriend, gave off zero queer energy, and used to flirt with the guys around her lifeguard chair in high school. Sadly, Taryn wasn't exactly her type and knew it. Even if she had been, why would Charlie be interested in an undergrad she used to babysit, for fuck's sake? There was a babysitter barrier she didn't have the ability to hurdle. Something about the no-shot-in-hell realization took the pressure right off. The stakes were nonexistent, so she should relax and enjoy Charlie's company. That helped.

"Hot dessert for you," Taryn said, with a sly grin.

"Look at you. You've grown into a coffee snob."

"Guilty." She slid into the chair across from Charlie's.

"Does your sweet mother know?"

"I think you mean my loud mother." Taryn laughed. "And there's nothing she doesn't know. Martie Ross is intrusive and makes no apologies." She slid a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned in. "My only real time away from my house the past couple of years was studying at coffee shops, the origin of my coffee opinions. I really looked forward to that decompression time, and I ordered everything on their menus. Learned a lot about beans and their roasting processes from conversations with the baristas. Nothing compares to freshly roasted, which is why this place is already getting high marks."

Charlie peered into Taryn's cup and her eyes went wide. "Is that black?" she practically shrieked. "You're drinking black coffee?"

"It's not a horror movie."

"I'm sorry." Her voice was exponentially quieter, making the comedy that much better. "I'll try to compose myself. Are you a mob boss?"

"Not yet," Taryn whispered. Charlie nodded with a knowing gaze as she sipped her liquid dessert. She definitely knew how to enjoy herself, and it was refreshing. Taryn didn't remember her having the unexpected funny side. "Listen, it's the absolute best way to experience the true flavors of the beans. You should try it sometime."

"I don't think I will be. And who are you right now?" Charlie asked around her cup. "This is a glow up."

Taryn made the keep-it-coming gesture. "Say more."

"No way. I will not give you a big head." Charlie squinted in study mode. "You're just a lot more…worldly than I would have imagined at what, twenty?"

"Twenty-one and half, thank you very much."

"Oh, and a half? My mistake. Can't forget the half." She patted Taryn's hand, which just made Taryn feel all the younger.

"Stop that." She vowed to prove her maturity to Charlie one day soon and started brainstorming all the ways to do it. "And you're twenty-six. I remember the age difference."

"You were paying attention, huh?"

"Big-time. I thought you were the coolest." She shrugged. "And I don't mind you getting a big head. Go ahead. I'll wait and sip."

Charlie went still. "And what do you think now?"

Taryn felt a ripple in her stomach, and she resisted the inclination to shimmy against it. There was a very powerful energy bouncing between them that was better than the caffeine high. "So far, you're living up. Dessert style coffee excluded."

"That's fair. What else?" Charlie rested her chin in her hand as if ready for all the details. When the light caught her eyes, they shone such a vibrant shade of sky blue it forced a lump in Taryn's throat. "Catch me up on all that's happened over the years."

"Well, my dad experienced a pretty significant stroke. That's been the headline. My senior year of high school. So you could say everything went sideways. Our plans came to a halt. My mom, who is as strong as a California redwood, was destroyed."

"God." Charlie sat up straighter. "I'm so sorry, Taryn. I had no idea."

"Totally okay. How could you? We didn't plaster it on social media in order to keep his privacy intact, and it's not like you lived in Dyer anymore."

"That must have been absolutely horrific."

Taryn felt the uncomfortable memories swarm. She shoved them away. "It was the worst thing that's ever happened to me." She had to purposefully distract her brain from jumping back in time to the night he'd not been able to speak to her just before crashing into the glass coffee table in their living room. They didn't know if he'd live or die after the ambulance rushed him to the closest hospital. As a family, they'd had to figure out how to maneuver through the life-altering adjustments that had to be made to care for him in that first year. "But he's climbing his way back. He's the most determined person ever."

"Is that why you didn't start at Hillspoint as a first year?"

Taryn hesitated and swallowed the reality. Confessing to Charlie that she'd actually made the decision to bail on school before her father's stroke seemed too embarrassing an admission. She was a coward still in so many ways. The world just didn't know it. "My mom needed my help. For a while, he wasn't able to stay on his own. Mobility and short-term memory issues." The answer, while also true, made her feel like a fraud.

"So you put your world on hold for them. You're a good person, you know that?"

Taryn shrugged. "I think it's what anyone would do for someone they love." She was selfish and hated herself for it, hiding behind her family's misfortune.

"And how is he now? Self-sufficient?"

She softened, because the answer made those scary memories so much more manageable. "Mostly." She touched her chest. "He's working part-time at a new dealership, so it made sense for me to get back to life as scheduled, too."

"I think you're meant to be here at this exact point in time. I'm not sure why I feel that way." Charlie squinted, grappling to explain. "But I do."

Taryn grinned when she thought back to running into Charlie for the first time. "I have to say, spotting your babysitter when you're overserved at your first college party is a little surreal."

Charlie raised a brow. "So is finding my charge drunk on the sidewalk."

"Not my best look."

Charlie opened her mouth and closed it. "You didn't look bad. Trust me on that."

Taryn lifted a brow. "Oh?"

Charlie focused wide-eyed on her cup. "Quite the outfit."

It was probably an innocent comment, but it still made Taryn go warm. Correction, hot. Her blood ran hot and bothered, and she swallowed before searching for proper communication. "I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I don't plan on any repeats of the episode."

"Rite of passage. You checked yours off the list."

"So what do you do here exactly? I've heard both student and teacher," Taryn said. She'd been wanting to ask and had even attempted to Google-stalk Charlie but hadn't been able to turn up too many details. "I mean, you're friends with my RA, you've got a boyfriend, you write, and you're a librarian. Do I have all that right?"

"Funny, but I am not the university librarian. The part-time job does help pay for my school loans, however."

"Helpful."

"My main focus is my MFA, everything else is just supportive." Pride flickered, replaced quickly by vulnerability, which made Charlie human and relatable to Taryn. "I don't want to be just a novelist, but a very good one."

The thought of Charlie concentrating in front of a laptop with a candle lit next to her was the sexy image that arrived. Don't go there. "I'm impressed by your drive. I have a feeling you're a great writer."

"Well, I hope to be."

"I want to read your work. Do you have anything with you?"

"No. You don't have to read my stuff." A pause. "Really?" Charlie seemed surprised. She pulled her face back as if judging whether the question had been sincere.

"I'm dead serious. Give me something. This second."

The skepticism hung on as she lifted her cup to her mouth slowly. "Not a lot of people are eager to read me. It's like homework when you're close to a writer."

Taryn stared, unwavering. Silence lingered.

"You're sure?"

"I promise. If I'm volunteering for more reading beyond the ridiculous number of pages I've been assigned this semester, then I'm really into the idea." In fact, Taryn couldn't wait to curve into a chair with Charlie's words. She might even indulge in a glass of wine because that seemed scholarly somehow.

"Okay, then." Charlie reached for her bag with slight hesitation. "I have a short story with me. It's about this boy, and…Well, I'll just let you read for yourself. Ten thousand imperfect words." She handed over a hard copy held together with a thick black clip at the top.

Taryn made a show of holding the story, bouncing her palms. "Feels heavy. Feels like serious work."

"I don't know about that." Charlie's eyes met Taryn's, cloudy and regretful. "My class tore it apart in oral critique, but I'd be interested in an outsider's take."

"Why would they do that? Give me the numbers of everyone in their extended families."

"Comes with the grad school territory. We learn, work on developing a thick skin, and try harder next time. I think they do it on purpose, trying to drive us to greatness."

"I don't think I could do that to someone else's creative effort. I wouldn't want to."

"You're a kind person with a big heart. I've never known you to have a mean or judgmental bone in your body."

The words moved through Taryn like heated silver. It was a glimpse into how Charlie viewed her, and she liked it. "I just happen to think the world's better when we're nice to each other. I might be weird."

"You're refreshing."

She sighed. "But if I move forward with photography or photojournalism or whatever, I'm bound to encounter harsh opinions. I guess I might need to toughen the hell up, too."

"Maybe." Charlie studied her, her big blue eyes searching. Taryn liked being studied by Charlie. A lot. "But I kind of prefer the soft edge."

"And soft coffee." The lighthearted comment was her way of remaining a normal, functioning human, deflecting from the things a simple gaze from Charlie did to her. Too late. Her hands itched and her cheeks flamed.

Charlie glanced down at the cup in her hands and rolled her eyes. "You're not going to let this die, are you?"

"Probably not. No." Taryn shook her head and then tossed in a grin. "Just playing, though."

"You're going to keep me on my toes, Taryn."

The sentence indicated they'd be hanging out more. She refrained from her happy dance. There was always later. "Can I say something?"

"Always."

"I don't know. It's just nice to have someone who knew me before Hillspoint." Taryn attempted to find the right way to explain what she meant. "You have to teach everyone about yourself when you come into a new environment. But you know me."

"Let's make a deal," Charlie replied immediately.

"A bargain?"

"Exactly that. Let's check in on each other. You can keep me young and cool and on my toes, and I'll be that tether to home. Your safe place to fall if you have a rough day. Or the person you call in the case of unfortunate inebriation." She offered a playful wink.

"I like where you're going. And how do we do that?" Taryn had plenty of ideas that would live in her fantasies but none she'd ever have the courage to voice.

"A regular check-in like this one?"

That didn't sound bad at all. In fact, it delivered Taryn a burst of happiness and warmth in her chest, imagining getting to see Charlie on a regular basis. "I'd love that, actually. I could really use it."

"Then let's do it." An idea seemed to pop into Charlie's head. "Come to my place next week, and I'll make you dinner. I know you don't get anything home-cooked when you're living on campus."

"You have no idea how awesome that would be."

"Then we're definitely doing it. Thursday again?"

"Yeah. I'm free Thursday night."

"How do you feel about savory chicken and pasta? Maybe a linguini."

Taryn's response was delayed because she was picturing Charlie in a sexy apron tasting the sauce like a pro. "I feel like Thursday is so far away."

That pulled a laugh. The sound was brief but Taryn let herself enjoy its melody, feminine and authentic. She wanted to hear more of it and be the root cause. She vowed then and there to make it happen. A new goal, rising easily to the top of her others.

Today had been a good day. She'd scored an A-minus on her digital media exam, sat on the curb with Caz and watched in fascination as the sorority pledges avoided the grass they weren't permitted to walk on, scored some amazing shots of the window washers scaling her residence hall, but the best of all? This coffee date with Charlie.

Taryn couldn't stop smiling as she strolled across campus, hands shoved into the pockets of her black leather jacket. Theirs was easily the best conversation she'd had since arriving on campus. Charlie was still Charlie, and when she directed her attention to Taryn, it felt like the sun was shining on Taryn's face. She was loud and cheerful when she arrived back to the dorm, rifling through the mini fridge and commenting on every potential snack item.

"I do love a good string-cheese stick. But I could also go for a little chocolate milk and a cookie. Pickles offer a nice crunch."

Taryn caught Caz watching her from the doorway to her bedroom. She wore pink socks up to her knees. "Why are you smiling at the food? Did you take something? I told you I wanted to be there when you get high for the first time."

"I'm entirely sober. I just happen to be in a good mood. And hungry."

Caz pointed at her, arm outstretched. "Yeah, but you never glow. You're the chill one who's affected by very little. There are tiny beams of light literally shooting off you."

Taryn popped a La Croix and took a couple of sips. "You just think things don't affect me. I'm secretly freaking out about fifty-four percent of the time."

"But not today. You're broadcasting jubilation." Caz straightened. "Do you like my eyeliner? I'm trying something."

Taryn squinted. "It's got a purple hue."

"That's on purpose. Pink and purple." She gestured to her socks. "Do you like it?" She blinked several times to show off the eyeliner. There were people in the world who wanted to fly under the radar, like herself, and exhibitionists like Caz.

"On you? Yes, please. On others, questionable."

"I take that as a compliment."

Caz was hard to offend, which was one of the things Taryn had grown to really like about her. They were compatible roommates and already pretty good friends. She was lucky to find herself a Caz, clearly a leg up from the gods.

"As well you should," Taryn said. "You're adorable. You going out tonight?" Caz opened her hand for a Le Croix and Taryn tossed her one.

"I wanted that guy Noah to call, but he's been live on TikTok for two hours, going on about his PS5. So I texted Sareen from my statistics class, and we're going to steal a moment at the dive bar on Fourth with the peanuts. Toby the Tiger's."

"Sareen. You've mentioned her before. Is this a romantic outing?"

"Oh yes. That's why I chose the purple."

"Noted. You gonna hook up with her?" Caz's dating life was endlessly interesting. She was a romantic butterfly, flitting from one potential partner to the next, and operated with very little stress about it. She didn't have a preference when it came to sexuality or gender identification, which meant she had no true pattern or type. Caz didn't care about labels or explaining herself to anyone. Admirable and refreshing. In fact, Taryn wanted to be more like Caz and care less about other people's opinions or perceptions.

"I'm not ruling it out. Love her style, a super feminine type but keeps wearing ties to class, and I can't get enough of these ties. I forget to pay attention and miss half the lecture. If she wears a tie tonight, Taryn, I'm a goner. She's like this little hot banker, and I love bankers."

"Wildly specific."

"You're not into bankers? What's wrong with you? With the little pads? I just can't with them."

"I've never pondered bankers."

"Do." Caz turned to the mirror on the back of their door. "My horoscope said I should prepare myself for the unexpected, so I'm going to do that."

"I root you on. What does mine say?"

Caz dashed back to her laptop on the coffee table. "The highly heart-driven Aries." She skimmed her findings. "You should be on the lookout for a blast from the past because they just might hold the key to your future."

"My babysitter," Taryn blurted. "Totally."

"Excuse me?"

"I just had coffee with my old babysitter. She was the one who walked me home from the party that first month of school. Remember that?"

"It's familiar but hazy. I was so fucking hungover when you were telling me, which was likely a deterrent to detail retention. Many apologies retroactively."

"It's okay. Charlotte, also known as Charlie, used to babysit me back home. I was eleven. She was sixteen. I was in awe of everything she said and did. Don't get me started on how she looked in a swimsuit. I'll just say it was formative."

"And she's here and she rescued you from the drunken clutches of Tau Kappa Epsilon?"

"Yes! And tucked me into my literal bed, something I wish I had been a little more lucid for. So much regret."

"I love this. You've got the hots for the babysitter?"

"You're ahead of the story."

"Sorry." Caz zipped her lips and sat on her hands.

"Then I ran into her in the reference section of the library. She apparently works there part-time as work study for her grad school program. She's a writer."

Caz unzipped her lips. "Already hot." She promptly rezipped them and sat on her hands again, offering a nod for Taryn to continue.

"Anyway, she invited me for coffee and we had the best conversation." She closed her eyes, ready to go there. "Here's another big admission. I didn't fully realize it at the time, but Charlie was likely my first crush."

"Ah yes, the babysitter crush of many a youth."

"Yep. And wait, there's more. I'm still crushing."

Caz leaned in. "I love this saucy library-slash-coffee tale. Did you two kiss? Open-mouthed or closed? Say open and offer the specifics slowly so I can record them in my mind."

"No, no. Nothing even close to that. We're very platonic, and she's super straight. A boyfriend, even. No hope there."

Caz moved to their mini fridge and found a stick of string cheese she began to peel. "First of all, that's a defeatist attitude. Second, it's impossible to blatantly label someone because of past partners. Unless she's handed you her sexuality, you can't claim it for her. Thereby, Your Honor, hope lives on. I rest my case."

"When did the attorney motif enter the chat?"

"Just now. I improvise, baby."

"Well, Counselor, I hear you, and you're right. But I'm going to rely on the evidence I have until proven otherwise. All signs point to straight. If they didn't, my head would explode and I wouldn't be here anyway, so…" Taryn blinked unable to imagine that scenario under any terms. "Conclusion—I won't make that leap for Charlie, but I also just can't go there. Too many goose bumps. Too much stomach tightening."

"This is going to be a soap opera of a year, isn't it?" Caz took a long drink from her can. "I'm going to relish it."

"I promise I'm more boring than that. Don't get your hopes up."

"The quiet ones always say that." Caz shook her finger at Taryn. "I have a feeling your world is about to open the hell up. Stick with Charlie. If nothing else, you have a cool new older friend who might set aside books for you at the library. Think of the literary scandal."

"I love your appreciation for reading, Caz."

"I love a good story both on and off the page," she deadpanned and winked. "Don't let me down. Now"—Caz set her drink on the small table—"I have a date that might pull in a few sexy details of its own. But more likely a decent beer with a side of peanuts." She stuck her arms out to slow her roll. "Not gonna get ahead of myself. This is so chill. Look how chill I am. Even around ties. Give me the awards." It was Caz's own brand of pep talk, and Taryn smiled at the rare display of vulnerability from her roommate.

"You're gonna have the best time. Don't get in your head."

"A sage, you are. Okay, bye now."

Taryn sat back and watched her friend bound out of the room into the worldwide festival of dating that she wasn't yet a part of. Yes, her time would come, but her little gay heart wished it would hurry the hell up. In the meantime, she had a boring date with her nemesis, the Spanish language.