Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

" D o it," Kitty said. "Do it, now. You have to do it before they say yes."

Later that afternoon, Piper was sitting at her computer in her living room, with Kitty beside her. On her computer, written, but not sent, was her resignation letter. "What if the brides from today don't say yes?"

"Then we'll get more." Kitty had her feet up on the coffee table, and she was stretched back, looking confident. "You're fantastic, my darling. But if you're still working for another firm when you get an offer, she could have a case that the client belongs to her. You don't want to get in trouble, even if she's wrong."

Piper wanted to send that email so much, but she was scared.

Scared to go out on her own.

Scared to be alone.

Scared to count on herself.

Despite all her words of bravado to Declan about being independent, the idea terrified her. She was barely hanging onto her job, but it felt like it was better to hang onto it than to hurl herself off a cliff and trust she could fly.

Was a mucky pond that she knew how to navigate better than a cliff that she wasn't sure she could handle ?

No. It wasn't. But suddenly, all the fears that had kept her mom stuck her whole life settled on Piper, and she felt like she couldn't breathe. "I can't send it," she whispered.

Kitty sighed and patted her knee. "You're not ready. I can see it. It's fine. Give the clients to your boss. You call me if and when you want to team up." She stood up. "I'm sure you'll get more than one 'yes' from today. It was fun!"

Piper sat back as Kitty let herself out, wishing she had the courage to call the brilliant, sassy older woman back.

Declan was in the kitchen working on dinner, and she turned to look at him, feeling better when she saw him there. He was her rock, her safety. Beside her, Angel was snoozing with her head on Piper's lap. Suddenly, all she wanted to do was curl up under the blanket, snuggle with the dog, and let Declan take care of her.

She didn't want to be brave or strong or independent. She wanted to be taken care of. To not have to summon any energy at all.

He looked up and frowned at her.

"What?" She would be so happy for him to get grumpy with her. It would be a great distraction.

"I want to interfere."

"With what?"

"Your business."

She twisted around on the couch and leaned on the back of it. "Go ahead." She'd take his interference over the noise in her head right now.

He raised his brows. "I specifically told myself to back off and let you do your thing."

"My thing feels like a failure right now," she said honestly. "I'd welcome your input."

He still hesitated, then finally put his knife down. "Fear is a bitch."

She raised her brows. "Fear?"

"Yeah." He shifted restlessly. "Fear is like a vise around your soul. It strangles you. "

She stiffened. "I know."

"Here's the thing." He leaned on the counter. "Most of the time, fear isn't real. It's that voice in your head telling you to stay where it's safe and familiar. The brain craves familiarity, and it will lie to you to keep you where you are."

She lightly rubbed Angel's fur. "I don't love where I am." But his words were literally what she'd been thinking.

"I know. That's why fear is a bitch. She knows you're not fully where you want to be, but it's good enough that she can keep you there." He paused. "Your comfort zone is a bad place to be, because you can stop moving forward. It's okay, it's safe, it's enough. But it's not enough, and you know it."

She chewed her lower lip. His words made sense. They did. "My mom was stuck in fear her whole life. I don't want to let her down by staying stuck. I don't." But still she sat there. Still the email sat on her computer, unsent.

"Can I ask you something?" He was still in the kitchen, not coming toward her, but a sudden tension had come into his voice.

Piper looked at him, her heart started to race. "Yes." Anything other than thinking about how she was letting her mom down.

Declan didn't say anything.

She turned all the way to face him. "What?"

He finally looked at her. "What if you could have a relationship with a man who didn't trap you? One that lit you up, set you free, and inspired you to live the life you want? If you had that, would you still want to stay single?"

Her heart started to speed up at his low tone. "That's not what a relationship is."

He walked around the counter and strode up to the couch. He crouched behind it and rested his arms on the back of the sofa, so his face was inches from hers. "What if falling in love gave you everything you'd ever dreamed of? What if it set you free?"

"Love is a trap," she whispered.

He took her hand. "Let's pretend for one moment, that it's not. Let's pretend that love makes you whole, and that it's fun, and beautiful, and wonderful. Would you want it then? If it was safe?"

She swallowed. "Um…"

"Just pretend."

Her mind was racing with his question. Fear was shouting at her that love could never be safe, that a relationship could never set her free, but she fought to ignore the shouting. She tried to listen to that part of her that was quiet, the part of her that wasn't screaming at her to run away. She took a deep breath. "I watch Maddie and Lucas, and I can see how beautiful it is."

Declan raised his brows, but he didn't interrupt.

"I think," she said slowly, "that if I had what Maddie found with Lucas, that it could be okay."

He laughed softly. "Just okay?"

"Well, wonderful, but admitting it might be okay is a big step for me." She paused. "What about you?"

"I believe in love," he said immediately.

She smiled. "Of course you do."

"My struggle is whether I believe in hurling myself into a meadow full of knives and flowers, being willing to risk landing on the knives instead of the flowers."

She blinked. "That's quite a visual."

He nodded. "I decided I'm willing to risk the knives."

Her heart started to pound. "What does that mean?"

"Love nearly destroyed me," he said. "I believed in love until it wrecked me." He paused again. "But you made me believe in it again."

She froze. "What?"

He met her gaze. "I wasn't ready to love, Piper, until I fell in love with you."

Her heart started racing. Panic seemed to close around her. Panic because his words made her so happy, and she knew what stupid choices she'd made around love. "Declan, I?—"

He shook his head. "Nothing for you to say, Piper. I don't want anything from you. I just wanted you to know that you're loved, and it doesn't mean you're trapped. You're simply loved. You healed my heart and my soul. I don't live in darkness anymore, because of you."

Tears filled her eyes. "You deserve so much more than to live in darkness, Declan."

He inclined his head. "Darkness sucks, but you don't realize how dark it is until you're out of it." He took a breath. "If you decide you want more than our current fake-engagement-with-benefits situation, I'm in all the way. But if you don't, it's okay. Going into business with my mom has nothing to do with me. Just wanted you to know that." He stood up. "I'm going to go finish dinner."

"That's it?" She stared after him as he walked away. She was so stunned by his words. He loved her? He loved her . This amazing man thought she was special? "You drop that nugget and walk away?"

"I have to." He went back to the kitchen counter and picked up his knife. "I'm not going to trap you, Piper. But Dylan asked me if you were simply scared and that was why you didn't want more, or if you really didn't want more. He got me thinking, so I asked."

She took a breath. "I'm scared," she said softly. "I'm terrified."

He smiled gently. "I am too, sweetheart. But I saw my parents lose out because they were afraid to try, and I'm trying not to let that happen to me. So, I love you with no pressure."

"Declan, if I wanted—" She stopped. If she wanted what? God, she'd gone down this road before and been so wrong. Her heart was aching for him, skipping with joy because of his words, longing for him.

She trusted him. But did she trust herself?

He turned around, his brows shooting up. "If you wanted what?"

She swallowed, her hands shaking. "If I wanted?—"

His gaze shot past her toward the front of the cottage. "Expecting company? "

She spun around to see a Range Rover pull up in front of her cottage. "No—" Then she yelped when she saw Dick get out.

Declan swore. "Stay here. Do not come outside, no matter what. This is mine to handle. Angel, with me." He charged the door, yanked it open. "Do not come out," he repeated. "This man targets women. He's mine." He then bolted outside, slamming the door shut behind him before she could even move.

Piper froze, her heart racing as she watched him stride up to Dick.

He didn't hesitate, because he didn't have to. He was a tall, muscular ex-cop with a gun.

The world didn't scare him.

But then she remembered that it did.

At least, love did.

Love. The man who'd rushed outside to protect her , loved her.

What was she going to do about that?