Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

P iper opened her eyes to the faint glow of dawn.

Declan was in her window seat, shirtless and in bare feet. One knee was up, and he was scanning the outdoors. His whiskers were thick, and his hair was tousled.

She tucked her pillow against her chest, watching him. There was something so intimate and casual about the way he was sitting quietly, as if he was simply breathing in the morning while letting her sleep.

He was so male that he literally made her toes curl, but there was so much depth to him. So much complexity.

"Morning, sweetheart," he said, not even looking over at her.

"Hi." She hugged the pillow closer. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How did the interview go?"

"I told you. Fine. I'll hear from them probably next week."

She sighed. "I know you said that, but that's not what I want to know. How did you feel about it? How was it to be back?"

He shrugged again. "Fine."

Frustration ground through her. "I know it wasn't just fine, Declan. Why won't you tell me how it really went?" They'd just spent half the night making incredible love, and she was feeling raw and vulnerable. She needed to connect with him on a deeper level.

He finally looked over at her. "You said you didn't want things personal between us. I can't answer that question the way you want it without going to places I agreed not to go." There was no judgment in his tone. No attack. Simply truth.

She sighed and flopped back on the bed. "That's why you've been avoiding talking about it?"

"Yep."

More proof that she was an idiot? Did she really think she could do this without getting personal with him? "I want to know."

He was silent for a moment.

"Declan?"

"Well, now I'm not answering because I don't want to talk about it. You called my bluff."

She giggled and rolled back onto her side so she could see him. "Tell me one thing."

He was looking out the window again. "They changed the color of the paint on the walls. It used to be off white. Now it's more like ecru."

"Because you're a paint color expert from doing your house?"

"Yep."

Piper patted Angel, who was curled up on the pillow, then she grabbed the comforter, wrapped it around herself, and padded across the room. She crawled onto the window seat with him and tucked herself against his side.

He immediately put his arm around her, pulled her against him, and kissed the top of her head, making her smile.

"What was good about being there?" she asked.

He took a breath. "You're very persistent."

"I am. One thing. One good thing about being there."

He was quiet for a moment, but his arm was still tight around her shoulder. "The people. I forgot how many friends I have there. I walked away from that life and left everyone behind. It felt good to see them."

She spread her palm on his stomach. "I was very alone when I first moved here," she said. "Loneliness can be devastating."

"I'm not lonely." But his arm tightened as he said it. "At least not right now, while I have a gorgeous, naked woman tucked up against me."

She laughed softly. "Name one bad thing about being there."

"I could feel the energy of the building pressing down on me. It felt like I was suffocating."

Piper was startled by the rawness of his answer. It was so honest, and she was touched that he trusted her with it. "Did it go away after a while?"

"No, but it felt familiar. I think it was always like that, but I didn't notice. I notice now." He shrugged. "I'm sure I'll get used to it again."

"But do you want to?" She knew she was pressing at him, but she wanted to know. She felt like there was so much boiling inside him, and he had no way to relieve the pressure.

Silence for a long moment, then, "It's who I am, Piper. It's in my soul."

That wasn't a yes, and she knew it. "It's a part of your soul, yes, but maybe its time has passed. Maybe it's time to listen to another part of your soul."

"And build houses?" He laughed softly. "Bartend? Nothing else moves me like being a cop. It makes my heart beat."

Sudden sadness filled Piper. Sadness that he was going to go back into a dangerous job, but also sadness because she knew he didn't want to go, and he knew it, too. But it was the only path he knew. She wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her cheek on his chest. She didn't know what to say, because there were no answers.

He leaned his chin on her head. "Why do you want to be a wedding planner so badly?" he asked. "Why is it your soul? "

She smiled at the memories his question evoked. "One of my mom's jobs was waitressing for a high-end caterer. She was always working these fancy weddings and parties. I would go with her and sit in the corner. We would pretend the party was for us, and that we were the guests of honor. It was the best part of my life, when we got to go be with fancy people and pretend we mattered."

His arm tightened around her. "You do matter."

She watched the colors of the sky change as the sun woke up, evolving from a dusky orange to a vibrant pink. "My dad used to beat my mom up. And me. And my brothers."

"Fuck, Piper?—"

She cut him off. "It's okay. He's in prison now. When I got old enough to understand, I asked my mom why she stayed with him. She believed she didn't have a choice. She got pregnant and married at seventeen. She didn't have a high school diploma, and he controlled the money. She believed she was trapped, and that it was all she was good enough for." She touched her necklace. "She hid her tips for years to buy this for me for my sixteenth birthday. She gave it to me, and made me promise that I would get out of that life. That I would escape the way she hadn't been able to. I told her I would start my own wedding planning business, and she would come work for me, and we'd be powerful, rich women who no one would ever control. We'd make weddings that were real fairytales, not the shotgun trap that she'd had."

As she spoke, her throat got tight, and the words started to slow.

Declan wiped a tear off her cheek. "You're trying to earn the money to bring her to Boston?"

"No. She died a few months after my sixteenth birthday, and I've been trying to keep my promise to her ever since." She looked down at her hands. "She wanted freedom of choice for me, Declan. The ability to choose who I wanted to be with and how I wanted to live. And I almost married two different jerks in town, and then I almost married Clark. All three men were a betrayal of the dream she had for me, and now, I've screwed up even my business." She leaned her head back against Declan's shoulder. "I have to make her proud. I have to be the woman she wanted me to have the chance to be," she whispered. "I can't let her down, and I'm about to do exactly that."

To her surprise, she started to cry.

Real, wrenching sobs that were years of failure, of trying, of apologizing to the woman who had given everything up for her kids.

Dammit. Piper worked so hard to be strong, to keep going, and she was caught unprepared for the sudden onslaught of emotion.

"Oh, sweetie." Declan pulled her into his arms, and she let him, burying herself against him, letting the strength of his embrace and the warmth of his body keep her body from breaking apart, shattering into fragments of guilt and shame, which she fought to get back on track.

"My whole life, I've dreamed of weddings, of that fairytale, of giving women what my mom never had," she whispered through the tears. "But I think I also really wanted it for myself. I didn't want to be strong and independent. I wanted a prince charming who would take care of me, but you know what?"

He moved his hand and began rubbing circles on her back. "What?"

"When you want someone to take care of you, you make stupid choices, like the three men I almost married. There's no way to have it all. I just…" She sat up, forcing herself to hold herself up. "I just need to do it by myself. I can't lean on some man because then I'll be trapped like she was. I have to do it myself. I have to, because she couldn't." She stood up, surprised to find her hands were shaking. "It's fine. It's fine. I know today is Sunday and I don't have any clients, but I'll find a way. I always do. Because my mom was tough, and she taught me how to be tough, and?—"

Suddenly she was crying too hard to talk, which was super annoying because she didn't want to waste time crying .

But she was doing it anyway.

Declan stood up, pulled her into his arms and kissed her gently, slobbery tears and all. "Piper, you're an absolute freaking badass. Your mom would be so proud of you."

"She wouldn't! She would be sad, because I'm still not free, and I'm about to fail. This was our dream, Declan. Hers and mine. And I'm about to fail completely."

"You're not going to fail."

"I know." She lifted her chin, wiping her cheeks. "I'm not. Because the only way to fail is to give up, and I'm not giving up. I'm giving up men and getting married, but I'm not giving up on creating the life I promised my mom I'd lead."

He watched her thoughtfully. "What about Maddie? Or the other Harts? Their weddings would put you right back in the game."

"No. I won't use them that way."

"They love you?—"

"And I love them too much to use the most important day of their lives for my own advantage." She turned away. "I'm going to get back on the internet. I'll find more people I'll?—"

He caught her arm. "Piper," he said softly. "You're a treasure. You have the biggest heart full of love and courage. You don't need to spend your life trying to fulfill your mom's dream. All she wanted was for you to be free to make your choices, not her choices."

She stared at him. "You're trying to live your dad's dream."

Something flashed in his eyes, but he ignored her statement. "Your mom's dream was freedom for you," he said. "Not necessarily to be a top-level wedding planner, right? That was simply the path she saw, but it's the ending that matters."

Piper shook her head. "It was our dream. We were going to do it together. All of it." She stepped away and sat down on the bed, wrapping the comforter around her. "I'll think of something." But what? She'd worked so hard all week.

"Can I help? "

She looked over at him, and suddenly she wanted to cry again. "I can't ask for help."

"You can." He walked over and then crouched in front of her, his hands on her knees. "Piper, getting help from others doesn't take away your freedom. Sometimes, it's necessary. I want to help. You matter to me."

She heard the earnestness in his voice, and realized he meant it. She did matter to him. Her throat tightened again. "Thanks," she whispered. "That feels good."

He smiled and rubbed her thighs. "Is that a yes? You'll let me help?"

She sighed. "Only because I'm down to my last twelve hours, and you look so good without a shirt on."

He laughed. "All right. I need to make a call." He pulled out his phone and dialed, winking at her as a woman's voice answered. "Hi Mom."

Mom? He'd called Kitty? She shook her head.

He ignored her. "Piper needs your help. I'm going to put her on." He held out his phone. "You're family now, Piper. Let my mom help."

She put her hands behind her back. For heaven's sake, they were already lying to Kitty about being engaged. She couldn't use that lie to get her help. "No, I can't?—"

He put the phone in her hand and walked out of the room.

Damn him. See? This was why no good ever came from getting married. Men were a pain in the ass.

"Piper? Are you there? Piper?"

Piper sighed and put the phone to her ear. "Hi, Kitty."

"What's going on? How can I help?"

"It's nothing?—"

"You little liar. I've had enough of that crap, and I'm not tolerating it from you."

Piper couldn't help but grin. "What crap is that?"

"Not asking for help. For heaven's sake, Piper, women support women. Do you know how many women I've supported trying to make it in the music business? I started my own label run by women and signing only women artists, because women need to support women. So, this isn't about Declan, or your pride. It's about you. Talk to me, and don't leave anything out."

Piper paused. "You started your own record label?"

"Of course I did. You think I'm going to sit around and be old and bored? No chance. Talk to me."

"I'm not trying to become a singer."

"One more smart-ass comment from you, and I'm coming over there and moving into your guest bedroom for the summer. You want that? No? Then talk."

Piper started laughing. Kitty had all the boldness and fierceness that Piper and her mom had always pretended they had. Her mom would have loved Kitty. "All right, but don't judge me."

"I've already judged you. Too late for that. And since I'm talking to you, you know what my conclusion is. So, what's up, buttercup? Give this old lady a purpose."

Piper felt hope for the first time in a long time. Kitty was everything she'd dreamed of being. A woman who had found her power, unapologetically. "All right, Kitty. Let's do this."

"Amen, girl. Let's go."