6. Stella

Chapter Six

STELLA

The following day

“Mom, what are you talking about?” I’d lost track of my earbuds and had my phone jammed against my shoulder as I threw the last few things into some boxes.

“You have a half-brother,” she said. “You know this.”

I had to clench my teeth to keep my sigh from escaping. “Mom, I don’t know this.”

I didn’t point out that, of course, I’d suspected it. My mom had boyfriends by the bushel when I was growing up. My life had been chaotic and unsettled growing up with her. We’d barely scraped by financially. She’d pinned her hopes on finding the right guy to bail her out and was always desperate for love. My sperm donor had been around some when I was a baby, but I didn’t remember him. My mom told me he bounced in and out of jail on minor charges, so she hadn’t tried too hard to stay in touch. She insisted he had a heart of gold, if only he could straighten his life out. That was basically her in a nutshell. She was loving and kind and a hot mess.

I’d always suspected I had unknown siblings out there.

My mom carried on. “Your dad has a son. I have no clue where his mom is. He tracked me down because he’s looking for you. I told him that you’re in Willow Brook and you’re a lawyer.” I could hear the pride in my mom’s voice.

My heart twisted because I knew she was proud of me. I was proud of me. After witnessing her stress and worry about money throughout my childhood, I’d become determined to be able to take care of myself without relying on any man. Ever.

“How do you even know if this is a real thing?” I asked.

“I hear about your dad on occasion, so I called him up and asked. I didn’t tell him why I was asking though, so he doesn’t know about the connection yet.” It was totally on brand for my mom to call someone out of the blue and ask if they had a child. “He’s no longer a pharmaceutical rep.” That was what my mother called his former work, if you will, as a drug dealer, which was hysterical, but whatever. I let that slide. “He’s going to meet me for lunch soon. While maybe your dad hasn’t been the most involved, he was always a good guy at heart.”

“Please tell me you didn’t give anyone my number.” I wasn’t ready for an unknown brother that I’d never met to want something from me.

“I didn’t! I promise.”

“How did he find you?” I asked.

“He did a DNA test. That’s how he found me. Remember, we did that thing a coupleof years ago and I manage your account so it’s my email listed with your results?”

“Oh, yeah. But if my dad had a son, how come he didn’t just hear about me from his dad?”

“Because he had your brother first, but he didn’t know about him when he was with me. Your brother’s mom never told him until he got a call when she took off. By that point, your dad and I had broken up and I was trying to stay out of trouble, since he was definitely not making the best choices for a while there,” she explained.

I silently sighed. “Okay, well, I’m not sure what to do with all of this.”

“I just wanted you to know. I’ve got his number. He was very respectful. He said he understood that you might not know he existed and that this might be weird. His name is Parker Grayson. He’s a firefighter. I’m so excited to reconnect with your dad too! Maybe it will be special.”

If I counted sighs and almost-sighs when it came to conversations with my mother, at this point, I was in the millions. And yet, I credited her with so much. People taught you many things in life. Despite her struggles, my mom was ever-optimistic and loving. Maybe she was flaky, but I never doubted her love for me. She’d also taught me what I didn’t want to be. I never wanted to be desperate. I never wanted to look for one man after another to try to make my life work.

“I love you, Mom. We’ll talk more about this, but I have to go. I’m in the middle of packing.” I did have to go, but I also just didn’t want to be on the phone for that much longer. My mom tended to evoke a whirling sense of anxiety sometimes.

It wasn’t her, but rather all the old worries and anxiety from when I was little. Worries that something would change too fast, that something else would fall apart, and that her own nearly chronic anxiety would grip me. She would be devastated at the end of every relationship, and I felt her pain like my own when I was little.

I understood why, or I thought I did. Her childhood had been filled with uncertainty. She thought having a baby would make it all better. She’d loved me in all the right ways. But all those boyfriends had been exhausting. Once, she had found a real creep and that resulted in a child protective services report. Fortunately, my mom was protective and as soon as she realized what was going on, she’d kicked that guy out of our lives and we’d both started therapy.

My therapist, even though I only saw her for a little while before we moved, had been awesome. She had helped me learn how to manage my own anxiety, to pay attention to what I could and couldn’t control. It helped a lot, but anxiety was an asshole and still made lots of noise in my own thoughts.

“I’ll text you Parker’s number. If you decide you want to reach out to him, you can do that,” my mom said.

“I will think about it,” I replied. I knew my curiosity would eventually get the best of me, but I needed time to let this news percolate.

“I love you, sweetie!”

“I love you too, Mom.”

After the call, I doggedly kept packing. If it had been anyone’s life other than mine, maybe I would’ve been a little shocked to discover I had a brother out there. But I’d always known it was possible. Loving though my mom was, her judgment in men wasn’t stellar, not even close. Once I was old enough to understand, she’d never misled me about who she thought my bio-father was, but she’d made it clear he hadn’t been around since I was a toddler.

My mom was pretty flawed, but then I suppose everyone was. Her love was fierce. Even though my childhood had been unstable and we’d always been rubbing pennies together to get by, I wouldn’t have traded her for a second.

As promised, she texted my newfound brother’s phone number. She also shared a screenshot from a text he’d sent her after they connected.

Please let your daughter know I understand this might be awkward. I don’t have much family, so I’m trying to find whoever I can.

I saved Parker’s number. Maybe he was a good guy. Maybe he could be somebody else to count on in my life. My mom had always been there for me when I needed something, anything at all, but we only had each other.

Not much later, I tucked the last box into the back of my small car and bumped my hip against the door to close it.

I’d contemplated calling my brother later. For now, I had to get through moving into my new place and telling my hormones to chill the hell out around Hudson.

A short drive later, my heart was doing jumping jacks in my chest and my belly felt all tingly as I looked up at Hudson. He easily lifted the last box out of my car, and my eyes trailed along the flex of muscles in his shoulders as I followed him up the stairs.

I was going to have a stern conversation with my hormones.