43. Stella

Chapter Forty-Three

STELLA

I looked over at Hudson, my heart feeling warm and almost soft inside my chest. Oh, that old anxiety was still churning, spinning around it like a storm dying down. I was relieved to be honest about my feelings and deeply relieved not to be alone in them.

“What do you want?” As soon as my question slipped out, I wanted to snatch it back, to hold it tight inside.

This was always my folly, wishing someone would want what I wanted. And now, it mattered more than it had ever mattered. Because I loved Hudson. He was more than just an idea. He was living and breathing and occupied the whole of my heart.

I watched as his shoulders rose with a deep breath. His eyes stayed locked to mine, his gaze warm and focused.

“I want with you what I was always afraid to want with anyone. The whole thing. One day at a time, but knowing that each of those days you’re walking this winding path of life with me. I want to come home and make dinner with you. I want to get pizza with too much pepperoni even though too much pepperoni is impossible.” His lips quirked at the corners. “When I miss you, I want to know I’m coming home to you. When you need me, I want to be there. Although, please don’t ever step out on a frozen lake ever again in your life. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw you out there.”

My throat felt tight and tears stung my eyes.

“What do you want?” he asked, his words barely above a whisper.

“All of that,” I finally managed to say.

“Don’t cry.” He lifted his hand to swipe away the tear that splashed onto my cheek.

I stopped petting the cats long enough to brush my fingers across both of my cheeks. “They’re happy tears, overwhelmed tears. They’re not sad tears. I promise.” I took a shaky breath. “We can tell Parker he doesn’t have to kick anybody’s ass.”

Hudson’s cell phone vibrated where it sat on the coffee table. He ignored it. I cleared my throat. “You should check that,” I said when it kept ringing.

He lifted it to glance at the screen. “It’s your freaking brother. He’s probably calling to check on me and make sure I’m not still being an idiot.”

I burst out laughing at that. “For what it’s worth, I told him I broke up with you, but I didn’t give him any more information than that.”

“It was kind of my fault, or at least I think it was,” Hudson said quickly.

I rolled my eyes. “It was both of us.” The phone continued to ring impatiently. “Answer the phone, or I will,” I added.

Hudson released my hand and slid his thumb across the screen, tapping to put it on speaker immediately. “Parker, you’re on speaker. It’s me and Stella.”

My brother’s tone was skeptical. “Really?”

“Hey, Parker, it’s Stella. You don’t need to lecture Hudson again, or kick anybody’s ass. I understand you want to blame this whole thing on Hudson, but it was both of us. We’re all good now.”

“Are you sure?” Parker pressed.

Hudson glared at the phone. “We’re sure. I told her I love her, I want it all with her. What else do you need to back the hell off?”

Before Parker could answer, I cut in, “Let me remind you, I’m a grown woman and I can take care of myself. I appreciate that you care, but please don’t worry about me.”

Parker grumbled something before muttering, “Fine. I just want you to be okay, Stella.”

“I am okay!” I insisted. “Was there something else you needed?”

Parker finally chuckled. “Nope. I’m sure I’ll see you both soon.”

Hudson double-checked to make sure the call had ended and tapped to close the screen before setting his phone back on the table. “I could handle it if he wanted to beat me up, but I’m glad it’s not necessary.” He paused, his eyes lingering on mine. “So, what are we gonna do for the rest of the day?”

We ended up having the best kind of day, mostly because we didn’t do much of anything. I actually felt good enough to try to start working in the afternoon, but Hudson insisted that I had to recover. When it started to get dark in the evening, I studied a little for my bar exam while he problem-solved options for the back porch to keep the cats safe out there.

That night, we watched TV. Much as I had missed Hudson, all he wanted to do was snuggle. I was ready for a lot more than snuggling.

All that to say, having him home was the absolute best part. I savored every moment of his presence. We fell asleep upstairs with Butter and Biscuit snuggled up at the foot of the bed. As I was drifting off, Hudson murmured into my hair, “I’m trying not to take it personally that I think the cats like you better than me.”

I giggled. “You’ve been away.”

“They were sleeping up here even before I was gone.”

I rose up on an elbow, looking at him in the darkness. “That’s because you usually slept up here. It’s what they’re used to.”

He smoothed a hand over my hair. The last thing I remembered was falling asleep to the sound of his heart beating where my cheek rested on his chest.

It was still dark when I came awake. For a moment, I was confused. Mostly because I’d spent the last few weeks sleeping restlessly and feeling lonely. When I came awake now, I felt warm all over. As soon as my body and brain cataloged that Hudson was spooned behind me, a sense of contentment gusted through me like a warm breeze on a summer night. It felt as if my whole body was smiling. I was just so happy he was home with me.

I didn’t realize I had wiggled my bottom until I felt the hard press of his arousal against me. His voice was raspy when he spoke, “You can ignore that. I just woke up and apparently my body has an opinion.”

“What if I don’t want to?” I whispered back, becoming aware of my own body’s unconscious reaction to him. My arousal was already slick between my thighs, and my nipples tightened when his palm caressed over my belly.

He cleared his throat, shifting to press a kiss on the inside of my neck, right above the curve of my shoulder. Goosebumps chased over my skin with a trembling shiver.

“You can still ignore it,” he repeated.

I decided to make my feelings clear and wiggled my bottom firmly against him. I tugged his hand down between my thighs. I was wearing panties, but there was no doubt at the state of the damp cotton.

“Stella…” he rasped.

“I missed you.” I felt the ache of desire for him in my bones. I needed to assuage it by losing myself in him. “Hudson…” My voice contained a plea. I turned to press a kiss on his jaw.

In the darkness, a quiet time where it felt like our intimacy was a shimmering curtain protecting us from the rest of the world, we made sleepy love. Although it felt as if we were almost in a trance, it was also a little rushed and fumbled. Once he buried his fingers between my thighs and discovered I was dripping wet, he dragged my panties down my legs and kicked off his briefs. With a subtle nudge of his hips, he filled me from behind. We rocked together. My climax spiraled rapidly. Just when I was about to beg, he slid his hand down over the curve of my belly again and teased his fingers just where I needed it.

He knew my body, and I knew his. He trembled all over seconds before I felt the heat of his release filling me. He held me close, staying spooned behind me. I could feel the beat of his heart between my shoulder blades. When he dusted a kiss on the side of my neck, my lips curved into a smile. The next few moments were quiet. It felt as if we were simply absorbing each other. Our bodies communicating. I missed you. I love you.

Butter broke through our reverie when he leaped on the bed and meowed loudly. I could feel the rumble of Hudson’s laughter through my entire body. “I forgot he’s an early riser.”

“I’ll feed him,” I said.

Butter was demanding when it came to food. Even though we left dry food out for him, he liked fresh food in the morning.

“You don’t have to, I will,” Hudson replied.

I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s almost five-thirty. I’m usually up by now anyway.”

We got up together. Before I could make my way down to the kitchen, Hudson caught my hand. “Shower.”

We took a quick shower together, and Hudson drew circles through the soap rolling down my back when I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair. A short while later, he was feeding the cats and I got coffee ready.

When I turned around to see him talking to Butter, my heart felt like it might beat its way out of my chest. He was having a one-way conversation with a cat, and I loved it. I could do this for the rest of my life.