10. Stella

Chapter Ten

STELLA

“You have a long-lost brother?!” Tiffany exclaimed.

“I think so,” I said, a little surprised at her enthusiasm.

While I knew Tiffany, I’d only been in town for a few months, so it wasn’t like we were besties. Friendships brought insecurity screeching loudly in my doubts. Fireweed Harbor was the closest thing I had to a hometown because we’d lived there the most when I was growing up, but we’d moved around a lot. It felt like I’d always been the nervous new girl. Even though I gave myself little pep talks all the time, it wasn’t easy. I tried to believe in myself and scrounge up the easy confidence I was convinced others felt. I desperately wanted friends.

This move to Willow Brook had opened an unexpected door into a circle of women who had friendships. They all seemed nice and were welcoming. I just hoped none of them could tell how anxious I was to have friends, to feel like I belonged.

Hallie pushed her glasses up on her nose as she cast a warm smile toward Tiffany. “She’s enthusiastic about it because when she and her brother did a DNA test, Chase discovered he had an entire group of seven siblings.”

“It was a big deal,” Tiffany said as she nodded vigorously. “And amazing. I love this for you! Have you met your brother yet?”

Tiffany was definitely a heart-on-her-sleeve kind of woman. She’d hugged me the first time we met. I wished I could be as brave and vulnerable as her.

I took a quick breath. “Not yet. I just found out from my mom the other day. I love her, but she’s not the most stable mom.” This wasn’t a big secret in my life. I wasn’t trying to bash her, but it was my life.

Tiffany’s gaze sobered. “Well, that’s another thing we have in common. My mom was a fucking nightmare.” She swallowed and breathed in slowly, almost as ifshe were trying to calm herself down. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was glad my mom died, but it was a relief.”

My heart squeezed tight. I knew I would miss my mother terribly when she wasn’t here.

“I’m so sorry. My mom is—” I let out a gusting sigh. “She spent my entire childhood trying to find the right man who would make her life better. She wasn’t a nightmare, but that meant we moved around a lot. I attended eleven schools growing up.”

Maisie caught my gaze, her eyes widening. “That’s a lot. My mom passed away when I was young and I loved her, but my dad was a total flake. The only useful thing he did was teach me to play cards. I would’ve traded that for stability in a hot second.”

“My mom is loving and means well, but she had a radar for jerks. I’m not shocked to learn I have a half-brother, but I don’t know what to expect.” I glanced toward Tiffany. “So everything went well when you found your brother’s other family?”

Tiffany’s nose wrinkled. “Everything’s good now. It was a little awkward because my bio-dad isn’t Chase’s bio-dad. For our dad, it didn’t change a thing emotionally, but it was kind of a hit for Chase because he adores our dad. Chase got over that hump and got to meet his siblings. Our mom had a fling with his bio-dad before he got married. All in all, it’s worked out. Griffin is Chase’s half-brother.” She thumbed toward Tish who was sitting at an angle across from me.

Tish nodded and explained, “Griffin’s family went through some stuff when they were younger, but doesn’t every family?”

“Where do things stand with this brother? If you have a DNA test, I’m assuming you know it’s a sure thing?” Tiffany prompted.

“According to my mom, it’s a sure thing. Long story short, my bio-dad had my brother before me, but he didn’t know about him. She stayed away from my dad because he had some legal trouble. All that to say, my brother’s name is Parker. He got my mother’s number from the DNA place because she listed it because that’s the kind of thing she does and she manages my account.” I paused, pressing my lips together. “I plan to reach out to him. I just don’t know when.”

Tiffany smiled softly, reaching over to curl her hand over mine and squeeze. Her eyes were bright with tears. “Call him. It could be amazing.”

I swallowed through the thickness in my throat. “Maybe, but what if it isn’t?”

Despite her emotional excitement over this situation, Tiffany nodded sagely. “Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. Expectations can make things complicated. Try to see how it goes. If you want an emotional support person, I will be there for you.”

“Are you an emotional support person?” Lucy teased.

Tiffany shrugged as she grinned. “Yes. I think I’d be good at that. I don’t want to be anybody’s therapist, but I love supporting people.”

Later that night as I drove home, I pondered Tiffany’s offer. I’d been putting this idea of a brother out of my mind because it felt like too much to deal with. I didn’t want to let somebody down. I was so accustomed to life just being me and my mom against the world.

As I turned onto the road that led to the duplex, I slowed down. The northern lights were putting on a little show tonight, shimmering in the darkness. No matter how many times I saw them, they always took my breath away. But then, Alaska had a habit of doing that with breath-stealing beauty and wildlife aplenty. It helped anchor me in a world where I often felt adrift.

When I pulled into the driveway and saw Hudson’s vehicle there, my heart began to gallop in my chest, kicking along faster and faster. I’d been trying so very hard not to think too much about that kiss. I turned off my car, took a deep breath, and had a little chat with my hormones.

Calm the fuck down. I know how it goes when I let you call the shots. I make stupid decisions.

I tried to be stern. My hormones were little chatterboxes, so excited at the possibility that I might see Hudson.

I hurried up the steps a moment later, slipping in quietly. After I closed the door, I peered around furtively. I hoped the next time I saw him, he would be an ass and my brain could be stronger than my hormones.

There was a pair of boots in the tray by the door and a jacket hung on the hooks above. I presumed that meant Hudson was home, but there was no sign of him on the central floor. The kitchen lights were out. I couldn’t help but walk through to look at the view from there. Green and blue were shimmering on the lake from the northern lights above. I stepped through the door onto the deck, inhaling the crisp, icy-cold air.

“Wow,” I breathed in as I rested my hand on the railing. Northern lights usually looked like a rippling translucent curtain in the sky. Tonight, the colors were mostly green with bright blue flickering here and there along with streaks of silver. It was so beautiful that I forgot to be anxious about Hudson.

After a few minutes, I went back inside and nearly came out of my skin when Hudson said, “Beautiful lights tonight, huh?”

“Oh, my God!” I yelped as I spun around. My palm flew to my chest where I could feel the pounding of my heart.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said.

Still trying to catch my breath, I muttered, “Well, you did.”

He held both hands up. “I come in peace. I was just coming up to grab some water.”

He fetched a glass out of the cabinet and dropped some ice cubes in it before filling it with water. “The water is filtered here by the way, so no need to waste money on bottled water,” he offered before he took a swallow.

I was just standing there, stuck in place. I thought I needed some ice, anything, to quell the heat rising like a fire burning out of control inside. My mind, suddenly feeble, tried to beat back the force. I took a quick breath. I heard myself swallowing and the sound was loud in the quiet kitchen.

“Are you okay?” Hudson asked.

I tried to get some more air, but my lungs weren’t cooperating. All I could get was the tiniest sip of air.

His eyes narrowed in concern. “It’s the kiss, isn’t it?” he asked, setting his glass down on the counter as he took a few steps closer to me.

I was still rooted in place beside the kitchen island.

I shook my head quickly. “Oh, no!” I wanted to play it cool. As if I hadn’t been obsessing about that kiss every second that my mind wasn’t otherwise occupied. As if I hadn’t come in the darkness with his name on my lips.

“Maybe we should talk about that,” he added next.

I felt my eyes go wide as I shook my head wildly this time, so hard that my curls bounced against my cheeks.

“It’s no big deal. Maybe we should pretend like it never happened,” he offered.

This time, my mouth got ahead of my brain. “Well, it did happen.”

His lips quirked at the corners. “It did.”

I wanted to slip into his thoughts and see if he was as desperate for me as I was for him.

“I don’t do relationships!” I practically shouted.

For fuck’s sake, shut up.

Hudson cocked his head to the side, his eyes narrowing curiously. “Ok-aaaay,” he said slowly. “I don’t either. Why are you telling me this?”

My heart was pounding so hard I could hear the rush of every beat in my ears. “I don’t know!” I internally winced, feeling embarrassment mingle with the pounding beat of desire drumming through my body.

I couldn’t seem to say anything without practically shouting. I tried to will my hormones to stop clapping and cheering as if we were at a game.

“We could…” Hudson began. He took a step closer, his words trailing off.

My breath became even shorter as my pulse sped faster. “We could, what?” I whispered.

My rational mind had thrown up a flag of surrender to my hormones.