Chapter 18

Runninga criminal organization was an all-consuming thing, even though Zander had been preparing for the task for quite some time. It’d been the plan he and Derri had put in place once Zander had begun to suspect his uncle could be the one behind his family’s murder.

Kill the head and take over.

He’d waited patiently for the time and it’d arrived way sooner than he’d anticipated. And not without complications. Two of whom he didn’t get to see nearly as much as he wanted to.

He had some decisions to make, and he didn’t know if he could be in Vince’s and Scotty’s presence and do the right thing.

Cutting off all ties with them would be the right thing—put distance between himself and them. Now that he was on this path, he couldn’t afford distractions or weaknesses.

Vince and Scotty were all of that.

And more.

Still, he yearned for them in ways he didn’t think himself capable of feeling.

“The Albanians want a sit-down.” Derri’s voice cut through the noise in Zander’s head. “They could be our strongest ally—” He paused. “—or our biggest threat.”

He wasn’t saying shit Zander didn’t already know. He’d thought he was ready. Was he?

“You need to make a decision,” Derri said urgently. “When are we leaving this place?”

This placewas the house they’d brought Zander to when he’d been unconscious. A loaner from another ally. But Derri was right; they weren’t on their home turf. Zander had meetings and shit to do that couldn’t be handled remotely. His uncle had left a mess back in Jersey and it was now all on Zander’s shoulders to clean up. But clean it up he would because he’d already promised himself he would be nothing like that fucker.

But leaving this house, leaving Alabama, would mean leaving Scotty. It would mean leaving Vince. Because Zander didn’t know who they were outside of Alabama. He didn’t want to find out for fear that knowledge would bring its own consequences.

Maybe he was a coward for real.

“Zander.”

He turned to find Derri staring at him, concern in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Zander grunted. “I’m fine.”

The tick in Derri’s jaw said the other man recognized the lie, but Derri knew better than to call him on it. Instead, Derri leaned closer and lowered his voice as if they weren’t the only two people in the room. “Listen, I know you feel some kind of…something, for those two, but this is what we’ve been working for. This is why we—” His throat worked. “We sacrificed everything to get here. I refuse to watch you fuck it up.”

Them. They’d sacrificed their relationship. That was what Derri was trying so hard not to say. It’d been the two of them for as long as Zander could remember. They’d grown up side by side, friends then lovers. They could practically read each other’s minds. Zander would’ve done anything for Derri and Derri would’ve done anything for him.

He had.

Derri hadn’t been a fan of Zander’s plan when Zander had first brought it to him. He’d wanted to leave with Zander. But Zander had wanted him to stay, to be his man on the inside. In order for it to work, they’d had to cut their romantic ties.

It’d felt like severing a limb, the night he’d walked away from Derri to become someone else. And in all that time, Zander had kept telling himself it was worth it. It would all be worth it. That eventually he would reunite with Derri. They would pick up where they left off.

But as he sat next to the man he’d sworn he’d love forever, all Zander could think about was Vince and Scotty. Was Scotty sleeping right, eating right? Was he letting Vince take care of him? Zander was able to allow Vince to call his doctor for a refill of his meds and he’d sent Trem as an escort with Vince to pick it up. Was Vince taking care of himself, too, or was he focusing all his attention on Scotty?

Were they missing him?

Because he was missing them.

“Thank you.” He touched Derri’s shoulder briefly. “I know I haven’t said it enough, but thank you for sticking this out with me. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Agony darkened Derri’s eyes. “I did it because I love you and I wanted you to come back home. To me.”

“I know,” Zander whispered. Fuck, he knew. And it tore him up inside that this was the result. That he couldn’t give Derri what he wanted, what he’d been waiting for. “I’m sorry.”

Derri just stared at him, face like granite.

“Derri.”

“You want them? The addict and the cop who will surely take you down once he finds out you’re now the one in charge? That’s who you want, Kian?”

Zander flinched at the sound of his birth name. He wasn’t the same man who’d made those promises to Derri. “I’m not Kian anymore.”

Derri jerked as if Zander had slapped him in the face. “Then who are you?” He jumped to his feet. Zander had never seen him as emotional in all the years they’d grown up together. “Because the man I know, the man I love, would never put others before me.” He slapped his own chest. “Before us.”

Zander stood, reaching for him, but Derri backed away. “Derri.” Fuck. It exhausted him, having to explain, having to hurt his closest friend. His only confidant. But he would stay there as long as it took for Derri to understand what Zander himself couldn’t. “Things have changed,” he said softly. “Neither one of us is the man we were when we started down this road.”

“Maybe not, but I didn’t think you’d leave me behind.” Derri’s voice cracked.

Zander’s heart cracked right along with it. They were trained killers, he and Derri. You had to have ice running through your veins to do that kind of thing. But in private, when it was just them, they’d shared their fears, their hopes, and their dreams. He didn’t know about Derri, but having the other man to talk to had been the one thing that had kept him from going off the deep end. From losing his mind. Especially when he’d begun suspecting the truth about his uncle.

Derri had been his rock.

And he didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve any of it.

“Derri.” He didn’t know what else to say. How to make it better. Because the truth was, Kian had been Derri’s world and Derri had been his. But Zander… Zander’s interests resided elsewhere. He closed the distance between them and pulled the other man into his arms.

Derri melted into him.

He closed his eyes, pressing a kiss to Derri’s temple. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He’d never expected them to be where they were now. All along he’d thought that once he got rid of his uncle, it would be Derri and him. Side by side.

But circumstances changed, hadn’t they?

Derri didn’t speak but he hugged Zander, burying his face in his neck while Zander stroked his back. They would be okay, he and Derri. He would make sure?—

The door opened and Zander’s eyes flew open as one of the guards entered, expression apologetic. “Sorry, Boss. I know you said you didn’t want to be disturbed, but he?—”

“Zander?” Scotty stepped out from behind the bodyguard’s bulky frame, face pale, hurt filling his eyes as he took in Zander and Derri wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Scotty!”

Zander was calling his name, but Scotty couldn’t answer. He was stuck for a moment, taking in the sight of that guy, Derri, in Zander’s arms. And he was struck, too, by a pain so sharp he had to exhale on a hiss.

The relief he’d felt when they’d seen Zander that first day he was awake had been a high unto itself. Like a drug. And after so long being locked in that room with Vince, with no answers and no way to see Zander, he’d slowly felt himself coming back to life when they’d finally gotten the chance to see Zander, to touch him.

But then he’d disappeared again and somehow, this one felt worse because they knew he was alright. That he was up and on the mend. But he wasn’t coming around to them. To see them. Why? Vince was strong enough to pretend he didn’t care, but Scotty would catch the same feeling that roiled in his gut flashing in the depths of Vince’s eyes in his few unguarded moments. Vince wouldn’t seek Zander out to ask what was happening; he was too strong for that.

But not Scotty. He was weak and had always been the weak one. So he’d left their room while Vince was grabbing a shower—the door was no longer locked from the outside, keeping them prisoner, thanks to Zander he was sure—and he’d made his way to Zander. He’d gotten lost because the building was a fucking maze, and he’d had to ask one of the silent, sullen bodyguards hanging around for help finding Zander.

Out of all the things Scotty had imagined being the reason keeping Zander away—and he had imagined a lot—this hadn’t been on the list.

“Scotty.” Zander released Derri, who scowled as Zander reached a hand out to Scotty. “Hey.”

Scotty took a step back. He wanted to say something, call Zander on what he just witnessed, but all Scotty’s lips did was tremble.

“Hey, no.” Zander grabbed his shoulders, shaking him gently. “Don’t do that, it’s not what you think.” He clasped Scotty’s face in both hands, staring deeply into his eyes before lifting his head and barking, “Give us the room.”

It took Derri the longest to leave. Scotty knew that even though his gaze was trapped by Zander’s. The tension in the room dropped considerably when the door closed behind Derri.

Scotty’s throat spasmed. “I-I wanted to find you,” he rasped. He touched Zander, fingers digging into the soft cotton of his t-shirt and fisting it. “I wanted to know why you haven’t—” He swallowed. Maybe he shouldn’t ask. Maybe what he just saw was the reason.

“I’m sorry.” Zander’s breath was harsh when he bumped his forehead to Scotty’s. “I’ve been busy,” he admitted in a murmur that washed up against Scotty’s lips. “And I needed—” He cut himself off with a shake of his head. “It doesn’t matter. What you just saw isn’t what it looked like. Derri and I were just clearing the air between us.”

What did that mean? Scotty’s heart wanted to know everything because it wanted assurance that what he felt was reciprocated. But what was it that he felt? He wasn’t even sure sometimes.

“Derri wants something I can no longer give him,” Zander told him softly.

“You.” He’d seen enough to have an idea of how Derri felt about Zander. “He wants you.”

Zander nodded. “Yes.” He searched Scotty’s face, eyes filled with concern. “Are you okay? Where’s Vince?”

Scotty shrugged. “Taking a shower. I had to see you.” He glanced away, cheeks heating as he mumbled, “I wanted to know why you’ve been keeping your distance from us.

“I’m sorry.” Zander tugged Scotty into his arms. “I needed time to think, to figure out my next move, and you two…” He sighed. “You distract me,” he confessed against Scotty’s temple. “In the best way.”

Scotty clung to him, face buried in the other man’s neck, inhaling the clean scent of his warm skin. When he and Vince were locked in the bedroom, all Scotty had wanted was moments like this. All he’d thought about were moments like this. He didn’t want to let Zander go. Was that normal? Was it too much? He was too afraid to ask. “We miss you,” he said instead. “Vince pretends he’s not hurt that you’re not coming around but I can see it.”

Zander swore softly and pulled back from the embrace. “Come on.” He took Scotty’s hand, lacing their fingers.

“W-where are we going?” he asked as Zander opened the door.

“We’re going to fix this, once and for all.” Zander waved away the bodyguard who’d immediately stepped forward. “It’s okay,” Zander told him.

They left the guard behind, walking in the direction of Scotty and Vince’s room.

“Why do you need bodyguards?” Zander’s uncle was dead, so what was Scotty missing? “And they call you sir.”

Zander’s fingers tightened around Scotty’s before quickly relaxing. “Yeah. It’s… They’ve always called me that. You know, from before. Mostly because I outranked them and also because my uncle was the boss.”

“But with your uncle dead, why do you still need them around?” Granted, he didn’t know shit about how criminals at Zander’s level operated, but that part didn’t make sense to Scotty.

Zander blew out a breath, glancing at Scotty and then away. “It’s a long story. One that’s going to have to wait.” He stopped and Scotty realized they’d arrived at their destination. Zander pushed the door open and entered, gently tugging Scotty with him.

The door closed behind them and Scotty entered to find Vince in the middle of getting dressed. He was paused with one leg inside his jeans, one out, and his upper half bare. When he spotted Scotty, he sighed audibly.

“Fuck, Scotty, I was worried about you.”

Something Scotty hadn’t considered when he’d left their room. Shame filled him and he pulled out of Zander’s hold, rushing over to Vince. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I just?—”

“He came to see me.” Zander joined them. “He had some questions.” He lifted an eyebrow as he held Vince’s gaze. “Is he the only one with questions?”

Vince’s jaw tightened but he didn’t speak. So Zander did…after brushing a thumb across Vince’s bottom lip.

“I’ve been busy, like I told Scotty. But like I also told Scotty, you two are a distraction.” Vince’s lips parted but Zander kept on talking. “The sweetest fucking distraction, and if I allow myself to indulge in you, nothing else would get done. At all.” He chuckled darkly, putting an arm around Scotty and the other around Vince, dragging them closer. Until they were pressed together, all three of their breaths meeting and mingling in the tiniest space between them. “But I miss you,” Zander whispered.

The words sank into Scotty’s gut and anchored there, steadying him.

“And I want you.”

It was Vince who made a sound because Zander had paralyzed Scotty with words spoken as if dragged from the deepest parts of him.

“We want you.” Vince touched Zander’s chest.

Scotty found movement again, and his bravado, too, turning and brushing his lips against the corded column of Zander’s neck. “Now. We want you now.”