Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

A s Lazarus helped Gwen into his coach about an hour later, he tried not to think about how awkward things would now be between them. He hadn’t spoken to her since leaving the retiring room because she’d been led about the drawing room by Jo, the two of them conversing with everyone they encountered. Lazarus was pleased to see Gwen enjoying herself, but was envious of Jo. He wanted to be the one escorting Gwen about.

Gwen.

At some point in the retiring room, Miss Price had become Gwen. As if he didn’t know precisely what point that was. The moment he’d kissed her, the propriety between them had crumbled to dust. Or been driven away by an inescapable mutual desire.

Even now, an hour later and outside in the cool evening, Lazarus’s body was heated, his cock stirring at the thought of sitting in a closed space with the object of his growing obsession.

With nowhere else to go, he climbed inside after her and took the rear-facing seat, as he’d done earlier. He’d decided sharing a seat with her was a bad idea, and now, after kissing her, it was an extreme risk.

She plucked the pins from her hair, one at a time, and tucked them into her pocket. Then she whisked the veil from her head and exhaled. “I am so glad to have that off. Since my encounter with the candle, there has been a persistent stench of burned gauze.”

Her “encounter.” As if she hadn’t nearly suffered a terrible injury. “I might suggest you forgo veils from now on.”

“I suppose I must,” she said with a sigh. “I do hope I’ll be able to attend another salon, though. That was even more exhilarating than I imagined.” She met his gaze most earnestly. “Thank you. Truly.”

“You shouldn’t be thanking me,” he said, almost growling as he scowled out the window. “You shouldn’t even be nice to me. I’ve behaved abominably.” He transferred his attention back to her. “I humbly beg your forgiveness, though I recommend you don’t offer it.”

“What a ridiculously contradictory thing to say.” She laughed softly. “You behaved exactly as I asked you to. I should be begging your forgiveness. I should not have put you in that position. What choice did you have but to kiss me?”

He gaped at her. “I had every choice.”

“You did try to say no,” Gwen said. “But I was rather persistent. I am the one who is sorry. I hope you will forgive me. I imagine this makes you feel poorly about yourself, that you are worse than a rogue. Please don’t let it. I know the rules—the rogue rules—and I broke them.”

Lazarus could do nothing but stare at her.

She went on, “Let’s see, I’ve broken: never be alone with a rogue, never flirt with a rogue, for I’m fairly certain asking one to kiss you is flirting with one. Never give a rogue a chance…perhaps not that one. I mean, the chances I’ve given you have nothing to do with a romantic relationship, and you’ve delivered quite brilliantly on every one of them.” She fell silent. At length she said, “I’ve really only broken those first two, actually. I certainly haven’t doubted your reputation,” she said with a smile.

And why would she? It wasn’t just his reputation. He was a rogue, which he freely admitted and easily demonstrated. The classification had never bothered him before, but he suddenly felt overburdened.

He had no one to blame for that but himself.

“Your scowl could rival Droxford’s,” Gwen observed. She was studying him closely. So closely that his body quivered to attention.

“I really am sorry,” he said. “And no matter what you say, I will blame myself, so let us not speak of it again.”

“I was just going to suggest the same thing. Let’s put this behind us. We must if we are to focus on your lessons.”

She wanted to continue tutoring him? He’d been worried about that since leaving the retiring room. How could they be alone together any longer after what had happened? He wasn’t sure he trusted himself. She sure as hell shouldn’t trust him. “Is that really wise? You’d be continuing to break your rogue rules.”

“I already committed to that when we agreed to our arrangement. I will not abandon you now after what amounts to a…temporary lapse in judgment.” She nodded. “Yes, we must accept that was all it was.”

Except Lazarus was fairly certain there was nothing temporary about this situation. He’d already been desiring Gwen, and now that he’d kissed her, he wanted more. He wanted to feel the silken glide of her flesh against him while he explored every inch of her. He yearned to hear her moan and cry out as he drove her to the brink of ecstasy and beyond.

Now his cock was more than stirring. It was growing thick and hard. He was an absolute blackguard.

And he wanted her. He just needed to remind himself that he couldn’t have her.

He could do this. He could rise above his baser instincts. Or alleviate them elsewhere.

Yes, he could go straight to the Rogue’s Den after dropping Gwen at her house and find satisfaction in the arms of one, perhaps two, of the ladies there. What would usually entice him, however, now repulsed him. The thought of finding solace with anyone other than Gwen was extremely distasteful. At least right now. He hoped that would be temporary. If it wasn’t, what was he to do?

“You’re being awfully quiet,” Gwen said, cocking her head. “I hope you aren’t mentally castigating yourself.”

“Among other things,” he admitted.

“I don’t regret it,” she said softly, her lips curved into the gentlest of smiles. “I do appreciate you kissing me. It was divine.”

Lazarus nearly groaned with want. “Yes, it was.” His voice sounded very tight. Because he was coiled like a spring ready to explode. He needed relief, and he would find some with his right hand as soon as he got home.

“You’ll want to turn your head again as I need to tuck the veil up my skirt once more.”

Hell and the devil. Lazarus had forgotten that would be necessary. He snapped his head around so that he was practically looking at the squab behind him. If he saw so much as her ankle, he risked leaping on her and offering to “help” with the placement of her veil. Where would she put it? Between her thighs?

“I’m finished.”

Lazarus exhaled and wiped his gloved hand over his dewy brow. This ride to her house was interminable.

“You’re going to be sure to work on your writing and memorizing before you go to bed tonight?” she asked, yanking him from his thoughts.

“Yes.” Just as soon as he found some satisfaction and could drive her from his mind. God, he hoped he could. He didn’t remember the last time he’d been so fixated on a single person. Not an act or a desire, but a woman. He didn’t think that had ever happened.

The coach arrived at her house, and a little of his tension eased.

“Thank you again,” she said. She sat forward on the seat and lightly touched his knee. It was nearly his undoing.

Lazarus clenched his hands into fists lest he reach for her and pull her onto his lap. He would straddle her legs around him, pushing her skirts away, and arch up against her wet heat. Then he’d kiss her again, devouring all she would give him.

“Good night,” he managed through the haze of lust that had swept over him.

Thankfully, she withdrew her hand—and not a moment too soon. “Good night.”

Then she climbed down from the coach with help from the groom. Lazarus watched as she entered the house, and the coach started on its way.

Tonight had been an unmitigated disaster. Lazarus had already determined they should end their public association, but now he had to strongly consider ending their private one too. She might be able to put their kiss behind them, but Lazarus wasn’t sure he could. He would try one more session with her in two days’ time. However, if he couldn’t focus on his reading and memorizing, there would be no point in continuing.

He hoped he could expel her from his mind and somehow exorcise his desire for her. If not, he was doomed.

A mix of anxiety and anticipation ran through Gwen as she awaited her friends. She was torn between telling them about what had happened with Lazarus last night, which also meant revealing that she’d gone to a literary salon in disguise, alone with a rogue and keeping the secret to herself. Well, and to Miss Harker.

But how was she to explain how she’d met Miss Harker in the first place? Gwen couldn’t say she’d happened upon her at the Siren’s Call. She now wished she’d asked her new friend to arrive early so they could arrange a story.

Except the thought of lying to her dearest friends made her almost queasy, hence her anxiety.

Lake appeared then and announced the arrival of Miss Josephine Harker. She was early! Gwen exhaled with relief.

Miss Harker entered the drawing room. She wore a smart walking dress of dark brown that complemented the chestnut color of her hair. She had striking hazel eyes that were similar to Gwen’s mother’s. Indeed, Miss Harker was an attractive woman, though Gwen imagined some would judge her mouth too wide or her nose a trifle sharp. Gwen found her features arresting and singular.

“I’m so glad you came,” Gwen said. “Come and sit.” She moved to the settee in the largest seating area and patted the cushion for Miss Harker to join her.

“Thank you for inviting me. I apologize for arriving a tad early, but I wanted to know how you plan to introduce me to your friends. Will you be telling them about last night, or do we need to fabricate another story?”

Gwen laughed. “Oh, my goodness, you read my mind. I was just regretting not inviting you to come early so we could sort this out.”

“So, you do want to keep last night a secret?”

“Actually, I don’t think I do. I would feel terrible lying to my friends.”

“I think that’s wise,” Miss Harker said with a nod. “If they are your friends, they won’t judge you.”

“They most definitely are. There is no reason for me to keep anything from them.” In the interest of honesty among friends, Gwen added, “I did worry they would think less of me for breaking our rogue rules, but you’re right that they won’t because they are my friends.”

Miss Harker’s brow furrowed. “Rogue rules? I’m afraid you’re going to have to explain those, Miss Price.”

“You must call me Gwen, for we are friends now too.”

“And you must call me Jo.” She smiled at Gwen. “Yes, we are.”

Gwen launched into a description of the rogue rules beginning with their adoption nearly two years ago. She didn’t want to specifically mention the scandal about Pandora and Bane, so she merely said the rules came about after a rogue treated one of them poorly. She then listed the rules, which she had committed to memory.

“I like the last one a great deal—ruin the rogue before he ruins you. That is excellent advice.” Jo gave Gwen a reassuring look. “I don’t think you need to worry about that with Somerton. He isn’t going to ruin you. Not on purpose, anyway. You just can’t go on with him as you were last night. How are you feeling about things?” she asked with marked concern.

Gwen didn’t mention the graphic and lurid dream she’d had involving Lazarus and him helping her to put the veil under her skirt in the coach, only for the veil to completely disappear so that his hands were free to occupy themselves with her. “I’m feeling fine. I’m relieved we weren’t caught. But I can’t say I regret it.” She also didn’t reveal that she was nervous about their tutoring session the following day. Would things be awkward between them?

Lazarus had asked if it was wise of them to meet, and she’d assured him all would be well. But would it when she couldn’t seem to stop thinking of kissing him again?

When Jo didn’t respond, Gwen asked, “Should I?”

“Only you can decide, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sexual curiosity. Men don’t seem to have a problem exploring that. Why should we?” She flashed a brief smile. “I know the answer of course. Society’s rules don’t allow women like you to do that.”

Women like Gwen. What about women like Jo? Last night, she’d indicated that one needn’t be married to enjoy the physical aspects of marriage. Did that mean she had done so? While Gwen was incredibly curious and could sometimes be intrusive, she couldn’t bring herself to ask. “It’s unfortunate. However, I can’t imagine women being admired for their sexual prowess. And that hardly seems fair.”

“Because it’s not. We must be discreet, which I think we’re more inclined to be anyway. We don’t need to boast about such things to increase our self-worth.” She winked at Gwen.

“You are the most fascinating person I have ever met,” Gwen said.

Jo laughed. “I find that hard to believe.”

“You shouldn’t. I have spent my entire life in Bristol. I’ve been to Wales, to Bath, to Gloucestershire, and to Cornwall. This is my first visit to London. I’ve been quite sheltered.” Not as much as Tamsin had been, but Gwen felt like an absolute bumpkin next to Jo. She was just working up the courage to ask about her sexual experience—whether she had any—when Lake announced the arrival of Min and Ellis.

As Gwen introduced them, Tamsin arrived, and Gwen completed the introductions. When they were all seated and a tray with tea and cakes had been delivered, Gwen stood back up and went to almost close the door. Closing it entirely would raise her mother’s curiosity, so Gwen left it just slightly ajar.

“Are we to share secrets today?” Min asked with a mischievous smile. “Or gossip?”

They didn’t do a great deal of gossiping, but it wasn’t completely unheard of. “As it happens, I’ve news to share, and it’s best if I didn’t air it to anyone outside this room,” Gwen said.

Everyone, save Jo, looked at her expectantly. “Do tell,” Tamsin prompted from the chair to Gwen’s left.

Gwen glanced about. “You are probably wondering how I came to meet Miss Harker, rather Jo, as I’m now calling her.”

“I know who she is,” Min said, shooting a look at Jo. “Your mother owns the Siren’s Call.”

“Yes. And your brother is a frequent guest.”

Min smiled. “That is how I know of you.”

“He discusses such things with you?” Jo seemed surprised.

“Somewhat,” Min said with a shrug. “We carp at each other, but we are rather close in spite of that. He does not tell me much about his visits to the Rogue’s Den however. And I’m glad for that.”

Jo laughed. “I would be too. It’s sweet that you and he have a good relationship. I’m glad to hear it. I like Shefford, even if he’s a little sensitive.”

“Do you think so?” Min now appeared surprised. “How interesting that you gleaned that. You must know him rather well.”

Lifting a shoulder, Jo said, “I’m not sure I would say so. I’m just an observer of people. It’s hard not to be at the Siren’s Call.”

Min directed her attention to Gwen. “Did you meet Miss Harker at the Siren’s Call?” She smirked.

Gwen laughed. “No. I met her at a literary salon last night.”

“You went to a literary salon?” Tamsin asked, her eyes rounding briefly. “I would have gone with you!”

“I went with Lord Somerton.” There, the secret was out. Well, part of it anyway. Gwen’s pulse was still thrumming as apprehension gathered once more.

Tamsin, Min, and Ellis all gaped at her. “What do you mean you went with him?” Min asked.

“He heard about the salon from Jo—she attends them regularly—and asked if she could obtain an invitation for him and a guest.”

“You can’t just go to a salon with a gentleman!” Min said, horror etched in her features.

Ellis shot her a quelling glance. “She’s not stupid, Min.” She looked back at Gwen. “Please continue, and we shall all stop interrupting.”

Gwen didn’t mind, but thought it might be easier to get through the tale if she didn’t have to keep stopping and regathering her courage. “Somerton took his ‘Great-Aunt Beatrice’ to the salon. I wore a modest gown and a thick veil over my head. As you can imagine, the veil made things especially challenging for me since I am awkward on my best day. It was the most thrilling evening I’ve ever experienced, and I pray I get to return.” Gwen looked to Tamsin, “I’m hopeful we can go together—you can be my chaperone.”

Tamsin nodded eagerly then pursed her lips briefly. “Why would Somerton take you to a literary salon?”

“He knows I like books and thought I would enjoy it. I may have mentioned to him that I was interested in attending a salon.”

“That’s very thoughtful of him,” Ellis said. She narrowed her eyes at Gwen. “Has your association progressed to courtship?”

Min sucked in a breath. “Is he ready to renounce his rogue-dom?”

“I don’t think, ah, no.” Heat rose up Gwen’s neck and into her face, but she plowed on. “I suffered a mishap last night—as you can imagine—and accidentally swept my veil into the flame of a candle.” All three of them stared at her with wide eyes and open mouths. “The veil caught on fire, but Somerton extinguished it. We went to the retiring room to repair the situation because there was a hole in the veil that threatened to reveal I was not, in fact, his elderly great-aunt. While we were there, we, ah, became caught up. I may have asked him to kiss me.”

“May have?” Jo asked sardonically, her brow arched.

“All right, I did ask him to kiss me. He was reluctant, but he eventually complied. That’s when Jo walked in and saw us.”

Three loud gasps filled the room as they all snapped their heads toward Jo.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t ever going to expose them,” Jo said.

“Of course not. Why would you be here today?” Ellis asked. She looked back to Gwen. “Why is Miss Harker here today?”

“Please, you must all call me Jo. Unless you decide to toss me out.” Jo’s lips curved into a small smile that said she wasn’t at all concerned about that happening.

“I won’t allow that,” Gwen said firmly. “Jo was most helpful last night, and we became fast friends. I invited her today because I knew you would all like her as much as I do. She already has a favorite rogue rule.”

Min’s eyes lit with enthusiasm. “Oh, which one?”

“Ruin the rogue before he ruins you.” Jo’s eyes glittered with a mix of excitement and perhaps malice. “It really is wonderful advice.”

Tamsin held up her hand and fixed her gaze on Gwen. “Let me be sure I have this right. You asked my cousin to kiss you, he complied, and you were caught in this compromising position?” At Gwen’s nod, she asked, “Then what happened? Are you now betrothed as Isaac and I were forced to become?”

“No, because Jo isn’t Mrs. Loose-Lips.” Gwen referred to the woman who’d seen Isaac hit a man who wanted to court and wed Tamsin. The man had been trying to touch her without her consent, and Isaac warned him to stop. When he did not, Isaac knocked him down, and Mrs. Loose-Lips, the woman who’d also caught Pandora and Bane in their compromising position, had made it clear she would share what she’d seen with everyone she met, thus prompting Isaac to declare that he and Tamsin were betrothed.

“Thank goodness for that,” Ellis murmured.

“So you kissed Somerton?” Min asked.

“Yes,” Gwen replied. “I broke at least two rogue rules, but I’m not sorry. I wanted to know what a kiss felt like, and now I do.”

“Bravo,” Jo said. “There is nothing wrong with kissing a man, provided you don’t get caught. What if you married someone and they were terrible at kissing?”

Tamsin exhaled. “I didn’t kiss Isaac until after we were married. It wasn’t even on our wedding night. Fortunately, he is not terrible at kissing. Or anything else, for that matter.” A faint blush bloomed in her cheeks.

“That is fortunate indeed, Lady Droxford,” Jo said.

“You must call me Tamsin. If we’re all to call you Jo, you must use our given names as well. I daresay we’re friends already,” she added almost shyly.

Min sent Tamsin an apologetic look. “I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t share the truth with us. We must all promise to be honest—as Gwen has been today. We love each other, don’t we? There will be no judgment.”

They all nodded. “I promise,” Gwen said. “I do feel better telling you about last night.”

“I promise too,” Tamsin agreed.

“I do as well, though I can’t imagine I will ever have anything interesting to disclose,” Ellis said. She was a confirmed spinster, even if she hadn’t reached spinsterhood yet.

Jo sent Ellis a hooded look. “You never know what may happen. Also, I, for one, don’t want to feel badly if I decide not to share something. There are just some things that aren’t our secrets to share, and others can’t be…articulated.” She shrugged.

Min surveyed Jo with interest. “I suspect your experiences eclipse all of ours put together.”

Letting out a short, sharp laugh, Jo shook her head. “I don’t know if that’s true. As I said, I observe a great deal. That doesn’t mean it is my experience.”

“You must hear a fair amount of gossip,” Ellis noted.

“I do, but I discount most of it. People just like to hear themselves talk.”

“Well, in the interest of sharing information, I should tell you something,” Min announced. “Given my current reputation for being too discriminating, my parents are worried I have ruined my chances to wed by refusing so many suitors and making it clear I won’t suffer anyone with even a hint of roguish behavior.”

“What does that mean?” Gwen asked. “Are you no longer on the Marriage Mart?”

“It means her parents are furious with her behavior and want her to marry someone of their choosing.” Ellis sent Min a sympathetic look.

“It can’t be that bad,” Tamsin said, ever the optimist. “You’ll find the right person this Season.”

Min shrugged. “I don’t know if that will be possible. I am not asked to dance very often, and I’ve had two callers. For the entire Season.”

Gwen’s jaw dropped. How could she have had more callers than Min? That made no sense.

“And I’m afraid I can’t do much to fix things, even if I wanted to. My reputation has worsened, thanks in large part to gossip from other young ladies and their mothers. I think they believe my absence from the Marriage Mart will vault them into popularity.” Min rolled her eyes.

“Are people really that cruel?” Tamsin asked.

“Yes,” Jo replied. “I’ve heard plenty of gossip about Lady Minerva and her perceived arrogance.”

“Arrogance?” Gwen couldn’t think of a word that described Min less.

Min shrugged. “That doesn’t surprise me. As Henlow’s daughter, people have a predetermined idea of who I am. That has always been part of the problem with my time on the Marriage Mart. Most gentlemen I meet think they know all about me already. That, and they don’t care to become acquainted with me. They see my father’s title and connections, and that is what they really want.”

“So true,” Jo murmured. “I’m sorry for that.”

Min looked over at Ellis. “We’ll just be spinsters together, and that will be fine.” She laughed, and Ellis smiled in return.

“I’ll join you, as I’ve also decided to eschew marriage,” Jo said. “We can form a club.”

“Yes, please,” Min replied with a grin. “We’ll host literary salons. Can an unmarried young woman do that?” she mused.

“I just want to attend one,” Tamsin said. She addressed Jo. “Can you obtain an invitation for me?”

“For all of us,” Ellis said. “Tamsin, you can be everyone’s chaperone.”

Tamsin laughed. “I’d be happy to.”

They talked of literary salons for a while, then Gwen suggested they have refreshments. Before they could rise, however, Ellis asked, “We got away from our initial subject—that of Gwen and Somerton. What happens next between the two of you?”

“Nothing,” Gwen responded. “It was a single event and won’t be repeated.”

Min’s lips curved into a sly smile. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Yes,” Gwen said without hesitation.

“Brilliant.” Min stood and went to the table with the tea tray. Ellis and Jo joined her, but Tamsin hung back to speak to Gwen.

“What about your meetings with Somerton at our house?” Tamsin whispered.

“They will continue. I’ll see him there tomorrow.”

“Perhaps you should leave the door open,” Tamsin said with a faint grimace.

Perhaps they should. “It really was just an isolated occurrence,” Gwen assured her. “We have put it behind us.”

Tamsin nodded, appearing relieved.

Gwen was not certain it was behind them, but they needed it to be. Otherwise, yes, the library door should probably be left open.