Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

L azarus arrived at the park just before five. He wanted to catch Gwen the moment she approached the Ring. Anticipation rushed through him, along with apprehension and anxiety. What if she really didn’t feel anything for him beyond friendship?

Perhaps that was precisely what he deserved. After years of roguish behavior, he’d finally fallen in love. It would serve him right for it not to be reciprocated.

“Somerton?”

Lazarus turned toward the feminine voice. For a moment, he was nonplussed, as he didn’t recognize the young lady who’d spoken.

She moved closer, her lips curving into an almost nervous smile. “We met at Lord Haverstock’s fox-hunting party—he is my grandfather.”

Back in November, Lazarus had attended the party, though he hated fox hunting. He suddenly recalled her. “Yes, I remember now. How pleasant to see you.”

“I hope you will continue to think that after you hear what I need to say. I do apologize it’s taken me so long to approach you, but I’ve only just come to London this week. I’ve been ill for some time.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Lazarus tensed as he wondered what she could possibly reveal that would make things unpleasant. “I hope you are well recovered.”

“Not entirely, but I will be in a matter of months.” She took a breath, and Lazarus could see her pulse working along her slender throat. “I will be cured when I deliver the babe you gave me.”

The what ? The world tilted sideways. Lazarus blinked as a crushing sound roared in his ears. He never dawdled like that with young unmarried women. He just did not . “That’s not possible,” he managed, his voice sounding as though he were drowning and could not get enough air.

“I assure you it is.” Her lip quivered, and she glanced away briefly. “Do you not recall our night together?”

Lazarus searched his memory for any time he’d spent with her. He’d probably flirted with her, but he didn’t actually recall. Lazarus would never have gone further with her—she was the granddaughter of the party host! He wouldn’t even have dared a kiss.

He thought of the week-long party, but could not summon a single specific recollection of her. A few nights had been fairly boisterous. Was it possible they’d had an interaction and he didn’t remember?

No, he hadn’t been that deep into his cups. Except for one night. He and Shefford had gone to a pub in the village one night and drunk an astonishing amount of ale. Then the owner had pulled out a cask of whisky he’d smuggled from Scotland, and they’d proceeded to become mindlessly incapacitated. Had something happened after they’d returned to the house?

The following morning, Lazarus had felt absolutely horrid. He’d stayed in his room until well into the afternoon. He didn’t remember anything out of the ordinary, save the excessive amount of drink he’d imbibed. Perhaps Shefford remembered something.

“I do not recall any specific meeting between us,” he whispered, his body shaking. “Are you certain it was me?”

Her eyes rounded, then narrowed. “Of course I am. You are the only man I’ve…been with. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that I don’t stand out to a man like you. I am likely just one of an endless list of conquests.”

Conquests? Lazarus didn’t go about debauching his way through house parties. He carried on discreet liaisons with widows, and the occasional married lady, though that had been when he was much younger.

“I am not a scoundrel, Miss…” Hell, he didn’t even recall her last name. It wasn’t Haverstock or even Haverstock’s surname. If he recalled, her mother was Haverstock’s daughter.

“Miss Melissa Worsley.”

“I do not…become intimate with young unmarried ladies. Not ever.” He couldn’t help thinking of Gwen, how he’d considered it with her. But he wouldn’t have done it, would he? His heart twisted. Gwen would hate him if she heard this news.

“Clearly you did,” she insisted. “I am not mistaken, so please do me the courtesy of not asking if I’m certain again.”

“I swear, I could not have done this. I am no blackguard.” It was all Lazarus could think to say. He was a rogue, but he wasn’t completely immoral or cruel.

She lifted her chin and stared into his eyes. “Prove it, then.”

“How do you—” He was going to ask how he could do that, but he knew the answer. She’d presented herself to him after some months carrying a child. “Why didn’t you inform me sooner?” The world around him still felt unsteady. It was as if the edges were fraying, or he was standing in a watercolor that wasn’t yet dry.

“As I said, I was ill.”

“Do your parents know of your condition?” he managed to ask.

“My mother does, but she has not told my father or my grandfather. Our hope is that you will agree to an immediate marriage.”

Frustration clawed at him. His vision began to tunnel, making him feel trapped, which he was. “The babe will be born in an inordinately short amount of time.”

“We will remove to the country and keep the timing of the birth vague,” she replied with an alarming confidence. “I and the babe will remain there for a year or more. In time, people will not notice such things. And if my family does, they won’t say anything for we will be wed, and the babe’s parentage will be secure.”

She had it all worked out rather neatly. This made Lazarus slightly suspicious. And incredibly queasy.

“If you refuse me, I will be ruined.” She worried her hands together and looked down at the ground. “I hate that this happened. I am so angry with myself. I was just so smitten with you.” She met his gaze once more, and there were tears in her pretty blue eyes. “But this is my fault. I should never have allowed myself to be alone with a man, let alone one with a reputation like yours. I just didn’t believe you would take things as far as they went.”

Dear God, was he a monster? “I didn’t force you, did I?” Now the world was spinning. Lazarus would have grabbed a tree for support if one had been within reach.

She shook her head. “No, it was…nice.”

Lazarus still didn’t remember a thing. “Was I inebriated?”

Her shoulder lifted slightly. “You may have been, but I don’t have much experience with that.”

He would have staked his entire fortune on not being able to perform in bed under the influence of that much alcohol, but since he couldn’t remember a thing, what did he know?

“We don’t have a surplus of time,” she said. “I can’t hide the babe much longer.” She moved her hand gently along her abdomen, and he could make out the gentle curve beneath her gown.

Coughing as he choked on nothing but air, Lazarus averted his gaze. Was that his child growing inside her? He simply couldn’t believe it. But she was so certain. And her emotions so very real.

She squared her shoulders. “I don’t want to force you, but I will if I must. I’ll tell my father and my grandfather, and they will force you to marry me. It will be a terrible scandal. Surely you don’t want that.”

He thought of his mother, his grandmother, his sisters, his cousin Tamsin… Gwen. He couldn’t subject them to a scandal like this. And he especially didn’t want Gwen to hear of his behavior. He could bear contempt from anyone except her.

His brain worked to grab something. Anything. “I can’t leave London. I’ve responsibilities in the Lords.” His speech was coming up soon!

“You must, or you will become the subject of great disdain—in the Lords and everywhere else.” She paused, her gaze softening. “I can see you are greatly disturbed by my news, and I do understand. I sympathize. I was shocked when I learned what had happened, and it took me a long time to accept it. I suppose being ill was a distraction from the reality of the situation. However, we cannot ignore it, though I do apologize I wasn’t able to inform you sooner. Now, you won’t have much time to become accustomed to being a husband and a father.”

A husband and a father. With a woman whose name he hadn’t even known, and he couldn’t even recall bedding. He barely remembered flirting with her. Indeed, there was nothing remarkable about her that came to his mind.

“I’ll give you time to consider everything I’ve said,” she said softly. “I’ll expect to hear from you tomorrow. No later than the day after.”

“Thank you,” he croaked.

“If you don’t call on me before Monday, I’ll have to tell my father and grandfather the truth.”

He nodded. “I understand.”

She pivoted and returned to a small group of people, none of whom he recognized. One of them was an older version of her, and she looked directly at Lazarus, her lips pursed. That had to be her mother.

Lazarus abruptly turned. He wondered if he might be sick.

His gaze met Gwen’s some distance away. She smiled at him, then looked as if she might head in his direction.

He could not see her. They’d agreed to end their association, but even if they hadn’t, he was in no condition to converse with her. He didn’t want to stain her with his shameful presence.

Turning, he stalked toward the Grosvenor Gate, walking as quickly as possible without breaking into a run, which he dearly wanted to do. Indeed, he wanted to run straight out of London directly to Winterstoke in Somerset, where he would hide under the bed as he used to do when he was a boy trying to escape his older sisters.

How had this day gone from imminently brilliant to horrifically awful? He’d walked into the park hoping to see the woman he loved, to tell her how he was ready to put aside every bit of roguishness, except that which he would reserve entirely for her. He’d yearned to see his love reflected in her gaze, and her eager acceptance to his proposal of marriage.

But now that dream was gone. It had crumbled completely and irrevocably to ash. There was no way he could be with Gwen. The piece of him he feared he would lose was, in fact, all of him.

T hough Gwen had been at the Phoenix Club ball for an hour, she had yet to see Lazarus. Perhaps he wasn’t coming tonight. She hated that she now had to settle for seeing him from afar. It wasn’t fair.

But what more did she want?

At least to help him with his reading and to prepare for his speech. She felt as though she’d let him down, and that was the last thing she would ever want to do.

She saw that Min and Ellis had arrived. They were just moving into the ballroom from the ladies’ side. Min’s mother was with them, but she immediately went to speak with someone. Gwen’s own mother was a few feet away chatting with a couple of her friends.

Gwen caught Min’s and Ellis’s attention, and they made their way to her side. Min looked especially pretty in a pink gown decorated with rows of silk roses near the hem.

“Have we missed anything so far?” Min asked.

“I danced with Mr. Fortescue, and I’m proud to say I only made one tiny error.”

They both looked at Gwen with sheer happiness. “That’s so wonderful!” Ellis exclaimed. “You must be feeling quite accomplished.”

“It seems your new dancing master has had an impact,” Min said.

Gwen shuddered. “Hardly. I think I performed better this evening out of spite. I want to prove to my mother that I don’t need more lessons. I will definitely not be seeing Mr. Tremblay again.”

“But why not?” Min asked. “He’s so highly recommended. And devilish handsome,” she added with a wink and a smile.

“Ugh,” Gwen groaned. “He’s also very free with his hands. I did not care for the way he ‘instructed’ me. He always found it necessary to hold me longer than appropriate, or his touch would stray to my backside or my hip or, once, the underside of my breast. It was most distressing. He seemed to be purposely provoking me because he was also flirtatious in his eye contact and the way he spoke to me. I do think he was disappointed when I did not flirt back.”

“I did hear he was charming,” Min said, frowning. “And charming can often mean flirtatious. But it sounds as though he’s aggressive about it.” Her nose wrinkled with distaste. “How perfectly awful.”

“I’ve heard of more than one young lady falling in love with him.” Ellis rolled her eyes. “Or so they claim. I suspect it’s infatuation, not love.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” Min agreed. She looked to Gwen. “You won’t be having lessons with him any longer?”

“No. Thankfully, my mother allowed me to terminate them after I explained my concerns. I can’t imagine I’m the only student who found him offensive.” She shrugged. “I’m just glad I won’t be seeing him anymore. I do wish I could prevent him from exerting his odious behavior on other young ladies, but it’s not as if I can publicly share my experience so others can decide if they wish to hire him.”

“That would be incredibly useful, though, wouldn’t it?” Ellis mused. “A published record of people and places you could recommend.”

Min nodded. “A numbered rating would be most helpful. You could give Mr. Tremblay a negative number.”

They all laughed, and Gwen was most grateful for her friends. “I will also ask my mother if she will refrain from recommending him. Thank you for the laugh. I needed it.”

“I did notice a slight furrow in your brow when we arrived,” Min said. “What’s troubling you?”

It wasn’t that Gwen didn’t want to tell them. She just didn’t want to sound as though she were whinging. Furthermore, she couldn’t tell them about the cessation of her tutoring lessons with Lazarus because they didn’t know about those. Nor could she inform them since it involved a secret that wasn’t hers to share. “I was looking for Somerton. I caught his eye in the park earlier, to wave and perhaps exchange a few words, but he turned away from me and left.”

“Perhaps he had an appointment,” Min suggested.

Gwen sighed, wishing things were different but not entirely sure what she wanted them to be. “I suppose that’s possible.”

Ellis met her gaze with sympathy. “You seem disappointed. Is there any chance you’ve developed a tendre for him?”

Oh dear. How had Gwen not seen that? There seemed more than a chance. “I think I may have,” she whispered. “But there’s nothing to be done about it.”

“I should think not,” Min said, briefly touching Gwen’s arm. “He’s a rogue, and there are nice, nonrogue gentlemen who are interested in courting you.”

Min was right, but it didn’t erase the feelings Gwen now realized she had for Lazarus. Feelings that were not reciprocated.

“He was very kind to help me in my moment of need.” Gwen would always remember the way he’d swooped in and rescued her after the debacle with Eberforce at Almack’s. He’d behaved like anything other than a rogue when he’d saved her from one.

“He was.” Min adjusted one of the petals on her gown. “He’s not the worst sort of rogue, just not a man you would wed, unfortunately.”

Gwen wasn’t sure she agreed. After all, he was Tamsin’s cousin. In fact, several of them were related to “rogues,” including Gwen and Min, whose brothers, particularly Min’s, definitely resided in that category.

Lazarus had been attentive and sweet. And he’d revealed a part of himself to her that he’d kept hidden. How could she not feel a special connection to him?

Still, he’d broken things off with her entirely. He hadn’t even responded to her sending the reading exercise. Then today in the park, he’d been with another young woman. Looking roguish.

Actually, he hadn’t appeared happy. Gwen wasn’t sure what was going on, but it hadn’t seemed to be a flirtatious encounter. Or was that merely her hoping it wasn’t?

“I can see he’s affected you,” Ellis said. “I’m sorry he’s treated you callously.”

Gwen sprung to his defense. “He hasn’t. He doesn’t know how I feel. I didn’t even realize it myself until just now.”

Min’s brows rose. “You aren’t going to tell him, are you? I don’t think any good can come from that.” Her gaze softened with sympathy. “Why not focus on the gentlemen who wish to court you?”

That was the sensible thing, of course. “I am trying to. As I said, I danced with Mr. Fortescue and I’m due to dance with Lord Mayhew, though I think he’s a little old.”

“He also has children,” Min noted. “He tried to court me last year, but I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I’m still not, so it’s good I’m in no danger of that,” she added with a light laugh.

“Don’t look now, but here comes Lord Mayhew,” Ellis said. Tall with angular features, Lord Mayhew was in his middle thirties. His wife had died two years earlier, leaving him with three children.

“We aren’t due to dance yet,” Gwen murmured.

The three of them curtsied as he arrived. He glanced toward Gwen with a faint smile, ignored Ellis entirely, and fixed his attention on Min. “Lady Minerva, would you honor me by dancing with me for the next set?”

“Certainly,” Min said with a smile that said she was not enthused. Taking his arm, she looked back at Gwen and Ellis as she moved away, and quickly stuck out her tongue while wrinkling her nose.

They laughed. “Poor Min,” Ellis said. “Now she’s dancing with men she’s already refused.”

“I’m surprised he would ask her if she declined his suit last year.”

“It’s possible he sees her fortunes may have changed and thinks his chances are renewed.” Ellis lifted a shoulder. “These are problems I thankfully never have to worry about.”

At twenty-five, she was old enough to be on the shelf, but could one be on the shelf if one hadn’t really ever participated in the Marriage Mart? Gwen asked a question that had long lingered at the back of her mind. “What will you do when—or if—Min weds?”

“Ask her to hire me as her paid companion?” she responded with a wide smile. “I imagine I will find employment, which I actually look forward to.”

“As a paid companion?”

“I’d rather do something that requires more intellect. In truth, I would love to be someone’s secretary,” she said rather wistfully.

“You’d be wonderful.” Gwen and she had conversed at length on a great many subjects. Ellis had a keen mind and perhaps read nearly as much as Gwen.

“Thank you. I can’t imagine I’ll ever have the opportunity, but I would dearly love it.” She held Gwen’s gaze. “I think you should tell Somerton how you feel.”

Gwen stared at her. “You do?”

“What’s the worst that could happen? He tells you he doesn’t feel the same. But at least you know for sure. That way, there is no room for regret.”

“I’d also just like to…share how I feel with him. We’d become friends.” She couldn’t explain the ways in which they’d bonded. Helping him improve his reading had encouraged a level of intimacy that perhaps went beyond friendship.

Ellis smiled. “That’s lovely. So you will?”

“I think so.” But how to do it since they weren’t supposed to publicly associate? Perhaps she could steal a moment or two with him tonight. If he even came to the ball. She would need an alternative plan.

Would he meet her at Tamsin’s again if she asked? She could send a note first thing in the morning and request they meet tomorrow afternoon.

“I can see you are planning something already,” Ellis said, her eyes twinkling.

Gwen laughed. “I can’t help myself. Thank you for your counsel. I deeply appreciate it.”

What exactly did she intend to say? She wasn’t sure. Thankfully, she had all night and tomorrow morning to think of it. But as soon as she got home, she would draft another reading exercise so she could give that to him when they met. Or perhaps she would send it with the letter asking him to meet.

Just in case he said no.

What if he refused her request?

She wouldn’t think about that. She would simply say she needed to see him, and could he please meet her at the Droxfords’ house at two.

If he did indeed decline her invitation, that would need to be the end of it. She wasn’t going to write him a note saying she had romantic feelings for him.

Was she in love? Gwen had no idea what that felt like and wasn’t ready to commit to something so…big.

Not yet.

Just admitting that she had a tendre for him was a huge step. He was not the sort of man she should want or who would want her.

Nevertheless, she wanted him, his roguery be damned.